20. Saul

Chapter twenty

Saul

T wo days later, Calvin started dancing around me in some sort of avoidance tactic. And I didn't know why. It was like he was a different person during the day than he was in bed and that made no sense. In bed he was 100% my boy, but it was as if he switched it off and became careful . I could almost see the wall go up around him, and I didn't know how to bring it down.

He'd been entranced at his craft supplies, giddy and excited, but the following morning he'd carefully packed them back in the box for "safety," which was completely nuts as they were bought to be used. Yesterday, he hadn't even looked at the box.

In my head I wondered if he was ashamed of either himself or both of us, and it was at that point in navigating our relationship and failing miserably that I got the email from Emily Christian.

It was via Ricky, as she didn't have my personal one, but what was significant was that it was to Rent-A-Daddy , which meant Calvin saw it as well, and never said a word.

I stared at it.

Hi, Daddy Saul,

I have to go to a two-day Harvard symposium. I know it will be incredibly boring for you but putting my dad through that isn't really going to work. It's very last minute. Well, it isn't, but I never thought I would be able to get the courage to go, so I left it until after I'd met you. And look at me being all honest! It's next weekend. I understand if it's too short notice. Hoping you are well.

Emily and Marmy

I stared at the email even when I felt Calvin come up behind me. He'd just crawled out of bed and wasn't due at work today. I knew Ricky had told us to take the week off but after spending yesterday watching Calvin clean like his life depended on it, I'd taken myself into the garage that seemed to hold forty years of my late grandfather's life and sorted that until I was too exhausted to move.

I was pretty sure a good third was precious to my grandmother, but as we'd never met, I was struggling. I didn't want to just toss her life away as if it meant nothing, but Calvin had shown no interest in helping, so I'd spent the day in there on my own.

I held up my phone with the email visible. "What do you think?" I asked cautiously.

Calvin stayed very still for a few heartbeats. "She seems nice. She gave us an incredible review we have permission to use online."

I turned to look at him, but he'd already turned away and in a fit of frustration I said, "So you have no problem with me being Emily's Daddy?"

He just shrugged, and I had trouble containing my temper. I'd thought we were good, but it was almost like…he was testing me. Wait, was that it? Was I being interviewed ? Running out of ideas, I texted Ricky and asked if we could meet. I added that I had no problem with Chris being there.

"I take it you saw the email," Ricky said, handing me my coffee.

"I thought we were good, or at least getting there," I said. Ricky passed Chris his. I was lucky it was a Saturday, and I'd just said I had an errand to run the next morning, and Calvin should sleep in. "But it's like he's withdrawing again." I hated this. Felt like such a failure, but I was desperate. I knew I was losing him, and no matter how good the sex was, I wanted all of him. I wanted to be Daddy in his head, and I knew that was where I had the biggest battle.

"It's still new," Chris offered.

"So why does it feel like I'm going backwards?"

Ricky glanced at Chris. "He won't talk to me about it." Then he turned my way. "What did he say about the email?"

"I asked him what he thought." And I remembered the careless shrug. Ricky gaped and Chris just about choked on his coffee. I looked up. "What?"

"You asked him what he thought ?" Ricky squeaked out.

I squirmed. "Well, yeah."

"Why didn't you just say you had no intention of going with the client and that Calvin was the only boy you were ever going to be a Daddy for?" Ricky asked me, completely aghast.

I blinked. "I thought he'd say—"

"Oh no," Ricky snapped. "That wasn't his decision. If you're truly his Daddy, then you would know that." He threw his hands up. "I had so much faith in you, and I'm so disappointed." Muttering, he stalked from the room, and I looked at Chris for help.

"You think he's testing you and losing faith?"

I nodded.

Chris leaned forward. "But isn't that what you're doing to him?"

"What?" I asked, aghast.

"I'm betting you haven't set the punishment rules up."

"I—" No, no I hadn't. I'd been pussyfooting around him and biting my tongue. I'd told him I was going to, but I hadn't. It was no wonder he was losing faith in me. "I need a good slap."

Chris grinned. "If it's any consolation, Ricky and I met in a baptism of fire, but this is all new to you. Unfortunately, Littles are really vulnerable, even more so the ones that are subs. Ricky isn't submissive at all, but I have a feeling Calvin is and he's desperately looking for a safe place to land."

"I really screwed up again," I admitted. How did I keep getting this so wrong?

"So are you straight?" Chris asked, smirking. I ignored the question.

"I might have more questions." Plus, I had an email to write to Ricky. In fact, bluntly, the likelihood of them getting a new Daddy with only five days' notice was zero. What needed to happen was for Calvin to accompany me. I had a feeling Emily would really like him, and Calvin would love meeting her. They both needed friends. I eyed Chris. "How good are you at getting extra tickets to this Harvard thing, and are you busy next weekend?" Ricky would take Emily under his wing. Win-win.

