19. Alexis

19

Ilean against the buttery soft leather seat of the car, arms wrapped tightly around myself as I struggle to breathe deeply. Tears sting my eyes as I replay the events of the night over and over in my mind.

It had started out so promising—my date with Damian at Basil and Olive. He had been so utterly charming, regaling me with stories and jokes that made me laugh until my cheeks hurt. When he smiled at me, I felt a spark like never before.

I was on cloud nine. It felt so natural, so right to be at that dinner with Damian.

It felt like I meant something to him. Why else would he have asked me out on a date?

Then that woman Scarlett appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, like a venomous snake, slithering up to our table uninvited. I shiver when I recall her cold eyes glinting with sadistic delight as they raked over me in disdain.

I honestly felt like I needed to shower right then and there.

Words were exchanged, and I remember my heart thumping rapidly when Scarlett remarked that I looked familiar to her. Where would I have met her before? How would she have known me?

But then before I knew what was happening, Scarlett brought out a knife, intending to attack me. I had been bewildered, scared, looking to Damian for support and protection.

But the way he responded—or rather didn't—felt like a searing betrayal. Damian didn't lift a finger to defend me. In fact, he pressed a kiss to her hand and his tone became light, friendly even, as if exchanging pleasantries with an old pal.

He didn't even bother telling me that Basil and Olive was clearly a Mob restaurant. I had to figure that out myself when half the restaurant turned guns on us, scaring me half to death.

Scarlett proceeded to dominate the conversation, regaling us with stories and anecdotes from her apparently long relationship with Damian. All the while, her eyes frequently raked over me with undisguised derision and mockery.

Paralyzed with bewilderment and growing dread, I desperately looked to Damian for assistance, for clarification on this bizarre situation. But his expression remained infuriatingly impassive, betraying no hint that something was amiss.

Hot tears spill down my cheeks. How could he? After the wonderful night we shared, the connection I thought we had? Yet he simply cast me aside, sending me home alone in a daze of hurt and confusion.

As questions and doubt swirl in my mind, one ugly possibility takes root—has it all been an act on Damian's part? Some kind of twisted game? The thought makes my chest constrict painfully. I had seen a side of him that seemed so genuine.

Or had I?

And I gave him my virginity.

Oh, God, how could I have done that?

Cradling my face in my hands, sobs rack my body. My heart lays shattered, and I don't know if it can ever be pieced back together.

When I get back to the house, I rush through the front door, tears streaming down my face. I just want to get into my room so I can cry in peace.

Unfortunately for me, I nearly collide with Nat who is walking down the hall, looking at her phone.

"Jesus, Alexis, be careful!" Nat yelps, snatching her phone before it falls to the ground. She takes a closer look at me, brow furrowing when she notices my distraught expression. "Where's Damian? What happened?"

Those questions are my undoing. Sobs rack my body, and I bury my face in my hands, shoulders heaving.

Nat looks around before dragging me into another room and guiding me to a chair.

"Sit," she demands, sitting next to me. "Tell me what happened."

Between gasps, I recount the disastrous date—how Damian and I were having a great time, how Scarlett showed up, how she almost stabbed me, and then how Damian didn't defend me and dismissed me.

Nat scowls when I mention Scarlett's name. "That fucking bitch," she seethes, her face turning red with anger.

"Who is she?" I choke out. "She and Damian have a history—she did a great job making that very clear by telling me every sordid detail."

"Scarlett Rafa," Nat explains, "is Damian's ex-fiancée."

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Fiancée? Damian never mentioned being that serious with someone before. But then again, why would he? I clearly mean nothing to Damian—just another passing fling he didn't need to share details about his past with.

This revelation stings deeply. Damian has so many secrets, so many layers I know nothing about. I am just a bit player in his life, easily dismissed when his ex shows up out of the blue. Fresh tears spring to my eyes as the stark reality sinks in.

"Scarlett is Mario Rafa's daughter," Nat continues, oblivious to my internal pain. "She's a fucking crazy bitch, Alexis. I'm sure Damian was just trying to protect you from her by trying to seem disinterested. The last thing we need is for her to figure out who you actually are and tell her father. Or come here herself and get you."

I shudder at the thought. I haven't even considered the potential danger if Scarlett realized I wasn't really "Maria", cousin to the Iacopellis. No wonder he pushed me away so abruptly.

But the sting of his deception still burns. He could have simply told me the truth instead of hurting me like this. Doesn't he trust me at all? Haven't I proved over the last few months that I'm loyal, that I wouldn't do anything to harm him?

Another wave of tears threaten me as I realize how insignificant I must be to Damian—easily brushed aside without a second thought when faced with his ex's reappearance.

