Chapter One

Bianca

two years ago

All eyes were going to be on me.

I looked down at what I was wearing one more time and fixed my girls so they wouldn’t spill out. It was no use, though, because the straps holding up the top might as well have been made of floss.

It didn’t bother me that the top of the dress would grab attention.

What bothered me was not knowing if they’d think: wow, those deserve a medal of honor , or wow, one is bigger than the other .

Which was true, by the way. Ugh, that did it—I had to change.

“Come on!” My older sister, Allegra—or Allie as she was affectionately known by us sisters—called to me, popping her head into my bedroom with one hand on the doorframe. “Everyone’s here and the guest of honor is nowhere to be found. Mom and Dad didn’t throw you a graduation party for no reason, you know.”

I rolled my eyes as dramatically as a mean girl at school who was looking down on the science geeks. Big deal, I graduated college.

My gaze was trained on the full-length mirror sitting in the corner of my room, which was fit for a princess. What would it have been like if I hadn’t owned a mirror at all? Then I wouldn’t have had to be subjected to my imperfections. I once watched a dystopian movie where they only got so much time to look in a small mirror before it was covered up, and that was that.

I rolled my tongue over my teeth in full-on concentration mode. Yeah, the no mirror thing wouldn’t have worked for me. “I’m not ready,” I finally confessed.

Technically I was ready.

Hair? Check.

Makeup? Check.

Dress (ignoring the whole super thin straps thing)? Check.

Stilettos? Check.

Before she could leave, I ran over and tugged her into my room like she was a ragdoll. “Wait! Come here. How does this look?” I asked, pulling at the straps again.

“You look hot, just like you’re supposed to in this dress. Stop fussing with the straps.” She pulled my hands down, dropping them at my sides, and leaned on my white oak dresser, obviously waiting for me to see it her way.

I looked down, brows furrowed. “Are you sure?”

“You’re twenty-two with a great rack. Of course! Now, let’s go,” she insisted, then walked to the door.

Fine, she’d won this round, I thought to myself, and followed her.

Our two other sisters were waiting for me by the time Allie and I got to the top of the staircase.

Maria, my oldest sister, was holding a camera, a big smile on her face. “You look like you just graduated college a year early,” she exclaimed.

You see, Maria was the most sentimental one of us all. Perhaps it came with the territory of being the oldest, or because of those scrapbooking classes she took with our mom. Either way, if anyone knew how crazy sentimental she got, it was my sisters.

I chuckled and peered over at Allie before looking back at Maria. “I didn’t know there was a look for that.”

Maria nudged Perla, my youngest sister, whose focus was on her phone, texting someone. “Perla,” Maria called to get her attention, since the nudge clearly wasn’t working. “Back me on this one.”

Allie snickered. “I don’t think Perla is paying attention.”

“What?” Perla finally glanced at me and gasped. “Oh.” She came close and touched the straps on my dress. “Dad’s going to freak when he sees you wearing this.”

He would, wouldn’t he? Which meant that my boyfriend, Joey, would love it, right?

“Well, he’s going to freak out about more than this dress if you don’t get downstairs to your party, Bibi,” Allie said.

I took a step forward and peered down at everyone awaiting my arrival. It was definitely a full house. Whether or not that made me lucky, I wasn’t sure, but I knew it was now or never.

I fussed my hair and smiled wide, letting Maria get the photo she wanted. When she finished I hooked my arm through Allie’s and nodded to Maria and Perla. “You guys go down. I need a second.”

As I watched them walk away first, I thought about how I’d gotten here. Being a Morelli came with expectations, some of which I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to fully embrace. The surname meant something, especially in New York, thanks to my mother’s passion and my father’s ferocity. They were the perfect duo, and together they ran Bellissima , one of the world’s top fashion magazines.

You know those movies where the female works at a magazine and goes to runway shows and schmoozes with the most fabulous people? That was our lives. Well, not mine—at least, not until now. I hadn’t graduated with a degree in marketing for no reason. I was always meant to join the family business, just as my sisters were. Don’t get me wrong, though, it wasn’t a burden. Quite the opposite, in fact.

It was my— our —destiny and we’d been working toward it all our lives, even as little girls, following our parents around and helping them every chance we got.

“It’s now or never,” Allie whispered, bringing me to the present.

I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”

She tilted her head toward Joey who was walking up the stairs, obviously impatient to see me. That brought a smile to my lips. “If you don’t cut him loose now, he’ll think this is going somewhere,” she reminded me in a whisper.

