Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Law

The afternoon dragged on after I got in touch with my girl. Yes, I was calling her mine. I chuckled. It was so unusual for me to feel the need to claim a woman. And I could just imagine my little independent warrior’s reaction to my desire to own her. But I was confident it was something we both wanted.

I saw her reactions when I did things that showed I cared for her. She lit up from inside like there was a fire burning deep in her heart that had been neglected for so long it was almost snuffed out. When I added some fuel to it though, she absolutely glowed. And if I thought she was gorgeous before? When I stoked that flame with kindness and genuine caring she was absolutely stunning.

That settled it. My new mission in life was to watch Shepperd Farsay radiate happiness and confidence as her norm. From the little I knew about her past, I didn’t think it was actual neglect on her parents’ part, but the woman herself pushing everyone away to avoid getting betrayed. I still had a lot to learn about her though.

My car’s engine purred in neutral outside the address she sent me this afternoon. It was a nondescript office space in the middle of a complex of similar buildings. Just before I opened my text thread with her to check the address again, I saw her walking toward my car. The smile on my face was involuntary and all-consuming. I jumped out and dashed around to the passenger side to open the door for her. I also couldn’t miss the chance to greet her properly with a slow, tempting kiss.

“Hi,” she said in a voice so sultry and inviting, my own mouth instantly dried up.

After swallowing hard, I said hello back and snuck another peck before she got settled in the car.

Once I was behind the wheel, Shepperd said, “This car is amazing. What happened to the one from the gym?”

I had completely forgotten I had driven my SUV that day. “I usually drive that one when I have errands and stuff to do on the weekend. I like this one for the daily commute, though. More comfortable, and I don’t need all that cargo space.”

She just nodded and grinned. “Makes sense, I guess.”

“What do you mean, you guess?” I asked as I left the lot of her business park. “And where are we headed? My place or yours?”

“I don’t know.” She gave a quick shrug and looked out the window.

“Talk to me.”

“I don’t know,” she said again. “I just feel like a loser. The one car I have is a broken-down piece of shit, and you’re over here with a different one for every day of the week.”

“You’re not a loser. Not even close. Don’t forget, I’ve got a few years on you, for one thing. And my family has more money than they know what to do with. So their providing me with a work car isn’t about me as much as it is about a business write-off for them.”

Hearing her talk negatively about herself cut right through me. It wasn’t something I’d tolerate, either. The last thing I wanted to come between us was money, so I really hoped this wasn’t going to turn into an issue. There were some things in life you couldn’t change. Having a lot of money was just a part of the family I was born into. It wasn’t like I could really share in the claim of amassing any of it. I was just fortunate enough to now have it.

“Maybe I should get a job where you work, then. I have a bad feeling about that car of mine. I think the only place worthy of it now is the junk yard.”

“Do you have any idea what’s wrong with it? Was there a warning light or anything?” I asked while I drove toward Brentwood.

“Dude,” she said flatly.

I reached for her hand across the center console and entwined our fingers while I drove.

“There were like four different lights on the dash this morning when I left your place. I know one was gas. The tank was super low. But I have no idea what the others were. When I went to start it to come to work…”

I snuck a glance over to her.

She gave a mournful shake of her head. “Yeah, it wasn’t good. But enough about that. I can’t do anything about it. How was your day?”

“Fine. I mean, I guess it was fine. I had a hard time concentrating.” I stopped short there because I was in danger of saying something that might make her uncomfortable. But I wanted her to know how into her I was and that she was all I could think about. What was the point of hiding it? I was pretty sure we were on the same page with how we felt.

“Oh, yeah? What’s going on?” she asked, not knowing she was setting up the perfect opportunity to say what I’d been choking back.

“Well,” I started with a huge grin. While I drove, I could see from the corner of my eye how intently she was listening. “I met this girl.”

Shepperd looked panicked. She quickly masked her expression and tried to engage in the conversation.

“Oh? A new coworker?” she asked in a tone pitched much higher than her natural voice.

Slowly, I shook my head, smiling even bigger. “Nah, I met her at the gym, believe it or not. Months ago.”

“At the gym? That’s interesting. Were you checking her out while she did her workout? That’s kind of pervy, no?” she asked, now wearing a smile to match my own.

“At first it felt a little scandalous, but I would catch her staring at me too, so I was pretty confident it was a mutual attraction.”

“Okay, so then what? You just stare at the girl and haven’t talked to her?”

“No, I’ve talked to her. And you know what?” I paused there, letting the seriousness fill the quiet cabin of the car. “She’s amazing. Smart and really funny now that she has relaxed enough to be herself around me.”

