6. Calvin

Chapter six

Calvin

I gazed at the chicken dinosaurs and opened my mouth in disbelief as Daddy fed me. This made no sense. Yes, I got that while we were in front of others we pretended, and I understood his reasoning behind having me call him Daddy all the time so I didn't slip up, but I was struggling to remember this was a job for him.

It was, wasn't it? I so wanted to let go. At least be Little for the evening. I could feel myself teetering on the edge. The clothes, the care. Sitting next to him and being fed. Adults that were Big didn't do that. Only adults that were Little, and I was confused. I tried to take a slower breath, but it didn't work, and as Daddy held up another bite, I cringed. No, this was wrong. This wasn't real, and I was going to be so hurt when he changed back to his usual self on Monday and expected me to.

"Calvin?" Daddy asked, seeing my refusal. "Are you full? You've barely eaten today and Daddy—"

And that was it. Calling himself my Daddy was just too much, and I panicked. I struggled, fought, and practically fell off the sofa. I glanced around in panic and ran to the bedroom, but there was nowhere to hide, so I forced my way through the hanging clothes to the back of the small closet and wrapped myself in the tiniest ball I could. I even closed my eyes because if I couldn't see him, then he couldn't see me.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I shoved my hands over my ears. I couldn't hear him. I couldn't. This was what I'd done when Aunty Gretchen had gotten her belt out. She made all the foster kids call her Aunty, but she always wore jeans and when she decided you'd been bad, the worst sound in the world was the sound of that belt sliding out.

No, no, no, I chanted in my head. I couldn't hear. It wasn't happening. I tried to take another breath, and nothing happened. My chest hurt as if there was no room for air, and I was hot and cold at the same time.

"Baby-boy." I heard a whisper, then I wasn't on my own behind the clothes. Somehow, I was being held and rocked very gently, like I was precious, and when the panic receded a little, the tee-shirt I was lying against was wet and so was my face, but I managed to take a startled breath.

Then I was held even tighter, and I knew it was Daddy and it was so good, and I was so safe. I just wanted to stay here forever. "You're exhausted and overwhelmed. You've been coping with this for far too long on your own, so this is what's going to happen. I'm going to sit you on the bed with your bear and he's going to keep you safe while Daddy's running the bath. You're going to take a nice relaxing soak, then brush your teeth and get into bed. With me," he added. "I'm going to make sure you feel safe enough to sleep, and that's what you're going to do. We'll tackle everything else when you're awake and rested." He brushed a kiss on my sweaty forehead and crawled out, not giving me a chance to object as he slid me out with him. And more than anything, the lack of being expected to make a decision seemed to settle me.

"Do you think you can do that?"

I hadn't realized it had been a question, but I nodded and took a shaky step to the bed, but Daddy just grunted and lifted me up. And I clung on.

I didn't like it when he left me on the bed, even though I had Tiny, because it seemed that my panic was too close and my Daddy was too far away, but I managed until he came back for me, and I never attempted to get up on my own, just wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me. "I only have sponges, unless you brought some toys with you?" I shook my head, then noticed Daddy texting when he put me on the stool.

In less than five minutes, as the bath filled, there was a knock at the door and my heart leapt into my mouth. "Don't worry," he promised, and in a flash, he was back with an armful of plastic toys. The sort kids would have on the beach or in the pool. There was a cute rubber duck and a whale that squirted water and a plastic dragon that I knew instantly would protect Duck and Whale from any enemies. There were some cups that fit inside of each other and a set of six plastic men in diving equipment. Then I saw the little boat. It had a funnel that squirted water and would fit all six of the divers in it to take them out to sea.

I was so entranced I barely noticed Daddy undressing me and helping me in the bath. "I think they're all going on an adventure to rescue a trapped mermaid from an evil sea-witch," Daddy said, and I nodded emphatically. The Little Mermaid was one of my favorite films, and Daddy seemed to know lots of technical things like oxygen pressure and that they mustn't hold their breath while coming back up for a very important reason. Some of the why escaped me, but Daddy was a great storyteller and we soon had the princess mermaid rescued. Which was a good thing because Daddy said my fingers were going pruny, and that was funny.

