Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Shepperd

As my senses began to come back online, I felt a chaotic mix of emotions. While going through the comedown, the last place I wanted to be was at a stranger’s house. I still wasn’t one hundred percent clear on what happened, but based on the aftermath around me, it was bad. Really, really bad.

All I could think above anything else was, “Please don’t let it turn out to be my fault.” And maybe that was selfish given the amount of upheaval I could plainly see around me, but, there you have it. I thought I had been holding up really well given the situation. And by that, I meant a party largely made up of people I didn’t know. The few I did know before today I wasn’t particularly fond of.

But then I found myself lying on the sofa in Law’s brother’s home with every pair of eyes on me as people milled in and out through the back door. I couldn’t bring myself to speak just yet or ask what happened in detail.

Before this fiasco—whether it seemed like a big accomplishment or not—I’d never set anything on fire to deal with my pain. But now, based on the way my hair smelled more like Santa’s Christmas Eve red-and-white-fur getup, that might no longer be the case.

Law was perched on the edge of the sofa in front of me but had his body twisted to keep a watchful eye. My first instinct was to shove him away—put space between our bodies physically. At the exact same time, I wanted to crawl into his lap and let him comfort me. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but at the moment, there wasn’t much around me that did.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he said in a low, husky voice.

I gave him the best version of a smile and knew it was a pitiful attempt. If I looked anything like I smelled, he was crazier than me to have said that.

“How are you feeling?” He stroked some low-hanging hair off my forehead, leaned in slowly, and planted a soft kiss on the skin he just exposed.

He sat tall again, and I couldn’t imagine where to begin. Apologizing would probably be a solid start, so I inhaled and gave it my best shot.

“I’m so sorry,” I began but stopped abruptly in reaction to the alarm on his face.

“What are you apologizing for?” he asked immediately. He wasn’t angry, necessarily. Maybe frustrated, though.

“Did anyone get hurt?” I asked instead of answering his question.

“Looks like you and your sister got the worst of it. Vela and Stella are pretty upset too, but I just checked on them, and they’re doing okay.”

“My sister?” I stuck on that part at first, but concern for the children ramped up my anxiety once more. When I tried to sit up, the bossy guy put a firm palm on my shoulder and eased me right back down.

“Yes, but she’s fine other than a bit shaken. Elijah’s lying with her in one of the bedrooms. Looks like he’s a pro at managing this kind of thing,” he said with what seemed like a bit of awe at what he saw in that bedroom.

So why did that rub me so raw? Probably because everything always turned up roses for the perfect Hannah, didn’t it? Of course she found a man who would jump right in and rescue her from the demons of her past. Of course her man was quietly lying with her in private while she pulled herself together while I was out here on display on a stranger’s fucking living room sofa.

If one more person walked by and gave me that morbidly curious side eye, thinking they were being super clever about it but really weren’t, I might just blow my top.

So I croaked, “Can we get out of here?” I tried to sit up again, but he stopped me. This time I let my instincts win and pushed his thick arm out of the way. “I’m serious. I’m fine. Everyone’s staring at me, and I don’t like it, Law.” I muttered that last part for his ears only, and something finally registered on his face.

He leaned in close so our conversation remained private. “As soon as the EMTs check you over, we’ll go. I promise. They already know you need some attention, so they’ll be here shortly.”

“You don’t know that. Law, there were so many kids here. They should worry about them, not me. I probably just had an anxiety attack. Happens all the time.” I didn’t miss the way he winced when I let that little nugget fly.

“Okay, let me say it this way, then. I’ll feel better after they check you out, okay? That was way more than an anxiety attack, Shep. I think I’ve seen enough of those now between my niece and you. You could’ve died out there today.”

“Well, I didn’t,” I snapped and instantly knew it was shitty. He didn’t deserve to be talked to that way. But why wouldn’t he hear my words? Can’t I even be trusted to know when I need help and when I don’t?

And that fucking annoying voice in the back of my head gave me a fast answer to that one. Tears filled my eyes, stinging and blurring the image of the handsome man hovering over me.

“Oh, baby,” he hushed. “Don’t cry. You’re safe now. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He issued the promise right before hugging me. I held him so tight and so close. I didn’t want to let go.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, and he pulled back to give me a stern look.

“Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong, darling. I’m just worried,” he said, but it felt like he stopped himself there. I kept my eyes fixed to his, waiting for him to say whatever was on his mind.

“Finish,” I encouraged but wondered if I really wanted to hear the rest.

“No, it’s nothing. I was just so scared. When I couldn’t find you, and then when I did and you were trapped, damn…” He gulped down heavy emotion and scrubbed a hand down his face. He was dirty from smoke and soot and smeared the dirt with his palm.

“Trapped?” What the hell was he talking about? This was always the worst part of these episodes. It could be days until I recalled what really happened. I don’t know why my brain locks up, but it’s frustrating and embarrassing. I just wanted to get out of here.

Just as I mounted the energy to ask him to take me home again, an EMT squatted down in front of me.

“How are you feeling?” the young guy asked.

I couldn’t help but fixate on how clean and neatly groomed he was. Law and I both looked like we had been in battle, and this dude had every hair on his perfectly styled head tamed into compliance with some divine-smelling product. The comparison between us and him was so stark, a bizarre giggle bubbled out of my throat and mortified me when it burst free.

