10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Kinsey had never been so exhausted in all her life. She was in bed by 8PM every night, after doing a careful salt-water gargle for her throat and taking two tylenol for her pounding headache and stiff, aching shoulders. She slept like the dead. Then at seven in the morning she reported for duty at the studio all over again, rubbing Cassidy's back briefly with sympathy as she walked by.

Greta was a monster.

Cassidy had warned her and yet even she seemed taken aback by the reality of the process. She took the worst of it, as lead singer, after all.

"It was this kind of thing I was thinking of when I said I was happy for you to be the star," Kinsey told her on the third day, over lunch and Cassidy groaned. She looked ragged, something Kinsey had never imagined possible. But that was before she'd sung their song Green Light Go eleven billion times in a row, Greta snapping at her from the sound room, until at one point Cassidy had literally sung it lying on her back on the floor. Oddly, that seemed to be the take that satisfied Greta the most.

"She's a sadist." Cassidy swallowed a mouthful of the hot water and lemon, her one life line this last week and moaned. "I'm so sick of the sound of my own voice."

Finally, late on the Friday evening after a week of gruelling repetition and hard feedback, Greta called them all into the sound room.

"You guys are great," she said. Kinsey's jaw unhinged. Nothing Greta had said all week had indicated she thought they were anything other than desperately rank amateurs. "I'll get these tracks to you in a month."

Then they were dismissed.

Back out in the street, the four of them breathed in the cool evening air and tried to rebuild their shattered egos.

"I gotta go and die somewhere," Franklin announced.

"Being that I'm already dead," Eliza groaned, "can you give me a ride home?"

The two of them left and Kinsey's eyes drifted to Cassidy.

"Want to get a drink to celebrate?"

Cassidy shuffled her feet on the sidewalk.

"I'd like to," she said, "but I really want to spend time with Lane tonight."

"Oh," said Kinsey. She swallowed. "Sure."

They nodded at each other for a moment, though Kinsey wasn't sure what, precisely they were agreeing.

"Well," said Cassidy to a neighboring streetlight. "We made it."

"We did."

"Goodnight then." She hesitated, then pulled Kinsey into a hug. Kinsey hugged her back. Cassidy felt good to hug. Really good.

"Goodnight," Kinsey said quickly, pulling back, and off they walked in opposite directions.

Damnit. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her. Cassidy was so unavailable she might as well be on the moon. Lane was also her friend, while Cassidy was her bandmate; she knew she needed to shove down the slight kick of desire she still felt around her sometimes. They just spent so much time together and the song-writing felt so intimate and intense. Kinsey wasn't entirely sure how to separate it all out.

And just like that, she thought of Rosalie. It had been a couple of months since their encounter but the stab of desire she felt was as potent as if it had been yesterday. The memory of Rosalie's body, those eyes, the sound she made as Kinsey pushed her fingers inside her for the first time… that was enough for her to know that the real deal was out there. It wasn't a gentle nagging crush like the feeling she had around Cassidy; it was a full blown roar in her blood. From the first moment Kinsey set eyes on Rosalie, every single part of her had stood at attention, and by the time they were standing in the crowd together, their bodies close, she knew how hot they'd be together. Every second behind that curtain had only confirmed it.

She wondered if Rosalie ever had second thoughts about the way she'd ended things. Kinsey would never know it if she did; Rosalie had no way to contact her. She had considered, more than once, dropping by the center - just in case - but her pride was too strong and she knew to respect a boundary when it was drawn. God, what a waste of epic chemistry though.

It was, she knew unfortunately, far more than just that. Everything about Rosalie had compelled her. The physical attraction had pulled her in, but even from the beginning it was the whole package that had made Kinsey want her. Her activism, her success, the way the kids at the center adored her, the delicious balance of her strength and vulnerability, her strong will struggling against her obvious desires… Kinsey could have been hooked. So hooked. It burned, still, that she couldn't have her.

Kinsey sighed as she wandered towards home. There was a dating app burning a hole in her phone too. She could swipe profiles and find a girl tonight, she knew it. But while Cassidy made her way to Lane's arms and Rosalie was out there somewhere, breathing, thinking, walking around being beautiful, Kinsey could not bring herself to want anything less.

Three days later, Hailey called Cassidy and Kinsey in for a meeting. They sat across from her in a downtown diner, a far cry from the upscale restaurants she usually picked.

"Sorry," Hailey apologized, her face slightly flushed, "there was no time to make reservations and this place is near my apartment. I've got news. It's big."

Kinsey's chest went tight and Cassidy straightened beside her.

