Chapter Twenty

Brayden

My phone rings while Nina's in the shower, and my breathing grows shallow because I know exactly who it is.

"Hey," I say, once the phone is at my ear.

"Hey," Jordy says. I can hear the smile in her voice. She's likely already been to the gym, eaten breakfast, and has her whole day planned. I, meanwhile, haven't showered or shaved, won't have time for breakfast, and just got done fucking her cousin.

I'm absolute scum.

"I know I said I wouldn't call while you were at the convention, but I just wanted to hear your voice," she says. "I'd ask you how the whole thing is going, but you know I don't care." It's a running joke between us, but this time it hits a little harder. "So, I'll just ask if you two are having fun."

Yeah, I'm having fun. But not the kind of fun you'd want me to have.

"It's been good," I say .

"Good," she repeats. "Wow, way to go wild there, Brayden."

"We're having fun," I assure her. Pull it together, asshole. "Last night was the big welcome party, and today is chock full of meetings."

She gives an audible yawn, and I laugh even though it annoys me so much. Why can't she even try to be interested in the things I do?

"Point made," I say.

"Is Nina into it? You're not going to drag her to all those meetings, are you? Shit, she'll probably gouge her ears out with the way those guys drone on."

As if she hears her name, Nina comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, a wall of steam behind her. She drops the towel and does a little shimmy, all while Jordy keeps going on about how horribly boring this conference is.

"Actually, she's having a great time," I cut in. Nina's eyes widen, and I can tell she just realized who I'm talking to. As if Jordy can see us, she puts the towel back on. I want to tell her to drop it again. Maybe bend over. Maybe sit before me so I can taste that clean, wet pussy.

"Good to hear it," Jordy says, reminding me how much of an asshole I am. "But if she looks ready to die from boredom, tell her to call me and I'll share every spa I recommend within a ten-mile radius."

It's still weird to me that they're getting along, especially when Jordy has spent years talking smack about Nina. But I don't argue.

"In fact, put her on the phone."

No, this is weird.

"Hold on."

I hold the phone out to Nina, who shakes her head no.

"I can't talk to her," she mouths to me.

"Take it," I mouth back. She glares at me, then snatches the phone out of my hand.

"Hi Jordy," she says, turning her back to me.

I want to hear what they're saying, but I also don't. So I leave the room for the shower to wash my sins off while my fiancé talks with … fuck, my mistress? A fling? What the fuck was this? And what the fuck was I thinking?

I wasn't thinking, that's what. It never should have gotten this far, starting with my decision to bring Nina here and let her stay in my room. I didn't need to bring her at all. I definitely did not need to sleep with her.

Nina's shape appears through the fogged glass of the shower. I turn off the water, grab the towel, and wrap it around me before I open the door. It's not like she hasn't already seen me naked, that I haven't wrapped my body around hers all morning long. But hearing Jordy's voice adds some clarity to the situation.

"We can't do this," Nina says, hugging her arms around herself and staring at the tile.

"I know." I close my eyes, rub the back of my neck. This whole thing is so goddamn unfair. "I made a mistake," I mutter.

She looks up at me, a look of hurt crossing her face. Then a flash of anger before she turns to leave. I grab her by the hand and hold tight.

"Let go," she says, pulling when I won't. "Fuck off, Brayden. Let me go so you don't make any more mistakes."

"You're not the mistake," I growl, pulling her towards me. She crashes into my bare chest, and wraps her arms around my waist, burying her head into my skin. I feel her shudder, completely let go, but then she pushes against me. This time I release her.

"Yes I am, and you know it. Everyone thinks it. I've been a goddamn fool to think I could even come here and not end up in your bed, because that's what I do. I ruin everything. "

"The only thing you ruined is my belief that I could live happily ever after without you," I tell her. "You're not the mistake. The mistake was making a promise I never should have made. I never should have…" I close my eyes, clenching my fists. "I never should have asked Jordy to marry me. But it felt like the right thing to do."

"Because of the baby," she whispers. My eyes dart to hers, surprise quickening my heart.

"You know?"

