Chapter Twenty-Seven

Brayden

I sit in my truck in the Sandpiper Inn parking lot, next to Jordy's car. I knew she'd come here First, it's where she always stays when she doesn't stay at the ranch. Second, I can see her on my location services. Which means she could have seen me when I was with Nina, and I should be grateful she didn't.

I still don't know what I'm going to say to her.

Brayden: Can I come up?

I wait a few moments, then see the three dots light up before her text comes through.

Jordy: Rm 324

I smile in spite of myself. I might have been playing a game of pretend for the past five years, but it doesn't mean we don't know each other. She's probably been waiting for me to show up, which is both cute and annoying, since it's also part of her game. She runs, I chase after her, she puts me through hell, then finally forgives me—even if it was all her fault.

This one was on her. But what I'm about to do to her is completely on me.

I take the stairs to the third floor, racking my brain for a way to break things easily to her. Easy . That's a misnomer. Nothing about this is going to be easy, and now that I'm nearing her door, I can feel the knots forming in my stomach and a sense of nervousness I haven't felt in a very long time.

I reach her room and knock three times. I can hear her footsteps on the other side before she answers. There's an annoyed look on her face, but her makeup is freshly done and she's wearing a tiny black dress that just barely covers her assets.

"Going somewhere?" I ask as she moves aside, letting me in.

"I could only grab what was within reach." She shrugs and gestures to the duffel bag on the bed. It's true, there's a mishmash of stuff falling out of it. But Jordy isn't accidental when it comes to fashion. This outfit is for me and me alone.

But as I look around, I realize I'm being too quick to judge. The truth is, there isn't much here for daily comforts. Most of her stuff is at Nina's house, and for Jordy, this is a bit like hell. She won't even go camping with me because roughing it is not her cup of tea. It hits me how out of place she is. Sure, it was her choice to refuse to stay at the ranch, but she'd been unprepared to get kicked out of Nina's place. I know Jordy's intentions were pure—even if skewed—and suddenly I wonder if my timing is completely callous and insensitive.

"Do you need anything?" I ask. "More clothes? Toiletries? Some dinner?"

She rolls her eyes. "I still have my key. I'll get my shit tomorrow somehow. She can't keep all of it, right? "

I don't know and choose to play dumb. Nina was pretty pissed when we left, and I wouldn't be surprised if she throws a giant bonfire in our wake, burning everything Jordy owns.

"Look, I'm sorry," Jordy begins, catching me off guard. Jordy never apologizes. "I know I should have included you in the wedding plans. It's just that neither of us were doing anything, and it felt like if we waited any longer, it wouldn't happen."

I look at my hands, all the words I want to say to her just sitting there, waiting for me to let them loose.

"I guess I missed you while you were gone," she continues. "I thought I could do some mental planning, you know? See a few places and take notes, and then go back with you once I'd found some that both of us would like. But then the country club looked so beautiful, and I kept remembering the times when Nanna brought both me and Nina there as little girls. You know that we used to have matching Easter bonnets and gloves we wore all year long?" She laughs, and I see the faraway look in her eyes. "We were close once," she murmurs, "almost like sisters." She shakes her head, and the look disappears. "I asked the manager a few questions and found out he only had one Saturday left on the books, and the next open date isn't for another year. I guess I got swept away in the moment, because all of a sudden, I was signing paperwork and forking over my savings. Then it was done."

She looks at me, her eyes big and wide, brimmed with tears. "I know I should have waited, and in hindsight, I wish I had. I didn't even give you a chance to choose a place with me. You should have been able to."

"It definitely surprised me," I say carefully, "and it's too soon."

"It's been five years, Bray." She wipes at her eyes, then takes my hand in hers. The diamond on her finger flashes in the low lights of the room. "It was starting to feel like you didn't want to get married at all."

"I didn't," I say. I remove my hand from hers. "I don't."

A flash of surprise crosses her face. Her brow wrinkles, and I can see she's fighting tears. But she composes herself.

"You're just getting cold feet," she says, offering a small laugh. It reminds me of my conversation with my dad—how he dealt with his cold feet—and what I did this weekend that had nothing to do with cold feet, but it was unfair all the same.

