Chapter Ten

Knox

Once the show was officially over, everyone started getting up and exiting the venue, but Bianca and I stayed behind.

“Maybe we said her name too many times,” I whispered, thinking back to when Bianca thought Rina Levana might’ve been the same Rina we knew.

Bianca clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Knox!” she admonished. “This isn’t a horror movie. That’s not how it works.”

“Are you sure it’s not a horror movie? You didn’t see the breakup unfold.” I ran a hand through my hair and exhaled. “I just can’t believe it. You know, I tried getting an appointment with her, but her press team said she was busy and didn’t have time to squeeze another appointment in.” I shook my head, frustrated. “I bet when she knew it was me, she refused to see me.” That’d be just like her. Not that I could blame her—who wanted to see their ex?

Bianca gave me a fiery look. “Well, I did get one. In fact, we’re having dinner and drinks tonight to talk.”

A sit-down dinner with a designer was the epitome of let’s-schmooze-so-I-can-get-you-to-hand-over-your-money . Yes, yes, I know, us advertising people were worse than a dog with a bone. But we were a step up from car salesmen, right? That was something.

Bianca shifted her hair from one side to the other, looking around at the practically empty venue now. “We should get going,” I said what I was sure was on her mind, too.

“Agreed.” She placed her purse under her arm. “I don’t have to get to the next show for another thirty minutes. Do you want to walk me there, clear your head? It’s not far and I can ditch my driver for this one.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I’ll be okay. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to worry about me.”

She arched a brow. “I know, but you’re my friend.” Then she questioned, “Unless you don’t want me to walk with you.”

What I wanted was for my past to not quite literally collide with my present in such a short period of time. And yet here we were. Seeing Bianca at the airport was a nice surprise, but running into Rina? Well, that was a whole other story. Loving Rina had been a tragedy. And yes, I was going to be ridiculous for a second because the best way for me to describe it? Loving her came with a price.

And I’d paid dearly.

It took me a long time to see things clearly.

Like the way she’d never cared about me, treating me like I had been some fool. She’d said when we went to New York that it would be for the both of us to have a fresh start. It would be our chance to better ourselves. But what she’d really meant was that it was her chance and, come to find out, she’d drop me at her first opportunity.

As we walked, Bianca nudged my arm, breaking me from my reverie. “Thinking about her?”

How could I not? I pulled on the back of my neck. “That obvious?”

She grinned and held a finger up to my face. “Your jaw ticks when you’re deep in thought,” she said, pausing. Then she added, “And when you’re annoyed, usually when you’re caught off guard. Some things have changed, but not everything.”

“I wish I wasn’t thinking about her. I wish I could just forget about her.” But it wasn’t that easy. How could you forget about someone who acted like everything you’d shared with them meant nothing? Like you had meant nothing to them?

She put a voice to my thoughts. “But you can’t because she hurt you.”

Yes, she’d hurt me, but it was a long time ago and I hadn’t given it a second thought, hadn’t even considered it or her until now. Until Rina stood in front of me in the crowded space totally unaware that I was in the audience. “I’m over it, though. I’m over her.”

“I know,” she replied simply. “And she doesn’t deserve to live rent-free in your head.”

I looked over at her and stared into her eyes, the brown practically glowing in the sun. Usually she wore huge sunglasses that covered them, but not now.

As though trying to change the topic slightly, she said, “While we’re talking about Rina, that show. . . .” Her eyes widened. “That was a stunner, wasn’t it? She certainly did make her dreams come true and she didn’t waste any time, either. I mean, all that in just two years, I can hardly believe it.”

“Yeah, well, that’s Rina for you.”

She nodded. “My mom would’ve loved it, too. Gosh, the mob wife fashion is everything. No question about it, she would’ve been in awe.”

I hadn’t wanted to bring up Regina, not sure it was ever the right time. I’d heard about her passing in the media, though, of course.

Regina Morelli, Owner and Editor-in-Chief of notorious Bellissima , Dies

How did you tell an old friend, someone you cared about, that you were sorry you hadn’t shown up to their mother’s funeral?

“I’m sure she was looking down on it. After all, she helped Rina get her start.”