Calvin

I gazed at my craft supplies after I'd showered and dressed in regular boring clothes, utterly desperate to get them out, but knowing I needed to keep a lid on everything. If I was going to lose Daddy then I would need to move in with Ricky, so it made sense to keep everything packed. I heard the car and glanced out of the window at the deep green Nissan I recognized, and my heart dropped. Steven. How the hell had he found me? And why wouldn't he just leave me alone? I watched out of sight as he climbed from the car and glanced down at a piece of paper, then started walking down the driveway.

There was no way I was opening the door. I'd learned my lesson last time. But then, heart in my mouth, I saw Daddy's silver truck pass Steven's car and pull into the driveway.

Well, shit. Now what?

Steven faltered when he saw Daddy's truck, but then he sprinted down the driveway, and raised his fist to the door. I heard the pounding but stayed frozen for a second, then moved. Steven and Daddy would be able to see me through the glass panels.

"Calvin," Steven's eyes lit up. "Thank fuck I found you. I wanted to apologize. Splitting up made my head so messed up, but I'm so sorry. I want you back."

"The trouble is," Daddy drawled, getting out of his truck and leaning against it. "That you never wanted Calvin in the first place." He had his keys, but didn't attempt to open the door.

"Of course I wanted him," Steven protested.

"No," Daddy said calmly, not moving. "You wanted a version of him that doesn't exist." Daddy met my startled gaze. "And I was almost guilty of the same thing. I saw Calvin. I just didn't see myself." He pushed himself away from the truck and stalked to the door, his gray green eyes on me the whole time. "Let me in, baby,"

And I knew he wasn't just asking me to open the door. He had his own keys to his own house…maybe our house. He was asking for so much more. I moved and undid the latch, opening the door, and Steven rushed in, squawking, but it was all just noise. I only had eyes for one man.

"Are you listening to me?" Steven demanded.

"No," I said honestly, turning to him. "You not really seeing me was my fault. I learned some painful lessons growing up about hiding, but that aside, you hurt me and I still have the bruises. That alone means we are done."

"But—"

"As far as I see it," Daddy said, stepping onto the porch and drawing me close, then turning to Steven. "You have two choices. One, you can leave now and know that if you swear never to attempt to see or contact Calvin again, I will allow you to leave with your dignity intact, or two, you can make a preemptive call to 911, because you're going to need an EMT to scrape what's left of you off the sidewalk."

"How dare you!" Steven shrilled. "You work for my brother. You really think you'll have a job if you lay your hands on me?"

"If I'm lucky," Chris drawled, jumping out of his truck, which had pulled up behind Steven's car without me noticing. "I got your text," he said, looking at Steven. "And as I told you, I have no idea why you would think a family connection excuses outright assault on Calvin. I only rushed over here to make sure Saul had a witness to laying out your sorry ass. Oh, and word to the wise, First-Sergeant Saul O'Connell has dealt with raw recruits facing RPGs—that's a rocket-propelled grenade, not a video game—and insurgents intent on killing our asses with IEDs for over twenty years." He looked at Saul. "You're gonna tell me facing recruits was scarier, aren't you?"

Daddy snorted. "Nah, breaking in newly commissioned second lieutenants was way worse." They shared a smile that made me want to tear up, and I plastered myself to Daddy's side.

"Calvin, please tell me you don't agree with this maniac. He's a bully—"

"Are you kidding me?" I jumped in. I hated confrontation and could feel myself trembling, but Daddy's arm kept me safe and steady. "I still have the bruises from you."

"You fell—"

"Because you hit me!" How dare he try to rewrite history? I swallowed. It was time. If I was going to regret it, I'd deal with that tomorrow. "Even if," I said slowly but clearly, "I didn't love Saul with all my heart, nothing would ever persuade me to go back to you. We're done. We were done five months ago, and the only feeling I might have left is a tiny amount of gratitude that you finished things between us when I still had blinders on." I looked up at Daddy. "Can we go inside now?"

Chris scoffed. "You two go in. I'll take out the trash."

Daddy cupped my face gently, bent down to brush a kiss on my lips, and guided me inside. His first words weren't what I was expecting, though.

"Go take off your pants and stand in the corner of our bedroom."

It took me a minute. "Daddy?"

"Go take off your pants and stand in the corner of our room, face to the wall, forehead touching it." He just arched an eyebrow and waited. It still took me too long to understand. "That's an extra three for disobedience."

And finally getting it, I squeaked out some sort of response and hustled. He wasn't, surely? Was he? Fingers shaking, I managed to undo my pants, wishing my pink briefs weren't so snug-fitting and came with a little more padding. I glanced around the room. There were only two corners that furniture didn't block, and one was behind the door. Tempting, but no. So I stood facing the other wall as ordered and waited.

