42. Brinlee

42

I'm so angry. Furious.

But also happy.

Devastated.

Hopeful.

In despair.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm mostly reeling with shock. I can't believe they're making me an offer. I can't believe I'll have to refuse.

Do I? Do I have to refuse?

Just tell them. Tell them, Brin. The truth, all of it. What's the worst that can happen? That they'll reject you? You're about to say no anyway.

Yeah, but their rejection will hurt like rusty nails.

So what? What if your rejection of them has hurt them, too? You just walked out of there, walked away without another thought about their feelings. They are good guys. More than good; they are amazing.

Where will I ever find anyone like them?

Never. I'll never feel this way again. I'm walking away from a dream come true.

Why? Why am I doing this? I slow down. What am I doing? They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. They are the best guys ever. They protect me. Treat me nicely. Want me.

And I want them, too. Their scents are heaven, their personalities are even better, their pack is a sanctuary.

Together with Sawyer.

All four hunks just for me. Kind, considerate, wonderful. Why did I run? Why do I keep on running? Am I such a coward?

I linger at the entrance of the hospital. I came by earlier, before I headed to the Alpha Bet where I was supposed to start my new job… only to be confronted with that offer, with four angels and my own demons.

Like something out of the Divine Comedy.

It sure feels like a dramedy right now. I'm not sure if to laugh or cry some more. Wiping my palms over my still-wet cheeks, I draw a shaky breath. No way am I entering like this. First, I have to calm down.

Or you could simply turn back around and return to the bar, face both your demons and your four angels, and tell them how you feel about them. Tell them where you're coming from, what's going on, and the whole deal.

Let them decide what they want to do.

After all, you know your heart is set on them. Stop making their decisions for them.

You don't have to keep running forever, Brin.

Is it possible? Would they take this pole-dancing, indebted, rootless delta girl into that tightly-knit pack of theirs?

Caught in indecision, in what feels like a pivotal moment of my life, I clutch the strap of my purse on my shoulder and will myself to take a step.

Backward or forward? Remain in this state of fear and misery, or take the chance, even while knowing that confessing everything might destroy that chance anyway?

I have to go back to them. Have to take the shot.

So I turn my back to the hospital and… stop.

Am I hallucinating?

My four guys are there. The four angels. They're standing right there, staring at me, their eyes dark with—anger? Fear? Concern? I can't tell.

They don't give me time to read them better. Instead, they start toward me, a wall of muscle and brawn. Interesting that I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid of them, I realize. Never were. The only person I'm afraid of is myself, my shortcomings, my insignificance.

They make me feel significant, with their every move, every word.

"Brinlee," Archer says, coming to stand in front of me, looking me up and down. "Are you okay?"

"Why the hospital?" Kyrian asks.

"What's wrong?" Roman says. "Why are you here?"

And then Sawyer elbows them aside, his eyes huge in his pale face. "Are you sick?"

I fight the urge to tell them it's none of their business—because they made me an offer, because they obviously care, and I'm done pushing them away.

"Are you unwell? Is this what this is about?" Kyrian growls. "Some fatal disease? Say it. Rip off the Band-Aid."

I swallow. "What if I am?"

"I don't care," he snarls. "Join our pack. We'll have you for as long as fate allows. Better to have you for a short time than none at all."

His words send a shockwave through me, and I can't speak. I stare at him. I stare at all four of them. Their expressions are stark, raw, open. They're all waiting for me to answer that.

I'm not sure I can. I can't find the words.

Until I finally manage to swallow again and say, "I'm not sick. I'm not here for myself. I was here to… meet somebody."

"Somebody?" Suspicion glints in Archer's eyes. "Is that the truth? Who?"

Again, I debate telling them. Trying to put it off, even though I had made up my mind and was about to go find them, tell them just that.

They're right not to trust me. I didn't lie to them, but I hid the truth. Isn't that the same as lying?

Sawyer mutters something, and Roman puts an arm over his shoulders. "Tell him, Brin. He's been sick with worry. We all have been. Tell him the truth."

That settles it.

"Sawyer… I'm fine. Guys, I really am okay." I take a bracing breath. "I'm not here for myself. It's my brother."

A small moan escapes Sawyer. God, he's so pale, bright, feverish spots of color on his cheekbones. He's the one who looks sick, but Archer crowds my space again.

"What's the matter with your brother?"

