Chapter 30

I can’t get enoughof her. I can’t get enough of the way she tastes or smells, the way she moans my name or comes on my dick. I don’t want it to end, but the power is back, the cell signal is fine, and it’s only a matter of time until the water dries and she leaves.

Hannah’s curled up on the sofa, a book in hand, her head resting on my lap while she reads. I stroke my fingers through her hair, watching her. I have a book in hand too, but I can’t stop thinking about this beautiful woman in my lap, and it is fucking me up.

I don’t want feelings. I don’t want to care.

The last time I cared, my heart was shredded to shit. I have dealt with the trauma in the best way I can, but it’s not enough.

There’s a reason Cash wanted to keep me away from his sister. I can’t function in a relationship. I’m barely hanging on most days, and it’s not fair to Hannah to put that on her.

Stop considering it.

Be happy with this.

She shifts in my lap and sits up. “You know, our sleep schedule is going to be all fucked up.” She’s adorable in my sweater, and she pushes her glasses up her nose as she smiles at me. “It’s like three in the morning. We should probably try to get some sleep.”

“I struggle to sleep with you around,” I say.

Hannah rewards me with a smile that rips right through the center of my chest. “Beautiful,” I say, and brush her hair back behind her ear. I lean in and press a kiss to her lips, and she responds with a greedy hunger that makes me hard.

“Princess,” I say, warning in my tone. “We’re going to injure ourselves if we keep fucking at this rate.”

She blushes and presses another kiss to my lips. “I can’t help it,” she whispers. “I’ve wanted this for a really long time.”

“I have too.”

She crawls onto my lap, straddling me, but she doesn’t grind into me, thank God. Sore or not, if she did that, I’d lose it all over again. “I’m glad we’re doing this,” she says. “As lame as that sounds. I’ve wanted you for so long, I can scarcely believe this is true.”

I nod. “Me neither.”

“Carter, about what you told me yesterday,” she starts. “With the flowers and the?—”

“Charlotte?” I ask.

“Yes. And the… your…”

“The baby was a girl. My daughter,” I say, and my vision blurs around the edges. I reach into my pocket and feel the soft, cold links of the bracelet. I breathe through it.

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Hannah says. “I wanted you to know that even after I leave, I’ll be there for you. You can call me any time if you need to talk to somebody, or if you’re feeling any type of way.”

I nod, grinding my teeth. “It’s just—” The words come out choked and slow. “I wasn’t there. I should have been. That is what is fucking me up. I should have been there for her when she needed me.”

Hannah rests her head on my chest, and I inhale her scent. It’s beautiful and perfect. I have lost so much, and now that she’s with me, I can’t imagine her not being there. Or watching her leave.

How the fuck am I going to stay calm when she goes? What if this stalker ass fuck doesn’t listen to Cash and comes to find her?

“I’m here,” she says, and presses a kiss to the side of my neck.

She’s dangerous for me to be around, but I want to stay with her anyway. I want to make sure she’s safe. The thought of losing her after everything I’ve been through is too much to take. My vision blurs, and I shut my eyes, holding the bracelet.

“Carter?”

“Mmm.”

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“It’s just something I hold on to to keep me calm,” I say. “When I start talking about this stuff, I need an object to focus on.” You shouldn’t have done this.

“What is it?”

Shit. I remove the bracelet from my pocket and hold it out in the palm of my hand.

Hannah gasps. “Oh my God,” she whispers. “My bracelet.”

It’s a silver charm bracelet with thick links. There’s only one charm on it—a small key, the end of which is shaped into the number 21.

She touches her fingers to it, frowning. “I lost this on the night you, uh, rejected me.”

“You were drunk,” I say. “I wasn’t about to take advantage of you, Hannah.”

“But you took my bracelet?”

I keep my palm open so she can take it from me. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I found it on your living room floor, and I was going to give it back to you. It was broken.” I turn it over in my fingers and show her the clasp, the metal that’s misshapen from where it bent and I fixed it. “The chain snapped there, but I fixed it.”

“Thank you.”

“But then, I kept it, because it felt good to hold.”

“And it helps keep you calm,” Hannah breathes. “My bracelet helps keep you calm.”

“Take it, Princess,” I say. “It’s yours. I should’ve given it back to you the minute I fixed it.”

She runs her fingers over my palm, holds the sides of my hand and closes my fingers over her bracelet. “You keep it,” she says, with a small smile. “It was a gift from my mother, and she gave it to me so that I would always have luck and happiness.”

“I’m an asshole,” I say, and hold it out to her.

Hannah puts up her hands. “I’m not taking it back, Carter. Keep it. I want you to have it. Maybe it will bring you luck.”

“I’ve already got you sitting in my lap,” I say. “How much luckier can I get?”

“I think you’re about to find out.” She runs her hands through my hair and brings herself closer. Her lips press against mine, and it’s further confirmation that she’s what I want. I’m not right for her, and I can’t allow myself to have her, but god damn if I don’t want those two things to be true.

“Oh, Carter,” she murmurs.

I deepen the kiss and place the bracelet in my pocket. I get up, and she wraps her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist. I carry her through the house to the bedroom, then lower her onto the bed, still kissing her.

The headboard clacks, and Hannah pulls back, a smile twisting her lips, her glasses askew. “I can’t believe we broke the headboard.”

“Mmm. Let’s break the rest of it.” I undress her slowly, place her glasses on the bedside table, and then I ravish her with attention, taking my time as I trail kisses over her skin, and take her to new heights.

If she’d asked me for the bracelet back, I would have given it to her.

And I’m coming to realize that there isn’t much I wouldn’t give Hannah, if she asked for it.