30. Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

Savannah Grace looked around and smiled. Between her little sister's album release tonight and her wife's ongoing tour, she was spending a hell of a lot of time backstage these days, but she didn't mind it one bit.

Emmeline had turned one last week, a milestone she'd celebrated by quite suddenly taking her first wobbly steps across the living room floor, Brynn bursting into happy shocked tears at the sight. Savannah understood the urge. Their daughter was less of a baby every day and while Savannah too mourned the loss of what they both had agreed would be her last baby, she also found a blooming freedom within Emmeline's slow wobble towards independence.

Every spare second of the day Savannah was writing. She wrote early in the morning before the household woke; she wrote gazing out the window on Brynn's tour bus; she wrote in hotel rooms after the kids fell asleep; she wrote with her wife on stolen walks together through strange towns, hand in hand, forever in love with Brynn's words, her mind, her smile, her voice. She had about eight albums worth of songs already and she knew it would only be a matter of time before the wheel turned again and it was her own tour they'd be on.

Tonight though, she was so damn excited, proud, and nervous it might as well be her own first album launch. Cassidy, epically gorgeous and straight up terrified, shivered beside her as they hung in the wings. The opening act was about halfway through their set and Cassidy vibrated with tension. Savannah cast around for some way to calm her, her gaze snagging on Coral heading their way and smiled.

Coral took one glance at Cassidy and laughed.

"Remind you of anyone?" she said to Savannah, who breathed out a wry laugh, shaking her head. Cassidy looked between them in askance. "This one here," Coral inclined her head toward Savannah, "literally nearly died the night of our first ever album launch."

"You did?" Cassidy asked. Her teeth were clenched tight, her whole body jittering.

"More or less," Savannah said. "I was insanely nervous."

"You?" Cassidy asked, mouth slightly agape. Savannah shrugged. They'd only been back in each other's lives a little over a year; her sister's view of Savannah was still skewed at times.

"Honey when I say literally, I mean literally," Coral continued. "She was so focused on not fucking up she tripped over a speaker on the way to the stage and fell flat on her face." Cassidy laughed, thrilled as always by any story that showed her sister in a less than flattering light. "It was barely out of view of the audience," Coral's face was smug. "By the time we checked that she wasn't concussed the crowd was wild. They thought she was just making an epically drawn-out dramatic entrance."

"Oh my god," Cassidy's eyes widened, "now I'm terrified to even walk. What if you just jinxed me?"

"Baby girl it doesn't matter." Coral's smile broadened. "That's what I'm telling you. Savannah sang the first four songs with a big red floor mark on her forehead and no one cared because she sang like the damn pro that she is. And you will too. You've got that magic. The crowd out there?" She gestured to the roar of approval that went up as the opening act finished another song. "They already love you. You've already won them over, that's why they're here. You've done the hard work and tonight you just get to enjoy it."

Right before Cassidy went on stage Savannah grabbed her and smacked a kiss on her forehead.

"You've got this," she said. "After all, you're a Grace too. Go show them what you've got."

Cassidy squared her shoulders like football player at the superbowl. She nodded. Kinsey gave her a salute and a stupidly stunning grin over her shoulder as she sauntered out, the crowd roaring. She took her place behind the drum kit, Eliza and Franklin beaming as they took their own spots. Savannah saw the exact moment her baby sister turned into a star. It was exactly three seconds after she stepped out of the wings, the crowd screaming for her and her smile glowing. Without warning, Savannah found herself beginning to cry.

Warm arms slipped around her from behind, her wife tugging her back against her body.

"She'll be alright you know," Brynn murmured in her ear. "After all, she's got us."

Savannah leaned back against her, appreciating the way her wife always just seemed to know. She knew it wasn't luck or psychic ability; Brynn just paid unfailing attention. She wiped her tears, watching as her sister twinkled, and glowed, playing her heart out to a packed stadium.

"Actually," Savannah said after a while, "I'm crying because she's better than me."

Brynn laughed low in her ear.

"No way in hell," Brynn said, squeezing her tight. "There'll only ever be one Savannah Grace."

"Thank you, Nashville!" Cassidy's smile was blinding as the crowd screamed for her, already two thirds of the way through their set. "Thank you for being here tonight! Thank you for supporting us, we love you so much."

The crowd roared and Cassidy looked down for a beat, then back up at the crowd, catching her breath from their last song. "My mom taught me how to sing," she told the crowd. "We've had a rocky road together, but she's here with us tonight."

Savannah blinked, her heart seizing. Cassidy was looking out at the crowd. "Hey Mom." Cassidy waved and the crowd cheered. "My sister, though," she tucked her hair back, a mischievous quirk to her lips, "my sister taught me everything else. She's a singer too, you know."

