Chapter 1

Chapter One

Four years later

Dahlia

L ooking around the small apartment, I blow a breath out as I put away laundry. Jack found that Dad didn’t have any investments, but he did have offshore accounts that he put everything in. Unfortunately, Mom couldn’t touch any of it, it wasn’t in his will, and we were left with nothing.

Jack broke a few things as he yelled in Dad’s office before telling me he needed to see if he could fix “the stupid son of a bitch’s mistakes.”

No one could fix it though, and Mom moved us to live closer to her sister in New England, which feels so different from Florida. I couldn’t wear my vibrant prints anymore, I’m considered too loud, and Aunt Amelia is constantly yelling at me.

Thankfully, we don’t live with her, though the two bedroom apartment is really cramped. Cyrus slept on the couch, insisting he didn’t care, until he moved out a year ago. He’s nineteen now, works for an upscale motorcycle mechanic, and makes really good money.

Jack paid for Mom to go back to school to become a nurse with an associates degree in nursing. She worked two jobs to make ends meet while she was at school, and I wanted to help in some way.

The only thing I could think to do is charge kids for doing their homework and papers. So for the past four years I’ve been doing this to help when I could. The last thing I need is to get expelled from Highbrook Prep.

I know it’s cheating, but these kids are willing to cut corners, and I’m willing to take their money.

Did I mention that Jack also insisted on paying for private school for me? Cyrus said he was fine at the public school, but I didn’t get a choice. Instead, I leave money on the kitchen table for Mom whenever she’s in town, and she never mentions it. I think she may think I’m dealing drugs.

If she doesn’t know, she can’t freak out about it, is the way her mind works.

I start putting my clothes away, wondering how much longer I’ll be alone in this apartment. Mom has been doing stints as a travel nurse for the last four months, blissfully ignoring the fact that I’m fourteen and shouldn’t be living alone.

I catch the public bus to school and back home. It’s not perfect, but it works. It lets me be as much a kid as possible.

The phone rings, making me sigh. The only reason Mom got me one was so she could occasionally keep in contact. However, it’s practically a paperweight since she only calls me once or twice a month, and she hasn’t been home since she first left to start this job.

“Hello?” I ask, chewing on my lip, because I don’t recognize this number. What if it’s a killer like that movie where they’d call you and say they were watching you?

God, I have to stop watching horror movies on the streaming app I signed up for, because it makes my imagination run wild. I save the money that I get now for doing people’s homework and papers so I can afford little things that make it less lonely to be living by myself.

It helps a bit, but what I wouldn’t give to see my brother’s sullen face. I have a small feeling no one knows Mom took off on this job. Even Aunt Amelia hasn’t checked in on me. It would be really fucked up if everyone knew and didn’t give a shit.

“ Dolly ,” Jack says, sounding frustrated. “ How come your mom isn’t answering the phone? I’ve been calling her for the past few months trying to see how you all are.”

“She’s been working,” I say softly, swallowing hard. I’m not very good at hiding things from him. I wasn’t when I was ten, and I’m especially not now.

“ Let me try again,” he says with a sigh. “ Hello, Dolly, how are you? Sometimes I deal with assholes all day long, and I forget how to talk to little girls who don’t deserve the growly attitude .”

My lips curl into a smile as I sit down on my bed. I’m so glad this isn’t going to be a call where I get yelled at. Jack doesn’t typically yell at me anyway, so he must be really frustrated with Mom.

Though… he may still be mad if I have to tell him that I’ve been living alone for the last four months. Mom pays for the utilities and rent, and taught me how to order groceries online from my tablet that’s connected to her card. I typically try to get only essentials. Anything extra I buy myself.

“Hi, Jack,” I murmur. “I’m doing fine.”

“ School is good too ?” he asks worriedly. It helps me relax a little, because someone cares about me.

“Yes,” I say. “I’m making really good grades, I found a club I like, and things are good.”

“ Do you need anything? Food? New shoes ?” he asks, rapid fire. I wonder if he thinks that he can’t get ahold of Mom because she’s hiding something.

