Chapter 11

CHAPTER

ELEVEN

Here's the thing.

The living aren't meant to be in the void.

That's kind of the whole point, isn't it? The nothingness, the absence of any life, light or presence. It's supposed to be an endless expanse of blank space, an anomaly of logic that doesn't play by any rule of physics or reality. To us living idiots, we know from our scientific laws that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, thus contributing to the wonderful entropy of the perceived universe.

But the void is all the little bits in between reality and nonsense. It's fragments of dreams you can't remember, the thoughts slipping away from your conscious when you try and hold on to them too tight.

It's nothing.

And despite my self-deprecating humor and what others might want to chime in with, I am not nothing. I was a big, handsome slab of something tumbling around like a rock in the void's dryer. I wasn't supposed to be there. I was fucking things up for all the nothings just trying to do their thing.

Not a great place to be.

My conscious had visited the void a few times, slipping out of the flesh vehicle I piloted around and wielded with reckless abandon, but my body had never gone all the way inside. I wasn't sure what the hell was going to happen to me.

I also couldn't wrap my mind around how I wasn't instantly dead.

I didn't have a ton of time to grapple with my impending death or my questionable mortality because the beast I had tackled was very pissed off. We sank like heavy rocks in the endless darkness, all while the damn thing was trying to take a chunk out of me. Flashes of teeth snapped, claws swiped, and a hole was ripped through my new jeans.

I couldn't get through a week without ruining a pair, I swear to the gods.

Pain seared into my ribs as one of its blows landed, lacerating my skin just deep enough to hurt like a son of a bitch. I couldn't wield life essence anymore due to my upgraded necromancy status, but I did have a regular knife I could stab into the damn thing's paw as pay back.

It made a howl that rattled like breaking bones, which was arguably worse than getting slashed, but I felt a little vindicated regardless.

It didn't take long after that for my mind to start to slip, little spills happening as we plummeted through a realm I had no business being in. I was dying, fading, as all living things do in the presence of the void. Cold was grabbing at my limbs, thoughts drifting off before springing back in a snap of panic.

I had to focus.

I had to make it out. Had to grab what I had come for.

I had to fucking try .

The terror of failing coiled in my stomach like a snake, but I shut my eyes against the nothingness and breathed.

Could I breathe in the void? I didn't know. Maybe I was psychologically breathing. My lungs moved, or at least I believed they did, and I tried to center myself away from the overwhelming urge to submit.

To float away and die.

I focused, I held on to my thoughts and centered myself, repeating Funus's stupid mantra because why not go for broke and see if the Death Goddess could hear me. I was basically in her damn house, if she couldn't hear me then it wasn't going to happen.

Give me strength. Give me guidance. Give me peace in your embrace.

I am a child of death.

I am yours to love.

I am yours to command.

I am yours to…

Damn, I couldn't remember anymore. To obey? To submit? It was something that made me feel icky because I don't like being commanded or submitting. Responding negatively to authority was kind of my jam. Unless it was for sex stuff, then it was fun.

That's some deep psychological shit right there. Maybe it had something to do with my relationship with the only father figure I had in my life. Ew. Does that mean Magnus contributed to my kink?

Alright, that made me gag. I'm gagging. Gross.

Shit, am I losing myself? Am I dying or do I have ADD?

I'm dying, aren't I?

Son of a bitch.

More little spills. Maybe one big one.

I saw a fragment of a memory. Austin was letting me crawl into his bunk because I was scared of the dark. I was so scared back then. He never made me feel bad for it. Even when we were little kids, he was always so much bigger than me.

" Just this one time," he'd tell me, even if it had been the tenth time already. "You gotta learn to stop being afraid."

I felt safe with him, right up until the end. Right until the moment I saw the protective part of him die in the fire I had caused. I missed him so much.

Things got a little muddy after that.

My memories were a slushie of mistakes and cherished moments I never wanted to forget.

Old birthdays. Running in the forest.

Panting in ecstasy while Sias leaned over me, eyes a rainbow of delight.

Zane standing under the moonlight in a cemetery.

Kevin blowing a bubble at me for the first time, his color just starting to come back after a lifetime of neglect.

I felt my chest warm, strings wrapping me in a vibrant glow that brought me back into a soft awareness.

