Chapter Thirty

Brayden

"What the fuck was that?" I ask, once Jordy and I are in the truck. She rolls her eyes and gives me a withering stare.

"That was coffee with my cousin, and I have a job now. Stop being so dramatic. Can we just go home now?"

Every time she refers to the ranch as home, I cringe. For the past few weeks, she's been staying in one of the cabins—which was my mother's idea. Both of my parents are well aware that Jordy and I are no longer together. After I came back from Jordy's room at the Sandpiper Inn, I let them know we broke up, but that she didn't want to announce it yet. Of course, Jordy had a fit when she learned I'd told my parents. But I could give a fuck. I just can't wait for this nightmare to be over, and if that means dragging this out for a few more weeks, then fine.

But hearing Jordy tell Nina about her plans to stay here with me? It made me realize just how toxic this whole arrangement is.

"No, that was you pretending like we're the happy couple, as if we're going to live some married life on the ranch. Jordy, we're not getting married."

She glares at me. "We agreed to give it time," she says.

"No, we agreed not to announce our split until after Ethan and Claire's wedding," I remind her. "I already know what I want and don't want, and that is not going to change."

She stares at me for a moment. I can tell she's fighting back tears, even as her eyes narrow with irritation. I won't cave though. I can't.

"Right. Well, this is us not announcing our split," she finally says, forcing out the words like she doesn't believe them. I am starting to wonder if she does. "Nina doesn't know, and I'd prefer to keep it that way for now. If this got back to my mother in any way, my life would become a living hell."

"After the wedding, she'll know," I remind her. Jordy sighs but says nothing.

What Jordy doesn't know is that I already texted all of this to Nina. Or at least I tried to. I told her everything, including how Jordy knows I cheated on her. I wrote my heart out in that text, telling her how I felt about her, and how—if she just gave me some time—I'd make all of this up to her.

Seeing her today, it's obvious she never read the text, or any text after that. I even tried calling her in a moment of weakness, and it went straight to voicemail. Now I realize my number is still blocked.

Meanwhile, living with the enemy has been one giant game of dodgeball. She's been super sweet with me, actually asking about my day and taking an interest in what I have to say. But I'm not saying much. The truth is, her presence makes me furious. The fact that I'm even playing this stupid game makes me furious. I've spent years as her puppet, doing everything I could to make her happy just because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Because of our loss. Because of the promise I made. Now that I'm starting to put my needs first, I'm fucking pissed, and she's the easiest to be pissed at.

But it's not her fault. Not entirely, at least. The bulk of the blame is on my shoulders. She didn't ask me to do any of that stuff. It's me who set the precedent. I just hate that it took this many years for me to wake up and see the light.

We never should have stayed together. Even if she was going to have my kid, we could have figured something out. We knew back then we weren't right for each other, and we've both wasted so many years by staying together.

Because of this, I may have ruined my one shot at true happiness. I love Nina. I fucking love her. Not being able to tell her that is tearing me up inside. The fact that Jordy roped me into one last game of pretend is just the icing on this shit cake.

Ethan and Claire's wedding cannot come soon enough. Once it's done, I will do everything in my power to win Nina back, regardless of the backlash both of us will face.

Except, I had really counted on Jordy moving away. Even if she hasn't mentioned this plan since our breakup, I figured it was still in the works. The fact that Nina inspired Jordy's shift in plans is just so ironic, and really complicates things.

I'm not a callous bastard. I'm mad as hell, but I know how much it's going to hurt Jordy once she realizes my heart is for her cousin. I'm not sure how to soften that, though the move was going to help. Now that she's planning to stick around…

I won't let it ruin my plans. I will be with Nina, and that's final.

As soon as I put the truck in park, Jordy is out of the cab, stomping back to the cabin she's staying in. I sigh, grabbing my jacket before opening the door. Cherokee is waiting for me, and I scruff the top of his head while he bounces all around me.

He's not the only one waiting. All five guys exit the barn upon my arrival, and by the look on their faces, I'm pretty sure I'm up for an ambush.

