16. Alexis

16

Afew weeks later, Damian informs me that I will be accompanying him, Na, and Edo to a funeral down in Carbondale, Illinois. My eyes go wide as Nat and Edo immediately object.

"You can't be serious, Damian! Bringing an outsider to one of our funerals is a huge breach of protocol," Nat protests.

Edo shakes his head vigorously. "She doesn't know how to move in our circles. One wrong look or comment could raise suspicions." He winces as he finishes his sentence, flashing me an apologetic look. Ever since I made him his favorite cake, Edo has warmed toward me considerably.

Damian waves a dismissive hand. "It'll be fine. Carmine was just a low-level soldier. None of the heavy hitters will be there except maybe a few capos from the DeAngelo family as a courtesy. The Brotherhood certainly won't be there. And Uncle Vinny never attends these things, especially if they're low-ranked soldiers."

"That's not the point," Nat insists, looking ready to pull out her hair. "Even a nothing funeral is no place for civilians."

"She'll be in disguise as our cousin Maria, and Edo can keep her safe. It's an easy in and out to pay respects to Carmine."

The trio continue to argue heatedly for several more minutes. I stay silent, feeling a knot of anxiety twisting in my stomach. Finally, Nat and Edo seem to give in, though obviously still against the idea.

"When is the funeral?" I finally ask.

Nat and Damian whirl toward me, as if finally remembering I'm in the same room as them. "It's tomorrow," Damian remarks, looking at his watch. "Nat will help you find appropriate attire and give you the backstory on our cousin."

Nat gapes at Damian. "What?"

But Damian's already walking out of the room, cell phone to his ear as he answers a call. Edo shakes his head. "You're on your own with this one, Nat," he says before he also leaves, leaving Nat and me alone.

Nat takes several steadying breaths before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. She drags me to her room and into her walk-in closet. I'm immediately struck by the sheer extravagance of the space. It's unlike anything I had ever seen before, a testament to Nat's lavish lifestyle and her status within the Mob.

"Wow," I whisper, looking around in awe. Towering mirrors reflect every angle of the opulent display of designer clothes and accessories. Meticulously organized shelves are filled with luxurious garments that speak volumes about Nat's impeccable taste.

"This is bigger than both bedrooms at the Carters' house," I finish, placing my hand on a gleaming marble countertop in the center of the closet.

But Nat doesn't hear me—or she ignores me—as she rifles through a shelf full of black dresses. "We need something conservative but understated," I hear her mutter before she emerges triumphantly, holding up a black knee-length dress with three-quarter-length sleeves.

She throws it at me, and I catch it, fingering the luxurious material. I've never worn anything so nice in my life.

"Put this on. It'll do."

I slip the dress over my head, smoothing it down. It is a little big but otherwise fits me well. Nat nods in approval before she disappears into the back of her closet, pulling out a wide-brimmed black hat. She tosses it at me like a frisbee, and I catch it.

"Pull your hair back in a bun tomorrow and wear the hat. It'll help disguise you a bit more if anyone tries to take a closer look."

I nod fervently, my throat too dry to speak.

"Now, about your backstory…" Nat sits on the counter and gives me the rundown on Cousin Maria.

"You're my second cousin on my mom's side. You live out on the East Coast with your parents and brother, Joey. You're visiting us because you're hoping to find work in Chicago because the job market in New York sucks. Your dad is a minor capo for the Genovese Family."

My head spins trying to absorb all the details of this elaborate backstory. Nat can sense my overwhelm and grips my shoulders firmly.

"Just let me and Edo do the talking unless someone addresses you directly. Then give short, simple answers. If you get stuck on a detail, just say you don't like to discuss ‘Family business'."

Nat fixes me with an intense look. "This is really important, Alexis. One misstep, one slip up, and there'll be consequences. You gotta sell this Cousin Maria identity one hundred percent. Do you understand?"

I nod jerkily, my heart pounding. I have no choice but to pull this off. My life may depend on it.

As we pull up to Carmine's family home for the viewing, I can't help but gape at the beautiful home before us. Edo notices my surprise and chuckles.

"What, you were expecting a shack?" he asks dryly. "Carmine may have been a low-ranked soldier, but he was a crafty motherfucker and good with his money."

I shake my head slowly, taking in the perfectly manicured grounds and brick exterior. Edo tugs on my arm to get me moving.

"C'mon, Maria. Let me give you the lay of the land before we go in." He discreetly points out the different clusters of well-dressed mourners.

"See those older guys in the expensive suits with the fat ruby rings? They're the capos from the DeAngelo Family. Don't even think about making eye contact."

I gulp nervously and adjust the brim of my black hat so it covers most of my eyes. My head hurts from how tightly Nat pulled my hair back in a severe bun.

Edo goes on to identify members of the Kansas City and Milwaukee Families who had made the trip to pay respects. My head is spinning trying to keep it all straight. Edo leans in close and discreetly points out another group of well-dressed mourners.

