7. Anastazia

WILLIS, COMPTON, I was weak. I was putting on a mask around you guys, pretending I was good and fine, and it was the only way I could make it through the day, honestly.”

“It’s just some of the stuff that happened is difficult to hear and process,” she admitted. “Especially how my baby came to be,” she added, referring to Sophie.

“Yeah.” I looked off down the street, still holding my sandwich that I no longer wanted. My appetite was rarely around these days. “I hate how she was made, but I’m thankful for her. She was what really gave me the gumption to figure out how to get away from him. She’s the reason I started documenting the abuse through photos, going to the gun range, talking to that traitor ass Jacinta.” I shook my head.

“That stupid whore is gonna get what’s coming to her. Even if I have to do it.” Analicia sucked her teeth, chomping down on her sandwich.

“Usually, I would be all for that, but trust me, Jacinta is gonna learn the hard way. If she believes all of Cedric’s bullshit, that will be her biggest downfall.”

Silence lingered before Analicia said, “I cannot imagine living with someone like that and being in that situation like you did, Stazi.”

“And you won’t ever have to.” I winked, watching her blush at the thought of her husband.

“You’re right about that, even if I’d stayed with Jarrio’s ass because I doubt he can even fight, let alone beat on a woman.”

We chortled loudly, and it felt good. I needed that.

We immediately began shushing each other through snickers, so we wouldn’t wake the babies, but couldn’t help it.

“Poor guy tried to be tough one time in his life. Now he’s sitting up in prison.” I shook my head. Jarrio had never been the brightest crayon in the box, but I at least thought he had some sense.

“Right.” Analicia balled up her trash. “How is working with Asiiiifff?” she sang.

“Umm, why did you say it like that?” I started my truck.

“You know why the hell I said it like that.”

I reversed a bit, then pulled off from the curb before saying, “I think… well, I know he likes me. But I told him I wanted to just be friends right now.”

“Why? What the fuck?”

I knew she was frowning, brows dipped without having even looked her way.

“Because I could be going to jail. I have a lot of issues as far as relationships go. I’m pretty boring too, because all I do is work and take care of Sophie. The funnest thing about me is when I play Monopoly on my iPad.”

Analicia snorted.

“You are not boring, Stazi. Asif ain’t looking for a bitch to hit the club with every night.”

“He should be. I told him as much too.”

“Well, I hope you understand that he’s a grown ass man and he ain’t listening to shit you’re talking about.”

“He’s grown, but I’m growner, if you catch my drift.”

“Cedric is older than you, and he acts worse than Brisa when he doesn’t get his way.”

“You sound like your man.” I giggled.

“Am I lying?”

No, she wasn’t.

Sophie finally drifted off just as I entered my third game of Monopoly. I’d been here with her, wanting her to go down for a nap so she wouldn’t take it too late and then keep me up all night. A few times that’d happened, and I had to go into the warehouse, leaving my mother with a wild toddler late at night. I hated doing that to her and felt like a bum every time I did, so I made a point to bore Sophie into an early slumber today.

Just as I placed her in her bed within my old bedroom, my phone rang. Darting to it so it wouldn’t wake her, I saw it was Asif. Like always, my heart drummed in my chest before I remembered he was my boss and was probably asking me to come in.

“Hey, is everything good?”

“It’s a perfect, sunny ass day. What you doing?” His tone was casual, not all stern and business like the way it was when he was about to ask me to come in for an emergency.

“I was gonna take the opportunity to run some errands, while Sophie slept and I didn’t have to work. But if you need something…”

“I need something but not work related.” I didn’t know what to say in response as my face heated up. “I’ll come scoop you, and we can run ya errands and shit, love.”

“That’s okay. I can do it myself.”

“I’m sure you can. I would hope you could, you being a grandma and all.”

I burst into laughter but quickly covered my mouth before padding out of the bedroom and going into the living room.

“Grandma? Is that how you plan to woo me? By calling me an old lady?”

