Chapter 6 Riley

I n one swoop, Alex carries me from the table and throws me onto the bed, pinning me down with his body even as he braces to shield me from his weight.

I run my hands down his back. He’s all toned muscle – not bulky, but somehow strong and soft at the same time, the faint outline of his defined abs tapering down to a prominent v-line. I can see the freckles on his sinewy shoulders, sprinkling the peach of his skin with light spots of brown.

I wrap my legs around him, my pussy slick from everything that’s come before. He dips his hips slightly as the hardest part of him rubs up and down between my folds. My belly clenches as I grow even wetter.

Alex blinks down at me, his jaw clenched below his glistening, full lips. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he says. “I never stopped thinking about you, in all these years.”

I imagine Alex fantasizing about us together and am overcome by a frantic need to have him inside of me – to be as close as our bodies can possibly be. “Show me,” I say.

Alex notches himself at my entrance. I gasp as he slowly slips inside of me, feeling the perfect fit of him as I stretch and adjust around him. My breath catches in my chest as he sinks deeper.

Once he’s all the way in, time ceases for what feels like several moments. Just the two of us melded into a single form, bodies intertwined in endless ways.

In one rapid motion, Alex pulls almost all the way out and I undulate my hips as the sensation of him moving hits every nerve ending in my pussy. He licks his lips as he surveys my body, his eyes heavy with longing.

I look up into his speckled brown eyes and lift a hand to trace the gorgeous smile lines that emanate from his eyes. “I want you,” I clarify, aching for more.

“I’ve only ever wanted you,” Alex says simply. And then he thrusts inside of me again and again as I lose of control of my senses. I rise up to meet him each time, my groans crescendoing in volume as he pushes and pulls at me, his strong hands gripping my hip, kneading my breast, rubbing at my clit as he keeps going.

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore, when I’m desperate in need of release, Alex switches up his tempo and starts thrusting in quick yet deep spurts that set me on fire. The hot, initial waves of my orgasm begin to build.

“Alex,” I scream out as my whole body tenses and I break into a million pieces, gasping and calling his name. Alex’s whole body shudders above me as he recites my name like a mantra. “Riley. Riley. Riley.” And then he’s coming as well, both of us wrapped around one another in a dizzying blaze.

***

The sun streams in through the cracked window as I snuggle myself closer to Alex. I trace my hand down his hard chest, wishing I had a camera within arm’s reach so I could capture this moment for perpetuity.

Alex yawns and grabs my hand in his, then slides his other one over to cup my ass. “Good morning there.”

I reach over and give his butt a quick squeeze in return. It’s a delectable one, taut and defined, just like the rest of him.

“Good morning to you too,” I say.

This feels unreal – us in bed together, enjoying the lazy light that fills the room around us. I still have so many questions for him, but at this moment they feel blessedly distant.

“I’m so glad we came back here.” I lift my head up, landing a light kiss on Alex’s jaw.

He catches my face, his strong hands wrapping lightly around my neck. “Hey. By the way – I never got to ask you what you asked me at the chili cookoff. What are you doing at home?”

I brush my knuckles across his stubbled cheek and sigh. “Well, I came to Bandera on a scouting mission. Eligible’s next season will focus on a lucky bachelor cowboy, and our team thought that we could find some great candidates in town.”

“Ah, so you’re here to ogle men.” Alex grins against my hand.

“Yes, and once upon a time that would have felt like a total riot. But – I think I’m burnt out. I’ve been working around the clock for seven years with no breaks.” I prop myself up on one shoulder and look deep into Alex’s eyes. “I’ve been feeling for a while now that what made me want to pursue this career in the first place – the desire to tell a great story, the unexpected characters that pop up in our daily lives – just isn’t what I’m actually spending my time on.” I exhale and continue.

“I haven’t actually spoken this out loud, but I think I need to step back from the show. Maybe take a vacation, or come back home to help my parents out. Honestly, being here with you right now, back at Flora Studios – it makes me think that maybe that different kind of life would be a good thing. Peace, rather than striving all the time.”

Alex sits up suddenly. His face is rigid as he turns to me. “Wait, so you’re just going to walk away from everything you’ve built?”

“Well, no – I just feel like I need something different right now. A chance to recharge.”

“Riley, I understand wanting to take a vacation, but don’t you think this is a little extreme? You’ve always been the one with a plan. I can’t believe you’d just give up on it like this.”

Excuse me? Alex’s judgment hits me in the gut. “I’m not giving up! I just don’t think my whole life has to be built around this one thing. And honestly, that plan you keep referencing went out the window a long time ago.”

I take Alex’s hand and squeeze it between mine. “Besides, you’re reevaluating too. Maybe we can help each other make new plans, after all this time.”

Alex shakes his head at me impatiently, and I see the panic grow in his eyes. “No way. Sure, I’m grateful to be working at the ranch, but this is just a temporary pit stop. Besides, I left because of a mistake I made – you, on the other hand, are at the peak of your success. I can’t drag you down into this with me.”

I stare at Alex as my heart starts beating faster. Is he serious right now? “I’m not implying – ”

“Riley, last night was amazing, but you deserve better than me. I can’t help you make new dreams, I only destroy them. I’m not good enough for you.”

“I’m perfectly capable of deciding what is and isn’t good enough for me! Have you ever thought that maybe the only person holding you back is yourself?”

I flash back to that terrible night from senior year. Alex showing up at my doorstep, pressing the biology book back into my hands. Telling me that I deserved better and that he was leaving.

The room starts to spin as my body reinhabits the utter chaos and confusion felt by my 18-year-old self. How is this happening again?

Present Alex swings out of bed and starts pacing around the small room. “I can’t believe this. I worried that spending time together again would lead to something like this. I should have kept my distance.”

“Get off it, Alex! We made the decision to do this together . Please don’t act like I didn’t have any agency here. I knew fully what I was getting into, and I wanted it anyway. That’s more than I can say when you left me behind all those years ago like it was nothing.”

Alex glances up, his face a mixture of shock and regret.

“I was so furious with you. Not just because you left me without any explanation, but because you had already made up your mind that we couldn’t be together. But who the fuck are you to decide that? What about how I felt?”

Alex looks down and shakes his head. “It was better this way.”

“Was it? I still don’t even understand what caused all of this in the first place, because you won’t tell me. If you had just asked me back then what I wanted – despite everything that supposedly stood in our way, in your head – you know what I would have said. You. It was you, every time.”

“Riley –” Alex interjects but I charge ahead. I’m done with him escaping before I can tell him how I really feel.

“Because I love you. I loved you then, and I still do. And I don’t care what anyone else has to say about that choice, including you. If you don’t feel the same way about me, then fine. But you can’t tell me how to feel about you.”

Alex is so silent and still I worry that he’s having a stroke. When he meets my eyes, his face is crumpled with regret and shame. His eyes hold a decision that stabs me in my core.

“I’m sorry,” he says, as he pulls his jeans on and grabs his shirt.

“Don’t do this, Alex. Please don’t walk away from this again.” I plead with him. Doesn’t he know that this time he’ll break me for real? This isn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision being made by a teenager who doesn’t know better. As painful as that was, I can forgive it.

But the man standing in front of me, choosing his own insecurities over the bond we share? I don’t think I can come back from that.

Alex throws on his jacket and strides toward the door. His eyes well up as he looks back at me. “I’m sorry,” he repeats.

And then he’s gone.