14. Chapter 14

14

F eeling irritated, Soren paced in his office, mulling over what he, Galen, and Ilaria had just discussed.

There were threats to Ilaria from all sides, it seemed. But where the threats were actually coming from, he didn't know. And not knowing made him feel powerless. And he didn't like feeling powerless.

It reminded him too much of his previous life, when he always felt that he was clinging to everything he had by a tenuous thread, and that at any moment it would snap and he would lose it all.

No. He wouldn't let that happen. He'd go down fighting if that's what it took. Just as he'd always done.

Whoever caused Ilaria's and Galen's grief—he had never once seen his uncle cry—would get what was coming to them.

He shot off a quick text to Rowan and Elowine. With his time now occupied with Ilaria, he'd have to rely on his team to root out the killer. And he would pick the killers off one at a time until all threats were neutralized and vengeance was served. For both Ilaria and Galen.

Soren was also determined to help Ilaria prepare to take over her family's organization. He owed it to Galen, who wanted to see his best friend's daughter succeed.

And if that meant being close to Ilaria, so be it. He knew she still hated him, and it was tortuous for him, but he never felt more invigorated than when they were verbally sparring. Hell, he felt more alive just being in her presence.

Being the only child of the Carosi boss, and a female, meant that she probably hadn't been exposed to much of the business. She likely preferred to spend her time partying and socializing. But she was a smart woman, and he knew that, under his tutelage, she would understand her business in short order.

And if he had to spend time in Chicago to show her the nuances of how to run the organization with authority, he was willing to find the time. For her benefit, of course.

Feeling marginally better that he had a plan forward, he made his way to the dining room for lunch. Smaller and more casual than the formal dining room that seated twenty—which Galen only used for dining parties with business associates or large holiday gatherings—the smaller dining room seated ten and looked out over the pool. White cabinetry, a medium oak table, light beige chairs, and a casual rug offered enough space for the entire family and a few extra guests while keeping the atmosphere relaxed. On warm days, the pivoting glass doors were opened wide, and the room was extended into the outdoor kitchen.

Caelum was seated at the table with Ilaria and Galen, telling them a story that was making her chuckle. The tightness in his chest eased a little more.

Soren's eyes followed Ilaria's movements as she took a tiny bite of her grilled cheese sandwich. One of the luxuries Soren and his siblings had been delighted to discover was that Galen had a full-time chef. Not that their standards were that high; just having a regular meal on the table was more than they were able to scrounge up when their father was sick. But living with Galen meant they not only had regular, hot meals, but gourmet food that was made to order.

Today's lunch was a DIY sandwich bar, which he had specifically requested because it was Ilaria's favorite. But he noticed she hadn't availed herself of most of the sandwich toppings, opting instead for a small grilled cheese sandwich, half of which was still sitting untouched on her plate.

He made himself a roast beef and horseradish sandwich and sat down at the table across from Ilaria. He tried not to make it too obvious that he was scrutinizing her, noticing her thinness, lack of appetite, and dark eye circles.

At the moment, though, Caelum's story was putting a smile on her face and a brightness in her eyes, so he decided that a lecture about sleep could wait.

"So I could feel this hot girl's eyes on me, right? Watching to see what I would do. And I went to pick up the four cups, thinking: of course I can bring them all to the table in one trip." Caelum was gesturing wildly with his arms, with his sandwich in one hand. A piece of lettuce flew out and landed on the table. "I went to grab them all, like this—" He circled his hands together. "—and picked them all up. The problem was—" He paused for dramatic effect. "—they were all hot. If they were cold, there would have been no problem, right? But the instant I picked them up, my fingertips, my hands, were burning."

Caelum paused to take another bite of his sandwich, holding up a finger, asking his audience to wait while he chewed. He swallowed. "Now the smart thing to do would have been to put the coffee back down on the counter. But oh no, I decided, even with my burning hands, I could still make it. So I turned—" He mimed it. "—and walked real fast to the table. Which was only ten fucking feet away! But right at the edge of the table, my hands just couldn't take it anymore. And, whoosh." He motioned with his arms. Ilaria let out a small gasp and a laugh "All four cups of coffee, all over the floor."