“I mean, you be acting like you old enough to be my grandma when I got ’bout three brothers even older than you. But you the sexiest, prettiest fucking grandma a nigga don’ ever seen, ya heard me?”

I chuckled some more, unable to drop my grin even once it ceased.

“Well, thank you.”

“Anyway, I wanna drive you around while you handle yo’ shit.”

“Don’t you have some business to tend to? Being top dog and all?”

“I do, and it’s helping you run ya errands. You home? I’m ’bout to pull up on you in a little bit.”

“So you just knew I would be willing to see you, huh?”

“Nah, I didn’t. I was in the area with high hopes though.”

“I guess you can come. I will tell my other little friend next time,” I joked.

“You very funny, Anastazia. Do what you gotta do though, and let that nigga know he can’t go. I see I gotta start putting the word out that you ain’t accepting friendships of any kind.”

“Here you go.” I smirked.

“Except I’m serious. I’m gon’ let muthafuckas know the deal.” He didn’t chuckle or sound humorous in his tone at all. “Just in case you try to wild out, I won’t feel bad about laying a nigga out if he already knew what was up.”

Was he serious? I’d never dated a real hood nigga before, so I wasn’t exactly sure how shit went. Cedric was a fraud, but he was the closest thing to street that I’d engaged with.

“I thought we were just being friends, Asif.”

“We are, but I’m that possessive ass friend. The kind that get upset when you try to add muthafuckas to the clique.”

“I see.” I giggled. “Text me when you get here.”

“Aight, baby.”

We hung up, and I went to let my mother know I was able to get Sophie down and was about to head out.

I searched through my garments for something cute, flattering, and comfortable to wear, which was more difficult than it sounded. While I’d lost majority of my baby weight, I wasn’t as toned and taut as I used to be pre-Sophie. Therefore, my tight lounge dresses didn’t look as flattering as they once did. Where I used to sport a flat stomach, I now had a slight pudge.

Realizing nothing I chose would do, I decided on the dress that stopped mid-thigh. I would just wear one of my oversized jean jackets to shield my insecurities.

I hated that I even thought this way, but after spending years with a man who talked down to you, it was hard not to develop a complex. Additionally, my body had changed from carrying and giving birth, so that didn’t too much help. Then, I almost always ate out after having Sophie, too afraid that Cedric would drug anything I cooked at home like he used to.

I’d seen the women Asif surrounded himself with, and they were video vixen worthy, even Milan. Her body was stacked in all the right places and slim in other right places. Where I had a nice helping of ass, thanks to my baby, other parts of me weren’t as enticing to the eye. I’d began to feel like my breasts had shrunk due to all the breast feeding.

Combing my silk press down, I picked my vibrating phone up off the coffee table to see Asif telling me he was pulling up. The doorbell sounded off, and for a minute, I froze, wondering who the hell it was. Upon peering through the peephole, I saw Asif. I hadn’t expected him to get out of the car.

“Hey.” I tugged the door open and went outside.

I moved past him, but he grabbed my hand, tugging me back gently and embracing my body. He smelled so good, and his hard body felt amazing against my… much less hard one.

Keeping me close to him, he tilted my head back some and then pressed his lips to my forehead. I loved the way his beard scratched against my face. It’d been a minute since I was this close to an actual man and wasn’t trying to defend myself.

“Don’t walk past me without some type of greeting, Anastazia.” He trailed me, and I felt like he was looking at my ass.

When I glanced over my shoulder, I was able to confirm that he was, as he dug down into the pocket of his Rhude shorts for his keys.

“Duly noted.” I half smiled.

“Asif!” some nigga shouted and threw his hand up.

Asif returned the gesture, though quietly, keeping his head on a swivel as he opened the door for me. His arms were so big and strong, making me want another hug, but I felt like I would ruin my panties if I got it a second time.

