Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Helena - 17 3/4

Today should have been a happy day, but for some reason, my dad looked like he was going to vomit. I tried to find a time to talk and check in on him, but he was busy with club business.

After seeing that I had everything I needed for my ceremony, I touched up my makeupagain, startled when I saw Maddox Bishop in the reflection behind me.

I kept fluffing my hair, pretendingitdidn't bother me that he was standing there with his mouth all turned down in a frown. I wondered if he liked what he saw. I had grown up a little now since he'd been here. In a few weeks, I would be eighteen, legal.

Not that my dad would ever allow a relationship between me and an MC member, so Ishould stamp down any fantasies I had about the sexy Maddox Bishop, but that would be a nearly impossible thing to ask of me. He was all I thought about, all grumpy and moody.

Since joining the motorcycle club, he had worn a perpetual scowl. You'd think the man never smiled. He wouldn't talk to me about anything, andanytime I tried, hegot up and practically ran in the other direction.

Well, that was an exaggeration; therewas no running. There was just strolling, swaggering, or ambling involved.He was always getting up and moving away from me likeI was diseased.

"Can I help you with something?" I couldn't help but ask since he hadn't moved, which was weird.

"Has your dad seen what you're wearing?" he finally asked, practically snarling.

Spinning on my stilettos to face him, I glared at him. Maddox was smoking hot, with over six feet four of golden hairand motorcyclegodliness. Think Thor with slightly longer hair and tattoos—thatwas Maddox.

He had never once commented on what I was wearing. Or what I looked like. Ever.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"I asked, looking down at the cute little miniI had pickedfor the ceremony.It was light blue with the cutest cap sleeves. I even found tiny pterodactyl earrings that were in the same shade.

The dress wasshortbut nothing like what the club girls wore.My ass was covered, and my nipples weren't showing. Iwouldbe wearing my graduation gown in a bit anyway, but there were parties afterward.

"You look like a club whore in that dress," he sneered. "Did you borrow it from Christi or Barb? Wear some pants or something," his response was scathing.

"You can't be serious?" I asked, incredulous. I wasn't even sure what I was asking. Was he seriously asking me to put on pants? That was ridiculous. Or was he seriously talking derogatory about the women at the club? If I was honest with myself, that surprised me the most. Maddox had always seemed respectful of women.

"What's your problem? We don't even have women that work at the club with those names." Christi? Barb? What was he talking about?

His face set in mulish lines. Now that he had gone down this road, he was too stubborn to back down.

"Dead serious. Don't think you're all grown up now just because you're done with high school,"hislips twisted,hiswords harsh and mean. "You have alongway to go."

I clenched my fists, trying to keep my composure in check. Who didhethinkhewas? Just because he was part of this club didn't mean he could dictate what I wore or how I acted.

"Excuse me, but it's not your place to comment on what I wear," I said, my voice barely holding steady despite the rage bubbling beneath the surface. "And for your information, this dress isperfect," I added the last one even as I glanced down at it, smoothing the hem in uncertainty. Maybe it was a little short?

Maddox's expression remained unchanged as I spoke, his face betraying no emotion whatsoever. It was as if he was staring through me, judging me with an infuriating lack of reaction. I couldn't help but feel frustrated, as if he was silently mocking me. His silence only served to reinforce that idea.

"Besides," I continued, trying to keep my tone level, "even if you disagree with my choice of clothing, there's no reason to be so disrespectful to me or women at the club."

He scoffed, rolling his hazel eyes as if my words were insignificant. "You're too naive, Helena," he said, crossing his bulky arms. "You have no idea what kind of men are out there."

"Oh, you don't think I do?" I retorted, unable to hold back my sarcasm. "I grew uphere, didn't I?" Waving a hand around the club with a snort. I knew all about what sort of men there were. I was insulated from most of it, but I saw plenty. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing in my book, but apparently, Maddox disapproved.

Maddox's jaw tightened, his gaze darkening with irritation and something else undefinable. "Watch your mouth, girl," he warned, his voice low and threatening.

I straightened my spine, refusing to back down. "I'll watch my mouth when you learn some manners," I shot back, the words dripping with defiance.

We were at a tense standoff for a moment, neither willing to concede ground.But then, Maddox's expression softenedgradually, as if he were grappling with internal conflict — seeing me finally.

"Are those pterodactyls?" he asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I affirmed, giving them a little tap. Earrings were my kryptonite; the weirder, the better. Give the dinosaurs, the coffee cups, the rubber duckies — ever since I was a little girl and my father had my ears pierced for me, those were the ones I wanted.

"Look, just... be careful, okay?" he finally said, his tone surprisingly gentler than before. "This world isn't kind to girls like you."

Before I could respond, he turned on his boots and strode out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I stoodmomentarily, unsure of his motivation for calling me out like that or his cryptic "girls like me" comment. What did that mean? Was that good or bad? I learned frombeingraisedin theclubthat men weren't great at communication.

"Darling girl!"

My father's voice distracted me from my thoughts of Maddox and our conversation as he strode into the room with his friend Whitney.

"Daddy." Instantly feeling better, I moved towards him and into the circle of his arms. My father, Roscoe Marsh, had always been the center of my universe. Now, he was starting to show his age, with a full grey beard and a belly that was beginning to push the confines of his Iron Brotherhood cut. He'd been playing Santa for the Toys for Tots fun run for a few years now, and I'd been teasing him that he could start skipping the padding this year.