"See those guys over there? That's the Santiago Family from Milwaukee," he murmurs. "They're the biggest crew in the Midwest these days outside of the Chicago area. Made their fortune in gambling and union rackets."

I nod, trying to keep the various Families and territories straight in my head. Edo continues in a hushed tone.

"The older guy in the middle, that's Alfonso Santiago himself. Used to be the underboss before the last regime change. Now, he's the king of Milwaukee. And you see the younger dude next to him? That's his nephew, Carlos. Word is, he's being groomed to take over one day."

I study the two men Edo indicates. Alfonso has an imperious air about him, surveying the room like a lord overseeing his court. Carlos stands slightly behind, clean-cut and attentive. Despite his relatively youthful appearance, I can see a simmering intensity just below the surface.

An impeccably dressed woman speaks to Carmine's wife—a pale-faced woman who looks to be in her mid-forties. The woman has her hand on Carmine's wife's shoulder, speaking to her in a hushed tone.

"That's Louisa, Carlos's wife. The Santiagos are here paying respects because Carmine was married to Alfonso's niece," Edo explains. "Famiglia comes before everything in this life."

I give a small nod of acknowledgment, not daring to ask any follow-up questions. Edo's grip on my arm tightens slightly.

"Just stay quiet and don't gawk at anyone too long," he warns under his breath. "This is neutral territory for now, but you never know what might set one of these hot-heads off."

I swallow hard and unconsciously shrink a little closer to Edo's side, grateful for his protective presence. One misstep and I could inadvertently insult the wrong person. The consequences didn't bear thinking about.

Edo and I enter another room, and I spot Nat and Damian working the room. I'm struck by how confident and assured they both appear—especially Damian. He moves with an easy grace, embracing people and offering condolences like a benevolent lord holding court. In his impeccably tailored suit, he looks every inch the powerful boss, born for this life of wealth and status.

I can't help but notice how exceptionally handsome he looks as well. An undeniable air of command and intensity radiates from him. This is a man used to having things go his way. Yet, I know there is another side to Damian that only I get to see—a more vulnerable, almost gentle side that he keeps carefully hidden away from this world.

As I watch him work the crowd, I wonder if he relishes inhabiting this powerful "boss" persona or if he finds it stifling at times. Does he ever tire of wearing that unflappable mask?

I don't think he even knows. That mask is probably second nature to him at this point.

When our eyes meet across the crowd, he gives me the slightest wink and nod, letting me know I'm doing well so far. My cheeks warm, and I force a tight smile in return, my stomach churning with nerves despite the awe I feel at witnessing Damian operate in his natural element.

My musings are interrupted as a couple of older men approach Edo and me. Edo deftly steers the conversation, giving short replies that don't invite any questions directly to me. I keep my head down, trying to fade into the background.

Eventually—to my horror—Edo is pulled away, leaving me alone by the ornate French doors that open onto the back patio area. I press myself against the wall, hoping to remain unseen and inconspicuous. This world terrifies me and I have no desire to draw any attention.

This shadowy Mob world that Damian and his family inhabits is so far removed from anything I've ever known. The opulence, power, and underlying threat of violence are utterly terrifying to an outsider like me.

Can I ever truly be part of this life? Over the past few weeks, Damian has let me see glimpses of his softer, more vulnerable side outside of the family business. The kind, thoughtful, even tender man he can be when we are alone together. That is the Damian I am slowly but surely developing deeper feelings for.

But here, at Carmine's funeral viewing, I see the other side of him on full display. The powerful, imposing boss radiating a cold, ruthless intensity. An untouchable prince holding court over his criminal empire. This side of Damian terrifies me, if I'm honest. Can I ever become accustomed to his harsh, uncompromising edges, the constant perceived threats and need for a protective mask?

Could a relationship between us ever truly work? Even if Damian somehow returns my feelings, being with him means being permanently entangled in the dangerous underworld he presides over. Do I have the courage for that kind of life? I was trying to escape Mark and the Carters when I somehow got ensnared with Damian. Do I want a life of always watching my back, never feeling safe?

I know I care for Damian. I can see myself loving him, too. But loving him means loving all of him—including the sinister, brutal side of his existence. Can I reconcile those two warring realities? I couldn't for Mark.

Damian isn't Mark, though. Damian has saved me from a fate worse than death. He cares about my feelings, unlike Mark and the Carters.

But even through all that, I still have no answers. Perhaps some sacrifices are too great, no matter how strong the feelings.

I turn toward the open French doors, hoping that a little fresh air will help me compose myself. That's when I spot an unattended toddler—no more than two years old—in a tiny suit, wobbling his way toward the large swimming pool just beyond the doors.

I look around frantically, but none of the adults seem to notice or are watching him. For a moment, I freeze, wondering whether I should try to intervene and find his parents.

Then with a sickening plunge of my heart, I see the boy's foot catch on a loose patio stone. He topples forward, arms pinwheeling, a scream escaping his mouth, and disappears under the dark waters of the pool with a small splash.

Before I realize what I'm doing, I kick off my heels and run forward, throwing myself into the pool after the child.