13. Blair

I 'm struggling with deciding if I enjoy or hate my new living situation. I've never imagined living in a place like this. In every regard, it is lush and lavish. Its beauty is unmatched—from the unbelievably comfortable bed and elegant décor to the vault ceilings and dazzling chandeliers.

If I pretend just for a moment that this is my bedroom and always has been, I feel like a princess in her castle who takes on the world without limits. A girl who isn't afraid of going after what she wants and settles for nothing less than perfection in every aspect of life. But the only way I can live like that is between the pages of my books.

Before I let reality sink in, I open my copy of The Piece That Fits . The main male character, Liam Lockwood, has Avery, the main female character, pushed back against the wall and is growling something sexy into her ear. I'm eating up every single second.

I wonder what it would be like to be cornered by Griffin as he fights the urge to kiss me.

Nope. I am not doing that.

Forcing my mind and eyes on my book, I continue reading for what feels like minutes. But when I check my phone, I realize that hours have passed, and my mouth is painstakingly dry.

Sliding out of the high-rise bed, I fall a few inches to the floor and step into my fuzzy slippers. A chill runs through my body, and I grab my university sweatshirt and throw it over my matching tank top and short set before stealthily slipping out of my room.

Soft, glowing lights from the golden sconces illuminate the hallway as I wander past the double-door entrance to the top of the staircase.

Descending the stairs, I trail my hand down the cool banister. I can't imagine what it was like growing up in this house.

I wonder where his family is now. I know he mentioned they're gone, and I'm sure with this kind of money, they could live on their own island for all I know. But are they loving? Are they kind? Or are they cold and calculated and only had a child because they felt it was a box they should check?

I don't think I've let myself wonder anything about Griffin because I didn't want to know him—at least not really. It's easier to imagine that he and Grant are cut from the same cloth. But I know they are not even close to being the same. Griffin might have forcefully encouraged me to move in with him, but he's never treated me as an object, like Grant .

Did little Griffin have the best childhood filled with elaborate birthday parties and love?

How has it taken me this long to even ask those questions?

My chest convulses as I come to the realization that I've been disconnected from everything around me.

I pride myself on my empathy and my kindness. I love that I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I think after Grant and the overwhelming financial stress, I tucked my heart away into a little lock box that only I could reach. Because I couldn't trust anyone not to break it. I wouldn't be able to survive it. I'm not sure much has changed, but I know I don't want to live without feeling anything, regardless of how much it might hurt.

"Oh my God!" I screech as I step on the landing and turn, coming face-to-face with Griffin. "Warn a girl!"

His smile takes over his face as he tries his best not to laugh. "I figured that you could hear me walking. Maybe you should have better awareness of your surroundings."

My mouth waters as I become acutely aware of the "surroundings" standing feet away from me.

His wet hair is messy, sexy, and sticking to his forehead. Not to mention the fact that he's only wearing gray sweatpants. Every inch of his thick, muscular chest and stomach are glistening with sweat.

No man should be allowed to look like that. It's … distracting. Plus, he has light-brown chest hair that I find annoyingly sexy and a trail that runs down his lower stomach, disappearing beneath the gray sweats like a path I should not want to travel down.

Griffin clears his throat, and I about throw myself off of the top of these stairs from the embarrassment that electrifies my body, warming every inch of my skin.

Frustrated with myself for checking him out so obviously and for getting called out on it, I cross my arms over my chest and roll my eyes.

"I can do a spin if you want to get the full view," Griffin offers with a smirk.

Yes, please.

"No, thank you. I've already seen more than I wanted to," I snark at him and descend two steps closer. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Of course. Let me get out of your way on this ten-foot-wide staircase." He laughs and steps up closer to me; goose bumps erupt down my shoulders as only three marble steps remain between us.

Our eyes are almost level right now, and I don't plan on losing this high ground until I know I've won.

Glancing away, I try to reel in my racing heart and calm my erratic breathing. I feel his stare scorching a trail down my body, drawing my gaze back to the real-life Greek god. I suddenly feel like an ice bath in the Antarctic would do nothing to cool me off.

Now, it's me that catches him. I clear my throat. His eyes shoot up to mine, and his cheeks flush the lightest shade of pink.

"Have a good night, warden," I tease and descend the few steps between us as he chuckles.

