Chapter 24

Chapter

Twenty-Four

I grabbed Fane's wrist to break his grip, but he wouldn't release me. "Fane, let me go!" Neither my struggling nor my voice in his head had any effect on him. His irises were glazed over, shadows blackening them.

Kaspin's spell had a hold of him, and he was going to kill me.

The Infernal Sol stirred as it sensed the mortal danger.

Don't even think about hurting him.

I wouldn't allow anything to harm Fane, not even if my life depended on it.

"Fane, come back to me." I rested my hand on his cheek and connected with his emotions, attempting to pull the pain and confusion away. Maybe relieving him of that would make him snap out of this daze.

As the room dimmed and my strength waned, Fane's eyes became the focal point of my vision. Moments before everything went black, life sparked back in him, and the shadows receded.

The pressure around my throat vanished, and air inundated my lungs, each breath painful. Fane jumped off, a flood of curses in a demon language bursting from his mouth. I rolled onto my side as the room rushed back into focus.

Fane trembled at the side of the bed, gripping the roots of his black hair. "I almost killed you."

"You stopped," I choked out, wincing from the pain each word brought. My voice was scratchy and hoarse.

He leaned over me and gently tilted my chin, his lips thinning. Was I already bruising? "I was going to kill you."

"But you didn't."

The demon shifter jerked away as if afraid to touch me. "Don't you understand, Teague? I couldn't control myself. Something had taken over, and I wanted to slaughter you." The anguish in him poured out with each word. "I can't be around you right now. I have to get away before I hurt you." He grabbed his jeans off the ground and shoved them on, each movement shaky and unsteady.

Tiny cracks spiderwebbed over my heart, and I sat up, attempting to cover myself as I suddenly felt too vulnerable. He was leaving, running away, after we had sex.

Hell, that had been more than sex.

"I'm not running away because of what we did, Teague." He snatched his shirt off the floor but tossed it aside when he saw it was shredded. "If I don't get out of here, I'm afraid I'll hurt you. And I don't—I don't want to kill you."

My chest cavity ripped open, and my bleeding heart tumbled out as Fane finally admitted it.

His leaving didn't hurt any less, though.

"Stay here. I'll ask Ruin to get you." His gaze dipped to my naked form and then my demolished clothes on the ground. He cursed and pulled the covers over me. "Maybe not Ruin."

I jerked the blankets up to my chin, doing everything in my power to keep the tears at bay. It didn't matter, though. Fane felt the approaching waterworks as sure as the aching in my heart. I couldn't even speak because my voice would crack, and I'd shatter.

"I have to go." Each word burst between his teeth in a hiss. He spun and vanished out of the door, leaving me alone.

As soon as he was gone, hot tears spilled over my cheeks. I buried my face in my knees as quiet sobs slipped out. We'd just shared this amazing moment, a definite breakthrough, and he left.

Part of me understood he was only doing it to protect me, but I worried he used that as an excuse to escape.

The beast cares. He wouldn't be so upset if he didn't.

It was strange having the unstable demon amulet trying to comfort me. But now that I was alone, the memories of nearly sucking Roxie dry in the VIP room rushed forward. I'd almost killed her. I'd wanted to consume all of her soul and watch as she took her last breath.

I leaned over the bed, dry heaving like I'd done after killing Mykel. In a way, this was worse. Roxie was a human.

Another round of sobs filled the room, fire erupting in my throat. But I wanted the pain. I deserved it.

Why didn't Ruin stop me? If Fane hadn't intervened, I would have killed Roxie. Would Ruin have let it go that far?

He would have stopped me, wouldn't he?

The ringing of my phone distracted me from the dark thoughts, and I scrambled onto shaky legs to find my jeans, but the unknown number had my heart sinking. It wasn't Fane.

"Hello?" My voice cracked over the line, and pain flared through my throat.

"Tate?"

My pulse spiked at the familiar voice on the line. "Hawk?" Panic tightened around my lungs, cutting off my airways. Did Ruin not compel Roxie's memories? Did she tell Hawk what I did?

"What's wrong with your voice?" he asked, noticing the broken, husky sound.

"Nothing. I'm fine." My fingers shook as I dragged them through my snarled locks. "What's going on?"

"I'm really messed up, Tate."

The anguish surrounding his words had me stumbling back to the bed, wincing at the soreness in my body. "What do you mean? Do you need help?"

"I'm just—I haven't been myself lately, and I can't find my way back." A shaky breath echoed over the line. "I need to talk to someone before I get myself killed. I've already done so much stupid shit that should have ended my life. I just got lucky."