"I'm not. The truth is, I don't think we're supposed to be together. You want to see the world, to live in a big city and make a name for yourself. But my life is here on the ranch. All this time, you've made plans that include me leaving the family business. But Jordy, you never once asked me what my plans were, or how you could fit into them."

"We can make it work." Her eyes plead with mine. "I can stay here in Sunset Bay. I know I can find work, even travel to San Diego or Santa Barbara and work at some higher end offices."

"Jordy, listen to yourself. You don't want this. You'd be miserable here."

"You don't know anything about me," she spits out. "Besides, the deposit is already paid. My mother is working on the invitations. I have a registry started and everything. People are going to talk if we cancel."

"I can give you the money for the deposit, it's just money. As for people, who cares what they say? This is our lives we're talking about."

"Exactly! This is our life!"

"You've worked your ass off for yours," I point out. "Your dream was to always go to New York. Are you really willing to give that up? For me?"

Her lip trembles. "Maybe we could split our time," she eventually says. "I can get a place in New York while you stay here on the ranch. We can see each other on weekends. We've already been doing it for years, so why not just do it for a few more?"

"Is that really a marriage?" I ask. Her tears are falling freely now, and I feel like the biggest ass. "Jordy, we've been living apart for years and surviving because we are completely okay apart. Even since you've moved here, we barely make time for each other. I don't want a marriage where we're fine with being apart. I want to be with someone I can't wait to wake up next to, who is excited about the things I'm excited about, who wants to be on the same journey as me. And I think you deserve the same thing."

"We can have that," she whispers.

"We'd already have it if it were possible."

"But Bray—"

"Jordy, I slept with someone else."

The words tumble out of my mouth before I can think too hard about what I'm saying. Her expression freezes, and I watch as she absorbs the words. I feel terrible, I really do. But I also feel some relief because I know this is the only way she's going to let our relationship end.

"When?" There's devastation on her face, but then it turns to anger. "With who?"

"No one," I say. She throws one of her shoes at me, and I duck in time to miss it. "Jordy, it was no one important." Because I'm sure as hell not telling her about Nina.

"What, are you going to leave me for her now? Is that why you're calling this off?"

"No," I say, because what the hell do I say? I realize there's no coming back from this at all.

"You fucking asshole, how could you? Do you have any idea how much time I've wasted on you? I could have had anyone, but I stayed with you! I never strayed. What the fuck were you thinking?" She sinks on to the bed, twisting her ring on her finger. "Oh God, what is my mother going to say? Our whole family thinks we're getting married. What do I say?"

"I'm so sorry." I really am. She doesn't deserve any of this. I'm the biggest asshole there is.

"I'm serious," she says, wiping at her face. "What the fuck do I say?"

"You say I was a cheating bastard." Because I am. "It's my fault, and I'm so sorry."

"She told me this would happen." Jordy gets up and starts pacing the floor. "She said no man would ever stay with me."

"First of all, your mom is a bitch."

"Don't talk about my mother that way!" Her eyes flash, and her other shoe is in her hand.

"Don't throw that at me," I warn her. "But she is. There is nothing you can do to make that woman happy, and you know it. We could have the most perfect wedding, and she will still find flaws in it."

But I can tell Jordy has checked out completely.

"We can move past this," she says, turning to me. "Couples do this all the time. Someone cheats, and it sucks. But then you come back stronger than ever."

"This isn't one of your romance novels, Jordy."

"No, but we cannot break things off right now. Not yet, not until we've given this a chance." Her eyes light up. "We could get married this weekend. Just run away and do it, and I'll move to the ranch. I'll quit school and everything."

"Do you even hear yourself? This isn't you."

"And this isn't you!" she screams. "The Brayden I know and love doesn't sleep with other women. He's kind and generous and thoughtful and…" She breaks into a sob, falling to the floor. I kneel beside her, but don't touch her. I lost that right long before I told he r what I did.

"Please don't do this," she begs. "Can we just wait before calling it off? Just take a breather? We don't have to talk about the wedding anymore. I'll cancel it, and just forget about the deposit. But please don't break up with me. Not now. Can we at least get past Ethan and Claire's wedding before we do anything drastic?"