Reaching out, I pat his warm chest and feel his laughter, halting a millisecond later as he looks down at my hand .

His fingers near my leg stretch out and trail up my thigh, my breathing becomes shallow as he nears my hip.

Curiosity gets the better of me. "Do you always work out at one in the morning?"

He looks away, all tension between us snapping as he sighs, his face darkening. "Not usually. But I couldn't fall asleep, so I went for a quick run."

"Why couldn't you sleep?" The question falls past my lips before I can remind myself that it's none of my damn business. But it's too late.

He laughs humorlessly. "You don't need to be haunted by my demons."

Shrugging, I sit down on the cool steps and gesture beside me. "I think that's my call to make."

He scoffs and sits beside me, resting his clasped hands between his knees. "All right then." He pauses. "I've had difficulty sleeping for a few years now."

I remain silent, giving him the space to fill if he wishes to continue.

He glances over at me and cautiously looks me in the eye, like he's contemplating how much of himself he's willing to share. I don't blame him for hesitating. I'm the same way.

"I've got pills and melatonin that can help. But I don't like how groggy I always feel coming off of them in the morning. Plus, I don't always hate that I have a hard time sleeping." His voice softens, almost inaudible. "Sometimes, I think I deserve it."

For what?

"Why would you say that? "

Griffin drops his head into his hands and runs his fingers through his hair. "It's a long story."

Shrugging, I say, "I've never been one to shy away from a long story."

Griffin smiles, but it never reaches his eyes.

"I doubt you deserve it, Griffin," I whisper to him, staring at the ground and avoiding his gaze. "You seem like a decent guy."

He bumps my shoulder with his. "Just decent?"

My chest flutters at his flirty tone, but I try to ignore the giddiness now dancing through me. "Ehh. Pretty decent. Is that better?"

He laughs, one that lights up his face and crinkles his eyes. "I'll take it."

"Good," I say sassily.

"And why are you wandering the house at one a.m.? Shouldn't you be holed up in your room, refusing to come out?" He smirks.

"Well, I got lost in a book for a while. I'm grabbing some water before I go to bed," I answer truthfully.

"Does that help you sleep? The reading, not the water."

"Depends on how good the book is and how far along I am in it. Because sometimes, I start a book with the thought in mind to only read a chapter or two, but then I get completely sucked in and can't stop until I finish it. It's like I get addicted to the story. I swear some authors weave crack between the lines of their books. You can't ever get enough." I have to stop myself and take a breath. "Sorry, I got carried away."

When I glance at Griffin, he looks at me with soft, twinkling eyes. "Don't apologize." He hesitates. "Would you share one of your favorite books with me sometime?"

Nodding, I gulp, feeling naked under his stare. "Yeah."

As we sit in silence, looking at each other, the world around us seems to fall away.

Sitting up, I am a second away from standing and heading down to the kitchen.

But Griffin stops me, asking, "Are you doing okay? I know this is a big change."

Tilting my head side to side, I sigh, "Yeah. I think so. I'll let you know in a few days once I've decided if you're the best or worst housemate to have."

This earns a chuckle from him. "All right. I'll be awaiting your decision."

Grinning, I wrap my arm around my legs, tucking them into my chest and resting my head on my knees.

"Do you need anything? We can change anything in your room if you want. Just let me know," Griffin says and pushes to his feet.

"No, I'm okay. I'll tell you if that changes," I answer him.

My stomach flutters as he offers me his hands. I slide mine into his, and he gently pulls me to my feet.

"Have a good night, warden. I hope you get some good sleep. Your studies will thank you for it." I smirk and inch my hands out of his before moving down the stairs.

Griffin chuckles. "Good night, my little prisoner."

I scoff and smile. How ridiculous of a nickname. It's horrible.

I love it.

Aside from the deafening thump of my heart, I remain quiet as I walk into the kitchen, refocused on the mission—getting a glass of water. After looking through, like, thirty cabinets, I can tell you where everything else is in this kitchen, except for the glasses. Finally, I locate them and fill one with water, chugging it immediately before refilling it with one thought in my mind.

Griffin is starting to surprise me.

I don't know how I'm possibly going to be able to get to sleep after our little conversation.

Getting Lumi to pick me up this morning for class took a lot of bribing. I know Griffin would offer to drive me, but I have no desire to be in close quarters with him right now. I might do something stupid, like flirt with him.