"Oh no," Ilaria laughed.

"I'm just glad I hadn't dropped the coffee on someone, or there'd be a lawsuit," Caelum added.

Galen shook his head, chuckling. "I bet the baristas loved cleaning up after you."

"I stuffed a big tip into the jar and ran out of there," Caelum said.

"What happened to the hot girl?" Ilaria asked.

"I couldn't look at her," he said, eyes wincing. "She would have been laughing at me, or worse, pitying me, and I couldn't take either."

Ilaria let out another loud laugh. Soren felt his own lips quirk up at the sound.

"I bet she was relieved," Soren commented. "Relieved to discover that you were a klutz before she went out with you."

Caelum boomed out a laugh and flipped his brother the bird. Ilaria choked back any sounds but her shoulders shook. A warm feeling spread across Soren's chest.

"What a difference from when we were kids, huh?" Caelum remarked to Soren. "Who would have thought we'd now be able to afford four coffees and not bat an eye when they were all wasted."

"Hmm." Soren eyed his brother, hoping he wouldn't launch into a story about their earlier years. It wasn't a time he liked to revisit.

Ilaria looked at Caelum with affection and sympathy. She and Caelum had always been close, and he had likely told her what their old life was like.

"Remember when you bought us that hot chocolate?" Caelum had a faraway look on his face. "We were supposed to share it. But Niema and Arick were fighting over who would take the first sip, and they dropped the cup." He looked at his plate and shook his head.

Ilaria reached over and laid her hand over his.

Soren felt a stab of jealousy.

Caelum peered at Soren. "I remember the three of us being really upset, but you didn't seem that way at all."

Soren leaned back in his chair and sighed. "What good would that have done? It was already on the ground." His eyes slid over to Ilaria's, meeting her unreadable expression.

"I felt so bad," Caelum added. "Not just because we couldn't drink the hot chocolate, but because you had worked so hard for it." He turned to Ilaria. "We could only afford a treat once a month."

Soren's stomach churned. Ilaria's dark eyes appraised him, and he was relieved he didn't see pity.

"Well, now you can afford the entire coffee shop," she murmured, eyes still on him. He nodded, swallowing.

"Then when we moved here, we were able to have hot chocolate every day," Caelum remembered. "Arick drank the stuff for two months straight."

"I'm pretty sure he was peeing hot chocolate," Soren quipped.

"If I remember correctly," Galen added, "all of you were peeing hot chocolate."

They all laughed.

"I remember when I would come to visit, you guys were always so excited for the pancake and waffle bar," Ilaria said. "Which I thought was a little odd because I assumed you were eating that every day already."

"I wouldn't let them have pancakes and waffles unless it was a special occasion," Soren explained, "and your visits qualified as special occasions."

"Yeah, why was that?" Caelum asked. "The cook was willing to make it for us."

Soren was quiet for a beat. "I didn't want you guys to get used to such luxury."

Caelum's brows flattened. "You mean, in case we ever had to go back to our old house," he finished. "Our old life."

Soren nodded. Those first few years were a mixed bag of emotions: wonder and amazement at their change in luck, and paralyzing fear it would all disappear.

Galen's brows furrowed. "I didn't know you felt that way."

Soren shrugged. "Just some old insecurities," he muttered. He tried to dismiss it with a wave. "It's no big deal. I got over it."

"Wish you had told me," Galen persisted. "I would have allayed your worries." He looked thoughtful. "Or maybe I should have guessed. I don't think you trusted me for a long time."

Soren grimaced at the turn the conversation had taken in front of Ilaria.

"It's difficult to trust others when you're always being let down," she murmured, surprising everyone.

His eyes searched hers, but her expression was impassive.

The chef took that opportunity to walk into the dining room, interrupting the moment. "Mr. MacGregor, is there anything else you want for lunch?"

"No, Magda, we're all good here," Galen replied. "Thank you."

She bowed slightly. "Then I will see you for afternoon tea. We have some new cakes I think you'll enjoy."

"Thanks, Magda." The rest of them echoed the sentiment.