Sharp pangs tore into my chest, and I wrapped the blanket around my naked form. "You can talk to me, Hawk. I'm always here for you. Tell me what's going on."

"You could have died in that cemetery because I was a reckless idiot. When that demon stabbed you, I couldn't handle it."

"I'm fine."

"But I'm not." A pause stretched as he took a few deep breaths. "C-can I see you? Will you come to Corvin Manor?"

My jaw slackened, caught off guard by Hawk's request. He hadn't been shy about how much he despised what I'd become, but maybe a lot of that was him hurting and not knowing how to deal.

"I really need my best friend right now," he whispered.

A fresh wave of tears silently ran down my cheeks. Hawk was clearly going through something. How could I not help him?

"I'll be there."

Hawk gripped my hand and led me through the darkness even though it should have been the other way around since I could actually see. "It's only a little bit farther. I'd sneak you to my room, but I'd rather not have anyone, especially my aunt, barge in. She's been on my ass recently, with good reason."

"I've never been down here," I whispered, gritting my teeth every time I talked. When Hawk asked why bruises covered my neck, I lied and said they were from a fight with another nightworlder.

"No one knows these secret tunnels exist except my aunt. I only discovered them because I was snooping around in her office one day." He gave a dry laugh. "I never could resist getting into trouble."

After I got off the phone with Hawk, I called Ruin to ask if he could bring me some clothes. Fane had already spoken to him but demanded someone else bring me clothes and escort me back to Silver Ridge.

The prick really thought I'd just be a good girl and wait. He should have known better. It wasn't Fane's fault he tried to kill me, but did he really need to leave me alone after we'd had passionate, emotional sex?

"Tell me what's going on with you, Hawk," I prodded. "I'm worried about you."

He glanced over his shoulder, his brow furrowed. "Are you?"

"Of course."

"I figured you forgot all about me now that you're a nightworlder and with him ." His mouth curved into a sneer. "I can't compete with that. "

My fingers squeezed his. "It's not about competing. And I could never forget you, Hawk. You were my best friend."

"Were?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me."

He turned around, leading us through a doorway. "I've been such an asshole to you." Hawk turned on the lights to what appeared to be a storage room with dusty boxes stacked on wire shelves.

"Maybe just a little, but I understand." The future that Hawk and I had mapped out together shattered the moment I became a nightworlder. "I just hope you know that I'm still me."

"Are you?" He dragged his fingers through his tousled dark-blond hair. "In the cemetery, that wasn't you."

My head lowered, and I pulled out of his grasp. "That wasn't me." Some of the warmth drained from my body as memories of that night returned. "There's something inside of me that… I wish I could cut it out."

Liar .

"What is it?" Hawk asked, his suddenly intense gaze tracing over me.

I shook my head, cutting off his line of questioning. "I'm here for you. We can talk about my issues later. Tell me how to help you. What can I do?"

"What are you willing to do to help me?"

"Anything, Hawk." I stepped toward him and rested my hand on his arm, his muscles harder and thicker than before. The black pants and shirt fit more snugly over his shredded form. "I don't want to see you get hurt, so I'd do anything to help."

Emotion softened his expression, and for a moment, my funny, charming best friend emerged beneath the angry, hardened raven. "Why do you have to be so kind? You make it hard to hate you."

"Then don't hate me."

Hawk broke away and turned his back to me like he was trying to hide the pain beginning to crest over his features. His fingers curled into a wire rack as he rested his forehead on the edge. "I'm so sorry, Tate. I really am."

"It's okay. I understand."

"No, you don't." As he pivoted back to me, he lifted his hand toward his mouth. I wasn't expecting it, so it was too late to act when he blew the glimmering dust in his palm directly into my face.

Son of a bitch.

"Malefic ash?" I stumbled back and slammed against a shelf, rattling boxes. "This was a trap. You set me up?"

Hands gripped my shoulders, and Coltrane's blurry image appeared. "Good job, Hawk. I knew you could do it."

"I should have known," I muttered, my speech slurred.

Hawk's head bowed as he allowed his aunt to pull me from the shelf. "Are you sure about this? You could be wrong."

"Don't let your feelings for her cloud your judgment." Coltrane pushed me deeper into the room. "This isn't the same Tate you remember. And from what you've told me, that amulet is controlling her. This is for her own good."

Cold fear pooled in my gut, and my legs nearly gave out. Coltrane finally put the pieces together and realized I'd had the Infernal Sol the whole time.