Bianca smiled. “True. You know, it’s hard to go to these shows and not think about her. She looked forward to these seasons every year.” Her face lit up, even though tears were filling her eyes. It was clear she still missed her mother and I understood why. They were a tight-knit family, and while I didn’t think that ache Bianca felt would ever go away, I hoped it dulled with time. “When they were all said and done, she’d hold a trends meeting and bring out this huge board. We’d all have a chance to go up there and place photos of our favorite trends for feature.” She chuckled slightly as she pointed a finger at me. “Bows. She loved big bows.”

“At least you didn’t say florals,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

She shook her head, laughing and wiping her cheeks with her fingers. “Oh, sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. Look at me.” She looked down and wiped her hands together. “I’m a blubbering mess. I shouldn’t be crying. She’s been gone for a while now. I’m a grown woman crying over something that happens to everyone eventually.”

I tilted my head and stopped in my tracks. She stopped, too, and looked back at me. “You’re one of the strongest women I know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be sad about losing someone you loved. And you’re not a blubbering mess.” I swiped the pad of my thumb over her cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry. Not that my deepest sympathies are going to do you any good, but still. I want you to know that when I read about her death online, all I wanted to do was see you and—”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked, giving me a confused look.

Why didn’t I?

Hmm. . . real good, Knox, bring the conversation back to the one thing you had been avoiding—the real reason you’d left.

I had a couple options here. I could tell her the truth: hey, your father forbade me from ever seeing you again and he terrified me, so there was that. Or I could lie and say: I was out of town and couldn’t make it to the funeral.

The lie was weak, even I knew that. Besides the fact that I wasn’t a big fan of lying.

So the question was, would she hate me for the truth? For being so stupid that not only did I let her father bully me two years ago, but that I’d let him make me doubt who I was?

“Well?” Bianca pressed, a hand on her jutted hip as she stood completely still on the bustling street, waiting. “Why didn’t you come around?”

I swallowed hard. Here goes nothing, I thought. “Your father.”

“My father?” She furrowed her brows. “What does this have to do with him?”

I slumped my shoulders, feeling the weight of the words I was about to say, and tried my best to explain. “I wasn’t entirely honest before when I told you why I put distance between us.” I recounted the highlights of the sordid tale and ended with: “Your father forbade me from having any sort of contact with you, basically telling me to cut ties, so that was what I did.” I did, however, distinctly leave out the part where Angelo all but called me a mooch, saying he thought I’d use Bianca for my own advancement. That kind of thinking didn’t paint Angelo in the best light. It made him look like the kind of guy who didn’t trust his own daughter, and Bianca didn’t need a tarnished relationship with the only parent she had left. Not at my hand.

Her arm fell slack at her side. “Oh.”

Barely hearing her, I continued, saying, “I wasn’t going to argue with him. I didn’t think I had a leg to stand on. I was just—” I stopped. “Wait, ‘oh’?” That was all she had to say?

She shrugged casually and started walking again, gesturing for me to keep moving with her. “It was two years ago and a lot has changed in that time. Just look at us, look at how much we’ve both grown up. Plus, obviously the universe wanted us to meet again because we did, so all’s well that ends well.”

“You’re not mad?”

She gave me a lopsided smile. “When Daddy does things, they come from a good place. Although he had no business interfering in my life, I’m sure he had his reasons. I could be mad at him, but I already lost one parent, so I won’t be doing that. Forgive and forget, that’s my motto.”

I would never not be surprised by this woman.

When I only looked over at her and didn’t say anything, she peered at me through thick, long lashes. “What?”

Shrugging, I sidestepped a couple of kids sitting on the street with a ball. “You’re amazing.” She always had been, but my memories of her didn’t do her justice.

She laughed. “Grudges cause wrinkles,” she said, lightening the mood.

“Really? Is that scientifically proven?”

“I’m sure some medical journal talks about it.”

* * *

Rina

I held my compact mirror up and drew my lips together, spreading on the lipstick I’d already reapplied just moments before. I didn’t know what I had been thinking when I let my makeup artist talk me into the dark red. See, this was why she’d always be exactly what she was—a makeup artist who doted on public figures like me and never had a life as glamorous as her clients. The lipstick would have to do, though, because at this point it was too late.