So I got out of the bath and Daddy wrapped me in a big fluffy towel and made me laugh when he tickled my toes to dry them. And then he said I had to go potty and when I was done and washing my hands he came in and insisted on drying them. Then he supervised me brushing my teeth, and I helped him pick out the color of the toothbrush he was to use because he had two for some reason to do his own, and then he tucked me into bed and got me a sippy cup that had also appeared.

Daddy got in bed, and it seemed normal and safe when he tipped me on my side and pulled me back against his chest and told me to go to sleep. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I knew I didn't spend any time lying awake and worrying like I normally did.

At some point I'd woken up and needed the bathroom, and tried to sneak out but Daddy had followed me, and because it seemed so normal to my half-awake brain I hadn't cared about peeing in front of him, or Daddy doing the same while I washed my hands, and or about snuggling back in bed and having Daddy rub my toes because they were cold while the rest of me was hot.

I was even hotter when I woke, and that had nothing whatsoever to do with the temperature of the room. I knew we'd moved around in the night, but I was awake in the same position I'd fallen asleep in, and Daddy's chest was at my back. I didn't always wake up hard. Everyone said all men did, but I didn't, and it wasn't like I'd done a survey about it or anything, but Daddy's cock was hard and pressed very snugly between my legs. A couple of inches higher, and it would have been very interesting. And I didn't know what to do. Should I move? I was still trying to decide when I realized Daddy was awake.

And because I wasn't in my Little space and this was definitely a time to be a grown up, I shuffled around until we were facing each other. "Good morning," Daddy said and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Morning," I said, a mega-watt smile on my face. Daddy seemed to examine me and then the smile on his face—slow, but worth it—was very satisfying. "Did you sleep okay?"

I nodded and bit my lip, half regretting turning around because I couldn't feel him, and it was just biology, right? But all my doubts came rushing back and I lowered my gaze.

"What was that thought?" Daddy asked, and gently hooked my chin with his finger and brought it up. I pressed my lips together. Daddy's face softened. "Just because we're in the same bed doesn't mean I expect anything else. You're safe with me."

But that wasn't what I meant at all, and I moved fast, pressing my lips to his, and trying to grind into him. "Whoa," Daddy said and clamped my shoulders. "You don't have to. I mean—"

And because his rejection felt like a cold shower, I rolled away out of his arms and curled up. Of course he didn't want me. What had I been thinking? I needed to get up. I needed to crawl into a hole and hide. Maybe just die.

"Baby," Daddy murmured and slid closer until he was at my back again. "What's wrong?"

I didn't know what to say. "Confused?" I whispered, because it hurt. He grunted an agreement, then simply took hold of me and turned me over, tucking me into his chest. And I wanted to stay there, so very badly.

"I reacted like I did because I was worried that you felt obligated. That somehow you feel you have to repay me." He paused. "I texted Chris last night and told him I didn't want to be paid for this weekend because I want you to mean more than a job to me."

I froze. I wasn't even sure my heart was still beating.

"I know this weekend will be hard, and we have to talk once it's over, but I want more. I want you. And yes, this is fast and all the other things that other people say, but this is the first thing that's happened to me in a long time that feels right. But at the same time, I don't want to take advantage of you and definitely never when you're in your Little space. That's why I drew back. Not because I didn't want you with everything in me."

I took a minute to absorb what he was saying. "I'm not Little now. Sure, part of me will always be, especially when we're together like last night because you made me feel safe enough to, but right now I want to be Big. And I really, really, want you to kiss me." I frowned. "But I haven't brushed—"

And the rest of my words—whatever they were—were swallowed by a very firm pair of lips that seemed to take over all of me. He let go of my lips to nuzzle my neck and I cried "yes" in case he was in any doubt. Then he rolled me over onto my back, pulled my pj's down, and took my cock in his hand. I gasped, the pleasure sudden and startling.

"When we get home, we're getting tested," he decreed, "and tomorrow I'm buying condoms." He managed to line us both up because I was past anything except reacting, and he jerked us both off together. It was quick and dirty and satisfying, but afterwards he wiped me carefully and pulled me close, and I basked in his arms as I came down from my high.

I so wanted to trust him. To believe everything he was promising. I closed my eyes and dozed for a while, and dreamed that when I woke up, everything he said was still going to be true.