Savannah froze in Brynn's arms, squeezing her wife's fingers so hard they turned white.

"She's also here tonight. She's pretty shy so she's going to be real mad at me for doing this but I'm going to call her out on stage for a duet." Cassidy raised her hands for the crowd to roar. "What do you reckon, Nashville?"

The crowd screamed encouragingly and Savannah turned in Brynn's arms in shock. Her wife was smiling.

"Is she for real? Did you know about this?" Savannah asked.

A stagehand passed over a mic before Brynn could reply. Savannah stepped closer to the stage edge staring at her sister. Are you sure? she mouthed from the wings.

"Oh, she looks nervous ." Cassidy gave her a sideways grin and spoke into the mic. "Everyone, please be very kind and welcome to the stage, my big sister, Savannah Grace."

The crowd lost their minds. Savannah walked out on stage for the first time in over a year to ear splitting applause and straight into the arms of her sister.

"I love you," she murmured in her ear. "You're fucking crazy ."

Cassidy squeezed her tight.

"Told you I'd find a way to ride your coattails." Cassidy pulled back grinning and Savannah burst into laughter. The band kicked in to Dumb and Rich off Savannah's first solo album and for the first time, ever, they sang together. It sounded awesome, their voices in natural harmony like they were legitimately born of the same damn mama. Savannah just barely managed not to cry, Cassidy glowing like she was living her very best of daydreams.

When the song finished, she hugged her sister again, then raised her mic.

"I love you Cassidy Carver, you're a goddamned firecracker… but if you beat me at the CMAs next year we're going to have words," she said and the crowd roared, while Cassidy laughed. "Also, hi Mom?"

She waved out at the crowd tentatively, listening to them laugh but also wondering what it meant that the woman who'd raised them and rejected them was here tonight. She hoped it was a good thing, that maybe it was the beginning of something better for all of them. She blew a kiss at the crowd and left her sister to her adoring fans.

"I've got one more thing to say," Cassidy said into the mic and Savannah turned back in the wings to watch, "and that's fuck the drag ban ." The crowd roared. "No," she said, over the noise, "I fucking mean it. Fuck the drag ban, fuck hurting trans kids, fuck all the laws hurting trans and queer people."

A chill slipped down Savannah's spine. Cassidy looked fierce and fearless where she stood under the bright lights of the stage, thousands of faces staring up at her.

"My boyfriend is trans non-binary," Cassidy said, "I'm queer. Kinsey's queer," she threw a look over her shoulder at her drummer who blew her a kiss as whistles rang out from the crowd. "She's taken though, so please stop throwing panties at the stage all the time, it's a fucking trip hazard."

The crowd laughed and Cassidy waited for them to finish, waited until her words rang out clear and undeniable.

"We're a queer band," she said. "And if you're not for queer people, if you're not for trans rights then we're not for you. You can leave."

Savannah held her breath. Part of her thought Cassidy was committing country music career suicide. Part of her felt ashamed that it had taken her so long to say the same things, half as bravely and half as loud. And part of her had never been more excited in all her life. The world was changing. Young people were changing. Fucking country music was changing. Brynn grabbed her hand. Then, someone grabbed her other hand. She turned her head to see Coral, her eyes shining with tears, Rosalie on her other side straight up crying, all four of them holding hands in a row and watching the stage.

"And after you leave," Cassidy said, her voice serious, the crowd suddenly quiet, "you can think about what lies you've been sold that make you think we're a threat. What lies you've believed that makes it okay to think your fellow humans are less than you. And when you've unpacked all that? Once you remember how to treat everyone with love? Then you can come back. We've got room for all of you."

She smiled her lovely star powered smile and the crowd screamed. Savannah couldn't breathe. She heard all kinds of voices shouting that they loved Cassidy, that love was love. Those voices were far louder than the boos.

She watched her sister look every one of her band members in the face, all four of them nodding and grinning at each other. Then Cassidy turned back to the mic.

"Fuck the drag ban!" she screamed and all eight of the drag queens who'd been waiting in the wings flooded out onto the stage to dance as the band threw themselves into their first single Green Light Go.

Savannah wept.

The after party was epic. Cassidy got swept up into a pile of well-wishers, fans and industry people, Savannah and Brynn politely rebuffing any that were tempted to make them the focus. Cassidy appeared to be thriving off the attention. The rest of the band milled around, smiling and enjoying their crumbs of it. Savannah looked around for Kinsey. It seemed so unjust, knowing that the two of them co-wrote together, that she only received about a third of the attention Cassidy did as lead.