I'm two steps from the front door when Griffin's voice stops me dead in my tracks.

"Hey, wait up."

Mouthing the word, Shit , I squeeze the straps of my backpack tighter and spin around to face him.

The bottom half of his torso is exposed as he finishes sliding his shirt into place, and I try not to drool.

"Good morning." I smile up at him as he reaches me.

His brows pinch, and he cocks his head to the side. "Are you leaving?"

Rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet, I nod shyly. "Yeah. Lumi's picking me up for class. "

My answer does nothing to ease the confusion etched into his features. "You mean the class we have together ?"

Biting down on my lip, I nod. "Yeah, that's the one."

He takes a small step toward me, and I realize butterflies don't just flutter in your stomach. They can break free and invade every body part, making you feel like your feet are lifting off of the ground.

"You didn't want to ask me for a ride?" His voice is pained, but his soft, smiling lips tell a different story—a confusing one.

This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, hence my trying to sneak out. But, no, that would be too much to ask.

"I didn't want to bother you, and Lumi used to pick me up for classes every day anyway, so it's not unusual that he's doing it now." I word-vomit my excuse at him.

"Uh-huh, sure." He studies me for a moment before grinning. "See you there then."

"Yeah, see you," I respond and leave this conversation as fast as I can, walking through the door and shutting it behind me.

A cool breeze filters through my coffee-colored sweater, sending chills down my spine. I stride down the stairs and slide into Lumi's front passenger seat.

He's staring at me with two coffees in his hands and a look of impatient intrigue, resembling a bomb with a lit fuse about to blow. I know he's been dying to know all the details since I moved in with Griffin.

I've kind of been avoiding his calls and keeping my texts short because I haven't really decided what I was going to say. Should I tell him about the midnight run-in on the stairs? Should I tell him I couldn't get that moment out of my mind all night and still can't?

"You're in trouble," Lumi scolds me as he juts an inviting cup of coffee at me.

Any thoughts of keeping anything from him go out the window the second he greets me and hands me the warmest cup of happiness. I don't know why I'm constantly trying to create walls between myself and the world. There's no reason to have any barrier between Lumi and me because we are platonic soulmates. Yet I still struggle sometimes to open myself up fully to him.

I squeeze my lips together to suppress a smile. "I know. I know. I know. I'm sorry!"

"You should be." He glares and pulls out of the driveway. "To make it up to me, you can invite me to be your new roommate."

"Oh my God …" I trail off, laughing. "You're ridiculous."

His phone rings, and he checks the screen. "We are not finished with this conversation. But I have to answer this. It's my mom."

I tune him out and scroll mindlessly through socials as he talks to his mom, and thankfully, his mom is a chatterbox, saving me from the nonstop questions that are bound to flow from Lumi the second he gets the chance.

"All right, Mom, we just got to campus, so I'll have to call you later," he says, pulling into a parking spot and shutting his car off.

As I step outside, I inhale deeply. There's a crispness to the air that I don't remember being there lately; the feel and scent of fall is upon us .

It hasn't taken over the tall green hedges, the flower beds that are full to the brim, or the giant oak trees that decorate campus, but soon, this place will be decorated in the most beautiful shades of oranges, reds, and yellows.

We wander down the cobblestone sidewalks toward the quad closest to our class.

"So, tell me everything. Are you like a pretty little princess in her new castle?" He takes a sip of his coffee. "Are you sharing a bed with the sexy beast? Have you seen his little beast ?"

"Lumi!" I scoff and feel my cheeks light on fire.

Lumi stops dead in his tracks and scoffs. "What is that?"

Planting my feet, I purse my lips. "What?"

He waves his finger in my face, circling the air. "That. The coyness and the blush. Am I sensing something there that wasn't there before?"

"Stop it!" I swat his finger out of the air and glance around to see if anyone is looking.

He gasps, "Oh my God. You like him!"

Slapping my hand over his mouth, I whisper-shout, "Shut up! Keep your damn voice down!"

His lips move beneath my hand, and muffled sounds fight to break free. I pull my hand away while keeping a firm stare locked on his overly excited gaze.

"You like him, Blair. Just admit it!" he murmurs aggressively.

