4. Saul

Chapter four

Saul

W hat the hell was I doing? Taking this a "little" too far. If I was honest with myself, slipping into a Daddy role had taken no effort. I was naturally dominant – came with the job—but my one half-assed attempt at any sort of relationship after I left the service had crashed and burned so fast it had left scorch marks.

And Calvin? Fuck, I wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap. Apart from sporting a body to die for… And that brought me up short. Calvin was soft. He wasn't some sort of bodybuilder, muscle-bound gym rat. He was comfy , and I knew he would feel fantastic in my arms. I didn't want another Marine. Sure, some of them revved my engines briefly, but Calvin's body was long term. He did a lot of revving, but the instinct to protect him rose above everything else – pun intended.

Had I stripped deliberately? Not at first. But I saw the interest in his eyes and couldn't help posturing a little. Did a body like mine do it for him? Good.

But then I paused. Daddies weren't necessarily supposed to be ripped. A lot had a softer side as well as a softer body. I could do that. In fact—

Shit. Fuck. Whatever. I was here to do a job . I wasn't sure how old Calvin was, but I had to have twenty years on him. Much as I would love to lay Calvin down on that enormous bed and show him how good a Daddy I could be, we were expected at a reception in just under two hours.

I stepped close, deliberately crowding him to see his reaction, and yeah, it was everything I anticipated. Calvin sagged against me. He wasn't in the least scared. "We have time for you to have a quick nap while I get a shower."

His eyes widened.

"Or at least rest your eyes. As brother of one of the grooms you need your party face on later." Which made me feel like shit. Calvin had surprised me. I had expected a party boy. A twink. As best man to Ricky, even though I didn't know him well, I honestly thought he'd be front and center in all the parties. But Calvin looked exhausted and overwhelmed, and I wanted to tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight.

Aghh.

But the fuck, right? He was a Little and a good half of me wanted to see how submissive he was. "Come on." I held the comforter up. The AC was cool enough to warrant one, and I'd already noticed I could change the temperature, which surprised me. A lot of hotels had minimum and maximum settings. If I didn't have a ceiling fan, seventy would be too hot for me to sleep.

Ridiculous really, when I'd spent hours in temps twenty plus degrees hotter in full body armor and having to stay still. But those days were done, and I admitted to being excited I could use the skills that had been drummed into me for work, but—

"I don't sleep well in strange beds." Calvin whispered, biting his lip, and I was done. "Come on baby-boy," I said, softening my voice, and reluctantly he climbed in. Climbing in after him clearly wasn't what he expected, as his half-lidded tired eyes shot open.

"Baby, you need a rest before tonight."

"But I thought you were going in the shower?"

"I am," I said glumly, knowing that what I really wanted couldn't happen. I turned him over then pulled his back against my chest, "Shut your eyes," I ordered gruffly.

It didn't take Calvin more than five minutes to fall asleep, less maybe, and I untangled myself gently and rolled onto my back. What the fuck was I doing? I'd been prepared to play a role in public, but I'd acted completely out of character since the second I set eyes on him in the airport.

Or had I?

As a sergeant first-class to my eventual captain, Chris Dempsey, we'd worked well together. I was supposed to be his bludgeon to the enlisted, but it often didn't work out like that. I had a hard rep, and didn't suffer fools gladly, but we both knew taking children to war was complete shit, and more than once I'd spent a long time with a scared kid until Captain Dempsey started calling me his "rookie sitter." But not where anyone else could hear, and he was just as bad. I just didn't believe in all the crap that insisted you had to break men down to build them back up. Over the years, I'd seen too many broken beyond repair.

Not on my watch.

And I recognized the same pain in Calvin that I'd seen in countless enlisted, no matter that he was trying to hide it. The service wasn't an escape, even if it had been used by countless generations for just that. I should know.

Dad had been career army all the way. Never really remembered him much growing up, as he was deployed so often. Mom eventually drank, and I had many "uncles" that kept her company. Not that I blamed her. She wasn't cut out to be an army wife – that took a special kind of courage, and one she didn't have. I was supposed to go to West Point, the full hoorah, but I nixed that and joined up the second I got that diploma in my hands. Dad was half horrified and half proud. Then he'd retired and sat in a chair and drank himself to death. Mom was too busy with uncle number whatever to notice. So yeah, I avoided any sort of relationship, but at the same time I had no intention of dying in a chair, wishing I was still on a battlefield. Which was why I left early and went to work for Chris.

This though? This was unexpected. And not even the job, but the way it had seemed to come so naturally. I didn't know Calvin, but when I'd seen him looking so lost in that airport lounge, I'd wanted to throw myself in front of him and take whatever hit was coming his way.

And keep taking them, which was even more confusing.

Calvin

"Calvin?"

I opened my eyes reluctantly, confused for a moment over who the deep voice belonged to, then I caught the green-gray eyes looking at me, and remembered instantly. I took in the droplets of water on his shoulders and nearly groaned. I wanted to lick the damn things off.