I’m sure she is, just not what he thinks she is.

“No, thank you,” I tell him. “I picked up a job tutoring so I have everything I need, and Mom has things situated here.”

“ Why are you working? Dolly, you’re fourteen,” Jack says, his tone dangerously close to a growl. He doesn’t scare me, no matter how big he is.

He’s always just been Jack to me.

“I don’t know if writing papers and doing other people’s homework counts as working,” I sass before I smack myself in the face. God, I’m an idiot.

“ Aha !” he roars. “The truth comes out .”

Giggling, I shake my head. “You got me,” I admit. “I wanted to help Mom because she was working so much, but now…”

“ What about now ?” he asks.

“I keep the money in case of emergencies and to buy myself ice cream here and there,” I say. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“ Absolutely not ,” he groans. “ God, you’re a kid. Why isn’t your mom buying you things like that. You know what, I have a work trip that’s near you. I’m renting a car to come see you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I yelp, looking around the apartment as if he can see me. I’ve been keeping everything clean, but he’ll lose his shit if he finds out I’m living alone.

Should I just rip the bandaid off and tell him?

“ Dolly ,” Jack says. “ What time does your mom come home? I want to talk to her, and I’m telling my secretary that I’m making a side trip. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen you. Someone mentioned that I was being an even bigger asshole than usual.”

“I’m not a chocolate bar,” I say, rolling my eyes. “It sounds like you need a Snickers bar instead if you’re being a jerk to people.”

“ Rude ,” he grunts. “ Now, stop ignoring the question. My Dolly radar is going off.”

“That’s not a thing,” I groan, dropping back onto my bed. I’m laying on my clean laundry, but oh well.

“ Am I wrong? ” he asks. “ When was the last time your mom was home? ”

“Four months?” I squeak, groaning. “Jack, wait?—”

There’s a lot of silence on the other end of the line as I continue to stutter. Shoot, shoot, fuck. I know Dad said only to curse when you know it’s appropriate and you can get away with it, so what better place to do it than in my mind?

No one cares if I’m fourteen and curse to myself. Although I'm alone so often, I’ve found myself talking and answering my own questions recently. I wonder if I search the internet if it’ll show that I have some sort of vague mental disorder, or if loneliness is something that can be cured.

“ You’ve been alone for the entirety of these four months ?” Jack asks. “ Do you have a babysitter or a neighbor that checks in on you? Doesn’t Lucia have a sister she moved to be closer to?”

“Please don’t,” I whisper. “I hate Aunt Amelia. She’s so damn mean.”

“ Dolly, did you just curse ?” he asks, and I can practically hear the surprise coming off him in waves as I sit up.

“Pretend I didn’t,” I suggest. “It was just a little slip. Seriously, Aunt Amelia may not even know or care that I’m pretty much alone and my life is better for it.”

“Dahlia Grace Moore ,” Jack snarls. “ How are you getting to school?”

“Public bus,” I answer since the jig is up. I may as well answer his questions. “The stop is a half a block before the school, so no one really notices if I walk up. Also, there are fewer check in calls to parents when you’re a good student and keep your nose clean, Jack.”

“ Great, this is my fault ,” he mutters. Jack sounds a little nasally, which means he’s holding the bridge of his nose. He did this a lot after Dad’s funeral.

“I never said that,” I say carefully. “That’s not fair to either of us.”

“ You’re right. God, how do you sound so much older than you are? ” he groans. “ Dolly, look. Tell me how you’re making this work. Rent needs to be paid, grocery pick ups, fuck how are you keeping the lights on?”

“Jack, breathe,” I yell, because his questions are making my heart beat hard. My anxiety is worse than it’s ever been, and I think it’s because I’ve had to grow up so fast. I worry about everything. “I have everything covered, okay? As long as no one comes to check on me and realizes I live alone.”

“ Your brother doesn’t even check on you, ” he says, realizing the gravity of everything. “ I’m going to kick his fucking ass. Goddamn asshole!”