Right around the corner was the hotel restaurant where I was meeting with an advertising executive for Bellissima . I didn’t know why they bothered to go to any other shows in London. Everyone knew mine was the one to note. Sure, I had loyalty to Stefan, but I didn’t think even his catwalk was going to top my fashion week debut.

In case you weren’t getting the picture, let me explain it to you: I wasn’t insecure anymore and I wasn’t going to be the butt of the joke, either. The girl everyone thought they knew was gone. They could search for her, but they weren’t finding her. She was like yesterday’s news—so over.

She had been a nobody. No one had liked her anyway.

Well, no one except Knox Rhodes, but I hadn’t heard from him, or of him, in a good long while. Honestly, he’d probably crawled back to Minnesota. Working at a butcher shop and then Bellissima ? Those were. . . not his best moments. Bellissima was fine, but it was a pity job, a favor, certainly not his crowning glory.

I tossed the compact mirror in my designer purse (not my design, but luxury all the same), and strutted into the restaurant like I owned the place.

Head held high.

One foot in front of the other.

Lips pursed.

That was the Rina Levana way.

I was strong.

Confident.

And I didn’t need a man or anyone else.

I could only trust myself—be enough for myself. And that was what I needed to remember.

I was meeting with a magazine that was here to talk all about me and—

My eyes connected with my past. My heart plummeted to my stomach, and I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I honestly feared that if I didn’t get a grip, my eyes would pop out of my head and roll on the floor, making it to the table before I did.

Plastering a smile on my face, I tried to stay calm, reminding myself it simply wasn’t possible—there was no way Knox was sitting at that table. My mind was playing tricks on me because I had just been thinking about him.

Yes, that was it.

It was like when you dreamed about someone who was on your mind, but you hadn’t spoken to them in years.

Except as I blinked rapidly, it was still Knox sitting there. In fact, he’d actually turned his head and noticed me. He raised a hand in the air before turning back to the table and tapping the shoulder of the woman sitting next to him. I couldn’t see her face, but she had long dark brown hair that was hanging in waves down her back.

I closed the distance between us. Knox stood first, extending a hand. Wow . I remembered those hands doing a lot more than shaking mine. “Rina,” he said, his voice so deep it made my insides clench with desire. Uhhh, the way he said my name. Rein it in.

Before I could get past the lump in my throat, though, and respond, the woman turned around completely and stood, too. Bianca Morelli.

“Hey, Rina,” she greeted. “It’s nice to see you again.”

My head was basically spinning at this point. I had never taken Knox’s hand to shake, so he finally took the hint and placed it at his side. Honestly, I hadn’t been prepared to see Knox. I hadn’t ever expected to see him or Bianca tonight.

I swallowed, inhaled and exhaled, and remembered why I was here. I looked between them both and smiled. It was fake, but it was the best I could do. “Please, sit,” I instructed, walking around to the other side of the table and taking a seat myself. I placed my purse on the back of my chair. “Sorry I’m late. Hair and makeup takes longer than you’d think.”

Bianca licked her lips and looked down for a moment before peering back up at me. “Of course. I understand. You don’t wake up looking like this.”

What the heck was that supposed to mean? Was that a dig? “Yes, well, you would know.” Ha, there, two could play that game. My eyes flitted between the two of them. “So both of you are here to represent Bellissima ?”

Knox cleared his throat. “No. Actually, I don’t work for Bellissima anymore.”

I frowned. “So what are you doing here during fashion week? Better yet, my meeting?”

“Work. I’m at a fashion blog now. I’m actually up for a pretty big promotion and these weeks are going to help with that.”

A big promotion at a fashion blog? I hadn’t expected that.

I licked my lips and eyed him, letting my gaze roam down his rock hard chest. Man, he’d really changed.

Bianca smiled. “Well, I’m here for Bellissima . But instead of pitching you like I was going to, I invited Knox to join us. We were at your presentation and to say that we were surprised to see you’re Rina Levana would be an understatement.”