"What?" Kinsey asked, her mind racing. Greta had literally only just recorded their demos. They hadn't been edited, let alone produced or released to anyone yet, so no record label had been contacted. Had they?

"I got a request from a high profile agency early this morning, for you to play an opening slot on a tour that's coming up. It's not the whole tour, just the dates in Nashville."

"Okay?" Cassidy's leg had started bouncing under the table and Kinsey fought the urge to grab it and make her stop.

"It's a big deal." Hailey's eyes sparkled, a barely contained grin twitching at the corners of her lips. "A major artist. You're going to die."

"Who?" Kinsey and Cassidy snapped in unison.

"Brynn Marshall."

Kinsey felt dizzy. Brynn Marshall. The singer-songwriter of one of Kinsey's favorite albums of all time? Brynn Marshall whose live concert made Kinsey sob like a baby? Not to jinx it, but what manager thought Kinsey and Cassidy were a good fit to open for Brynn Marshall?

"No."

Kinsey's head snapped to Cassidy, her bandmate pale and frowning.

"I'm sorry?" Hailey gaped like a fish.

"It's a no from me," Cassidy said, shrugging. "Our styles aren't a good fit."

" What?" Kinsey turned her whole body in her chair to stare at her. "Cassidy, it doesn't matter if our styles are different, this is a massive opportunity. We would be insane to turn it down."

"I said no, okay?"

"That's… that's not how this works," Kinsey said, voice straining as she tried not to freak out. "We're a team aren't we?"

"Yeah," said Cassidy, her face tight, "so I need you to listen to me right now when I say that this is a terrible idea."

Kinsey opened her mouth to snap back when she realized Cassidy's chin was literally quivering. She was three seconds from crying.

"Hey," Kinsey said to Hailey, "do you mind excusing us for a minute?" She stood up and grabbed Cassidy's hand, pulling her through the busy diner and out the door. She looked around, but the street was packed too. She tugged her down a side alley before she stopped and leaned against the wall and looked at her.

Cassidy's arms were crossed tightly across her chest, both fists balled. Her eyes were filled with angry tears.

"Okay," Kinsey said, taking a deep breath and trying her hand at diplomacy. "Listen, it's okay. Tell me what's happening here. Are you nervous about the crowd size? Is it because it's literally Brynn Marshall we're talking about? I'm scared too, but we can do this, Cassie, you know we can. It's early, but we're ready."

"You don't understand," Cassidy said, some kind of desperate conflict in her face.

"Try me," Kinsey said. Cassidy stared down at her feet. Kinsey reached out and grabbed her shoulders, trying to get through. "Cassidy. You can trust me. You know that right?"

Cassidy raised her eyes to search Kinsey's, her jaw clenched tight. Eventually though, she nodded. It took her another full minute before she decided to speak.

"I don't want to tour with Brynn," she said slowly, "because she's my sister-in-law."

All the soothing words Kinsey had at the ready, fell from her brain. Of all the things she was expecting, that wasn't anywhere on the list. The words weren't computing.

"Brynn Marshall is your sister-in-law?" she said slowly. She tried to make the family tree work, then her brain exploded. "Brynn Marshall is married to Savannah Grace," she said hotly, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as all the dots slid together in a line. "You're… Savannah Grace's sister. "

Cassidy closed her eyes. She looked like she'd just told Kinsey she was dying. She nodded.

" Cassidy. What… oh my god." Kinsey's jaw worked as her brain tried to catch up. " Of course you're her fucking sister, you look exactly fucking like her, how am I that stupid?" She pushed up off the alleyway wall and paced several feet before turning and pacing back, her hands flinging up in the air. " That's why you can get Greta, and why you don't have to have a job and why she can buy us studio time - oh my god - Savannah Grace paid for our studio time!"

"You're freaking out," Cassidy said quietly and Kinsey whirled back around.

" Yes, I'm freaking out. Why didn't you tell me? Why would you go out of your way to hide that from me? I thought," Kinsey felt weirdly like crying, "I thought we were a team."

"We are!" Cassidy exclaimed. "We are a team. I care about your opinion of me, okay? You're this wildly talented musician and I wanted you to respect me for me. I didn't want you to think you were teaming up with Jamie-Lynn Spears!"

Kinsey stared at her for several long seconds, then burst into laughter. Cassidy's chin was high, her eyes blazing.

Kinsey smothered her laughter, gathering herself as Cassidy glared. " Okay, that makes a weird kind of sense. If it helps, I do think you're Britney."

Cassidy glared at her, but after a few seconds a small smile slipped out. "It does help, actually," she admitted.