Shaking my head, I turn the phone on speaker and stand, grabbing my clothes to put them away. At least the apartment building has washer and dryer machines on each floor. It’s a little scary, but I’m managing.

“Are you done yet?” I call over my shoulder as I slide my school shirts into a drawer.

“Why do you sound so far away ?” Jack asks, his voice sounding strangled as he tries to get ahold of his anger. It’s a fucked up situation, I get it. There’s no way out that doesn’t involve foster care, so this is the better option.

“I’m putting away my laundry,” I say absently as I walk back to the bed to pick more up. I actually had most of it done when he called me.

“Do I want to know where you’re doing laundry ?” he asks, sounding resigned.

“Nope,” I grunt. I’m being a brat because it’s two feet from my apartment door, but I’m being hit with the full force of how messed up everything is and I don’t appreciate it. Tears prick my eyes as I also think about how I haven’t spoken to my mom in months.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you ?” he asks. “ Dolly ?—”

“I’m not,” I lie, forcing myself not to stomp back to the dresser. With my luck, he’ll be able to hear it, or worse yet, the people who live beneath me will get pissed off. Sniffing, I brush away a tear quickly.

I don’t need anyone when I have myself.

“ I think you forget why I say I have Dolly radar, ” he says. “ I can usually tell when you’re lying. I should let you win, but I can’t. I’m going to have fucking nightmares about this. I had to do really illegal things to even find this phone number.”

Chuckling even though it’s not funny, I say, “I was wondering how you were calling when the one person who has this number doesn’t use it.”

“ That’s not funny ,” he says. “ She hasn’t been calling you to check in?”

“No,” I state, finishing up my work. “I haven’t heard from her in over three and a half months. Mom pays for the utilities, the rent, my phone that may as well be a paperweight, and that’s about it. Oh, I have food delivered to the apartment. It’s connected to a card that I assume is hers. I guess that’s how she’s measuring that I’m still alive. She can see the card processing charges.”

Jack snorts, covering it up, while I smirk. Maybe I’ll actually get away with this for a bit longer. I don’t enjoy hiding that my mom doesn’t live with me from the world, it’s just a necessity.

“ I can’t believe this is happening ,” he says. “ You have everything you need in the grand scheme of things. Do you have friends?”

“No, friends aren’t really something I can afford to have,” I explain. “People would want to meet Mom, and that’s not possible. The kids at school are more interested in giving me their money to do their work than being friends, anyway.”

“You’re killing me right now ,” Jack groans. “ You’re starting high school next year, and I clearly have a shitty idea of what makes a good school. I’m firing myself.”

My tears are drying on my cheeks as quickly as I started, and he’s doing a good job of making me smile.

“You didn’t know they’d all be so self-absorbed,” I tell him. “I don’t have to deal with Cyrus anymore since he moved out, and Mom is travel nursing, which is why she’s not here. I don’t even know where she is. By the way, how did you find my number?”

“ I work for a security company ,” he reminds me. “ I asked one of the guys who does computer work to try to find you. Lucia put your name on this phone line.”

“Oh,” I say. “It’s weird that I’m fourteen-years-old with a phone number in my name, but okay.”

“That’s the weirdest thing about all of this? Really ?” Jack asks, making me giggle. I miss him, but I need to get off the phone because I say too much. I want to keep pretending that I have everything under control.

“It is to me,” I murmur. “I have homework I have to do, so I have to go soon.”

“ Shit. Yes. Now, is this your homework or someone else’s? ” Jack asks, making me wince. He never forgets a thing.

“Both,” I say. “I have to fund my movie streaming app.”

“Don’t you need a credit card for those ?” Jack asks, sounding as if he’s worried about his answer.

“I opened an online account that allows minors to have a debit card,” I confess. “There’s a corner store where I can load my card with cash, and then I just make sure the money is there every month.”

“Would it be possible for someone to wire transfer you some funds into it ?” he asks nonchalantly.