I close my eyes. I feel like the biggest dick, because now that the truth is out, all I can think about is going straight to Nina's and letting her know that Jordy and I are over. But what the fuck will that solve? Nina doesn't even want to see me, and judging by the way she threw both of us out of her house, I don't think this is going to fix anything. But more importantly, I cannot go from Jordy straight into her cousin's arms.

This is a fucking mess.

"Bray?"

I look at her, then nod. "We can wait," I say. "But don't think this is going to change my mind. Taking this time should give you some clarity. You deserve better, Jordy."

"Oh, I know I do," she says, her voice steadier as she wipes her face with the heel of her hand. "But the thing is, I love you. And I think you love me too." She scootches over to me, her hand traveling my thigh until it lands on my cock. The traitor springs to attention under her touch, and she gives a light laugh.

"Jordy, come on." I brush her hand away. But she scoots a little closer. "I'm serious."

"So am I." She starts to kiss my neck, and I have to restrain myself to not push her off me.

"Jordy."

"Please make love to me, Bray."

"You can't mean that," I say, moving away from her and standing up. "I just told you I cheated on you. You should be throwing me out of here."

She stays on the floor. Something about her just looks so defeated, and it kills me that I'm the one who did this to her. Even more, that I can't fix it for her.

But I'm done fixing things for her. That's all I've been doing this whole entire time, and look where it got me.

"I need to feel wanted," she whispers, "even if it's a lie." She looks at me, her wet eyes piercing my soul. "Please."

The old Brayden would have caved. Would have done everything he could to make her stop crying, to take away the hurt. He would have fucked her just to save her from this pain.

But I can't, because my heart is no longer hers. Arguably, it hasn't been hers this whole relationship. But now, there's no other woman for me but Nina. Even if Nina never speaks to me again—and God, she has every reason to forget me—I can't. Nina is the last woman who warmed my bed, who touched me, who owns me completely. I won't have another. Not Jordy, and not any other woman.

It's Nina, or no one.

"No," I say firmly.

Jordy looks shocked for a moment. Then angry. She scrambles from the floor and starts throwing more shit at me. Her clothes, the pillows, her duffel bag. I block each of them, trying to get close to her to make her stop. Then she grabs her remaining shoe and yanks her hand back to throw it, but I catch her, locking her in my arms so she can't move.

"Fuck you!" she screams, pounding at my chest. "Fuck you to hell. I fucking hate you. I fucking—" She pitches into a sob, her fists falling against my chest as she crumples. I hold her shaking body up, my heart breaking, knowing I'm the one who did this to her.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, smoothing her hair. I cautiously move my hand to her face, daring to wipe her tears, and she lets me. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't leave," she whispers.

"Jordy, I—"

"Not to sleep with me." She pushes off me, wipes her face. "I know that's dumb. I don't even want your stupid, soiled cock. But I don't want to be alone. Please stay with me, just tonight, just so I can sleep."

I look at her, seeing the pain all over her face, like her heart has completely shattered.

She wore the same look on her face in the hospital when they told her our baby had died. I knew she hadn't been excited about getting pregnant, neither of us were in the beginning. But as the months passed, we both had dreams about the future. Especially when she started to show, and when we felt our daughter's little kicks.

Then she was taken from us, and Jordy's face looked as it does now, like the world would end. On that day, with my ring on her finger, I swore I'd never let her hurt like that again.

Yet, here I am ending her whole entire world in a cold, empty hotel room.

"I'll stay," I agree.

I help her clean the room and put the bed together. She undresses in the bathroom, then comes out in a pair of thick sweats. I stay in my clothes and take the space beside her. She curls into me for a moment, her head on my chest, her hand resting on my abdomen. I don't move to envelop her. I just lay there, waiting for her to fall asleep. Eventually she rolls away from me, facing the wall in a fetal position. I remain still, aware of her quiet sniffling and shuddering breaths as she cries into the night. But then her breathing slows, the shuddering making way for deep exhales into the quiet of night.

I slide from the bed and out the door, silently saying my final goodbye.