I have to fight the instinctive reaction, the flinch and anger in me. All my life I've fought to be independent. It's a struggle to let them in.

"What Arch meant to say," Roman says more gently, "is, would you mind telling us what the matter with your brother is?"

I relax a little. Betas are not as brutal as alphas, and I shoot him a grateful look. "He has cancer. Tyson is the one who asked me not to tell anyone that he's in the hospital, or that he's sick, but I can't let you think that I'm not okay."

"Cancer. Fuck." Kyrian swears. "And how is he doing?"

"It's been a long process. The doctors are optimistic. He was in remission, then it came back. He's been in and out of here. They said this would be his last bout of radiation and chemo, and then… we'll have to wait." I have to swallow again, my throat tight. "Wait and see whether the cancer returns or remains in remission."

"So… Tyson. The brother I saw in the picture at your apartment," Sawyer says. "Is he your only brother?"

In for a penny, in for a dollar, right? Confession time.

"He's the only family I have," I whisper.

Silence falls.

Then Roman says, "What you've told us changes nothing for us."

"Doesn't it? You lose everything you thought you won," I say softly, my voice broken, like my heart. "It's a law."

"A law?"

"Yes. When my brother and I were at our happiest, our parents left us and never came back. Our uncle who raised us for a couple of years passed away. Into the foster system we went. We got separated. We lost sight of one another for many years. I was passed from one foster parent to the next, until I became legally an adult, and then I located my brother. By then, he was already sick. So here we are now. I'm up to my neck in debt, and he lost his job, and…" I let out a shuddery breath. "And we have nothing."

Another silence greets my words, deeper this time. My heart is pounding, lodged inside my throat. I want them to say something. React.

Please, say something.

"Tyson's medical debt is in my name," I push out the words, trying to make them see the problem when the silence stretches. "I have no assets. No savings. I'm not your best option. You can do so much better than me."

There. It's all out in the light.

"Girl." Kyrian is the first to speak, first to move, reaching for me. When he catches my hand and pulls me to him, I dig my heels in. "Come here, my pretty. I understand this more than you'll ever know."

"Do you?"

"My parents abandoned me as a baby," he says, "and the foster system I grew up in never gave a damn about me. It left me thinking I'm worthless. But then these guys found me, and I started to question that belief. I'm illiterate, but I didn't tell them. I was afraid they'd figure it out, I was sure they'd ditch me the minute they knew, but again they didn't."

"You're telling me the opposite of what I'm telling you."

"That's right. Because these guys are the opposite of bad luck and bad circumstances. The opposite of indifference and neglect. They can't lie. They care. And they will keep proving their love to you, we will keep proving it to you until the doubt leaves you and what remains is trust."

I glance at them. They're nodding at his words. "Don't you get it? I'm not a catch, Kyrian."

"What if I told you that yes, you are? What if I told you that found family is the best family? That debts can be paid, and that love finds a way?"

I shiver. "Nobody has ever really asked me to stay."

"Well, we're asking you to," Archer says, stepping closer to take my other hand. "Will you take our offer?"

"Will you be with us?" Roman asks, laying a hand on Kyrian's shoulder.

And Sawyer puts his hands on my face. "Be with us, Brin."

"Didn't you all hear a word of what I said?" I snap, angry, sad, overwhelmed. "Didn't you?"

"We heard. It changes nothing, except now we respect you even more," Archer says. "Don't you get it? You're a fighter. You're amazing. Be a family with us. We need you."

I'm shaken. By their belief, their love.

"Be with us, Brin," Sawyer says again.

"Join us," Roman says.

"Join our pack," Archer smiles.

"Be ours," Kyrian finishes.

I give them a watery smile, my defenses crumbling. These guys… They won't give up. Won't give up on me. It's obvious now.

And I've cried enough. Doubted enough. Time to grab happiness by the horns and wrestle it, ride it, enjoy it. Believe it.

"I want to," I whisper. "I want to join you."

"Is that a yes?" Archer asks.

"Yes," I whisper. "Yes, please."

Suddenly I'm engulfed in strong, muscular arms, as all four of them try to hug me at once. They form a circle around me, talking all together and laughing, and it's the best sound in the world. The best feeling. Sawyer is grinning right in my face, and although he still has to explain about his change of heart and how things evolved so dramatically within the last twenty-four hours, I have no doubts anymore.

We were meant to be.

"So…" I clear my throat after a while because they don't seem intent on ever letting go. "Wanna meet my brother?"