My head swam, memories that weren't mine filtered through like they had broken through a dam.

The same beautiful woman and man I had seen tangled in the sheets before, their smiles gone, suitcases packed by the front door. My heart was breaking. Never again. I'd never let someone close again.

"You're a monster."

I had loved them so much.

No.

Sias had. He had loved them. They were his biggest regret.

Why the hell was I seeing his memories here?

A wave of comfort washed over me, my mind flushing back to life as I let my eyes flutter open. The void was still around me, I was still falling, still lost in the void. Golden strings fell with me, but I wasn't alone.

A shadow.

Red eyes.

It was him.

My vampire.

I need to find the window, I thought. Before it closes .

A cold grip took me by the shirt, throwing me into a new direction of sideways freefall. I could always count on Zane to be efficient, but he was never one to prioritize comfort. I spun, my poor body and brain barely intact after being in the void longer than I should, and landed with a hard kick to the ribs.

The window was still open, if only barely. The laser had been deployed, and the magic was already at work.

It was now or literally never.

I forced myself to the tear and felt the threads of the void tighten in my grip, the strings tight and icy as I pulled them with everything I had.

The window swelled open, and I reached out.

My lungs filled with air the moment I leaned out of it, and I nearly choked trying to take as many breaths as I could. The poor bastard who had been jotting down notes in the lab nearly had a heart attack, grabbing at their chest in complete shock.

"Sorry," I managed, snatching the discharged vial containing the infused crystal from the robotic arm. "Gotta borrow this. Uh. This was a nightmare. Go back to sleep."

The person did just that and hit the ground. It wasn't because I commanded them to do it so much as they had fainted, but I'd take my wins where I could.

I kicked off back into the void, vial clutched in my hand.

Give a guy a ride back? I thought out to the pair of red eyes staring at me. Maybe a little nicer this time?

The way my shirt was grabbed was a decided "no," and I was once again hauled in a direction that didn't quite make sense. I spun, flying through the nothingness, my lungs burning as I held on to the air from the lab. My heart was a thunderstorm, brain a little gooey from the trauma, but I was somehow still alive.

I just had to not die for a little while longer.

Zane's throw helped me get most of the way back to the tear I had fallen from, and I began to claw and scramble my way toward it. I couldn't breathe, and my head began to swim.

I didn't know where he went. His smoky form had vanished back into the darkness before I could give him a proper "fuck you" for not aiming better.

Not yet.

Almost.

In the light of the tear, I saw a golden lifeline, an outstretched hand, eyes churning with a rainbow of terror, affection and hope. I slapped my palm against Sias's and grabbed on, and was heaved from the void in one strong pull.

"Dallas," he breathed, holding me so tight I thought I was going to turn to dust. "Gods damn you."

Seyyid and Preston had joined the fight against the flying nightmares, bigger ones had manifested since I'd disappeared. Most of the little ones were gone, but there were a few eagle-sized bastards trying to dive bomb their heads, intent on doing damage with talons of wicked obsidian.

"Where the fuck did you go, Wilde?" Preston screamed at me, storming over. "We gotta get that shit sealed NOW!"

"Move out of the way," Austin yelled, bloody and coated in the dust of the winged creatures he was still fighting. "I have to seal the tear."

"Not yet." I caught Preston's arm and shoved the vial into his palm. "As promised. This is what you need."

"What the hell is this?" Preston's eyes darted to his hand then me, and I was too preoccupied to notice how far away from Sias he was standing.

"That's from the lab creating the tears. Check the patent associated with the tech, it'll lead you right back to Florence."

"Patent?" He snarled. "Are you serious ? We went through this for a piece of busted magic tech you think Florence is associated with?"

"She is. She's too much of an egomaniac not to patent that tech." I rolled my neck to coax some pops from my spine, and shook out my hands. "Now get out of my fucking way. Austin, don't touch the tear until I'm done."

"Wilde, we don't have time. Magnus and the DHAP are almost here, and more creatures are pouring out of?—"

He bared his teeth at me when I grabbed his shoulder, only easing the snarl when he saw the intent in my eyes.

"I have to do this, Austin. I have to make it right. Please." I swallowed. "Just this one time."

