27. Gabby

Chapter 27

Gabby

The funny thing about pain is that there is no fill line. Logic should tell you that there's a point when you can't take anymore, where it overflows and your body just says, " Sorry, can't do it. That's enough."

Today, I've discovered that's not true. My body and mind are bruised so violently I am positive I'll never find the person I used to be. Admittedly, I'm realizing that person wasn't that great, but she was better than the shell that I am now. I've been forcing myself to function. It hasn't been easy. The looks of pity have nearly killed me. I could see it shining in Dom and Thomas's face. Even Dragon feels pity for me. I hate it. It makes the shame I feel even worse. I've not spoken a word about what happened, but it's clear everyone knows I was raped. The mere thought makes me want to vomit. The only people around here who treat me halfway normal is Nicole and King. Since we got here, however, even Nicole looks at me with sympathy. I want to tell her—tell everyone—that their stares are mercilessly tearing me apart. I don't. I know the truth. I brought this on myself. It appears karma is a bigger bitch than even me. She got her claws into me and served me with double the pain that I caused—maybe more.

Then, Ayita let me know about my brother. I don't feel bad about my father and his reaction. He must be destroyed. My father may have faults, but he loves me and my brothers with everything cell of his body. He's the only reason I'm able to walk around right now. I'm safe when my papi is around. He would fight the fires of hell to protect me. No one but him could have rescued me like he did. Without him, I don't doubt that I would be dead. I seriously doubt Dom, or any of them, cared about me. I'm not saying I even blame them. I just know how it is.

The sad part is, I don't know how I became this person. All I ever wanted was to be loved by Dom. In the beginning, I think he did. Then slowly, I could tell his eyes were traveling. I was desperate to keep his attention. I began encouraging T's attention. At first, it was to make Dom jealous. Then he started noticing Thea. That nearly killed me. T's attention was like a balm over my broken heart … and I was broken.

I had given Dom my virginity and had planned this whole life with him. I didn't worry about college and all those things that other girls my age were going on about. My life was to be Dom's old lady. That's it. Then it all blew up around me, and the happiness that was supposed to be mine—the only happiness I ever wanted—was gone. I was desperate to keep it.

I was stupid.

I did so much. Now, it's hard for me to fathom what I was thinking. I have no idea how I lost sight of reality, and just kept piling up the mistakes. I was sure I could convince Dom that we were meant to be together. He just had to see me as his woman again.

I push those thoughts away. I can't think of them today. They haunt me enough at night. Right now, I have to concentrate on my papi. When I make it to the conference room where Ayita said they were, I meet Dom, BB, Thomas, Torch, and King. I tremble being surrounded by them, and before I can stop myself, I back up two steps.

"Are you okay, Gabby?" Dom asks, and I try not to flinch, but I'm pretty sure I don't succeed.

Uncle Torch immediately comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder. I jump underneath his touch. I look up at him in apology. Tears are stinging my eyes. I cried a lot when Ayita told me about my brother. With all the times I've cried, you'd think there would be none left.

"I'm okay. I wanted to see my father," I mumble, looking down at my feet rather than Dom.

"He's in the conference room with Dragon. It might be better if you wait before you go in. They're having … words," Torch explains.

"Oh … I wanted to talk to him about going back home. Mom may need me," I explain.

"I can take you back home tonight, Gabby," BB responds. "Dad wants me to go home to watch over Mom. It will be late, though. Probably not 'til after midnight."

"Thanks, BB," I whisper, getting up enough courage to give him a watery smile.

"D-Do you n-need anything, Gabby?" Thomas asks. Shame fills me. They're being so nice to me after everything I've done.

"N-no. Thank you, Thomas. I better go find my papi."

They all move to walk away from me, but I'm startled when King lays his hand on my shoulder. "Keep your head up, Wildcat," he says gently. I swallow, feeling too full of emotion to speak at first. My need to cry is so mammoth that it almost overwhelms me.

As he walks away, I find myself looking back. "King?"

"Yeah?" he says, stopping to look at me.

"If I don't see you again. I just want to thank you for everything you did."

"I didn't do a lot. You took the fucker down all on your own, Gabby. Remember that. You didn't let him beat you."

With his words, one lone tear leaks from the corner of my eye. I wipe it from existence immediately and nod my head quickly before turning around and nearly sprinting the ten feet between me and the door. I stand there, letting my heartbeat calm down. King and I both know he's lying. He saved me. I may have stabbed Lucky, but I wouldn't have had that chance if it wasn't for him being there with the knife. I would have never gotten away if it wasn't for him. I owe him everything. Still, what he said means something. At least someone doesn't see me as weak and pathetic. He doesn't know me, but it still means something.

Drawing a deep breath, I carefully open the conference door, making sure Dragon and Papi aren't still going at it. Their friendship has always been a mystery. They fight often, but there's a mutual respect there that has always remained. Mom says it's because they're too much alike and maybe she's right. Papi isn't as scary, though. Dragon has always intimidated me. He's never liked me. I used to want to prove to him I could be good for his son. Instead, I proved to him he was right all along.

"Skull, she's your daughter. She just lost her brother. You need to?—"

There's a darkness that seems to unfurl inside of me with Dragon's words. I don't understand it, but it's like my body is telling me to run. I can't, however. It feels like my legs are frozen where I stand.

"I can't deal with her right now. Beth was right. I spoiled her. I'm the reason that she has turned out the way she has."

Pain once again pours into me. I don't know how my body continues to stand. Every word from my papi's mouth is like a death blow.

"Skull, She's young?—"

"She was older than Diego. My son will never get to see her age and yet, he was more adult than her. The things she did to try to trap your son … It blows my fucking mind. That is not the daughter I raised, Dragon. That is not the Gabriella that I carry in my heart."

"Kids make mistakes, Skull."

"This mistake cost my son his life. If Gabby had left Dom alone, she wouldn't have been here. My son wouldn't have been here, helping me seek revenge in her name. She caused all of this."

There it is. That's the death knell—the blow that I can't recover from. I'm done. I can't take any more.

I should turn and leave, but something in me makes me speak out. Sadly, I think it's because I want him to see me and tell me he didn't mean what he said. I really need him to tell me he doesn't think I'm the reason Diego is dead.

"Papi."

They look up at me, but all I see on Papi's face is anger and grief. It hurts me to see him like that. He's not going to tell me he doesn't blame me. He can't, because he would be lying.

"Gabriella—"

"I'm going to have one of the men take me into town so I can get a change of clothes. I don't have anything to wear home. Well, except the outfit Ayita gave me when I got here," I interrupt. "I won't be long. I would like to travel back for Diego …"

I tremble. I can't help it. Right now, it is a mystery to how I'm still standing, but that isn't the reason I'm shaking. No, I'm terrified that he will forbid me to return home. He could demand that I not attend my brother's funeral.

"Si," Skull answers, "that's fine."

I exhale in relief and briefly nod my head. "Thank you, Papi." I look down at my feet. Briefly, King's words about not looking down enter my mind. I immediately discard them. King doesn't know me. My father does. He knows the monster I am. I quickly back out of the room, afraid to give him my back. I've seen what my father does to those that he hates. I shut the door and make it about five feet before I crumple onto the floor.

"Fuck," I hear someone hiss. They pick me up and I know I should fight them, but I find I can't. I can't even breathe. It's all just too painful. I lay against a man's chest and let my misery swallow me.