“You look pretty, love,” he stated, somewhat absentmindedly as his eyes darted up and down my outfit, landing on my toes peeking through the Dior sandals I had on.

“I do?” I asked, surprised a bit, and when he nodded, I said, “Thank you.”

“Aight, so where we going first?” He buckled up as I took in his Lamborghini truck.

It looked custom made and smelled just like him. His car was clean, not littered with fast food papers, cups, or weed crumbs in the crevices like my ex.

“Ooh, a chauffeur. Let’s see, for starters, I need to go to the bank to put some money in my accounts and… Sophie’s.” I was thrown off by him reaching over and fastening my seat belt for me. “Thank you.”

He nodded in response and pulled off. Along with his cloth shorts, he wore a wife beater, socks, slides, and a white do-rag to tie down his dark, lengthy locks. His caramel complexion was decorated with plenty of artwork, even on his hand that he used to caress his very moisturized and well-kept beard. His watch looked expensive, despite it not being completely decked out with diamonds.

“You set up an account for ya daughter?”

“Yep, as soon as she was born. I would’ve done it sooner, but they needed information that I just wouldn’t have had until she was birthed.”

Asif toyed with his beard hair some more while staring at the road like he was in deep thought. I wanted to ask what that was about but didn’t want to pry.

“That’s dope.” He finally offered a delayed response. “You put ya daughter first a lot.”

“Yeah. I honestly don’t even remember what I did with my free time when I didn’t have her.” I chuckled.

“She take up all ya free time?”

“Pretty much. That, church on Sundays, and Monopoly. Why?”

I immediately regretted the Monopoly comment because now I felt like he for sure thought I was a boring granny.

He snickered cutely, still stroking his beard, in deep thought, before he dragged his tongue across his bottom lip. He always did that, I’d learned, when he was in deep thought about something. I wasn’t sure what I’d said that would render such a pondering though.

“I want some of that free time, love.”

“Some?”

“I’ll share with Sophie, of course. But everything else, let me have it. I don’t wanna give you any free space or time to spend on another nigga. I don’t give a fuck if it’s ten minutes, I want it.”

I smiled on the low as he kept his eyes on the road, only allowing me to see the pretty mixture of jade and amber for a brief moment.

“According to you, you’re gonna put the word out about me, and therefore, niggas won’t wanna be around me.”

“The smart ones. But you always got the few stupid muthafuckas willing to crash out over something pretty. Don’t let her be smart as fuck and a good mother too.”

I couldn’t stop my cheeks from rising, hearing the things Asif said about me. I was embarrassed that though he hadn’t done much, I wasn’t used to this type of treatment. The roses for no reason, the subtle but real compliments, and just the feeling of being wanted by a man that had something going for himself and could have any damn body.

For the next hour, Asif drove me everywhere that I needed to go, coming inside whenever I wanted him to. He didn’t complain once, even when I stupidly had him make circles instead of planning our route better. He was compliant, going wherever I needed, all while keeping me entertained the whole ride with music, jokes, and, of course, compliments.

I’d checked in on Sophie, and when my mama basically told me they were fine and to leave them both alone, I decided to stick with Asif for a little longer.

It was hard not to hover over Sophie, which both my mom and Lisara said was normal. I chuckled, remembering Lisara say she didn’t even want family to babysit Khari, but by the time Lequay came, she would let the mailman watch them both if he offered.

“What’s funny?” Asif quizzed.

“Nothing.”

“You hungry? I know damn well you ain’t bring ya fucking lunch to run errands.”

Giggling, I shook my head saying, “No, and yes, I could eat.”

“Anything in particular you got a taste for? Or does a nigga have complete autonomy?”

“You pick.”

“Aight.” He grinned, and I hoped it wasn’t anything too crazy.

“If it’s cool, I would rather not go inside a place. Nothing against you; I’m just not in the mood to be seen or recognized by the public.”

“I got you, baby.”