I knew exactly what she was talking about, but hear me out on this one—maybe I didn’t end things with him. Joey was. . . he was a. . . okay, well, I could tell you what he wasn’t, and he wasn’t a bad guy. He made me feel beautiful and desired. And I deserved someone to worship the ground I walked on, didn’t I? Well, that was Joey.

I wasn’t like my sisters. I couldn’t just look in the mirror and see what they wanted me to see. In case you’d missed it, it warranted repeating: I saw all my imperfections. So yeah, it was nice to have someone praise me, to touch me and tell me, “You look hot, babe!” Joey’s distinctly gruff voice reached me before he did as I started down the stairs, closing the gap between us.

Allie dropped my arm and went ahead of me, shooting me a pointed look over her shoulder as she did. The look didn’t come with a verbal command, but it might as well have, because it said do it . As in, break up with the man who offered you nothing.

Except those words of affirmation I loved so much.

Not that my sisters understood that. As I said, they weren’t like me.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew I was pathetic, but I couldn’t help myself. It was nice to have the affections of a man. I’d learned that years ago as I grew into my own, and now it was just too late. It was an addiction I couldn’t shake.

It probably would’ve been easier if I could’ve just bought myself a magic mirror like the one that queen had, then it could tell me what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it— you’re the prettiest in all the land. Too bad this wasn’t a fairytale, it was real life.

And too bad I knew Allie was right.

Ugh, why did she have to be right most of the time? Okay, fine, all of the time.

Even so, that didn’t mean I was doing it tonight. This was my graduation party, and I wasn’t going to taint the memory of it by breaking up with Joey. So instead, as we connected, I let him pull me in close and kiss me.

When we pulled apart, he wiped his lips and smirked. “Cherry. My favorite,” he said of my lip gloss, his eyebrows wagging like a puppy’s tail when the puppy couldn’t wait to smother their owner in more kisses.

Smiling, I let him lead me down the rest of the stairs where we stepped into the living room packed with people. Surveying the room, I spotted my parents in one corner talking to a designer they knew from the magazine.

“I should make my rounds,” I admitted to Joey, who always understood.

“Catch me later. I’ll go get a beer.”

Before I could make it anywhere, though, my favorite cousins came up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder.

“Congratulations, gorgeous! Can’t believe you did it, you graduated! You must be so happy,” Vittoria beamed. “What’s it feel like?”

I laughed. It didn’t feel any different at all, not that anyone would understand that. “Great,” I lied.

Then Patrizia smacked Vitt on the arm. “Duh, she’s going to work full time with Aunt Regina, of course it feels great.”

Not able to get a word in, I let them continue. Francesca spoke next—“Yeah, you wouldn’t know. You can’t even get your schedule together.”

Vitt crossed her arms, looking insulted, her silver sequined dress pulling as she did so. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m on track to graduate in two years just like I’m supposed to.”

They reminded me of me and my sisters and I loved it. “We don’t get together nearly enough,” I finally said, throwing my arms around their shoulders, pulling them in close. “Thanks for coming.”

“We came for Perla’s high school graduation party last week, so why wouldn’t we be here for yours?” Patrizia noted.

I smiled as wide as could be, leaning my head on hers and squeezing them even closer against me. “Good point. Now, you go get us some drinks and I’ll find you in a few. I have to keep making rounds.”

Or else I’d hear about it from my parents.

So I left them and went to greet a few other guests, but before I could actually make it anywhere, I was stopped. Again. This time by Daddy.

And he didn’t look happy.

“Bianca,” he practically bellowed as I spun around. “What are you wearing?” he asked, but not before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I meant what are you not wearing?”

I looked down at my dress, deciding it was easier to act stupid. “You don’t like it?”

“I’d like it if it had more material. You can’t walk around like this.”

Angling my head to the side, I tried another tactic—playing along. “Why not?” I asked. “It’s our house.”

“People are here,” he said, dropping his voice and bringing a hand to his brows, rubbing them intensely before turning to find my mother. When he’d spotted her, he called, “Regina, come here.”

Joining us, my mother—ever a vision in a classic black strapless silk dress with three strands of pearls of varying lengths hanging from her neck—smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Yeah, she wasn’t taking issue with my dress at all—thankfully. Dad could learn to take a page out of her book. He was going to give himself a heart attack one of these days. “My love, how do you like your party?”