"I will admit nothing because there's nothing to admit!" My words, laced with lies, fly out of my mouth as I spot Griffin sauntering over to us. "I swear to God I'll kill you if you say anything. Now, act normal. "

My face is relaxed, and I have a playful smile. It is like our conversation didn't revolve around the giant who's approaching us in three, two, one.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask while pinching Lumi's side to remind him to behave.

"Oww," he shouts, and Griffin laughs.

"What were you guys talking about?" Griffin asks, his eyes narrowing on me with the most intense stare.

I feel like every cell in my body is starting to vibrate.

"Lumi's love life. We were trying to plan out what we should do to find him a guy worth dating." The words continue to flow from my lips with ease.

"Maybe you and Blair could double date with me and whoever I find," Lumi barges in, and I stare at him. "Then, I could get your opinion on him in the moment."

Griffin bites down on his bottom lip, and I mirror his action involuntarily. "Umm … yeah, all right. Just let me know when."

"I'm sure we will be all right. It wouldn't be the first time I third-wheeled for Lumi," I retort, hating the rabbit hole we are now wandering down.

"What about your place?" Lumi asks Griffin, and this time, I really do elbow him.

"Don't mind him. He's uncultured, and he doesn't know how to stay inside of boundaries ." I emphasize the last word and glance at him.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't like having a lot of guests at my place," Griffin responds.

My shoulders slump, and I sigh, not realizing that I was a bit excited at the possibility of him saying yes. It would have been fun to have Lumi's dating chaos at the house.

"Yeah, of course. We can figure something out. No big deal," I say, desperate to change the subject.

"Let me know what you come up with, and I'll see if I'm free." He inches closer to me, and the air between us draws taut.

"Will do," I say confidently.

Someone calls Griffin's name, and he breaks the tension as he turns and starts walking away toward Malik. "I'll see you in class."

Fight or flight has never so strongly invaded my senses as it is right now.

Lumi leans down and whispers, "I don't know whether to laugh or cry about what just happened. You need to work on your game, babe."

"Oh my God. That is the absolute furthest thing from the top of my priority list," I assure him with false confidence and a racing heart.

He rubs his temple with his hand and sighs, "On the plus side, he seems like he's down to tag along on a little double date."

"It's not a date. Just friends hanging out," I murmur.

"Mmhmm." He scoffs. "Well, it will definitely be a date for me."

"And we will be there to support you, not on a date. Just two people at the same place at the same time together."

"Right," he bellows. "Totally normal. You're ridiculous."

We start heading to class, and I smile. "You love me. "

He shrugs. "I sure do."

Chuckling, I lead us to our seats and unpack my backpack to prepare for the lecture.

"Excuse me." A deep, familiar voice sends shivers up my spine.

I look up and find Griffin staring down at me with parted lips and a playful gaze.

"Is that seat taken?"

He glances at the empty one next to me, and Lumi answers his question before I get a chance.

"Nope. No one sits there!" he boasts.

Griffin smiles at his enthusiasm, "Good. Regardless if it was, I was going to take it. It's only right that I get to sit next to my tutor."

"Well, isn't that rude if it's someone else's seat?" I sneer as I fight back the smile from tipping my lips up.

He walks past me and sits down, his size making the chair look small. He sets his bag down and gets his notebook and pen out before leaning over.

His whisper sends electrifying tingles from my ear down my neck, landing dead center in my core. "What are they going to do? Fight me?" A deep, suppressed laugh that vibrates against my ear makes me acutely aware of how close he is to me. "They can try."

Is he doing this on purpose to get a rise out of me? Because it's totally working, and I hate it.

"All right, class, I've got a surprise for you today." Dr. Schrute speaks into the mic, and the class quiets down. "A pop quiz. I'll hand them out, and once you're finished, you'll be free to go for the day. "

My stomach sinks to the floor. Oh my God, is Griffin ready for a pop quiz?

"Are you okay?" Griffin's warm voice caresses my concerns, and I do my best to swallow my fear and not vocalize it.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Are you ?" I ask nervously.

He winks at me. "Are you kidding? I'm going to kill this quiz."

Smiling at him, I try to feign confidence. I am confident in him, but far less confident in myself as a tutor. Am I actually doing a good job, teaching him everything he needs to know?

At the end of this arrangement, he needs a good passing grade, and I need the money.

What if he ends up failing and fires me? What will I do then?