We ended up at this taco place off of Crenshaw and 67 th Place, where they had a drive-through. As Asif placed our order, his hand rested on my thigh as if it was the normal between us, and I couldn’t ignore the goosebumps rising on my skin like it always did whenever he touched me. His hands were always warm, fingernails clean, and while not soft in the slightest, they weren’t scratchy to the touch.

As his thumb made circles on my exposed leg, I tried to breathe and relax, hoping I didn’t leak out on his seats in this nice ass car, because my panties weren’t exactly the thickest.

Once we got our food, he parked so we could eat. Usually, I wouldn’t sit around this area in a car, eating food, but anything Asif was okay doing, I was too.

Several times, men walked by and nodded their heads at him, and he returned it. I saw him place his gun in the pocket of his door, letting me know he was always on ready.

“You’re well known I see.” I opened my tacos.

“Something like that. Not always a good thing, but I can’t help the shit. As much as these niggas speak and act cool, I don’t trust ’em.”

“Do you trust anybody around you? Other than your brothers?”

“Not really. These muthafuckas are either haters or only fuck with me so they can get put on. I can’t trust people like that.” He bit his taco, so I did the same.

The flavor of the chicken was way too good, but food in the hood was always better.

“What about women?”

“What about ’em?” He glanced at me, pretty eyes seeming to light up the dark vehicle.

“Do you trust women?”

He smirked a bit, sinking down into his seat as he stared out the windshield, thinking on his answer.

“I’m trying to, well as of late. With you and shit. Outside of you though, nah.” He shook his head. “Females is on the same shit. They like who I am and what I do. They fuck with what I’m known for. If shit hit the fan or if I ever hit a low, though, I wouldn’t be able to get them to pick up the phone.”

“You think I would pick up the phone?” I moved onto my second taco.

He finally gave me his eyes again and responded, “I’d like to think so. You not like any woman I’ve ever met.” He wiped his mouth with the napkin.

“I hope that’s a good thing.” I smiled, making him do the same.

“You selfless, beautiful, you got ya own shit going, don’t seek attention wherever you go, but you definitely get it. You loyal, maybe even when you shouldn’t be. My favorite is that as soft and womanly as you are, you strong. You don’t sit up and whine about shit. You either deal or handle it.”

“Thank you. That was sweet.” I couldn’t stop smiling, so I focused on my food.

“I don’t need you handling shit from here on out though.”

He was genuine in his words, so I nodded to comply, just as someone came to the window. When I saw an exposed midriff instead of a white T-shirt with a gun tucked under it, I calmed down a bit. That was until Asif cracked the window, and Milan peered inside, shooting daggers my way.

It hit me then that I didn’t truly know the ins and outs of their relationship. Sure, he said she was just a fuck buddy, but niggas lied. Cedric had made up a whole story about our relationship, and none of it was true. So though Asif didn’t seem like the type of man to play a game with me, you could never be too sure, and I needed to tread lightly.

“I didn’t know about this party,” Milan said sweetly, but I could hear the venom lying underneath.

I could also see the irritation in Asif’s calm expression. His jaw was slightly clenched, and he would only give Milan his eyes for a second at a time.

“Milan.” His deep voice reverberated off the car interior.

“I’m just kidding, daddy. I’m out with my girls anyway.” She reached in to touch his beard, and I hated that it bothered me. “You gonna be free tomorrow night? I’m recovered from that last dick down, so I’m ready for more.” She giggled salaciously, again, wanting to get under my skin.

Unlike the past, her words actually did irritate me. I didn’t really want to think about Asif having sex with her. He looked like he was very good at it, and judging by how thirsty Milan was, I was probably right.

“Stop.” Asif finally held her eyes for a long ass time. Her lustful grin dropped as she swallowed hard. “Go back to yo’ people. You pull this type of shit again, love, and I’ll cut it off.”

“I won’t. I wasn’t even trying to be like that. I’m sorry.” She waited for Asif to grant her forgiveness, but he just jutted his chin out, telling her to go.