Jack is devious and smart. I’m actually opening my mouth to tell him that I’m not sure if that’s possible when I realize where he’s going.

“You can’t send me money,” I say instead. At his annoyed huff, I growl under my breath. “No excuses, and no hacking into my account, either!”

“That’s considered illegal, Dolly ,” he drawls. He grew up in Florida with Dad until he moved away for college to go to MIT, and Dad went to Florida State University for both undergraduate and law school. I only know this because he told me once when I asked how they met.

“I have a feeling you don’t really care, since we’re on the phone now. Did you forget how you got this number?” I ask.

“ Touché ,” he says, making me scrunch my nose until the meaning of his word clicks. I need to read for fun more instead of watching so much television. Then, maybe the meaning of things will come easier to me.

“Exactly,” I tell him. “I have to make dinner too.”

“Fuck, wait !” he yells, but I say goodbye over his voice and hang up. I don’t feel like telling him about how I’ve been making meals for myself for a while.

Cyrus only came home to crash, Mom was always working, which meant I had to fend for myself. Tossing my phone onto the bedspread, I ignore the incoming call that’s sure to be Jack, to make myself some food and start writing Jackson’s History paper.

My life isn’t in the least bit glamorous.

Two months later

Opening the door to the apartment, I can immediately tell there’s someone inside of it. Stiffening, I look over my shoulder, trying to figure out if I should leave and call the police. There’s someone talking to themselves inside, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.

“Dahlia, why are you letting all the cool air out? Come in for heaven’s sakes,” Mom asks, stepping out of the living room. The way the apartment is set up, it doesn’t give a clear view of everything from the door.

Forcing myself not to sag with relief as my heartbeat continues to thunder in my ears, I force myself to nod as I come inside. Mom never speaks to me in Spanish, yet she got this job because she was fluent. Instead, I take classes at school so I can possibly feel closer to her.

I doubt that it’ll help, but learning Spanish is important to me. Probably because my mother is holding her first language hostage from me. Dramatic? Maybe a little.

“I didn’t mean to,” I say, stepping inside and closing the door behind myself. “I didn’t know you’d be home, and hearing someone inside kind of freaked me out.”

“Oh,” she grunts. “I didn’t think of that, I’ve just been so excited, and wanted to talk to you.”

Mom has this kind of energy that I can only describe as both anxious and excited. It feels unpredictable, which makes me uncomfortable as I lock myself in the apartment with her. She’s my mother, but I haven’t seen her in six months.

“Tell me all about it?” I ask, focusing on taking deep, quiet breaths. It’s sad that just breathing could set someone off, but that’s how my mom is.

“I’m making us food. I thought you’d be home earlier. What have you been up to?” she asks.

“I stayed at the library at school because it’s exam week,” I explain. This school doesn’t play when it comes to finals, and being that it’s the end of the school year, everyone is competing to be the best.

I’m even on hiatus from doing other people’s work this week to study, because finals are one thing I won’t do for people. They have to sink or swim on their own. The exam monitors are also insanely good at sniffing out cheaters. It’s not worth the extra money.

“It’s already the end of school soon, isn’t it?” Mom muses. “Even better, then. You won’t miss a thing! Everything's coming together so well. When is your last exam?”

“It’s on Friday. Ah, I still don’t know what’s going on, Mom,” I remind her gently, making sure there’s space between us. I haven’t even dropped my backpack with the school emblem that I ironed on myself because Mom wasn’t around.

“Oh right,” she says, nodding, walking into the kitchen quickly.

Getting more worried by the second, I pull on the straps of my backpack as I follow her at a slower pace. Inside, she’s making empanadas from scratch, causing my mouth to water.

I’ve tried to replicate her food from recipes I’ve found online, but can’t seem to get it right. As much as she’s been gone, at least one night a week, Mom found the time to cook me a meal while she was in town.

Slowly taking off my backpack, I place it out of the way while I sit at the island. Mom has never allowed me to help her make dinner while she’s cooking. I watch hungrily as she cooks, hoping to memorize how she does things so I can replicate it when she disappears again.