"You have time for a shower, but the reception starts in forty minutes, and we need a third attempt at basic info: where we met, etcetera. All I know is that you work with kids."

It didn't take long to go with the made-up explanation that Saul had visited the daycare to check it out for his sister, who was moving to the area. Apparently it wasn't much of a lie because his younger sister was actually moving except all her kids were school-age. He also told me that his older sister had two sons but she lived in Phoenix, so he didn't see them as often.

I shared that I was an only child and that I'd met Ricky in elementary school and we'd been friends ever since. Saul paused while he was buttoning up a shirt. "According to Chris, you were Ricky's anchor. I think that's a little more than being friends."

I felt the flush begin on my neck and looked down. "I'm not such—" Before I'd gotten the chance to blink, Saul was in front of me, and gently he cupped my chin so that I had to look up.

"Whatever you were about to say, it isn't allowed."

"What?" I said stupidly.

"No putting yourself down. As your Daddy—pretend or not—I forbid it." I gaped, or I would have done if he hadn't still been holding my chin.

"F-forbid?" I echoed, maybe in a higher voice than I wanted to, and my insides did that thing that made them seem like they belonged in another body.

He nodded, then released my chin, and I immediately missed his touch. "Go get in the shower." I did as I was told, but my head was buzzing; not even one day and I was in danger of forgetting Saul was here to do a job. And I couldn't forget that. It would be so easy to let my little out and let Daddy… Saul take charge, but what happened on Sunday when he went home?

I deliberately took too long in the bathroom so when I was done I had just enough time to drag on my pants and a plain button-up that I'd carefully taken in with me, so when I came out of the bathroom and saw my black shorts and my black tee with the sparkly teddy and the rainbow on it laid out on the bed I came to an abrupt halt.

"Chris called. Ricky says he's going comfortable so I guessed you might like the same."

I stared at Saul, who looked up from reading his phone, then my gaze fell back to the bed. It was one of my favorite outfits, and one I hoped I might get chance to wear after the wedding, but it was okay for Ricky. He had Chris. No one would say anything to him. I shook my head mutely. "I can't."

Saul put his phone in his pocket and sauntered over to me. "Why?"

I sent him an incredulous look. "Because I don't know most people here. A lot are Christopher's friends or from work. I can't—" I waved my hand at the bed.

"But Ricky is," he said.

"Yes, and Ricky's got Chris. He—"

"And you have me," Saul said quietly, but very firmly. "I promise if anyone so much as looks at you in the wrong way, they'll be leaving the reception in a body bag."

And because that was so ridiculous, my lips twitched, and when he winked that was it, and I giggled. Then he looked really pleased with himself and shrugged. "Well, they'll still be alive sort-of, but they'll be leaving."

I glanced at the outfit and knew I desperately wanted to wear it, but I was torn. I knew the clothes would make my Little peek out , as Saul had called it, and I didn't want to embarrass myself or anyone else. "You promise?" I whispered.

He nodded solemnly. "Cross my heart," and he did.

But I was still nervous, and didn't know how to explain. "It might make me smaller ," I muttered.

He paused. "And by that we're not talking about shrinking, we're talking Little?"

I nodded, heat rushing to my face.

"And what in that scenario means I won't still have your back?"

I gaped. Was he for real? "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I think you'll find it takes a lot more than that." And he kissed me on the tip of my nose.

He reached over for the pants, hunkering down in front of me. "Hang onto my shoulder." Stunned, I did as I was told, and he quickly started re-dressing me. He removed the shirt then grabbed the tee. "Arms up." A little bewildered, I obeyed. He brought the tee down and tucked it in, and I couldn't help the shiver at the touch of his fingers. Saul frowned and walked to the closet. He hummed, then pulled out a pink sweater that was nearly as outrageous as the tee. "We'll take this just in case you get a little chilly." But he kept it in his hand, then he patted his pocket and pulled out his wallet, putting the room key in there. "Need anything else?"

Right at that moment I had a few ideas, but none I was about to repeat. "Okay Calvin, then let's go." He reached up and tucked a little of my flyaway hair behind my ear and I just about melted again. "You look adorable and I'm very proud to be your date."

Okay, we needed to go because I was going to cry if he said any more.

"One thing. If you get scared, uncomfortable, or just need a break, ask me if you left your phone in the room. I promise to make sure we get some space, and I promise not to leave you alone." He smiled. "Trust me." He reached out and took my hand.

I nodded slowly. It seemed like that was all I was capable of doing. This wasn't real, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Promises were just words. Mom had promised every time not to get drunk again. She'd promised to stop partying, then not to fly into a rage when she was coming down after her high. She'd never promised I would have enough to eat, so technically she didn't break that one.

I'd stopped believing in promises at around ten, but right that moment, fourteen years later, if I could have believed in one, it was to trust Daddy. My Little wanted to. He wanted to very much. Big me just wasn't sure it was a good idea.