"We need to talk," Jake says, looking at the other guys in confirmation. Then he glances at Jordy's cabin, then back to me. "In private."

There's only one thing that means. I nod and follow them back to the barn where the horses are already saddled up. I place my jacket on a hook, then head to Sara, tied up outside her stall. Meredith is still inside hers, and I can see she's offended she won't be part of this ride. It's hard not to think of Nina when I see her, recalling the times we rode out on the beach together. I close my eyes as Meredith presses her nose into my hand, as if she's also waiting for Nina.

"Soon," I whisper to her. "I hope."

We ride out of the barn like bats out of hell, and for a moment it's easy to forget the dark mood I've been in the past few weeks. I've treated each day as a job to get through, from feeding the horses to leading tours—even telling the same jokes to different tours just so I don't have to expel extra energy being funny or clever. I just don't have it in me these days.

But with the guys, it's different. We haven't had much fun lately, ever since the conference. I'm still sore at them for the way they ambushed both me and Nina, so much so that when Jordy and I broke up, I threw the information at them. I never told them they couldn't tell her about Nina, but I know these guys. They have my back, even when I think they're assholes about it.

Right now, as we ride out, I can sense the change in the energy. Jake races beside me on one of the black mares, laughing as he edges in front of me, then gritting his teeth as Sara pulls ahead. The other guys are behind us, hooting above the sound of pounding hooves and the rhythm of hard breaths in open air. The smell of ocean mingles with the sweet hay smell drifting off Sara's coat, and I close my eyes so I can take it all in. I feel alive—more alive than I have in a while.

And still, all I see is her. Nina's face exists in my mind at all times, and right now I can almost smell her. The sweet honey of her skin, the lilac in her hair, the earthy scent of her sweat just before she climaxes.

I wish she were here. I wish she were with me always.

We reach the beach and the horses take off, running even faster than they were on the trail.

"Fuck yes!" I shout, then grin over at Jake as we continue leading the pack. I turn my baseball cap backwards to keep it from flying off in the wind, then crouch down as Sara gives it everything she has. She loves this more than I do, she practically flies through the air, the shadow of her feet barely keeping up with us. The waves crash beside us, and occasionally the mist from the water reaches my face. I lick the salt from my lips. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have fun, or that I actually love what I do for work.

We reach the end of the beach and tie off the horses. No instructions are needed as we form a circle in the sand, facing each other. The last time we did this was with Jake when he was obviously struggling, back when his grandmother's memory was failing and it was on his shoulders to get her set up in a facility.

Now the guys face me, the same look of concern on their face that we had for Jake back then. Ironically, it's Jake who speaks up.

"What's going on, man?" he asks. The look on his face lets me know he won't expect anything that resembles bullshit, and yet I shrug, because I can't bring myself to talk about it. Not after they all made themselves clear about how they felt about Nina and me.

"You know," Levi says. "It's time for this to stop."

"How?" I force out. "How, when my whole entire life feels like it's falling apart without her. I get that you all hated her, but—"

"Nina? We never hated her. "

"But you said—"

"We said we didn't want drama," Forrest pipes in. "Didn't need two women tearing you down. You've already had enough issues with the first one, and lord knows you weren't happy. But to stick it out with her while being with someone new? Man, Bray, you know better than that. You were stoking a wildfire and didn't even know you were burning alive."

"Not to mention Nina was still working with us at that point," River adds. "We liked her a lot, still like her. But you two getting involved was bad news for the ranch. If anything went wrong, we would all go down."

"All right guys, back off," Nate says, before turning to me. "The guys and I are just concerned. You've spent half your time stuck in a dark cloud, and the rest of it working your ass off to avoid Jordy, and that stupid charade she has you playing. You're miserable, man. It's obvious you're going through it alone. But we're family, Bray. We got your back. If there's something we can help you with, we want to hear it."