There was a little piece of him that I never thought I'd see again, a spark for just a moment.

It was there and gone in a blink, but I saw it.

"You're insane," he spat, but didn't make a move as I released him. "Go. Fast."

"One more round," I told Sias, only then noticing the slashes on his cheeks were bleeding. They sat just below his eyes, resting on his cheekbones.

The blood looked a little too dark.

He wiped away the blood with one hand while the other slipped back into my hair.

"I'm fine, pet," he told me before I could comment. "One more round."

I should have noticed how pale he was. Or how his horns were curling the wrong way. Or how dark the ring of his iris was. I should have noticed a lot of things in that moment. But I was too close to making things right, too close to bringing it all home.

"I'll never ask you for anything ever again," I promised him. "For at least a week."

"Please," he teased, tone dry. "No need to lie to me."

We approached the tear, and I glanced at Funus, who was still tucked against Barnaby's chest.

"I'd hurry, acolyte. Whatever you plan on doing, we don't have much time."

"I'd like to go home, Dallas, preferably in one piece," Barnaby commented. "Do wrap up."

"One last thing, then we'll go." I leaned my head back into Sias's grip. "Ready?"

"Always." Sias pulled at my scalp, his charm magic slithering over me like snakes wrapping up their prey. It felt…dangerous. Deadly. A flutter of delicious panic trailed through me before easing into a sense of calm understanding.

He had me now.

There was no use fighting it. I wasn't safe per se, but he would allow me to live. For now.

I shivered, and Sias's breath was sweet as he cooed.

"You know this game, pet. You're not leaving this time. You do as I say, and I'll be happy."

"Yes, Sias," I whispered.

"Good. Now." My hand was lifted to the tear. Sias's fingers looked like they had been dipped in ink up to the first knuckle. "Let's go get your vampire."

I felt the threads in my hand. I wasn't sure if they had ever left. The obsidian vampire tooth in my palm pierced the skin as I squeezed my hand shut, my blood pooling before dripping over the edge.

The void welcomed my hand like a hungry cavern of ice, a chill bone deep and sharp trailed up my arm.

"I offer my blood," I spoke to the void and the Goddess within. "I hold a piece of your blade. I am an acolyte of the council, and follower of your guidance. I will vanquish your enemies, wield your magic, and surrender my soul to your void. I want my Thrall. My vampire."

The cold in my bones hardened, gripping tight and freezing the marrow within. The pain was sharp and unforgiving, splintering in all directions. I screamed through my teeth but held strong, using everything I had in me to keep my fist closed over the tooth.

"Breathe, pet. Breathe," Sias whispered, easing the horrible pain with a squeeze of his warm magic.

I managed a few quick breaths, my fingers numb as the cold locked my elbow painfully in place.

"You said you could always find me," I pleaded to the tear, the corrupted magic starting to stab out and strike my skin. A blade hit my hip, my thigh, razers biting into me.

"We need to go! Now!" Austin was screaming.

"Fuck, if DHAP show up they're going to shoot us for being this close," Preston was pleading. "Seyyid, we have to go."

"We can't leave them, Preston!"

"Put me down and run, darling. Please. It's not safe!" Funus was yelling.

"I told you no! I'm not going without you and that's final!"

"Bring him home, Dallas," Sias cut through the noise. "Be perfect again."

"You said you could always find me," I begged. "Find me now, Zane."

Sirens were blaring. Creatures were screaming above our heads.

"Keep your heads down! More creatures are coming!"

"Saint! They're bigger than the last swarm!"

"I sell antiques! I'm not cut out for this!"

"Goddess protect us!"

"Find me now."

Find me now.

Find me now. FIND ME NOW.

Thump.

Thump.

A heartbeat.

Subtle at first. A soft flutter against my palm.

Thump.

Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP.

The pulse chased up my arm, my fingers gripping the sensation through the cold, through the overwhelming anguish of the void's grip.

My heartbeat was in time with the pulse, chest tight, breath stuck as I marveled in the sensation.

When I finally was able to breathe again, I choked out one command: "Pull."