"Oh no," said Kinsey when Savannah caught up to her and asked her about it. "I literally don't care about any of that. That," she gestured at Cassidy who had a Rolling Stone reporter holding a small mic in her face as she spoke, surrounded in a half circle of attentive listeners, "is my idea of a nightmare. Honestly, I think she's making a sacrifice rather than taking the glory."

For the eight-hundreth time Savannah thought about how grateful she was that her sister had a Kinsey in her life.

"I'd rather have all the fun and get to keep my quiet life," Kinsey continued. Savannah followed her gaze to where Rosalie stood beside the bar talking with Coral. Rosalie glanced up as she felt their shared gaze and smiled. She was grateful her best friend had a Kinsey in her life too.

She watched as her sister suddenly decided she'd had enough and smilingly refuse all further schmoozing, slipping into Lane's patient arms with grateful eyes and a heated kiss, escaping to dance with her friends. Cassidy, it seemed, had some good solid boundaries. She would be okay. Between them all, they'd make sure of it.

"What happened?" Savannah asked her sister when she finally had her ear. "I thought you'd rather die than admit we were related."

"It couldn't stay a secret forever," Cassidy said simply. "I'd rather get out in front of it, than let someone else make it into a thing. Besides," she shrugged, "I stopped caring at some point. I know we're a great band. I know now that I can't control shit. And I know I got a leg up because of you. If there are consequences, then they're owed."

"I'm so proud of you." Savannah bit her lip. "For what you said on stage tonight. To start out this way, to take the risk-"

"It's not a risk," Cassidy said flatly. "If our audience isn't safe for Lane or for Coral or for any of us, I don't want to be part of it. And all of them-" she waved her hand vaguely at the country music establishment figures in the room and beyond, "-if they want to make money off us they can get on fucking board."

"I wish I'd been as brave as you." Tears filled Savannah's eyes again and Cassidy squeezed her arm.

"You were just trying to survive," she said. "You had to play the game so you could get to a safe place to come out. It's how you got to be a goddamn queer icon ," she smiled. "You changed the game, and now the rules are different. You stood up when you could and now, we can stand up from the beginning."

"You're a bad-ass," Coral said, overhearing the tail end of the conversation and wrapped an arm around Cassidy's waist. "Some of us don't get the choice about whether to be out or not. Everyone working to make their own little corner of the world a safe place is how we're going to win this shit: staying and fighting for the whole family."

Savannah nodded hard and fast. She watched Cassidy smile up at Coral like she was the whole damn world. She looked around at their gathered friends and family all around the room. She caught Brynn's eye from where she stood talking to Noah, soda water in hand, and as always a small bloom of heat hit her chest as the beautiful woman she'd married smiled at her from across a crowded room. It had been nearly five years since the first time she'd laid eyes on her on a cold afternoon on the bluff above the lake and it still seemed almost absurdly wonderful that somehow, throughout all of it, it was Brynn Marshall to whom she got to belong.

She saw Lane cross the room looking so handsome that one of the young reporters literally winced with desire and despair as they paused to check in with Cassidy, tucking her hair back and kissing her before heading over to the bar to get them drinks. Just before the bar they paused and looked around. Savannah saw their gaze seek out Rosalie and Kinsey before they rolled their eyes and decided not to wait. Rosalie was pressed up against a speaker stack, her fingers toying with Kinsey's belt loop and her green eyes filled with heat and love as the younger woman leaned down toward her, saying something in a low tone that made her teeth sink into her lower lip against her smile, before her eyelashes flicked up and she kissed her.

Savannah struggled to look away for a moment. She'd never once seen Rosalie like this and it made her heart both expand and contract to see her look so free and so held all at once, glowing from within. She wondered if this was how Rosalie had felt, when Savannah had met Brynn, like something desperately precious was being won and lost all at once. She looked up to see that Cassidy was watching them too.

"I love Rosalie for her," she said quietly when she felt Savannah's gaze, "but sometimes I'm so mad I don't get her all to myself anymore."

Savannah nodded.

"Totally," she agreed.

"Is that weird, do you think?" Cassidy worried.

"No," Savannah told her. She watched as Rosalie teasingly pushed Kinsey away from her, then looked up to see Savannah's eyes on her face. Rosalie smiled and made her way over toward them as Kinsey joined Lane at the bar.

"What are you three talking about?" Rosalie asked as she drew near, a warm glow in her eyes.

"I was just telling Cassidy," Savannah said, reaching out to slip her hand into Coral's, her eyes meeting Rosalie's, "that sometimes, no matter who else we love, it's really our friends who are the great loves of our lives."

"Sap," said Coral, squeezing her fingers. Rosalie's green eyes held hers and about eight thousand moments they'd reflected flashed through Savannah's mind. Rosalie's smile was everything.

"God," she said. "That's so gay."