"I don't know how you can help." I slide my hands through my hair. "I thought I'd feel better once I told Jordy the truth, but it's like she has blinders on. I can't believe I even agreed to this, or that she's even still there at the ranch. Fuck!"

The horses nicker behind us, and I refrain from yelling more so I don't spook them. But the rage is always simmering, just waiting for me to explode.

"You don't have to do any of this," Jake says. I look at him, and he nods. "You could tell her to leave today. Do you not get that you're still doing it?"

"Doing what?"

"Saving her. Saving everybody."

"I cheated on her," I point out.

"Yeah, and it was fucked up. You also ended the relationship, and she's still got you on the short leash."

"Still?"

"Dude, that woman called all the shots. It's like you were boss in every area but with her. It all started when she got pregnant, and then lost the baby. She'd come here, and you became a different person, always making sure she was comfortable and taken care of. Jordy was a nice girl, but man, she was an awful girlfriend. She couldn't even see all the things you were doing for her. It's like nothing was ever good enough, and you just kept working to make her happy. You never even relaxed until she left for home."

"But with Nina," Levi laughs. "Hoo boy, we saw it right from the start. The way you smiled when you were around her. How she looked at you. The way you relaxed whenever she was near."

"Do you love her?" River asks. The question knocks me off guard. I know I do, but I've never told anyone else. It feels like Nina should hear it from me first, but I can't even reach her.

But these guys are family, and they know me better than anyone in this world. So there's only one answer to give them.

I take a deep breath, then nod. "I've never felt this way about anyone," I admit. "I didn't even know you could feel this way about someone, and I still feel like I barely know her. It's just so easy with her, you know? It's like, all the puzzle pieces fit. I can't stop thinking about her when I'm not with her. When I am… Well, it's been a while. But it's like I can see my past, present, and future with her. It's like no other woman exists. All I see is her, and without her, everything is so fucking stale. Today, when Jordy and I had coffee with her, she barely even looked at me. All I wanted to do was grab her hand and get out of there, to just escape somewhere where there's no barriers to us being together. I just wanted to tell her everything I felt, even with Jordy sitting right there. But like a coward, I just sat there and pretended nothing had changed. But everything has changed."

"We know," Nate says. "If it wasn't apparent then, it definitely is now. Bray, we're so sick of seeing you walk around with your tail between your legs. It's time for this to stop, which is why we're calling this meeting." He looks at the other guys, and I furrow my brows trying to understand what they're saying.

"Get your girl, Bray," Jake says.

I stare at him for a moment, then look at all of them.

"Dude, get your girl," Levi says, nudging me.

" Dude , she blocked my calls," I counter. Levi groans, rolling back in the sand.

"Brayden, get your fucking ass up off the sand, get on that horse, and don't stop until you're back at the ranch," Jake says. "Then drive your ass over to that house and tell her how you feel about her."

My heart lurches at this. What if I did? What if I threw caution to the wind and just said fuck it ?

"What if Jordy finds out," I say. "She doesn't know it's Nina. If this gets back to her…"

"What if it did," Levi says quietly. "What's the worst that will happen?"

"She'll be pissed," I say. "She'll never speak to Nina again."

"She's already pissed," Levi points out. "And if you and Nina are truly meant to be together, she's going to find out eventually."

"She's going to be so hurt." I look down at my feet.

Jake gets up and crouches next to me. "This will be messy," he says. "Whether she finds out now or she finds out later, there's really no way around it. The question is, are you willing to sacrifice a chance with Nina just to prolong the inevitable with Jordy?"

I look out at the ocean, at the quiet waves rolling in under the late afternoon sun. A pelican is off in the distance, diving into the waves and then pulling out. Completely fearless. I think of myself these past few weeks. Months. Years. How I have lost so much of myself trying to please everyone around me. Trying to please Jordy.

"What's done is done," Jake murmurs. I look at him. He nods back up the beach toward the ranch. I scramble to my feet as the guys cheer me on. As Sara carries me back home, I let the wind strip away any lingering doubts.

I'm getting my girl.