Chapter Seventeen

Brayden

"Brayden, mail," my mom called from the kitchen, her hands elbow deep in a pool of soapy water. I'd gotten her gloves last Christmas because she was always complaining about how weak her nails were, and there they are, hanging on a hook next to the landline phone.

"Should I return those?" I ask, nodding at the gloves. But her eyes are on the mailbox and the departing mail truck, and I know I'm getting nowhere. My mom has this weird obsession with the mail, even though it's mostly junk and bills. It's probably because she spends every day here at the ranch, and the mail is a small outlet to the outside world. She's also one of those sentimental types who still writes snail mail, which means there's sometimes a surprise letter in the box. So I humor my mom by bounding down the porch steps and jogging to the mailbox. When I open it, there's the usual bills, but there's also a large envelope addressed to me from the Horse Ranch Convention—otherwise known as the HRC.

"Anything good?"

I look up from my perusal to see Nina standing there, the sunlight gleaming off her now pink hair like a halo. It takes everything in me to not brush aside the lock across her forehead that's threatening to fall in her eyes.

"Just the usual," I say, "and something from the convention I'm going to in a few weeks. Which reminds me, we're closing down the ranch in three weeks while I'm gone. We do this every year so that the guys and I can get away, and my mom can actually sleep in."

I think I note a hint of disappointment in Nina's face, and I realize she might be jealous that we're all going and she's not.

"I'm sorry," I add. "We booked this last year, and they sell out immediately. But if you want to go next year…"

"And interrupt your stag weekend?" she teases.

"Well, not exactly. Jordy will be there too."

I regret the words as soon as I say them, especially when something I can't quite decipher crosses her expression. And in the moment, I'm more than disappointed that it's Jordy going and not Nina, which really isn't fair to either of them.

"She'll be there mostly for the wine and barbecue," I admit, "and will probably wipe them out of western wear that she'll never put on after the convention." I'm not even sure why I'm still talking. Nina looks like she'd rather be anywhere else than in this conversation.

"What about the horses?" she asks. "Do you need someone to feed and care for them?"

"Hazel can handle it," I assure her. "I also have a crew of FFA members who need the volunteer hours. You should stay home and enjoy having an empty nest."

"Yeah." Her tone is anything but sure, though. "I'm heading back in, want me to take those to the house?" She lifts her chin to the mail, and I put everything except the convention packet in her hands. When she walks away, I swear it's with a loaded weight on her shoulders.

"Oh sweet, is that the schedule?" Jake asks as I enter the barn. The guys are all there, kicking back after an afternoon ride. The horses are brushed and put away, and the guests are on their own until dinnertime. There are a few hours when we're free to do nothing, and yet here they are, shooting the shit. I swear, they'd live on the ranch if I had the housing.

"Yeah, but I haven't even looked at it." Nate snatches it from my hands before I've even finished my sentence and tears into the envelope while the guys crowd around him.

We've been going to this convention for close to a decade now. Some of it is business as usual, with board meetings and discussions with the foundation. I'm the only one allowed at these meetings, since it's members only. My dad had been a part of the leadership before the accident, and after, I naturally took his spot. But going alone isn't that much fun, so I always get tickets for the guys too. There's plenty of good food, and the alcohol is flowing. Plus, five single dudes can find plenty to do at a convention like this, especially when the women are beyond hot in their tight jeans, low-cut tops, boots and a cowboy hat over a low ponytail.

Which is why these guys are amped to go, and I bring my girlfriend.

But this year feels different, and it has everything to do with wishing Jordy weren't coming. It's an awful feeling to have, and I know it's so unfair. But all I can think of is how much she pouted last year, bored out of her mind before the first day was even over. I'd even suggested she leave early, but she said she'd stay to support me. What she didn't know was how miserable she made the whole weekend, from her tireless complaints to her refusal to join in on any of the weekend's fun.

But to be honest, that's not really all I'm thinking of .

I look back toward the house, and Nina is on the deck, watering the plants. There's a kid with her, one of the residents' daughters, chatting her ear off. But Nina is all smiles. She's always like this, especially when there's kids, and something about it makes my heart ache.

"Fuck yes," Nate shouts, and I turn to look at the program I never got to see. "They're bringing back the Cowpokes."

I laugh, knowing he's not talking about other ranch hands. The Cowpokes is this all-girl band; they wear short skirts that make their legs appear miles long, all while playing fiddles and Cajun drums. Every year, Nate disappears with the fiddle player at some point during the conference. And every year, they say goodbye until they meet again at the next convention.

"I think they're pretty much a staple," I point out. But Nate is too busy ogling the flyer with their photo on the front.

"Is Jordy coming?" Levi asks, breaking away from the guys to sit with me. I nod and he claps his hand on my shoulder, as if to say Tough break .

"It's fine," I say. "She's been talking more about the wedding, and I think this could be a good chance for her to work on those details while I'm in meetings." When she's not texting me how bored she is, that is.

"Have you two set a date yet?"

It's the most asked question. Her parents. My parents. It's something we should know by now. But I can't bring myself to pull out the calendar, and she hasn't pushed for it either.

"Maybe next fall," I say. "She'll be done with school then, and we'll have more time to make plans."

What I don't tell Levi is that those plans could take me away from here. Which makes this year's convention that much more important. It could be my last.

"You should buy a ticket for Nina next year," Levi says, nodding over to the porch. I don't bother looking, knowing how hard it is to tear my eyes away.

"Maybe," I say. If there is a next year.