It’s what she does, so I expect it. It’s easier to not be disappointed later this way.

“So what’s up?” I ask, as if she hasn’t been gone with no contact for the past six months. I’ve seen Jack more than I’ve seen my own mother at this point. Somehow, he’s managed to make two trips to visit me since he ‘found’ my phone number.

He dropped a pretty large bomb on me last time, and asked me if I wanted to live with him. This was two weeks ago. I’ve been ignoring his calls, because I just don’t know what to say.

Jack is amazing. I just don’t want to mess his life up. He’s never had a kid full time around him. Borrowing me here and there doesn’t really count, I feel.

“So, as you know, I’ve been traveling as a nurse,” Mom says slowly as if I’m ten. Keeping a frown off my face as I nod is difficult, but I do it to keep her from getting angry with me. “I accepted a full time position in Detroit, Michigan two months ago, with amazing benefits!”

Blinking at her, I open my mouth to speak, but I can’t. I don’t think I’ve ever been rendered speechless before.

“I know, you’re wondering how I managed that,” Mom continues, grinning proudly as she pats her long, dark hair into place. She piled it at the top of her head to make sure it stayed out of her face.

Mom doesn’t have one gray or white hair at thirty-eight-years-old, and she’s very proud of it.

She married Dad when she was nineteen, traveling with him while he was in law school getting his degree. Cyrus, Dad, and she lived together in the family apartments on campus while he studied hard to graduate and then pass the Florida bar.

They all talked really fondly about that time… and then I was born five years later.

“You work hard,” I say dully, forcing pride into my voice. “I’m not surprised they asked you to stay.”

I just don’t know why you wouldn’t come back for me. I really am the forgotten girl.

“I meant to call more, but everything was so hectic,” Mom gushes as I gaze at her. She’s so busy making the food that she doesn’t really notice how lackluster my responses are.

“I understand,” I confirm, even though I really don’t.

Mom goes on for the next half an hour about people I don’t know at the hospital, gushing about how wonderful it all is. I hear the name Dr. Davies spoken a lot, but it seems as if they tend to work the same shifts.

I think nothing of it until I’m eating my empanadas with Mom, and I realize this is a “buttering up” meal. Anytime she needs to drop something big on me, she makes one of my favorite meals.

“So, Dr. Davies and I have been spending a lot of time together, you know? He has a little girl named Bronwyn and she’s so pretty,” Mom gushes, making my stomach cramp with anxiety as I put my food down on the plate and take a small sip of water, so I won’t choke on the bite that threatens to get stuck in my throat.

“That’s nice,” I say once I can breathe. Dying by empanada isn’t in my plans. I’d really like to turn fifteen in a few short weeks.

“Isn’t it! Oh good, so you won’t be mad, right?” Mom asks, making my head spin. Why do I feel as if I missed a large part of the conversation just now? Did I space out?

“Why would I be mad?” I ask slowly. Mom gives me an odd look, and I feel as if I’m going insane. What the hell is happening?!

“I didn’t say? Oh, that’s so silly of me,” she says, thrusting her hand under my face. “Gareth asked me to marry him, and I said yes! Isn’t that amazing? We’re moving to Michigan as soon as school ends next week.”

My hands clench around the edge of the table, my chest beginning to heave a bit. There’s a huge diamond ring on her finger, her wedding rings that Dad gave her long gone.

They were on her finger when she left. I’ve missed so much, because I wasn’t even a thought in the plans.

I’m the forgotten person in my own life.

“It’s gorgeous,” I rasp, panting. Maybe I’m allergic to the empanadas, or maybe it’s all the bullshit Mom is spewing right now. “Does he know about me, Mom?”

Blinking, she nods. “Of course he knows about you, mija ,” she says, her nerves beginning to crack through. “Bronwyn and Gareth are really excited for you to come live with them.”