Sias wrapped his arms around my chest and heaved backwards, leveraging his weight to help me rip the beating heart from the void. My arm didn't budge, the glacial grip both horrible and agonizing. I screamed every single foul word I could think of as the void fought me, Sias digging his heels into the ground to pry us backwards.

I felt the heart pounding in my hand, felt the sting of the corrupted magic stabbing at my skin, felt the ice freezing my blood and twisting my bones.

I wasn't going to let go.

Not for anything.

Zane was coming back to me, or I was going to die trying.

I felt something give, a sudden release of the force holding me, and my world flipped backwards as we went crashing to the ground. Sias was under me, groaning from the pain of having someone land on top of him during a fight with gravity. I scrambled up, staring in heartbreaking horror as the tear began to slowly close like a healing wound.

"No!" I screamed so violently my throat was raw. "No, don't let it shut! I'm not done! Not yet!"

"We're out of time, Dallas, we have to go!" Austin was pleading, trying to get me to my feet. "Please. Listen to me!"

"I can't go without him! I'm not leaving without Zane!" I struggled against his grip, trying to get back to the tear as it shrank, the corruption still crackling around it.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" Austin shook me. "Is that what you want? For all of us to die?"

In a moment of anger, of heartache and despair, I swung at him with intent to knock him on his ass for getting in my way.

The blow would have connected, if half of my arm wasn't missing.

Austin's eyes went wide as I took stock of the missing section of my right arm. Just below the elbow, the skin was healing over black bone that had been snapped clean like something had bitten it off. My arm and hand were gone, the skin scarring over a stump where they used to be.

As I marveled at how much my missing arm didn't hurt. There was no blood, no shock. The magic had cauterized it in a flash, perinatally reshaping me.

The tear began to move.

The borders of it hissed with the corrupted magic, smoky fingers reaching through to shove the opening wider. A shadow ducked through, one foot and then the other, holding the void open for its massive frame. At its center, resting in the broad chest, a heart was beating, flanked on either side by black, skeletal fingers.

My fingers.

The sight of my hand protectively cradling the heart vanished as the shadow began to materialize, the vapor turning to solid flesh and blood. Pale skin wrapped over bone and muscle, red orbs forming eyes that blinked as it came to life. The same clothes he had died in were somehow back on his body, unmarred by the tragedy that had taken him away from me.

Zane smoothed his shirt down, blinked in confusion, then reached back into the void to grab his jacket.

He gave it a good shake before looking at me.

"I think you dropped this."

Until that moment, I knew exactly how I was going to handle seeing him again. He would say something dry and unamused; I'd clap back with something hilarious and charming, just decimating him with how clever I was. Maybe I'd admit I missed him if I was feeling generous or particularly moody that day, but for the most part I was so sure I was going to play it cool.

I did not play it cool.

Nor was I cutting and witty. I did not verbally spar with him and give him a cheeky, subtle acknowledgement that I had missed him in some small way.

Zane caught me in his arms as I flew into him like an airborne missile, and I'd started crying about midway there. I was audibly sobbing into his shoulder, practically climbing him like a tree because I didn't want anyone to try and snatch him away again. I think I tried talking, but it came out as wailing gibberish pitched high enough for bats to hear it.

So much for being nonchalant.

"Easy, hunter," he rumbled, warm and solid around me. "I've got you."

"I thought I'd never see you again," I confessed, figuring the whole sobbing like an idiot kinda ruined the facade anyway.

"I don't want to step on the moment," Austin said, stepping on the moment. "But we kinda have flying creatures trying to dive bomb us, cops inbound and a fucking tear still open!"

Oh.

Right.

All the other shit happening.

"He's right, I'm afraid," Sias's voice floated into the conversation. "Zane, lovely to see you, darling, but could you help us fight off the swarm while I get us an escape route?"

Zane unwrapped his arms from around me, and had to pry me loose from the vise grip I had around his ribs.

"Just a few more minutes!" I argued.

"I need to be able to move to fight." Zane scowled at me.

" Fine ," I growled, reluctantly releasing him so we could not die or whatever. "But I'm going to cuddle you so damn hard later."

"Let's focus on the problem in front of us," Zane said, snapping back into his serious Thrall nature. I almost missed that his cheeks were flushed just a shade darker.