"Not for long," she admits. "Jordy told me a few weeks ago. How you proposed when you found out. Then you lost the baby, and she can't have kids." She reaches for my hand when I don't speak. I hesitate for a moment before I take it. She guides me into the bedroom, and we both take a seat on that hard-as-rocks couch that I almost slept on last night. That I should have slept on.

"It's my fault," I say, looking down at my hands in my lap.

"How could it have been?" she asks. "These things happen all the time."

"But I should have been more careful. We weren't even that serious. It was a fling we were flirting with, and I didn't use protection. It was stupid, and I knew it. But then my dad had the accident, and I came home. Then Jordy called and said she was pregnant."

I take a deep breath, thinking back to that day. We were on again, off again. We didn't even have a name for what we were for each other. Convenient, I guess. When I came back home, we both called it off, knowing that I wasn't coming back to college. But then she called.

"I'd wanted to be a dad my whole life," I tell Nina now, looking over at her. The way she's looking back at me, I want to bury myself in her arms, ask her to take away all the mistakes I've made. "I asked her to marry me because it was the right thing to do, but also because it was everything I wanted. A wife who loved me and was the mother of my children. A kid I could raise with the same values I was raised with, that a Winters lives by their words. So I bought the biggest diamond I could find, drove all the way to her dorm room, and asked Jordy to be my wife."

That was my second mistake, something I've never fully admitted out loud to anyone until now. Telling Nina this feels so wrong, but I do it anyways. How we never fully connected. How her mom wanted us to have this shotgun wedding before Jordy started showing, but we stuck to our guns to wait until after our daughter was born. How we had to keep everything secret because of this supposed family scandal, when all I wanted to do was shout to the world that I was going to be a dad.

"But then she lost the baby, and we were told she'd never have kids. She was upset, but I was devastated." I shake my head at the way the words come out, knowing they sound selfish. "I mean, of course she was upset, we'd just lost our daughter. She's just been told she couldn't have kids. But…" I pause. The loss had been hard for her. But learning she'd never be a mother seemed almost a relief to her, even though it was like my world was ending. She knew my dream of being a father, and while this wasn't her fault, and we could have children other ways, it was obvious there would be no kids in our future. I'd never been sure about the future we were planning, but her obvious relief to never have kids made me regret it. But with that ring on her finger, and my dad's voice in my ear, I couldn't take it back. "Anyway," I continue, swiping at the moisture in my eyes. "We buried our child; it was so incredibly…" I take a deep breath, daring a look at Nina. Her eyes are shining, her hands folded around mine. "She would have been five this year, and Jordy would have been a great mother. We both had so many dreams for our daughter that were all buried with her when she was lowered into the ground. But for Jordy, that was the end of it. Once our daughter was buried, she was done grieving. Her biggest worry was whether I still wanted to be with her, and what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Because we were never in love. Not when we got pregnant, not when I put that ring on her finger, and not when I renewed my commitment to be with her forever. But a Winters man keeps his promise. It's what my father said, and it's what I live and die by. Which is why I wish I had never promised anything, because now, I'll never know what it feels like to be a dad. But more than that, my promise to Jordy will keep me from the woman I was supposed to be with when she finally came into my life." I squeeze her hand, then bring her fingers to my lips. "I'm sorry I didn't wait."

Her own eyes are filled with tears, but she says nothing. She doesn't have to. It's all right there between us, laid out before us, made up of the path I created when I didn't turn right.

What's done is done, and we can never go back. I'm with Jordy, and that's the end of it.

"I'll bunk with one of the other guys," she finally says, breaking the silence.

"Like hell you will," I growl.

"Come on, Brayden. You and I both know I can't stay in here. We're just asking for trouble."

I know she's right, but I can't stomach the thought of her in another man's room. Even if I know nothing will happen.

But what if it does? What if whoever she stays with pulls a move on her and she goes for it? Either because what happened this morning meant nothing, or because she needs someone else to help her forget? It's unfair that I'm even bothered. I'm going home to Jordy, and she's going home alone.

"Stay," I ask her. I offer nothing else but the word, though I'm sure my hope is all over my face. She looks at me for the longest time, then nods.

"Fine. But I get the couch."