“No, Regina,” my father said, “look at her dress.” Meanwhile, he couldn’t even bring himself to look at it again. He kept diverting his attention any and everywhere but at what I was wearing.

With a smile on her face, she winked at me. “It’s lovely.”

Thank you, Mom. Were all dads this annoyingly overprotective or was it just mine?

“There are boys here. That floppy-haired boy she calls a boyfriend is here.”

“Oh, please.” My mother waved him off with her hand and shook her head. “This style is all the rage these days. Leave her alone. She looks pretty.”

Muttering something in Italian—like he usually did when he was upset—Dad walked away, throwing his hands in the air as if giving up on the whole lot of us.

With it being just the two of us, Mom laid her hands on my upper arms and pulled me close before dropping her forehead to mine. We were so close I could smell her perfume. “I’m so proud of you, my love.”

My heart practically soared right out of my chest. Mom being proud of me meant the world to me. “Really?” I asked as if I actually believed she’d ever lie.

She nodded against me. “Absolutely! I can’t wait for you to start full time with me. Soon I’ll have all my girls right where they belong.” Slipping her arms around my back, she pulled me close for a hug and I savored every second of it, wrapping my hands around her, too.

I’d never tire of feeling her so close.

* * *

Knox

“Real good, boy, make your mother cry more,” my father said, his voice falling flat. That didn’t come as much of a surprise considering his words made it seem like he cared when his actions told an entirely different story. He was sitting—lounging, actually—in his old, battered recliner in the living room in front of the “boob tube” (my grandmother’s words, not mine).

To paint you a picture, we’d just finished eating dinner, my dad promptly pushed his plate aside, rubbed his belly, and meandered into the living room where he put on some soccer game, as he did every night. The fact that it was the night of my college graduation and the last meal we’d share together before I left for New York had no bearing on this family’s routine.

That was why my mom was currently washing dishes, as she did after every meal—with no help from my dad, might I add. Oh, and me? I was drying dishes because, as was our luck, the dishwasher had broken the day before and my parents were waiting for their next paychecks to replace it.

I knew I was only being reprimanded for making my mom cry because it was disrupting my dad’s television-watching. Which was also why he’d raised the volume until it was practically deafening.

I laid a hand on my mom’s arm, trying to console her. I hated seeing her cry. I hated seeing any woman I cared about cry, especially when it was because of me. Watching her tears fall felt like someone was sticking a branding iron down my throat. “It’s okay. You knew this day was coming, and this will be good for me, for us.” Couldn’t she see that?

I knew she was sad that I was leaving—her only child was “abandoning her”—but I wished she could see it for what it was: an opportunity to better myself and this family. If I could get out of this small town in Minnesota, then maybe I could make something of myself. A bachelor’s degree in business no longer held the same weight it once did. The job market was competitive and my grades weren’t the best, so I knew I’d be starting at the bottom no matter where I went or what I did. Besides, our family didn’t have any connections, so I needed to figure things out on my own, and staying here wasn’t the answer. It was too small a town with limited resources.

So when my girlfriend, Rina, suggested leaving on graduation night to start new lives in New York, I jumped at the idea.

Mom closed her eyes briefly, letting the rest of her tears roll down her cheeks. I hated to see her cry, but what could I do? She knew this had always been the end goal—getting the heck out of here, I meant. We’d talked about it many times.

“Well, excuse me for wanting my son, my only son,” she guilt-tripped me, “to stay here with me where I gave you life, changed your diapers, fed you, and put a roof over your head. I even got you a good education. All so you could, what, leave me?”

Her words cut through me like a hot knife through butter. But they were true. That didn’t change the fact that she was my mother, though. Shouldn’t she have also wanted more for me? Wasn’t that a mother’s job—to care for her kid, so they could grow up and become more?

I wasn’t going to back down, so I chose my words carefully. “I’m sorry, Mom, but when Rina gets here, I’m going with her. You’re going to have to learn how to be happy for me.”

“Frankly, I think you’re ungrateful,” she spat back, her eyebrows arched and her nostrils flaring. Shutting off the water after rinsing her hands, she snatched the towel from me and dried off. “You could’ve found a job around here, but it’s not about that, it’s about your greed. This life isn’t good enough for you and you want more.” She flailed her hands around in pure frustration.

