Chapter 38

I can’t fucking standthis.

I stare at the open doorway and listen to the sound of Hannah’s retreating steps on the stairs, grinding my teeth.

Yeah, I put up the camera. Sure, I should have told her, but I acted on impulse. I wanted her safe, and fuck it, I would do it again. With the caveat that I’d tell her about it first. And now she wants space. Space I have to give her, even though I’m fucking aching inside to take her in my arms and hold her close.

The fact is, I don’t want to give Hannah space.

I’ve spent the last sixteen years wanting only space. Space from the world and all the people in it, but now that she wants it, all I want is her.

In my house. In my life.

“Fuck this.” I exit onto the steps. Hannah has just reached the bottom. “Hannah,” I say, and then jog up to her. “Princess.”

Hannah looks up at me, those blue eyes shimmering with tears.

I jog down the stairs to her. I don’t take her in my arms, but I itch to do it. I’m never going to come back from touching her.

“Princess,” I say, moving toward her again, then stopping myself. Space.

“Why do you call me that?” she asks. “What’s the reason? Is it because you think I’m spoiled? Because I’m some cloistered, cared for little princess who needs everyone to look out for her? Is that why?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

I scratch the back of my neck.

“Carter.”

I take in a breath. “A couple of years ago, the Heatstroke Public Library hosted a reading of the Princess and the Pea,” I say. “You remember that?”

She nods, sucking the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I attended.”

“You attended a reading of a children’s book?” she asks. “I don’t remember seeing you there.”

“That’s because I hung back between the bookcases in the sci-fi fantasy section. I caught glimpses of you, reading to the kids about the princess, the pea, her fucked up family who sold her off to some random lonely prince,” I say.

“And what, you thought I was like this princess who has to sleep on a million mattresses to be comfortable?”

“No,” I say. “You were wearing a crown, Hannah. And you looked so goddamn beautiful. So fucking perfect. It looked like you were born to wear a crown, and it stuck in my head. You as a princess. Not a spoiled princess, not someone who has to be cared for or pandered to, but a regal, beautiful woman who deserves to be worshiped.”

Hannah stares at me, wide-eyed.

“And anyway, none of this makes up for the fact that I went behind your back and installed that camera, but fuck it, Hannah, I’ve been obsessed with you for years, and the thought of you in danger….” I clench my fists.

“What?”

“It makes me want to burn the world down for you. It makes me want to find whoever upsets you and make them pay for it with fucking blood.”

She trembles. “You can’t be serious.”

“And I would expect nothing less from you. I expect you to punch anyone who fucks with you in the nose, then tell me about it so I can finish what you started,” I say.

Hannah takes a step toward me.

In the street, cars pass by, but we’re further back from the mouth of the alleyway. They can’t see us, and even though this is the least romantic place ever, I want to tell Hannah how I feel. I hold back, because when I do that, it’s going to be perfect. I’m going to show her exactly what she means to me, so there’s no doubt left.

And then you are going to let her go.

My throat tightens at the thought, and I shove my hand into my pocket, touching my fingers to the bracelet.

“Carter, I?—”

“You want space, and it’s going to take time for you to get over this.”

“I’d like a heads up next time.”

I nod.

She steps even closer.

“Is the space thing over now?” I ask, the urge to hold her nearly unbearable. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t go a minute without her. It’s insane.

“You’ll really do it?” she whispers, tracing a hand down my arm.

I catch her wrist in mine and lift it to my lips. I press a kiss to the warmth of her palm, trailing my lips down the inside of her forearm.

“Do what?” I ask, between kisses.

“Burn the world down for me?”

“Hannah,” I say. “There isn’t a god damn thing I wouldn’t do for you. You ask for it, and it’s yours.”

She steps into my arms, and I bring my lips down on hers, my hand resting against her throat, moving up to her cheek. The kiss is gentle at first, but I can’t help myself with her. I lift her into my arms, and she kisses me back, stroking her fingers through my hair, tugging, gasping.

I need to get her upstairs before I fuck her up against the side of the bakery.

“Oh my goodness.” The words come from the entrance to the alleyway.

Hannah freezes in my grasp.

We turn, and find Irma, her colleague from the library, standing inside the mouth of the alleyway, holding a gift box, her one hand literally clutching the string of pearls at her neck. She’s wide-eyed, and I’m surprised her gray curls aren’t standing on end.

I clear my throat and let Hannah down slowly.

“Hi, Irma,” Hannah says.

“I suppose that explains why he’s been visiting the library so much lately.”

“Why, because big guys like him can’t read books?” Hannah snaps it out.

I hide my smile, stroking my beard.

“You always were a bit loose, weren’t you, dear?” Irma mutters.

I step past Hannah and glare down at the woman. “What did you just say?”

She lifts her pointed chin.

“I suggest you keep your opinions about my woman to yourself,” I say. “Or I will make sure your inappropriate behavior is reported to your superiors. Understand?”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’m making a promise,” I say, trading her stare for mine.

Irma pats her hair. “Yes, well. I didn’t mean anything by it. Just kidding around, isn’t that right, Hannah, dear? We like to have our little jokes.”

“It’s fine,” Hannah says, and squeezes my arm.

Irma sucks in a breath through her teeth. “I wanted to give you a parting gift, dear.” And she hands the box to Hannah. “I’m sure you will put it to good use.” And then she waddles off, casting glances at me over her shoulder as she goes.

“Nice lady,” I say.

“She’s harmless.” Hannah opens the gift box and snorts. She takes out a pack of condoms. “Condoms and an info-pamphlet about the dangers of teenage pregnancy. Oh, and a coupon for Bagel’s! That part is nice.”

“Harmless, huh?”

“Eh.” Hannah waves a hand. “If you give a crap about everyone’s opinion of you, you’ll never figure out who you really are.”

I take her by the hand and lead her back up the stairs to the apartment, thinking of all the ways I’m going to show her just how perfect she is for me.