"Rafa," I repeat, tasting the word on my tongue. Why does that last name sound so familiar? A faint sense of deja vu tingles at the back of my mind. Where have I heard that name before? Perhaps on the news? No, that doesn't feel quite right.

Frustration simmers within me as I rack my brain, trying to grasp the elusive memory. It dances just out of my reach. The more I try to recall, the more it slips away, leaving me feeling agitated and unsettled.

"How did they break up?" I whisper, sniffling.

Nat frowns, her face darkening. "She wanted Damian to shoot up a playground because she was pissed that some guy flipped her off on the road." She locks her gaze on mine. "Damian said no, so she broke up with him and then had the driver's son killed. She's fucked up."

I freeze, horrified. She asked him to commit an unspeakable crime. She should be blacklisted. But instead, Damian rejected me.

"Damian's over Scarlett," Nat explains. "You don't have to worry about that. She's literally psychotic."

I'm not sure I believe her. My heart aches with jealousy over Scarlett's connection to Damian. The rejection dredges up all the insecurity from my past—the Carters who hated me, Mark who never loved me. I really thought Damian was different.

Nat pats my shoulder, her matter-of-fact demeanor unable to recognize or soothe my churning emotional turmoil. "Don't worry, I'll kick his ass for this," she says before getting up and leaving.

I wish Nat could have done more to comfort me instead. But I recognize that my relationship with Nat is surface level at best. We aren't truly friends. She's Damian's sister. Her loyalty lies to him and the Family.

Nat's brusque reaction highlights how alone I really am. The Iacopelli crime Family is Nat's entire life, same as Damian's. They are able to compartmentalize emotions in a way I could never fathom.

My hurt and heartbreak burn raw, with no one to confide in or find solace with.

With tears streaking down my cheeks, I retreat to my room and lock the door, curling up on my bed as sobs continue to rack my body. I feel so stupid thinking I could ever really matter to Damian or find a place in this world.

I must have drifted off to sleep because I'm awoken later by the sounds of my doorknob rattling.

"Alexis, open the door."

Damian.

His pounding on the bedroom door rattles the walls. "Alexis! Open this door right now!"

I flinch at the fury in his voice but remain steadfast, curled up on the bed clutching a pillow. I have nothing more to say to him—not until he's willing to bare his soul completely without lies or omissions. Enough with the secrets and half-truths and mind games.

"Alexis! Open the fucking door! We need to talk!"

"Leave her be, man," Edo's low murmur comes through the door. "Give her some space."

"Fuck off, Edo!" Damian's responding snarl sends a chill down my spine. "Alexis, I want to talk to you. Open this damn door!"

His demands are met with stony silence. Furious banging resumes, the doorknob rattling like it might rip free any second.

"Would you get your shit together?" It's Nat's irritated tone now, coming closer. "You're scaring her half to death. Fucking back off!"

"She doesn't understand! She has to talk to me!"

"Like you gave her that courtesy earlier?" Nat's biting retort hangs in the air. I hold my breath.

A tense pause, then, "C'mon, Bro. Walk away."

More silence, then grudging footsteps storming away from the door. Nat's parting words drift back, tinged with irritation. "I'll deal with your dumb ass later."

I lie awake, staring at the ceiling through puffy eyes. This heartbreak is the final straw. I can't allow Damian to keep me trapped here any longer. I'm not some pawn in his twisted fucking game.

Enough is enough.

Only once I'm sure they're gone, I scramble out of bed, rummaging for a pen and paper on the desk near the window. Part of me can't believe I'm really going through with this, but Damian has left me no choice.

Not after today's brutal revelation about his past with Scarlett.

I'm just another one of his secrets, another player to be manipulated as he sees fit without a second thought for my feelings. The cold, hard truth pierces my heart.

I'm done being a pawn in Damian's games.

With a steadying breath, I begin to write.

Damian,

I deserve better than being just another one of your twisted games. You won't be able to stop me. Don't try to find me, because I'll disappear for good. I'm done. Done with you and this Mafia insanity.

I don't care if The Brotherhood is after me. Let them try.

-Alexis

I leave the note atop my dresser, easily visible, before stripping the bed and ransacking the ensuite bathroom for towels again. My hands move of their own volition, weaving the bedsheets and towels into a makeshift rope ladder. Just like the last time.

Except this time, I'm actually going to escape.

After tying it to the four-poster bed, I open the window, the cold night air stinging my face. But I feel numb inside. Numb from Damian's cavalier cruelty in shutting me out and numb from the finality of my decision.

With one last glance around the room, I toss the makeshift ladder out the window and slowly climb down.

My escape is finally complete. There is nothing left for me here but painful memories and shattered illusions about a man I can never fully know.

I disappear into the night, leaving Damian's secrets behind for good.