I gave her a dumbfounded look. Is she kidding me? “Greed? How could I be greedy when I have nothing?” Okay, that’s harsh. I had my parents, their love, a place to call home, and food, which was more than some people had. I wasn’t trying to sound ungrateful, but I didn’t want this life. I wanted to make my own life and I wasn’t going to let anyone take that chance away from me. This move would bring me one step closer to what I’d been yearning for most of my adult life—financial stability.

I heaved a sigh and asked, “Why can’t you be like Rina’s parents? They’re supportive of her and her dreams. Heck, they’re loaning us rent money for a couple months until we can get on our feet.”

For Rina, it was a little different, though. While she hailed from this same small town as me, her parents were first generation immigrants and they did well for themselves, running the most popular diner in town. But she had other dreams, bigger dreams. Her mother knew something about that, though—she always dreamed about being a ballerina, and probably could’ve been one if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Now she was helping Rina achieve her dreams.

Mom shrugged and walked over to the kitchen table, where she slumped down in a chair. “You’re right. I could be more supportive, but you don’t know what it feels like to watch your only child leave.”

I bent down and looked into her tired, brown eyes as I took her hands in mine. “I’m going to come back.”

“Don’t,” she surprised me by saying, warning in her voice.

I stood, feeling knocked off my axis a bit. I pulled at the back of my neck as I started pacing to try to contain my shock. “What?”

She shook her head. “I mean, if you’re going to leave, I want you to make it big. Achieve whatever it is you want and don’t look back at this place. It’ll be like a burden, and I don’t want that.” She stood up and placed her hands on either side of my face, pulling it down to her eye level. “If this is something you must do, then do it. I may not understand it, but you’re my son and all I want is for you to be happy.”

“Mom—”

“No, you don’t worry about me.” Her eyes were watering now and I knew it wouldn’t be long before more tears stained her cheeks. “Rina is going to be here any minute, so you should get your bags from your room.”

She dropped her hands from my face. I stood up straight again, staring at her. I took it all in because, while I wanted to respond, nothing I could’ve said would’ve made things any better. And, the truth was, I had a feeling she knew something I wasn’t even honest with myself about: that once I left, I wouldn’t want to come back.

In a way, I supposed, I was grateful, because she was finally setting me free.

I swallowed, taking one of her hands in my own and squeezing it before going to my room.

I didn’t need to open my bedroom door since I couldn’t close it anymore—well, not for the past two weeks anyway—because the doorknob had broken. Inside, I looked up at the ceiling where a small leak had started when rainy season began and shook my head. It was time to change the tin bucket I had under the leak to catch the water.

It struck me that this would be the last time I’d make the switch as I moved the full bucket to the door to take outside.

This wasn’t the only leak in our house, just the only one in my room. The others were scattered all around the place. We’d had a guy come out and give us a quote, but that was months ago, and things had only gotten worse since then. But let’s be real, we couldn’t afford to get it fixed, so we made do with what we had.

See, this was exactly why I wasn’t going to leave my parents in the dust. If I made something of myself, like I hoped I would, I’d make sure they were taken care of. No one should have to live in these conditions, my parents included.

I studied my room. Not that it ever felt like mine. Besides the chipping blue paint on the walls, nothing about the space said “Knox” and, frankly, it made it that much easier to grab my suitcases, turn around, and never look back.

“Knox!” Rina shouted before walking up to me just outside my room and planting a kiss on my cheek. Bouncing on her heels, she was smiling more than I’d ever seen her smile before.

My life was nothing special, but what Rina and I had was.

Rina and I met in junior high and had been glued together ever since I passed a note to her during math asking if she’d be my girlfriend. Needless to say, we were so alike that we hit it off immediately.

It was no secret that she was beautiful back then, but now she was a knockout, no two ways about it. She had silky, blonde hair and hazel-green eyes that gave her an exotic look, and, well, let’s just say that what she’d lacked in the chest department she had in spades in other areas.

Eyeing the suitcases I was holding, she wagged her eyebrows. “Are you ready to embark on this new adventure”—she dropped her voice to a whisper—“and get the heck out of here?”

I cocked a brow. “You know you don’t need to whisper, right? My dad turned the TV so loud I’m sure the neighbors can hear it.”

She rolled her eyes and waved a hand in the air. “Whatever. Let’s just get out of here.”

Then she turned on her heel to walk, but stopped when she didn’t hear my footsteps behind her. Believe me, they couldn’t be missed, either—the flooring in this house was a whole other story.