My anxiety terrorizes me the entire time as I answer each and every question on the quiz with ease and accuracy.

Please, dear God, let him pass this.

I finish first in the class. Rising to my feet, I grab my bag and whisper, "I'll be outside." Although I'm unsure if I was directing that at Lumi or Griffin.

Descending the stairs, I turn my paper in to Dr. Schrute, who smiles and thanks me, and I head to the hallway to wait.

As I sit down in one of the comfy study chairs outside of the room, my nerves are at an all-time high. Each second feels like a minute, and time drags on forever.

Malik walks into the hallway with a smile on his face and spots me immediately. "Hey, bookworm. "

"Malik," I greet him indifferently because I have yet to decide whether I like him or not.

"Kind of a cold tone you've got there, but whatever," he sighs. "How do you think you did?"

"Oh, I got every question right," I state.

He grins, his lips dripping with arrogance. "Good for you. I did too."

"Really?" I scoff, doubting him.

He shrugs. "Yes, really. Smart-ass."

"Rude. But good for you," I applaud him.

The door opens again, and my heart rate spikes as I anticipate who will walk through it. A few girls I don't know saunter out and immediately look at Malik, smiling and waving at him. He grins at them and winks, sending them into a giggling fit as they walk away.

Dear God, he is unbearable to be around.

The door cracks and slowly opens. My palms start sweating, and my breathing quickens. The second I see it's Griffin, I stand up, eager to hear how he did.

The door closes behind him, and he finds me immediately. A look of sadness stretches tightly across his face. Shit.

I walk cautiously up to him and ask, "How d-did it go?"

He strikes. His hands fly out and grab my waist, and he lifts me into the air and spins me around. I shriek as he swings me around like a doll, and I can't help giggling as I fly through the air in circles.

He slows down and pulls me against him while lowering me to the ground. Our bodies slide together, and my heart is out of control as his arm circles around my back. He holds me in place for just a second, our faces inches apart. His hooded gaze darts to my lips and then back to my eyes.

Right as I think he's about to lean in, he lowers me fully to the ground and steps back, putting distance between us.

He smiles shyly at me as I try to figure out what the hell just happened.

"I fucking aced that shit! All thanks to you!" he praises me, and somehow, I feel even warmer inside than before.

Pretending that moment between us didn't just happen, I boast, "Well, of course you did. I'm amazing at my job."

He smirks. "Most of it was stuff we covered in that study guide anyway, and I memorized that like the back of my hand. If that was a glimpse of the test, I will ace that shit too." His eyes drift to where Malik is standing, and he does that weird, silent what's up head-nod thing.

"Glad you did good, bro," Malik praises him, and for the tiniest moment, I don't dislike Malik for the support he gives Griffin. "Ready for weights?"

"Yeah, we'd better get going." Griffin looks at me. "Let me know when you want to leave campus. I'll give you a ride home."

I nod and say, "Yeah, I'll text you," while doing my best to ignore the butterflies going insane in my chest.

He smiles before turning on his heel and walking away with Malik, and I watch them until they turn the corner and are out of sight.

I'll wait for Lumi to come out of class so he can finish freaking out about Griffin. I know he will want to talk about the fact that he sat next to me, and he's going to lose it when I tell him he spun me around in the hallway. But I can't stop thinking about the fact that Griffin called his house my home. I know he means to his house, but I can't lie and say it doesn't feel strange to hear it aloud.

But the part that's stirring inside of me that I can't shake is that I don't know where my home is right now. It will always be with my dad. It has been my whole life. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel a bit lost. It doesn't matter though, knowing that my dad is getting the best health care money can buy. He wasn't necessarily excited about my new living arrangements. I told him it was a job opportunity and a way for us to afford everything we need. It's a blessing. He saw it that way at least, and I'm glad he did.

A house is where you store your possessions and sleep. It's a noun, and right now, my house is Griffin's. But a home is the one place you have no doubt in your mind you belong. It's your safe haven. It's where you laugh, cry, and love. It's where you can let your heart out of its cage to explore fearlessly.

I think it's best not to consider Griffin's house my home because I'm scared that once I let my heart out of its confines, it won't ever be the same. It will wind up finding happiness once and for all in the arms of the guy I shouldn't be developing feelings for, or it will end up shattered in pieces, and I'll be left trying to put it back together.