“Hmmm,” was all she said, and my nerves spiked.

Was this too much? Too soon? Well, too bad. I was committed to the cause. I wanted her to know how I felt. If she wasn’t there with me, I’d rather find out now before I got in even deeper.

While we were stopped at a traffic light, I shot my glance her way to find her staring right back at me.

“What?” I asked with a nervous smile.

She swallowed so hard I could see her throat constrict. “You think she’s amazing?” she asked in the most insecure voice I’d heard from her.

Normally she was a confident, no-holds-barred warrior. But receiving a compliment reduced her to a shy little girl.

I nodded enthusiastically. “I do. One hundred percent. But that’s just the start of the list of incredible things about her. Honestly…” I inhaled, now as nervous as she seemed. My voice had started excited and confident and was now quiet and serious when I said, “I’m head over heels for her. I want her to be my girlfriend, but I don’t know how to ask. I’m afraid I’ll scare her off.”

“Why would that scare her off?”

With an awkward laugh, I said, “I’m not sure. What if she doesn’t feel the same, you know? What if it’s too soon for her, and I get turned down?”

She shook her head and smiled. “Don’t be afraid. I bet she’s feeling the exact same way. Right down to the part about being nervous to be upfront about her feelings.”

“Yeah?” I was incapable of hiding the excitement I felt. Then I gave a resolute nod, as if cementing my plan. “Okay, I’ll talk to her. Thanks for the advice.” I gave her hand a squeeze.

Silence bloomed between us after that. We were both grinning but lost in our own thoughts until I pulled into my driveway. I hustled around the front of the car to open Shepperd’s door. When she stood from the passenger seat, I pulled her into my arms. She felt especially small today in my embrace, and I buried my face in her neck.

“Hello, girlfriend,” I murmured through a ridiculous smile. I felt her cheek bunch against my own and knew she was smiling too.

“Why does that sound so good when you say it?” she asked when we parted enough to see each other’s faces.

“Because it feels right. Sounds right. I have to be completely honest with you, though…”

After she gave me a nod of encouragement, I explained, “I have literally no experience in being someone’s boyfriend. I have ideas of what it might look like? But I’m pretty sure there will be times I screw things up.”

“Law, listen.” She cupped my cheek with her small palm. “There are no rules for this kind of thing. Well, other than I won’t put up with you going out with other girls if you want me to be your girlfriend. That means we’re exclusive.”

I nodded. “No question. I need the same.” Maybe if we just worked the details out like that—one at a time—we could find our way.

“Let’s just take it one day at a time. I’m not super experienced with any of this either, but there is one thing I do know.”

While she paused, I turned my face into her palm and kissed. “What is that?”

“We have to be honest with each other. All the time.” Her tone was serious and sultry, and despite the importance of what she was saying, my dick picked that moment to wake up and take notice of the sexy goddess in my arms.

“You have my word,” I promised and closed the small space between us for a deep kiss.

We were both breathless when we parted, and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and stalk straight to my bedroom and claim her fully. I was blinded by need and desire, and when she let out a low, throaty chuckle, I gave my head a little shake to try and clear the fog.

“Christ, woman.”

She tilted her head to the side in question.

“I want to fuck you more than I want to breathe right now.” I wasn’t interested in beating around the bush anymore. Hell, if we were officially exclusive, shouldn’t we at least celebrate? Judging by the way she was staring at me, she was thinking the same thing.

“Mmmm,” she hummed. “I approve of that message.” She gave me a slow nod, and I battled just pushing her back into the car and taking care of things right where we were.

As exciting and appealing as that thought was, the more rational side of me knew she deserved better than a quickie in the bucket seat of a car. I wanted to spend my time worshipping her body. Take an entire evening to explore every inch of her delicate skin.

“Let’s go inside,” I said on a sigh. “I’ll get changed and maybe grab something quick to eat, and then we can head over to your place and start moving your stuff.”

As we walked up my front walk, she said, “No, seriously. You don’t have to help me do that. I can work on it while you’re at the office tomorrow.” She quickly added, “I don’t have work tomorrow.”

If we hadn’t been going single file to the front door, I would’ve studied her face. Something about the rapidness and insistence of her response was throwing me off.

So I whirled around and pulled her against my body by her belt loops. I held her there until she lifted her face to meet my gaze.

“Tell me what’s going on,” I said with my lips pressed to hers.

She struggled a tiny bit to pull away, so I held on just a bit tighter.

“Uh-uh. Don’t run from me, darling. Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours. Something just shifted, and I want to be here for you.”

I could feel her discomfort building in the air between us. Didn’t we just promise to be honest with each other? I’d remind her of that if I had to. Her entire body deflated in my arms as she prepared herself for what I was guessing would be a vulnerable moment.