Galen stood up. "Well, it's been fun but I need to get to a meeting. Love," he said to Ilaria, "I'll talk to you later."

She nodded. "See you later, Uncle Galen."

Galen clapped Caelum on the shoulder as he left. He turned back and glanced at Soren. "Come by my office in a bit."

Soren nodded as he stuffed the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth and wiped it with a napkin.

A long beat of silence fell across the table. Soren noted the sandwich left on Ilaria's plate. "You didn't eat very much," he observed.

Ilaria shrugged. "Wasn't that hungry."

"You should get some rest."

"I don't need a keeper."

Caelum's head swiveled between them.

"What happened this morning proves otherwise," Soren countered.

"What happened this morning?" Caelum asked.

They both ignored him.

"Should someone tag along with me everywhere in case I get hit by a bus?" Her expression was mulish. "Should someone sit with me while I shower in case I slip? Should someone watch me every time I eat in case I choke?"

Soren's eyes hardened. "This is different and you know it."

"I promised Galen you can be my guard dog whenever I leave the house," she said calmly. "When I'm here, there's no need for you to hang around and tell me what to do. I'm perfectly capable of deciding for myself when I need to eat or sleep."

Caelum's eyes were wide.

A muscle twitched in Soren's jaw. "I'm just looking out for you."

Ilaria's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Just like you were looking out for me the last time I was here?" She leaned her arms on the table.

"I warned you what might happen." His voice was rough. He didn't bother pretending he didn't know what she was referring to.

She gave a small laugh. Her face was pale other than the pink spots on her cheeks. "You did, didn't you? And I didn't listen because I was so na?ve." She shook her head as she surveyed him.

"I'm sorry if you were hurt," he said stiffly.

"Me, too." She stood up. "Regardless, your looking out for me tends to have an unfavorable outcome. I'd rather take my chances with my parents' killer."

"Really?" he replied. "You'd rather risk being killed than to trust me."

"At least I know what I'm getting." Her dark gaze pierced him before she swung around to stalk out of the room.

"Stop." Soren's tone was hard.

Ilaria looked back at him with a scowl.

He slowly got up from his chair and came around the table toward her. "You had your say. Now it's my turn."

The look on her eyes turned wary.

"First." He stalked toward her, his gaze pinning her to the spot. "I realize that you're highly allergic to being told what to do, least of all from me. But as you heard Galen say earlier, he wants you safe. And my job is to do what Galen wants, so if he wants you safe, then I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. And if I thought you had a likely chance of slipping in the shower, you can bet your ass I'd be there to prevent it."

Soren stood inches from her, forcing her head up as she glared at him. The jut of her chin fueled the heat under his skin.

"And if it means harping on you to eat and sleep, because your stubbornness is so warped that it's getting in the way of your self-preservation, then that's what I'll do until I can see that you're taking care of yourself."

Her eyes narrowed, blazing with fire. She hated being treated like a child, and he didn't care.

"Second, you were a willing participant the last time you were here. You knew the risks. You weren't na?ve; you just didn't like the outcome. You didn't like getting rejected." He punctuated the words. "Look, I understand that you probably never get rejected, so it wasn't a nice feeling. But, love, it's been two years. It's time to take responsibility for yourself and move the fuck on."

Ilaria reared back, fists clenched and spine stiff. She was silent for a good minute, struggling for words. "Moving on, then." She turned on her heels and walked out.

Soren let out a slow breath. He hadn't planned to say all that, but it needed to be said. His choices were his, and he refused to feel guilty about them.

Caelum watched her leave and then turned to his brother, brows raised. "What the hell was that about?"

Soren shook his head. "Nothing."

"That didn't sound like nothing," Caelum replied. He studied Soren for a long moment. "You know, I've never thanked you for everything you did for us when we were kids." Soren's eyes met his brother's. "I never realized how much you sacrificed for us. I really want you to find the happiness you deserve." He paused. "If Ilaria holds the key to that happiness, and I've seen how you look at her, then fix it with her."

Fix it with her.

Soren scoffed under his breath. Easier said than done.

And anyway, all the reasons he shouldn't fix it with her were still valid. They were not meant to be together.