“Oh my God,” I said and buried my face in my palms. Such a freaking idiot. Like I never talked to a good-looking guy before. I mean, Christ, look at the man standing here by my side.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m fine, honestly,” I said with the last bit of energy I had in me. “I think we’re about to get out of here.”

“Well, let’s have a quick look and make sure we haven’t missed anything, okay? Wouldn’t be doing my job otherwise.” He opened the bag at his feet and pulled out a blood pressure cuff and stethoscope.

He performed his exam and did a lot of note-taking throughout. When he was finished and zipping up his bag he said, “Clearly you were in shock when we first got here. I saw you the moment I walked through the room. Your blood pressure and heart rate are still a bit low, but nothing to be concerned about. Are you feeling tired?”

Yes! Here was my ticket out of here. “Oh, yeah, exhausted.”

“Also very typical from shock,” he said as he stood. He directed my home care instructions to Law. “Get her to bed, and she’ll probably sleep a good amount over the next twenty-four hours. That’s just what her body needs. Bring her to the ER if symptoms come back like confusion, chills, sweats, anything similar to what you just saw.”

“I’ll be fine,” I insisted. “I just need to sleep it off. That was a lot of excitement for everyone,” I said casually, hoping everyone else would adopt my carefree attitude about what had just happened. I hated when people made a fuss over me.

The look on Law’s face said he wasn’t buying my bullshit for a second. He looked as exhausted as I felt. A pang of guilt nearly knocked the wind out of me. He turned his attention to the EMT, thanked him for his help, and then the guy joined the rest of his team talking to Law’s brother, Jake.

“See? Told you that wasn’t necessary,” I said and instantly felt like a bratty child for it.

“I feel better knowing you’re okay. Physically. I’m not a doctor, Shepperd. If something happened when we got home because I rushed you out of here, I would never forgive myself.” His tone was weary, and I promised myself to cut the guy a break. I wasn’t used to people caring about me and needed to be more grateful that he insisted I was checked out.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I said and stood up abruptly. The room betrayed me instantly with a spin and tilt combo that nearly knocked me right back down.

Law steadied me with strong hands on my hips and ducked down to be at eye level.

“You okay?”

“Yep.” I nodded and tried to pull away. As I turned, he sighed loud enough for me to hear his frustration.

Be nice, Shepperd.

I faced him and put my hand on his cheek. He leaned into my palm for a brief moment while I sincerely said, “Thank you.” I gave him a gentle smile, and he smiled back, took my hand from his face, and gave it a quick peck.

“Let’s go home,” he said but stopped before we made it even halfway to the front door. “I want to tell my sister I’m leaving. Be right back.” He handed me the keys, but I decided to wait in the foyer while he said goodbye to his family.

He was back in no time and supported me around the waist as we made our way to his car. The distance we parked away from the party house seemed three times longer now that I was so exhausted.

Sleep claimed me before we even left the neighborhood.

I didn’t wake up until the following morning. Law was nowhere to be found as I wandered through the quiet house, ending up in the kitchen with designs on something to fill my aching stomach.

After foraging through the refrigerator, I decided on scrambled eggs and toast. I was just transferring the steaming, fluffy protein to a plate when I heard the keys rattling in the front door.

Where the hell had he gone so early in the morning? But when I glanced at the time on the stove, it was after ten. Not so early after all.

Law came into the kitchen and tossed his keys on the counter. He looked stressed and tired, and of course, I instantly felt guilty about it. Just assuming yesterday had taken a toll on him, the first thing I wanted to do was apologize.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he said, rerouting my thoughts to a more content space. He took me in his arms, and I wanted to spend the rest of the day like that. He always smelled so good and felt so safe. I was getting spoiled and maybe too comfortable because good things like this never lasted for me.

I pulled back a bit to get a good look at his face. “Hello yourself.” I smiled. “Where have you been already?” I asked and cringed with worry that I was coming across as too controlling or clingy. “I mean, if you want to tell me.”

“Just went for coffee,” he said nonchalantly, but something about his tone sounded forced. Was he being evasive? Was I just being paranoid?

“Oh, are we out? I’ll put that on my shopping list.”

“No, I think we have some here. Just wanted to get out. Clear my head a bit.”

Okay, fair enough. Yesterday was a lot to deal with, no matter who you were or what part in the whole fiasco you played. Guilt piled on guilt, though, because it was my natural inclination to blame myself for all things that went wrong.

“I’m so sorry,” I began, and he instantly bristled. I put my hand on his arm to stop him from telling me not to apologize. “Really,” I said. “It was a lot to deal with.”

He listened and then just nodded.

After a weird silence stretched between us, he said, “I’m going to take a shower. Unless you were planning on getting in…”

I just stared at him for a few seconds. He was definitely holding something back, but I wouldn’t badger him. I had to trust that he would talk to me when he was ready.

Fear sparked through my bloodstream. Maybe the events of yesterday were too much for Law to handle. Maybe he got a little too much exposure to my brand of turmoil. It was something I worried about since the day I moved in. Something would inevitably happen to make him run for the hills. Had we already reached that junction?

“No, go ahead,” I said, and before the words were completely out of my mouth, he turned and headed down the hallway toward the master bedroom.

I watched him until he disappeared through the door and wondered if that was a preview of when he would walk away from me and not come back.