“I want to keep you for myself,” she rushed out and then studied the ground as though she were counting blades of grass in the small patch of lawn along the sidewalk.

“I’m all yours. I promise. But can you explain what you mean?”

“This is going to sound so bad…” she said and rubbed her furrowed brow.

Pulling her hand down from shielding her face, I said, “Let me be the judge. Give me a chance here.” I ensured my voice was gentle and supportive rather than stern or authoritative. I wanted Shepperd to know how committed I was to being partners in this.

“Can we go inside? I promise I’ll keep talking, but I feel like your neighbors are going to think we’re arguing out here.” She looked up and down the block and then to me. “I don’t like that.”

“Sure, whatever you need.”

And I meant that, but I would definitely hold her feet to the fire on this, because I could feel how tense she had become just at the thought of returning to her parents’ house. How bad were things between her and her folks?

Inside the door, we both set our things down on the entryway table. I had keys and my laptop bag. Shepperd just had her handbag.

“I want to change out of this suit. Will you talk to me while I do that?”

“Sure.”

As we made our way down the hallway, I loosened my tie and released the top button of my shirt. God, instant relief from the formality of the attire. I slid the jacket off and hung it up in my closet while Shepperd sat at the foot of the bed.

“Okay, talk to me. I know we just agreed that honesty is a must for a relationship to work, and I want you to know this is a safe space to say whatever’s going through your mind,” I said from the depth of my closet, where I tossed my shirt into the laundry basket. “I’m not going to judge you or chastise you.”

“Thank you. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been comfortable talking to anyone honestly, other than my twin. And even with Maye, I haven’t always told her everything. Too many bad experiences with having what I’ve said used against me later.”

From the doorway of my closet, I waited while she organized her thoughts. I pulled a casual shirt over my head and didn’t miss the way her eyes raked over my body while I dressed.

With a playful smirk, I asked, “Like what you see?”

“Indeed I do,” she replied with a grin. “I’d much rather be getting some of that than having this shitty conversation.”

“I know, baby, but this is important.” I refused to let her distract me even though we both wanted the same thing. I dropped to my knees in front of where she was perched on the edge of my bed.

“Okay.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m just going to say all of this, and it probably won’t make sense at first, but I’m going to try to not censor myself. Again, it’s been a really long time since I’ve told anyone what I’m truly thinking, so I’m praying you don’t go running out that door.” She motioned to the tall wooden panel with a wave of her hand.

“I’m all ears.”

“I don’t like that house. The one I grew up in. Just walking in the door does things to my head.” She tapped her temple and then slid her flat palm down her throat and clutched her fingers around her neck. “I can’t breathe in there.”

Treading carefully, I said, “Can I ask you something?”

She nodded while looking up at me with unshed tears in her eyes.

“Have you seen a therapist? For your PTSD?”

“PTSD?” she croaked, and one fat tear rolled down her cheek.

I rushed to sit on the bed beside her and hiked up a knee so I could angle my body toward her and wiped her flushed cheek. “I’m no expert, but it seems like that might be what’s going on.”

She shook her head.

“Based on what I’ve seen with Stella—that’s my niece—and what you’re describing, I think that some counseling might do you a world of good. How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t need a shrink to tell me how fucked up I am, Law. I mean, come on…” She shot to her feet and began pacing back and forth. “Look at me.”

I stood too, intercepted her on the next lap, and pulled her against my body. “Baby, sshhh.”

She was trembling from head to toe.

I swayed back and forth with her pressed to my chest, hoping to comfort her. “That’s not the point of a therapist.”

She plopped down on the bed again and rubbed her forehead. “It’s a really sore subject.”

Sitting beside her, I took her hand in mine. “I think a lot of people have the same misconceptions you do. At least before giving it a go.”

“Remember the other day when I showed up on your doorstep? My God, was that just this week?” she asked with the most bewildered expression. “My parents threatened they were going to check me into some rehab place if I didn’t do something on my own. So, therapy, or help in any form, has always been wielded as a threat or way to control me when they feel like they have no other tricks left. It’s never, not once, been suggested in a spirit of help or healing.”

“Rehab?” I asked, trying desperately to keep the anxiety out of my tone.

I didn’t think I was equipped to deal with substance abuse after the past few years I’d just lived. Being a hypocrite didn’t sit well with me. Lecturing someone else about the perils of partying too hard or too often would be a soapbox I’d fall right through if I tried to step up on it.

“For eating disorders,” she croaked, and the tears were back again. “They’re all so fucking blind, they can’t even see what the real problem is. Or they see it and refuse to deal with it. They wouldn’t want to shatter their perfect little lives.”