Jordy comes over after dinner, when all the guests have gone to bed. Nina left a few hours earlier, opting to skip the barbecue tonight. I couldn't help noticing how quiet she was towards me the rest of her shift. I avoided her most of the night, feeling awkward and ashamed, like I was betraying her or something. Especially when she found out Jordy was coming over.

"Should I expect her home tonight?" she'd asked, her cheeks flushed.

"No," I'd said, and it felt wrong to say it.

But then again, why? Jordy is my fiancé, and we've barely spent time together since she moved here. We haven't even slept together since the night of that God awful dinner at her family's house, which would be weird except sex has played second fiddle for years. Either she's been too busy, or I have. So tonight feels like something we need to do, just to make sure we don't drift further apart.

So why am I thinking of Nina and the way she left early? Why do I feel guilty that Jordy is here and not Nina?

"We haven't seen this in a while," Jordy says now, her head leaning against the crook of my shoulder while she clicks on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty . We've watched this movie at least a dozen times, and I know she's watched it at least that many times alone. But here we are, about to watch it again.

"Are you ready for the HRC?" I ask, settling into the couch as she snuggles closer.

"Hmm?" She plays with the button on my shirt, something that used to drive me wild. Now I'm just resisting the urge to bat her hand away. What the fuck is wrong with me ?

"The convention," I say. "I got us tickets for the earlier flight so we can check in early and get settled before it gets too crowded. If you want, I can make reservations for that bistro you like—"

"Shit, that's coming up? I completely forgot. What dates?"

I tell her, and she grabs her phone and scrolls through it. "Brayden, I can't. It's finals week, and there's no way to make any of this up."

"I thought all your classes were online."

She unbuttons the middle button of my shirt, and her warm hand slips over my skin. I catch her hand, and she stills. Then she sighs. "Okay, fine. I really, really don't want to go."

The weight lifts off my chest, and suddenly I can breathe easier.

"It's not that I don't want to go away with you," she continues, "I do. In fact, I want to plan something with you as soon as you get back, but not the convention. I felt like I was trapped in one place with nothing to do and no one to talk with. I just can't put myself through that again."

"It's totally fine," I say, and she looks up, her wide eyes smiling.

"You really don't mind?"

"I mean, I'll miss you," I say, "but we've spent much longer times apart. Besides, this way I can focus on the convention and not on whether you're enjoying yourself or not."

I lean down to peck her lips, closing my eyes as I try to remember what it was like when things were new. We barely knew each other, but it fun and exciting…and very not serious. It was so casual, I didn't even tell her I was leaving when my dad had his accident. But then she called to tell me she was pregnant…

"You'll marry her," my father said, his voice wavering only slightly from his hospital bed. There were so many tubes connected to him. His legs remained still beneath the blankets; his skin gray as he leaned heavily against the pillows. He could barely keep his eyes open from the amount of drugs in his system. I was either at his bedside or attached to my phone, afraid he'd have another heart attack and I'd lose him forever.

At that point, I'd promise him the world.

"Yes, I'll marry her," I promised him, reaching for his hand. It remained limp in my grasp, but I squeezed it with reassurance. I'd be a man of my word and care for Jordy and our new family.

It wasn't her fault we lost the baby. It wasn't either of our fault. But I made my father a promise, and then her, and now I'm being a really shitty boyfriend—a shitty fiancé .

I deepen the kiss, opening my mouth and touching my tongue to hers in a question. She answers, flicking her own tongue over mine. But then she pulls away. She gives me one last quick kiss, her mouth closed, and then she smiles.

"Maybe later," she says, then turns her head on my chest so she can keep watching the movie.

Later doesn't happen, though. I curl my body up behind hers, and she remains in her tiny shorts and tank top. Neither one of us make the move to seduce the other, and soon her breathing slows. Eventually she pulls away, moving to her side of the bed.

"You should bring Nina," she murmurs, and I almost choke on my surprise.

"Nina? Why?"

"Because she works for you, silly."

I mean, of course that's why. Not for any other reason.

"I didn't book any extra rooms," I say. " I doubt she'll want to stay with any of the guys."

"Just let her bunk with you," Jordy yawns. "She's my cousin, which makes her kind of like your cousin too."

Totally the wrong thing to say. If Jordy even knew how much restraint I had to have around "our" cousin…I can't even think ab out it, let alone think about Nina as any kind of family—and this inner argument is reason enough to not even consider Nina for this trip.

"I'll consider it," I say anyways, my mouth defying my brain. I reach out to smooth my hand over Jordy's arm, but her eyes are already closed, and I can tell she's fighting sleep. Tomorrow morning, she'll likely still be asleep when I get up to start my workday.

"She'd probably enjoy it more than me," Jordy says. A few minutes later, her breathing turns to light purrs, her body moving with each inhale.

But I stay awake a little while longer, suddenly not tired at all. There's a possibility Nina will be just as bored as Jordy has been. But somehow, I doubt it. The past few weeks, Nina has held her own at the ranch. She's wanted to learn everything, and she's a fast learner. There isn't one job that's too big or too small for her. I swear she'd be there on her days off if she could, if I hadn't insisted she take her time off seriously. But if I were really being serious, I would have told her I wanted her there every day, every hour.

Now, just thinking about five days together at one of my favorite events of the year, I am suddenly way more excited.

But is it wrong to be this excited? Probably. However, Jordy gave me her blessing.

This means nothing. It's a boss taking his employees to the Horse Ranch Convention. Nothing more than that. Maybe she'll have just as much fun as the guys do, though the thought of her bringing home a cowboy is enough to make me want to punch a nail into my fist.

Three weeks can't come soon enough.