"You're exceptionally talented, Cassidy," Kinsey reassured her. "But you're an asshole to do that to me. I feel so, so dumb. You could have told me, after we became friends."

"I'm sorry," Cassidy said, eyes wide and imploring. "I should have. You're right, you're totally right. I've just had this thing in my head for basically my whole life, worrying what people will think of me, if that's what they see first. She's so… she's so big . And I love her, but sometimes it feels like she takes up the whole sky. Like there'd never be room for me out there too." Her shoulders slumped, her voice dull and defeated. "I'm always going to be the little sister, but I didn't want you - of all people - to see me like that too."

Kinsey sank back against the wall beside her and they both gazed at the across the alley, lost in their own thoughts.

"This does change things," Kinsey said after a while. "Strategy-wise, I mean. We should probably come clean to Hailey."

"No!" Cassidy yelped and Kinsey raised her eyebrows.

"Cass," she said, "you're acting as though this is a terrible, dirty secret. It's not. I mean, I understand your reservations and you know I share them. I don't want to be written off anymore than you do. But it's not like we can hide this forever, not if you want to be in the public eye. We're going to have to come up with a plan."

Cassidy nodded, but she couldn't stop scuffing her feet against the ground.

"How much do we trust Hailey, exactly?" she asked. "Because you know what she said. She can see potential dollar signs when she looks at us. What would she do if she thought she could use Savannah Grace as a marketing device?"

Kinsey hesitated, taking a moment. "Shit, you're right. We need some more time to feel this out."

Cassidy grabbed her hand. Kinsey looked down to where their fingers were joined and blinked.

"Thank you," Cassidy said and squeezed Kinsey's hand before dropping it. "I should have trusted you earlier. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Kinsey said. She got it, though she still felt stupid. "Cassidy," she thought of something. "Oh my god, you're going to let me meet them, right? Savannah and Brynn? They are… holy shit, I don't want to freak you out, but they are literally my fantasy wives, so-"

"Oh my god, please stop. Cassidy scrunched up her face. "You've already met them, after our first show together."

"No, that was Sarah," she said, and Cassidy shook her head.

"Disguised. I wouldn't let her come otherwise."

"You asshole ," Kinsey breathed, her eyes wide. "You let me meet Savannah fucking Grace and Brynn Marshall and I didn't know it was happening? Oh fuck, you did know Noah Lyman and Coral Sanchez. I literally cannot tell you how much I hate you right now."

"Do you?" Cassidy's voice wavered. "Do you actually hate me?"

Kinsey looked at her, her golden hair getting slightly tousled in the breeze, her huge blue-gray eyes focused intensely on Kinsey's face, her full pink lips basically in a straight-up pout and she sighed.

"No," she said, heavily. "I don't hate you."

"You know we can't say yes to Brynn's tour dates," Cassidy said and Kinsey literally wanted to cry. "There's too much crossover with Savannah's fans. People will figure it out straight away. And then," she winced, "everyone will say I'm riding her coattails and that will do us no favors at all."

"Fine," Kinsey said after a while. "If Hailey doesn't dump us instantly over this, at least we'll know we've probably got a manager we can trust."

Cassidy nodded and together they walked back in to turn down the opportunity of a lifetime. Kinsey only hoped there'd be more.

Hailey was pissed. But she also could see that they were both united and resolute, and while she didn't understand it, she didn't dump them either. Cassidy still wasn't quite ready to come out as the little sister of a megastar and Kinsey tried to accept her choice for now.

They walked out of the diner a little bruised and more than a little freaked out, but despite the feeling of betrayal still lingering in Kinsey, something had shifted between them. They really were a team now.

They walked down the sidewalk together, Cassidy pulling her coat close like it was the arctic as the first winter winds whipped down the street.

"You would die in New York," Kinsey informed her, rolling her eyes. "Or Chicago. Have you ever even seen snow?"

"Yes," Cassidy said defensively. "It can snow in the South too, you know." She pulled her phone out of her pocket. "But look at this," she said, "Lane sent me this this morning."

She showed Kinsey a picture of Lane looking frankly adorable in a puffer jacket and beanie, lying in the snow, clearly a curated selfie for their girlfriend judging by the cute quirk of their lower lip and the warmth in their eyes.

"Lane's skiing?" she asked.

"No," Cassidy said, scrunching up her pretty nose. "Savannah and Brynn flew to their place in Vermont on Friday. Lane went with them, obviously."

"For how long?"

"The rest of winter," Cassidy's face fell. "They go every year. They'll be back in time for Brynn's tour to start."