“Okay. Can I ask you something else?”

She gave a curt nod while swiping tears away.

“Do you think you have an eating disorder?” The moment the words came out, I wanted an instant do-over.

Shepperd shook her head. “No. I don’t think I do. Do I neglect myself when it comes to nutrition? Yes. Could I stand to gain a few pounds? Maybe. But I’m not sticking my fingers down my throat or working out like a maniac.”

We both knew the truth about that last one, but I let her work through her emotions and self-correct.

“The gym is one of the few places I can go to escape. It probably seems like I go excessively, but again, people have no idea what I’m really dealing with in here,” she explained with another gesture to her head.

“Forgive me if this is a dumb question… Have you thought about telling them about the janitor?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve thought about telling them a hundred different times.” She hung her head until her chin nearly rested on her chest.

I hooked my index finger beneath it and lifted her face back to look at me.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “That came out ugly.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I can only imagine the different emotions this brings up. I really appreciate you talking with me so openly about it.” I leaned closer and watched for a sign that she wouldn’t like me to kiss her in the middle of all this.

She closed the last bit of space, and our lips pressed together gently.

I held her in my arms for a few minutes and gathered my thoughts. Finally, when I felt like I had something productive to offer, I put some space between our bodies so we could talk. My brain refused to work right with her in my arms. All I could think about was what it would feel like to be inside her.

“I have an idea,” I began. “Hear me out, okay?”

She just nodded and looked up at me with an impossibly blue stare. Her tears had made the depth of the color of her irises so intense, it was like staring into the Pacific.

“If you’re open to it, I can schedule an appointment for you with my therapist. It would be easier than going to a stranger, and she specializes in trauma, PTSD, and personal crimes. Or whatever that’s called. Rape, abuse, molestation. Things done without consent to one person’s body by another person. I can go with you,” I offered, but that last part instantly had her shaking her head.

“I meant drive you there and home so you don’t have to worry about navigating around downtown. I honestly didn’t mean sit in the session with you. Actually, I don’t think Tiffany would go for that anyway. At least not until she knew you and if we needed to address anything that is affecting us.”

“That seems like a huge imposition, Law. I don’t know.” She smoothed the bed’s coverlet over and over. “I really don’t want to go at all.”

“I hear what you’re saying, and it makes sense that you’d be unsure about it. But I’m thinking if you get some sessions under your belt, she could help you navigate talking with your parents about what happened. It could be the first step in healing your relationship with them.”

She tilted her head to study me closely. “This might sound shitty when it comes out, so just a heads-up. I don’t always tip toe around stuff, so know that I mean no offense here. Why do you even care? It’s not like you know them. Why does it matter to you what kind of relationship I have with my mom and dad?”

“It’s not the relationship with your family I’m invested in, Shep.” I paused and waited for her to look up again. “It’s you. I want to see you heal and move on from having that kind of reaction.” I pointed toward the front of my house where this whole conversation began. “If you end up having a healthier relationship with your folks because of it, that’s just icing on the cake.”

“I don’t know…”

“Will you at least think about it? Just consider it. I truly believe you will be glad you did it in the long run.”

“Okay, fine,” she huffed, not completely happy with me pressing her for a commitment. “I’ll think about it.”

I pecked her lips again and stood. “In the meantime, we have to get some of your stuff. I’ll be with you the entire time. How likely are they to bring up anything too touchy in front of a stranger?”

“Oh, you’d be shocked. Sometimes I think that’s his favorite time to corner me. He loves looking like the big bad alpha guy in front of people. And she just stands there.” She clasped her hands beneath her chin and looked up toward the ceiling with an exaggerated dreamy stare, “Crushing on him like he’s the star of the football team, prom king, and porn star all wrapped into one.”

I burst out laughing. “That’s quite the picture you’ve created.”

“I wish I were joking,” she lamented.

“Well, you’re going to need clothes at the very least. The only other option would be to buy you all new stuff.” The idea was originally to persuade her to go back to her family home, but now that I introduced the concept, I would totally enjoy buying her stuff.

“No way in hell. Hell no.”

“That wasn’t meant to be an ultimatum. Just an option. I’d be happy to do either,” I vowed.

My new girlfriend stepped close to me and wrapped her arms around my waist and wrested her cheek on my sternum. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, Mr. Masterson, but I’m sure glad I did it. Whatever it was.”

I held her closer and kissed the top of her head. Taking care of this woman was going to be the best experience ever. The rough road we had ahead with her coming to terms with her abuse would be eclipsed by the love and compassion I planned to shower her with.