Turning back around, her hair whipped to the side of her as she gave me a stunned look. Honestly, I was just as shocked as she was that I wasn’t running out of here so fast that I didn’t even bother to open the old, rickety front door, leaving a Knox-sized hole through it.

“Did you forget something?” she asked.

Did I forget something? No.

Did the fact that this was the end of a chapter for me just hit me like a bucket of ice cold water? Yeah, yeah, it did.

I shook my head and swallowed. “I can’t believe this is it.”

“You’re not going all soft on me now, are you?” she practically whined. “Come on, my mom is waiting outside to take us to the bus stop and, baby,” she paused, closed the distance between us, and kissed me on the lips before continuing, “we are going to be so happy with our new lives. Trust me, you’re never going to want to come back to this place again.” She shuddered violently like a wave churning in a storm at the notion of returning here and backed up. “I know I won’t.”

Did I dream of leaving this place as early as I learned how to walk? Pretty much.

Was I having second thoughts? Not exactly.

Did it feel like I was saying goodbye to my past? Actually, yeah, it did.

And I knew that was silly because you could never really say goodbye to your past. My past, this part of my life, made me who I was today and would continue to shape me, but that didn’t change the way I felt.

I looked around and took it all in one last time.

The hallway was narrow.

The walls were bare, minus a frame that was hanging on one of them, showcasing an old photograph of my grandparents.

And that was it.

There was nothing more to dwell on.

“All right, I’m ready to go,” I told Rina, who gave me her megawatt smile and practically yelped for joy.

As we walked out—well, I walked, Rina practically skipped—I noticed my dad sleeping in the recliner, his head almost falling off the side, his mouth open as he snored so loud I actually heard it over the soccer game.

“You have everything you need?” my mom asked from the kitchen. She was standing at the sink again, only this time she was leaning against it, wringing her hands.

I nodded. “Yeah, Mom.”

“All right, well, take care of yourself.”

Before I could respond, she yelled for my dad to get up. He turned his head and looked at us, cleared his throat, and seemed to be waiting—for what I hadn’t been sure. “Your son is leaving, thought you might want to say goodbye.”

“Oh, yeah,” he barked, “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

When he turned back around and started watching the game again, my mom rolled her eyes. “Real nice,” she yelled. Then she said in her normal volume, “Don’t mind him. We all cope in our own ways.”

Something told me he wasn’t all that choked up about me leaving. Although, that was exactly what I needed so I could finally say—“I better get going. Bye, Mom.”

“No hugs necessary,” she said before I could put my suitcases down and go over there. She clapped her hands together. “Best of luck with your new life.”

What I wanted to say: thank you for always being there for me and taking care of me; I will keep in touch, I promise.

What I actually said: “Thanks. Love you. Take care.”

The mood was solemn until Rina took one of my suitcases from me and I closed the front door to the only home I’d ever known. For the last time.

She sighed. “Thank goodness we’re out of there. It always smells like a mix of lemon and mold—not a winning combo in my book,” she said, visibly shaking it off.

I couldn’t argue with that, it was just that you got used to the smell after a while. “I don’t want to talk about this place anymore.”

“Good,” she said, “because I don’t, either.” Then she called to her mom, who was sitting in the driver’s seat, looking down at her phone as she waited. “Mom, did you pop the trunk?”

“Yep, and we’ve got to go now if you don’t want to be late,” she called back.

“‘Kay, ‘kay,” Rina responded.

As we packed everything in the trunk, I nudged her shoulder. “So how long is that list you’ve got?”

She scrunched her nose.

God, I’d loved it when she did that. I didn’t wait for her to answer, instead bent down and kissed where the wrinkles were.

Smiling not for the first time today, she asked, “What list?”

I snickered. “Please, we both know you have a list of places to hit when we get there.” Where Rina was concerned, there was always a list.

She swayed her hips as she walked away. “I don’t know what you’re referring to,” she said over her shoulder casually.

We both knew there was a list.

I closed the trunk, walked to the backseat, opened the door and got in. “Thanks, Mrs. Blum, for driving us.”

“No problem,” she assured me as she started the car.

I looked out the window as we drove away, watching my house get smaller and smaller until it was out of sight.

“You know, I remember when I was your age,” Mrs. Blum spoke fondly of those days. “You two excited to start your new lives?”

“We’re so ready!” Rina answered for us without hesitation.

No truer words had ever been spoken.