And waited some more. Jeez, I now knew why Ricky hated this. Then I heard Daddy's footsteps and felt his breath on my neck. "You've been a really naughty boy. Racking up infractions left and right. Letting Steven in when you were told not to open the door when I went to get the truck. Not telling Daddy you were struggling and didn't have faith in him. I'm only allowing you some leeway because I wasn't clear from the start." He took my hand and led me to the bed. "Assume the position."

I could have sassed him, but it would probably earn me more spanks, so I lay over his lap, wriggling to get comfy. Except I was hard and so was Daddy, so I wriggled a little bit more. "Boy," he ground out, hand on my neck, stopping my movements. "Are you wanting another ten?"

"No," I squeaked out, my voice way too high, already starting to slide into my Little. But I wasn't scared. I was hard and aching and adoring every second of this punishment. Ricky had warned me, but he'd never said it resembled Nirvana, everything I'd ever wanted.

My initial thought that I might have bitten off more than I could chew hit when Daddy pulled down my briefs, revealing my very bare bottom.

"You've earned fifteen smacks."

I had? How was that— But the first took my breath away and any logic along with it. In fact, it hurt . But I didn't process that until the third one. Daddy's hand had landed on my bottom so quickly I didn't get a chance. But by the fourth I did because it seemed to hit me—yeah—all at once.

Daddy paused. "Color?"

I nearly said red, but it wasn't and I managed to choke out "green." Not because it didn't hurt but because every smack seemed to tie me to Daddy. I recognized the emotion that had been riding me since yesterday was guilt. Daddy had done nothing but protect me and those I loved for weeks. He didn't deserve my indecision. He'd stepped in immediately so many times with Steven, both to save my pride at the airport and to save my ass since. And in a weird way he was reminding me.

The next five were slower, but by the time we got to twelve, my eyes were leaking dreadfully. Daddy must have known because his pants were wet from my tears. "The last three are to remind you to trust me. You seem to need a physical reminder, so starting tomorrow you will get three every morning."

I sniffed ineffectually. I was crying so hard my nose was blocked, but I didn't care. If Daddy wanted a pretty crier, he should have gone with Emile or someone like that. The last three made me cry harder, and when he turned me so I was cradled in his arms, I wasn't sure whether to be happy or not because my bottom hurt .

My soul didn't, though. For some reason I felt happy and loved, even though I was in pain.

"I didn't enjoy that," Daddy said tersely. "I want to keep you safe forever, even from me, but you seem to have a hard time understanding that, so this was necessary." I buried my head—snotty nose and all—in the crook of his neck. "And just in case you hadn't worked it out, I'm keeping you. All of you. You're mine. My mistake was that I was too busy being afraid of losing you to concentrate on keeping you. But that ends now. We're going to remodel this house so it's perfect for both of us. And I'm taking the job next weekend."

My heart sank. I really didn't think I could do this. Watch him be a Daddy with someone else.

"But so are you. Chris and Ricky are going as well because Emily needs friends. She knows I have you."

I lifted my head and met Daddy's gaze. "She does?" My heart was going to explode.

He smiled. "I told her first-thing. But now I'm telling you because you seem to have doubts." He shifted me in his arms and chuckled when I winced. "You're my boy, Calvin. And I'm your Daddy. That's forever and always. None of that shit that means I'm your Daddy on weekends only or some such nonsense." He pressed his head to mine. "Seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. You're stuck with me now."

"I love you," I blurted out, then flushed. "You don't have to—"

"Baby, do you really think I'd be doing all this if I didn't love you with everything in me? Why did you get spanked?"

The words "because I was naughty" were on the tip of my tongue, but then I looked into his amazing eyes and knew I was wrong. "Because you love me, and you're going to keep me forever."

His lips descending on mine told me he liked my answer, and even with a sore bottom, I knew I was a very good boy.

The next weekend, I carefully got ready to go out. I was a little nervous, even if I would be with Daddy. I could tell Daddy saw that in me even though Daddy showed me every day how much I could trust him. I absolutely knew I was safe with him, but I didn't know how to prove that. He had been so amazing and really what had I done?

I didn't ever want him to think that I doubted him ever again. Christopher and Ricky were collecting us, then we were going for Emily, so I quickly texted Ricky to ask him to bring me something.

Daddy and Christopher were waiting in the kitchen when we came downstairs, and I knew we all looked fantastic in our tuxes. Ricky and I had gone with silver glitter ties. And I saw Daddy's eyes widen when he saw me and I rushed into his outstretched arms and sure enough, his hand slid down to clasp my ass and bring me closer.

Then he stilled, and he returned my gaze. "Baby?"

I smiled and wriggled a little so he could feel more of the padding. I'd finally admitted to getting anxious in a lot of social situations with strangers, and I knew I needed to talk to someone about it, and I would, but this wasn't just about that, even though it made me feel more secure. This was about me being at my most vulnerable and trusting Daddy to have my back — well my ass actually. It was me saying the only way I knew how that I trusted him to keep me without me actually speaking words.

But when Daddy wrapped me in his arms and held me tight, I knew he'd heard them, anyway.