"Wait," Kinsey said. "How is that going to work? Do Savannah and the kids stay here?"

"It looks like she's going to join for at least part of the tour," Cassidy said glumly. "Not as a performer, just as the wife and mom." She rolled her eyes. "First time in a long time that she's the support act." She tried to smile but it wasn't convincing.

"So Lane will go away for the tour with them too. That's rough, Cass."

"Yeah," Cassidy said, her eyes distant. They walked up Kinsey's front stairs together. Should it feel weird having Cassidy here, knowing tonight there was no boyfriend to go home to? That there wouldn't be one for months? A thought crossed her mind.

"You stayed, though" Kinsey said as she fit her keys in the lock. "You could have gone with them, but you stayed."

"Well, yeah." Cassidy followed her in. "We're just starting to take off. There's the whole of Hailey's plan. I can't just walk out on that."

Kinsey unzipped her jacket. "And Lane?"

"They're sad," Cassidy said, following suit and kicking off her shoes. "And I'm sad. And everything sucks!" she said, her tone faux-cheerful as she collapsed down on Kinsey's sofa.

Kinsey thought about getting them both a beer. Then she thought of the two of them, slightly trauma bonded, getting loose and hazy with alcohol, alone in her apartment, Lane all the way in Vermont.

"Hot chocolate?" she offered instead. Cassidy nodded. Kinsey went into the kitchen and kept herself busy. She thought long and hard about herself. About what she wanted. What kind of person she wanted to be. When she came out, she handed Cassidy her drink and went and sat over on the floor. "You should go," she said. "To Vermont."

"What?" Cassidy looked up. "Why?"

Kinsey waved her hand around vaguely and Cassidy raised her eyebrows. "Because, you know… love, and all that."

"Huh?"

"You and Lane. You have something special," Kinsey said. "The band will keep. And if we take off the way I think we're going to take off then we'll be touring soon too. It's going to be hard enough by then, no need to make it hard now."

"I know," Cassidy said quietly. She looked at Kinsey, her eyes gleaming with tears. "I'm going to lose them."

"What?" Kinsey gaped at her. "No, you're not. What's wrong with you?" Cassidy's head jerked back at the ferocity of Kinsey's tone. "Don't you want it to work?"

"Of course I do! I'm insanely in love with them. Even though we haven't really used that word yet-"

"You haven't told Lane you love them?" Kinsey's brow furrowed. "How long have you been together?"

"Six months," Cassidy said. "They haven't said it either." Tears sparkled in her eyes.

"Cassie." Kinsey felt lost for words. Oh shit, Cassidy was pretty when she cried. Kinsey knew, quite clearly, that this would be the moment, that if she got up off the floor and held Cassidy in her arms, there was every chance she might kiss her and every chance that in this one moment, Cassidy actually might kiss her back. "Lane," she said instead, "fucking loves you. I have never seen anything more clearly in my life. And I think you need to go and tell them that."

"Oh shit," Cassidy said, the tears spilling. "Maybe… maybe you're right."

They sat there in the living room as the afternoon began to darken. Suddenly Cassidy sat up so fast, Kinsey nearly spilled the remains of her hot chocolate.

"I'm not choosing," Cassidy said.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not choosing," her eyes flared, blue as the heart of a flame. "I'm not choosing between Lane and the band. I'm choosing both."

"Well, good," Kinsey said.

"We're both going to Vermont," she said, pointing at Kinsey.

"Huh?" Kinsey cocked her head. "I can't go to Vermont. I have a job. And I don't need to be there while you and Lane fall madly into bed with each other."

"Kinsey." Cassidy looked more determined than Kinsey had ever seen her look. "Take a little winter break," she said. "We're making good money on gigs and we're five minutes from a record deal."

"But why?"

"Look, I know it's not ideal timing. We should be here in Nashville, playing every gig we can get. But we've already got a buzz, and we've got our demos almost ready. Besides, what comes next, if we get a record deal?"

"I assume you mean after we blow the advance on cocaine and strippers?" Kinsey asked and Cassidy scoffed. "I mean…writing, I guess?"

"So why not write now? Not the kind we do now, around day jobs and gigs, but the serious, hardcore, knuckle down and write kind of writing," Cassidy said. "All Savannah's houses have some kind of massive band room. Actually, her Vermont place is where Beware the Fury got written."

Kinsey couldn't stay still. She leapt to her feet and started pacing.

"Let me get this straight. I'm being invited to come hang out at Savannah Grace and Brynn Marshall's winter home, to write an album?"

And that was how, to her intense delight, twenty-four hours later, Kinsey found herself on a private jet to Vermont.