“So they won’t be surprised when I show up with you. A fourteen-year-old is kind of hard to hide,” I say unkindly. I just don’t know what to think, and I realize I messed up as the crack of her hand sounds as she smacks my face.

“You’re my daughter. Be happy for me!” she yells, standing over me suddenly.

“I am,” I counter, my hand resting on the warm spot on my face. I can feel blood sliding down my skin from the huge rock on her finger, but I’m too numb and shocked to be able to process that.

“I just don’t want to be forgotten the way I have been for the last six months. Do you know how many times Jack threatened to move me out of here?”

“Jack? You called him? How?” Mom pouts, looking as if she’s been betrayed.

Oh my God. She wanted me to be completely isolated and alone. This is unbelievable.

“No, Jack was looking for you, and he used his resources from work, Mother ,” I say, knowing I’m asking for trouble, but unable to rein myself back in. I’ve only called my mom this once when I was nine, and she hit me so hard with the hair dryer that I saw stars for the rest of the day.

She told everyone I walked into a door because I wasn’t paying attention. “My name was on the phone contract. Jack was looking for you, because he was worried.”

Mom looks as if she’s going to blow up before she deflates a bit. “I meant to call him,” she mutters. “I got a little carried away. Gareth knows who you are, I promise. He’s very excited to call you his daughter as well.”

I doubt that. I had a father, thank you very much.

“When is the wedding?” I ask. “And where are we living?”

“The wedding is three weeks from today,” she squeals excitedly. “We’re going to of course move in with Gareth and Bronwyn.”

Nodding slowly as I think about a date that I’ve been excited about, I stay seated because I don’t think my legs will hold me up right now.

“That’s awesome,” I rasp. “What’s the date?”

“June fourteenth,” she says with a grin. “It’s such a perfect date, isn’t it? It feels like a great day for something special to happen.”

I can’t breathe. My birthday isn’t special? You have to replace it with a wedding day?

“Of course,” I whisper. “Congratulations, Mom. I’m really excited for you. I want to make sure I ace the rest of my exams. May I be excused?”

“Yes, anything for school,” Mom gushes as I force myself to stand, dragging my bookbag after me as I leave the kitchen.

Thump. Thump. Thump. The thundering of my heart feels like a death knell as I walk to my room. I recently took an exam for history, and wrote a short essay about Vikings. I blame that as I think about the drums announcing that my life will never be mine. I’ll always be pulled through it at the whims of others.

My phone is buzzing in my bag as I toss it onto my bed, closing my door. The only person with that number is Jack, and I can’t stomach speaking to him about any of this. Crawling onto the bed, I attempt to take a deep, cleansing breath as I lay down on it.

I have no concept of time as I stare at the wall, but the sun is setting when Mom knocks harshly on my door. I haven’t opened up a single book, yet I know my exams won’t suffer for it. I was done studying for the night, I just didn’t want to sit in my mom’s presence for another second.

I think I liked it better when she was gone.

“Dahlia?” Mom calls through the door. “I know you’re busy, I just wanted to tell you that I spoke to Jack. He didn’t take it very well. But, that’s adult stuff. He wants to talk to you, so he said that he’s going to call. Okay?”

Her voice is sharper at the end, already exasperated with my lack of response. I can feel my cheek swelling, and don’t want to make anything else up for the school.

“Thanks, Mom,” I call out, scowling because I don’t really want to speak to Jack right now. I feel like hiding from the world, and he won’t let me hide from him.

She walks away without saying anything else, and I slightly relax. Mom’s energy is really unpredictable, which means her walking away now doesn’t mean she won’t return.

My phone begins to buzz incessantly, making me close my eyes tiredly. I feel much older than my fourteen years of age today. Fumbling for the pouch where my phone is in my backpack, I pull it out to catch Jack on the last ring.

“Hello?”

“ Before you say anything, I’m moving to Detroit,” he grunts. “I don’t want to hear that you’re ‘fine’, not when the wedding is on your fucking birthday, okay?”

Tears stream down my face because an adult finally fucking showed up for me, and he gets me.