Milan gave me one last sad look before doing just that. What I’d just witnessed was crazy to me. Him having her in check was an understatement.

“Is that how all your women are? Well trained, or is she afraid of you?” I questioned.

As frightened as Cedric had me, I wasn’t so sure he could’ve had me behaving like Milan. However, I had to know. I wasn’t trying to fall back in or even entertain a crazy, possessive nigga again.

“She not my woman.”

“She surely acts like it. And her eyes told it all; she’s in love with you.”

“You jealous, Anastazia?”

“No!” I laughed, realizing I said that a little too excitedly. “I’ve had my fair share of a man talking down to me.”

“I feel it.” He nodded. “You ain’t deserve that shit.”

“But Milan does?”

Shrugging as he seemed to ponder, he replied, “You only deserve what you allow. In yo’ case, you allowed the shit out of survival, so nah, you ain’t deserve it. Milan allows it because she don’t wanna lose that imaginary ass spot she believe she got in my life. She don’t give a fuck how I treat her long as I’m still digging her out and letting her sit in my lap in public.”

I nodded, appreciating his mindset. Analicia was right that Asif didn’t act his age or even talk like the niggas his age. I was twenty-six not that long ago, and most niggas had just gotten their first car, still lived at home, didn’t know the first thing about dating, and acted like they couldn’t live without weed and Call of Duty or 2K .

Asif wasn’t like that at all. He was smart, perceptive, thoughtful, respectful, and focused. He might’ve been very suspicious of people, but I was sure something had happened to make him that way. Most importantly, he was far more mature than Cedric, despite the latter being almost ten years older than him. In fact, I often forgot Asif was younger than me and would only remember when I kept trying to remember all the reasons why I couldn’t move forward with him.

“Makes sense,” I finally said.

“I hope that shit ain’t turn you off of a nigga.” He held out the bag the food came in, awaiting my trash.

“Maybe,” I half joked.

“Then I just gotta work harder. I ain’t no stranger to that shit.” He opened the door and stepped out to throw it away. I took that time to hopefully stop blushing. “You know I don’t usually eat in my whip,” he stated, reversing once he got back in.

“I must be special then.”

“Very, love.”

The ride home was eventful in a way. Every light Asif stopped at, niggas would run to the car to slap hands with him through the window. I’d never seen anything like it.

“Who dis, Sif?” a guy asked as we sat at the red light on Florence and Crenshaw. He was ducking a bit, trying to see me in the dark car.

“Future Mrs. St. Thomas, cuz.” Asif hit the car light, making me drop my jaw in shock at him as he and the man laughed.

They both looked at me, admiration in both of their eyes.

“How you doing, beautiful?” The man cheesed.

“Just fine. You?” I smiled.

“Better now.” He then looked to Asif. “Where y’all be finding these pretty ass bitches?”

“This a woman right here, dog. Keep it respectful.” Asif waited for the man to acknowledge what he said with an apologetic nod before continuing. “The pretty ones like this are rare as fuck, but they def’ not on the streets like you, muthafucka.”

The man and Asif laughed before slapping hands, the former saying goodbye to me as Asif turned the light off.

“He was funny.” I cheesed.

“He not that funny.” Asif squinted his eyes playfully at me as he pulled over to a liquor store.

“You jealous?”

“Always. Forever.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out a wad to peel off some cash. Grabbing his gun, he secured it in his waist, then got out of the car, the engine still running, and Nipsey’s “Status Symbol 3” bumping. “Come with me.” He opened my door to get out of the car.

“Shouldn’t you cut the car off?”

“Nah, I never do.” When I stared at him in shock at the fact that he would leave a Lamborghini running and in the hood, he said, “I double dare a nigga.”

Figuring it was his car and not mine, I allowed him to help me out of the vehicle.

Of course, the store clerk spoke to him, grinning hard at Asif being in his store.

“Who is this one, Sif?”