Knox nodded. “You changed your name,” he said, stating the obvious.

I laughed, tossing my head back. “Honey, I changed everything about myself. Have you seen me?”—I hitched a brow—“Rina Blum would’ve never gotten this far.”

“Why not?” Bianca asked and I snapped my head toward her. “I mean, Rina Blum was on her way when she left New York.”

I smiled. “Oh, Bianca. I was, but I needed to really skyrocket and that wasn’t happening as boring little Rina Blum who grew up in a small town in Minnesota.”

Knox shook his head. “I, for one, liked that Rina. Heck, I fell in love with that Rina.”

Yeah, well, having you love me was the only thing I had going for me when I was Rina Blum. It was just a sin that I pissed on the best thing I had in my life (past tense, of course) and one of the most incredible men I’d ever known. “You’d like this Rina, too, if you got to know me,” I tried. Sure, I’d changed, but one thing hadn’t—the way I reacted to Knox.

Bianca let out a laugh. “You seem pretty full of yourself, if you ask me,” she spoke as if she was annoyed. She had nerve to be annoyed, she basically just insulted me . But she didn’t understand. No one did. “Do you forget that it was my mother who got you to this point in the first place? You would still be out of breath on the sidewalks of New York if not for her.”

I swallowed hard and retorted, “True, and I’m sorry to hear about your mother. My deepest sympathies.” Then I waved a hand in front of my face as though shooing a gnat. “But what about you? You’re still working for your family’s magazine. That’s something.” Something pathetic was what that was.

Knox gritted his teeth and snarled. Oof, it’s okay to take the pole out of your rectum, buddy. “Don’t even go there, Rina. Don’t act like you’re so much better than her. You may have forgotten, but I lived with you in a small apartment in New York that smelled like garbage. We shared a toilet that had terrible plumbing.”

Ew . My stomach tumbled like a dryer, and I practically shuddered at the thought of being that poor. “Well, I’m not that girl anymore.” Thank the big man up above.

“She’s still in there.”

Why was he pushing this? I narrowed my eyes, staring into his. He gave me a look that I was sure was trying to tell me it was okay and safe to be who I once was around him, that he wasn’t here to judge. But I couldn’t take that chance. Could I? This facade wasn’t easy to put on and take off. Sure, sometimes I missed those simple days, but this was so much better. I didn’t have to worry about money. Or when my dreams would come true. They already had.

“Maybe we should do this another time, Bianca? I’d love to hear what you can do for me, but perhaps it isn’t a good idea now.” Suddenly, I was feeling ill and if she wasn’t going to pitch me or tell me how she could help my brand, then I wasn’t sure I could sit through our dinner.

Bianca nodded sympathetically. I wasn’t even sure she cared enough about me to be sympathetic, but I didn’t care one iota. “Sure. We’re both staying here. Just have the front desk call me if you want to set something else up, they know how to reach me.”

“You, too, Knox?” I turned to him and asked earnestly. I had to know.

He nodded, and that was all I needed to know it would be okay to walk away. There was still time; they weren’t leaving London yet, and if I could stomach to do this, we’d do this.

I stood back up and pushed my chair in. “It was good seeing you both,” I said, hoping it was believable, and turned on my heel to leave for my hotel on the other side of town.

I regretted a lot of things in my life.

When we were teenagers, Knox offered to fix up a car from the junkyard for me so my mom didn’t have to drive me to school. He didn’t mind taking the bus, but knew that I loathed public transportation. I turned him down and wound up carpooling with my mom like a loser when I had my own driver’s license.

I walked away from a big blowout sale at a department store in New York because I knew Knox and I couldn’t afford anything, let alone a limited edition designer handbag I didn’t need. Now that handbag was quite valuable.

Just the other day I hired an intern who didn’t know her ass from her elbow. Enough said there.

See, lots of regrets. But breaking up with Knox was by far, no question about it, the biggest mistake of my life. One I didn’t realize I regretted until I saw him again.

But it didn’t need to be a regret I lived with, because this was one I could still fix. Whoever said you couldn’t go back in time was as stupid as that intern.