"You're looking very grown up today. A little too grown-up, angel." He looked a little sad as he peered at me. I looked down at my dress again. Maybe I had gone a little tooskimpy, but I hadfeltpretty grown up today.

"Ready to graduate?" Whitney asked, thankfully taking the focus off my clothes. He had been in the Brotherhood since I was small, a fixture in the club and one of my dad's officers.

"Sure, Whitney. Piece of cake." I threw a wink at him.

"We can't keep you here forever," he said, winking back. Whitney was one of my favorites during my childhood. When I was little, he'd read to me for hours, letting me stack books from the library high up on the bar in the Open Road.

The reality of what lay aheadwas starting to sinkin — college.I was leaving everything I knew behind.It was scary, but I knew my father had confidence in me, andthatgave me a flicker of courage.I was excited, too. The thought of going to school and doing something on my own was something I had thought a lot about.

"I guess it'll be time to start packing my things soon," I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt.

My dad nodded, his eyes gleaming with pride. "We'll figure it out together, but you don't belong here, my darling girl. You never did."

My father felt guilty for raising me at the club while he continued with the Brotherhood, but the MC was his life. He had never had another job. With a new baby, there hadn't been another option, and I think the support system that came with the club had helped him.

"Come on, Daddy. We'll talk about this later. I don't want to be late. You're coming, right?" I asked Whitney. It was better to pull my father out of whatever sad musing he was heading towards. I didn't want to argue about where I belonged right now. He wanted me to go and try college and get away from the MC for a while. I'd do that for him.

There have been many milestones in my life where I've ended up with members from the club in place of parents showing up to escort me to events. Sometimes, kidswould comment or make snide remarks, but eventually, they gave up trying to make me feel bad about it when they realizeditwasn't anything I was ashamed of. Instead, I felt sorry forthem.

"Of course, I'm coming, sweat pea. I'm honored you want me there.Can'twait to see you get your diploma. Some of the other guys will be there, too." He glanced at me shyly. We're hoping you'll come back later for a little party. Amber made you a special cake."

"Awesome." My reply was easy and light. A cake from Amber, Whitney's old lady, was just what I needed to round out my celebration.

When Ireturnedlate in the evening, the Open Road was buzzing with activity. Music thumped from the speakers, andlights glowed from the edges of the walls. The party was in full swing.

True to Whitney's word,my cake was brought outfor me at the bar, and within moments, Brotherhoodmembers I knew came over to wish me congratulations.

A few of them passed around my diploma as if it were themost significant accomplishment in the world. One set of eyes seemed to be boring a hole into the back of my head while I ate my cake.

"Helena, what on earth did you do to Maddox? He looks pissed," Amber slid an extra piece of strawberry cake my way, peeringover my shoulder.

It had been a struggle not to look, but I feltsatisfiedknowing I had been right.Hehad been looking at me. Shrugging, I mumbled around the mouthful of cake, "Dunno."

"I hope he's not interested in you," she said pensively. "He's way too old for you. And you're not even legal yet. You'll turn eighteen in a month, but your dad would flip out." She looked worried.

Looking up at her in alarm, Igripped her arm. "He'snot." Making eye contact with her, I repeated: "He's not.I knowhe is not interestedin me at all, Amber.Don't ever say that. Ever."

She looked startled but bobbed her head. Removing my hand, Ireturnedto take a few bites of the strawberry cake she'd made, but my mood had fizzled. No way would a man like Maddox have any interest in a kid like me. He was ten years older than me — eleven, maybe? Not that I cared about that sort of thing, but I knew he did, which was depressing.

"Thanks for the cake," I said, trying tocompensatefor the attitude. "I appreciate it. It's amazing in all its strawberry deliciousness."

Giving her a smile and a hug, I tried to inject proper enthusiasm and warmth into my goodbyes,ignoringahulking man sitting in the club's shadowy back corner.

If Amber had told my dad about Maddox's interest in me, it would have been a big problem for both of us, so it'd be better for everyone if that never happened.

Once, years ago, when I was younger (and dumber), I had tried flirting with a club member, and the poor kid had up and disappeared. Dimitri. I liked him a lot. I still wasn't sure what had happened to him.He had even been patchedinto the Brotherhood but had just been gone one day.I was positive that it was my fault. So, if my father got wind of Maddox ‘liking' me or if I flirted with a club member, that was not a good idea. I knew better now.

Lying in bed that night, I thought about my future and the years stretching outbeforeme. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.Thinkingabout leaving Haverboro, my dad, and the MC was scary, but maybe it was a good thing. Growing up in Haverboro was hard. A lot of kids had wanted to hang out because I knew members of the MC or whose parents kept them away because of it. In the end, having friends wasn't easy and forget having boyfriends. Even losing my virginity had been a disaster. I'd found a boy one town over who'd been very willing but obviously wasn't too experienced, and it ended up being rushed and disappointing. The whole time I'd thought about Maddox Bishop, too, and damned him to hell.

I reminded myself that college was supposed to be exciting, though– yes, thrilling. Anyway, I wouldn't be that far.My dad promised to visit me severaltimes every month to ensureI didn't get homesick.He'd made me promise to give college a solid try.

Squishing into the mattress, I settled myself into the sheets, pulling my comforter over me. I decided it'd be fun inPhoenix.

Closing my eyes, I fell asleep, letting myself dream a little; theonly problem was that I saw a hulking blond god with tattoos and a beard who was way out of my reach – a fantasy.