Chapter 45

He loves me.He loves me and he wants to be with me and I’m pregnant with his baby.

And I’m never leaving Heatstroke.

The things I wanted don’t matter any more.

I shake my head at the string of thoughts. They’ve been tormenting me for the past few days, and I can’t help the way I feel. In disbelief, confused.

I want to keep this baby. I’m never going to find my independence because everyone is going to want to look after me.

I’m ridiculous for being unhappy about that. I should be grateful.

I’m afraid that Carter is only saying he loves me because of the baby, not because of us. But our chemistry is untouchable. It’s everything. So how can I doubt it? Maybe because I’ve spent years pining for him and it’s only been a month and a couple weeks since we started seeing each other.

And I love him. I love him. Oh my God, do I love him and this baby too, and I can’t stand the thought of being heartbroken.

But he wouldn’t do that to me. I can trust him.

I sit on my bed in the guestroom with my laptop in front of me and consider apartment listings in Heatstroke. I have my job at the library, which is amazing, especially since I’ve got a reading with local kids from the middle school coming up, but I can’t afford a lot. I also don’t think I can live in my old apartment any more.

When I think about that place, I feel unsafe.

A knock taps on the door.

“Come in,” I call out.

Ganny mentioned breakfast, and she loves to treat me when I stay over. She’s giving with every single person who graces her home. I want to be like her when I grow up.

What is she going to say when she finds out?

The door opens and Leo enters the guestroom, followed by Jesse and Cash.

I straighten and press my palms onto my knees, pulling a face at my brothers. “What on earth are you guys doing in here?”

“What’s the matter? We can’t pay you a visit?” Leo asks. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Try years,” Cash grouses.

“Oh, relax, Grumpy Dwarf,” Leo says. “You’ll get over it.”

“Dwarf?” Cash arches an eyebrow.

“You guys want to take this outside?” Jesse asks. “I thought we came here to talk to Hannah, not to argue.”

“Yeah,” Cash says.

Leo narrows his eyes at Cash, but turns to me. “Han, what’s going on?”

My brother is so usually full of himself, that when he gets sincere like this, it always takes me by surprise. It’s a reminder that he hides his feelings behind that bravado.

“What do you mean?” I ask, switching my gaze from Cash to Leo to Jesse and back again.

My brothers have always been my saviors. Cash is an overprotective asshole, but when the chips were down, Leo and Jesse were there for me too. They were always ready to kick ass if I needed them. And Lily would join in too.

“We know,” Cash says.

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

“About you doing the no pants dance with Savage,” Jesse says.

Blood rushes to my cheeks. I open my mouth but no sound comes out.

“Making whoopee,” Leo says, when I don’t reply.

“Boinking?” Jesse next.

“Fornicating.” Leo wears a serious frown and strokes his chin, his stubble rasping. “Coitus. Copulation.”

“Stop it,” Cash snaps.

Both Leo and Jesse chortle and nudge each other.

“What’s wrong with you two? This is your sister you’re talking about,” he says.

“And so?” Leo asks. “She’s not a nun, Cash. And this weird pseudo-protective big brother shit is weird as hell.”

“At least I give a shit, Leo.”

“Don’t start,” Jesse says. “I might not be in law enforcement any more, but I swear to God, I’ll kick both your asses and report you.”

“Do any of you actually want to hear what I have to say?” I ask.

The three of them settle into silence.

“You know that Savage and I are a thing?” I’m not going to call him Carter in front of them. I feel like that’s a special thing just for us.

Cash grumbles under his breath but nods. “Yeah, I know. I talked to him about it.”

“You did.”

“Yeah. I wasn’t happy at first, but we talked and he really cares about you, Hannah. He wants to do right by you,” Cash says. “Are you still going to leave after what happened at your apartment?” The question is gentle, but the implication is clear. Cash is in his “overprotective” era.

“I don’t know.” But I do know, because I’m not about to go traveling while I’m pregnant and can’t afford to. All the money I’ve saved is going toward the baby. And I’m happy about it, because I never thought that it would be possible for me. Those complicated emotions—guilt and fear mixed with joy, nearly overwhelm me.

“Han,” Leo says, and takes my hand in his. He squeezes it. “We know that you’ve been through a lot. Not just over the past couple of months, but in your whole fucking life. You deserve to be happy, so if there’s any part of you that’s holding back because of what we’ll think, especially this asshole’s opinion—” He points at Cash. “Yeah, just know that you don’t got to worry about us.”

“So, you’re here to tell me that I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need her older brothers’ opinions?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Leo says.

“You realize that’s a little tone deaf given that your opinion is that I should be an independent woman who shouldn’t care about her older brothers’ opinions?”

“Hannah, please,” Jesse says, grasping his temples, “I’m still recovering from a three week hangover in Rome.”

“I told you not to drink red wine, you doofus. They make that shit different over there,” Cash says.

“We’ll support you no matter what,” Leo says. “That’s what we’re saying.”

“Thank you,” I say.

They sit there, these seriously oversized brothers of mine, all watching me with concern or care or, in Cash’s case, an unreadable frown.

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” Jesse asks, brushing his fingers through his dark hair.

“Not today,” I say.

“Hmm.” The lines on Cash’s forehead deepen.

“All right,” Leo says, and smiles at me. “Let us know when you wanna talk.” He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, then heads out the door.

Cash ruffles my hair like I’m a kid, and I glare at him. Jesse hugs me. “You’re the best Hannah Banana.”

And then they’re gone, and I’m left with a smile and nerves bubbling in my belly. Cash and Savage talked about me. Cash knows that Savage cares. Then it’s real. This is real.