“The missus,” he said again as I waved to the man who nodded at me with a smirk. “Where yours at?”

“Hopefully dead by the time I get home.” The older black man scoffed, causing Asif to laugh heartily.

“Nigga, you’d be ready to leave this earth, too, if she was. You can’t fool me.” He grabbed a pineapple soda, then silently asked if I wanted something, to which I chose one of those artery clogging honey buns.

“Shiiit!” The old man tapped on the register to ring it up once we approached. “I’d go right and get a little honey dip like you got right here, little nigga.”

Asif laughed even harder, making me chuckle at how happy he looked. He was handsome all the time, but when he laughed, showing off that perfect smile, slight dimples, and pretty eyes, it was mesmerizing. I loved his laugh—deep, raspy, but with a good youth to it.

“Bye,” I said as Asif took my hand in his free one to lead me out.

“Bye, pretty girl,” the old man said back.

Asif slapped hands with some nigga walking into the store as he led me out, and sure enough, his damn car was still there, untouched and now onto a new song.

We ate our snacks the whole ride home, and I realized I hadn’t thought about my trial or possible impending doom the whole time I was with him.

“This was fun, Asif.” I smiled, checking my phone. “It’s seven p.m. I feel so bad for leaving her all day though.”

“Happy mothers raise happy children, love, so don’t feel bad.” He gave me a subtle, closed mouth smile, talking as if he knew this to be true. “If you miserable, she gon’ feel it.”

He parked when we got to my mom’s, then climbed out to come open the door for me, helping me out like always.

When we got to the door, me up on the steps and him still on the flat ground, he said, “Hit me if you need anything, love.”

“Like what?” I frowned, truly wondering.

“Anything, even if it’s wipes and Pull-Ups.”

“Okay.” I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing such a thing.

“Or shit, just to kick the shit, vent. I don’t really care what it is long as I see ya name on my phone. I know shit can get lonely being in the space you in, feeling like everybody hate you and shit or got some opinion about you.”

“Thanks.” I half smiled, fidgeting from the nervousness he’d brought about as the cold night air damn near froze my fingertips off. Thank God I’d had on this jean jacket. “Will Milan be on the phone too?”

He chortled deeply, too, making me do the same at the fact that he found what I said to actually be funny.

“Nah, she don’t wanna witness that shit.”

“Witness what?”

“Us.” Before I could say anything, he came up onto the bottom step, invading my space. “Come here,” he muttered before slipping his hands under my jean jacket, and pulling me into him slowly before pecking me. That felt too good.

“Asif,” I said, just before he kissed me again, hands on my ass and gripping. We kissed a few more times, parting our lips a bit, and it was perfect as my hands rested on his strong arms.

“I know we friends, but I want you. Long as I ain’t making you uncomfortable, let me do me. A nigga can’t see something I want and be idle, baby. I’m a go-getter.” Moving a piece of my hair from my face as he peered down into he continued, “I’m yours and you been mine since you walked into that fucking office. When I thought you was happy, I was willing to suffer and be a homeboy or some shit but now that you free, love, I gotta do what I gotta do; go for what I want. I’m ready to lock you down, ice out that finger, put Sophie on a nigga’s taxes, and take care of you. When you ready, of course.”

I guess he read in my eyes that I was compliant because his soft lips were back on mine, before he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I loved the way his beard scratched my skin, the way his big hands caressed the body I wasn’t as confident in as if he couldn’t get enough. His dick hardened against me, but I didn’t move as we both began to moan softly.

When I heard Sophie shout something happily, I snapped out of the trance and jolted back a little bit.

“Good night, Asif.” I hurriedly unlocked the door.

“When can we kick it next? Some official date shit.”

“I don’t know.” I quickly slipped inside the house and locked the door.

I liked him way more than I expected.

Just then, my phone buzzed.

Asif: That means you leaving that shit up to me then.

Me: you just don’t like being told no, huh?

Asif: A persistent man is a winning man, love.