"Dallas!" Barnaby yelled as he shielded Funus from an inbound attack from above, one of the creatures screeching as it ripped into his shoulder. Preston and Seyyid did their best to take out more of them, but they were impossibly fast and craving blood.

"Get the void closed," I told Austin. "We'll handle the flying things."

"Thank the Saint." Austin passed me his gun. I tried to take it with my right hand and had to change tactics the moment my stump was presented.

"That's going to take a minute," I mumbled, taking the gun with my left.

"It's loaded with life essence bullets already," Austin said. "I hope you can still aim worth a shit."

"I can shoot lefty in a pinch. Zane, get to Barns and Funus. Keep them safe. Sias, you said you can get us a way out?"

"Yes, but we need to—" Sias's attention snapped to the tear, just as it started to crackle and spread out in agitation. "Something's wrong."

"No shit," Austin growled as the sirens of the inbound DHAP forces came into view. "We're out of time. They're here."

It was hard to count exactly how many vehicles were roaring toward us, their dazzling lights blinking with authority. The wail of the sirens and the screech of the void creatures created a horrible symphony of agony. Their noises seemed to piss each other off, causing the voidlings to attack with more force as the world around us crowded in with guns drawn.

At least they fired on the creatures first, which was nice of them. Gunfire sounded off, dust from the flying creatures above us floated like ashen snowfall.

The screeching had stopped when the final monster was blown away, giving us exactly three seconds of peace before we became the center of attention.

The void tear crackled. It didn't like being ignored.

"Get on the ground! Hands behind your head!" a voice amplified over speakers ordered us from behind dancing lights.

"We're the ones fighting this thing, you twits!" Barnaby yelled from the ground, holding Funus.

Seyyid and Preston were quiet, palms raised. Blood trailed down their wounds, expressions stuck between pain from injuries and concern for their precarious careers.

"I'm with Saint's Army!" Austin called out. "I have to get this tear handled! You need to stay back! "

"We know who you are," Magnus's voice cut through like a hot knife, his familiar stride silhouetted by the unforgiving lights. "Who do you think gave these officers life bullets and told them to fire?"

"Sir, the tear is still unstable—" Austin tried but Magnus wasn't having it.

"You're not in command here anymore, boy. Step aside." Magnus's gaze bounced from the tear to me, to Sias, then snapped to Zane. If he had been chewing a toothpick, the thing would have been ground to dust. "You."

"I remember you." Zane snarled. "Showing up late to fuck things up again. At least you're consistent."

"I had hoped my boy killed you off. That's disappointing." Magnus clicked his tongue. "Too bad. That's alright, I'll have a good time pulling you apart for information."

"Sir, the tear," Austin pleaded. "It's shrinking but it's still dangerous."

"I'll handle the tear." Magnus tossed a set of handcuffs to Austin. "Cuff the traitor and shoot the incubus. He's been compromised. We'll take the vampire alive."

"What did I say about threatening my people in front of me?" I warned, my stride forward interrupted by Zane who grabbed my shoulder. "You so much as touch any of them, and I'll kill you myself."

"Your little demon there doesn't count as a person anymore," Magnus explained, his stormy eyes flicking over me, pausing at my arm. A hint of pain lanced his face upon seeing it. "Goddamnit, Dallas."

"Sir, let's just take care of the tear first and we can talk—" Austin hesitated, which was enough to be a slight in Magnus's eyes.

"You will follow my orders, soldier. You are already on thin ice, and I will not repeat myself." Magnus set his jaw, eyes piercing and unyielding. "He's not your brother anymore, son. He's a necromancer. He's lost to us. Do not follow in his footsteps. I can't lose you too, Austin."

I saw Austin flinch. I saw how deep those words cut him.

I also saw the impossible weight on his shoulders from a task he shouldn't have been given. He was exhausted. Beaten. Tired.

Torn.

It broke my heart.

Both of them broke my heart.

"Hey," I called out to my brother. "You gotta learn to stop being afraid."

When Austin looked at me, I could have sworn I saw the same kid I knew from years ago. Just for a second.

We didn't have time to think, to sit in the moment and take it for what it was worth, because the void tear had enough of our mortal prattling.

It expanded its mouth wide, and spat out a wave of hell we were not prepared for.