5. Yoga Catastrophe

YOGA CATASTROPHE

R osie stood in front of her full-length mirror, tugging at the unfamiliar spandex clinging to her body. The yoga pants and tank top ensemble she'd panic-bought the day before left little to the imagination.

"Good lord," she muttered, turning sideways and sucking in her stomach. "I look like a sausage trying to escape its casing."

Her phone buzzed with a message from Emma: "Don't you dare back out, Red. If I'm squeezing into lycra, so are you."

Rosie chuckled, shaking her head. There was no backing out now. The Sensational Sixties Squad's first official adventure was about to begin.

She grabbed her hastily purchased yoga mat and headed out the door, her mind buzzing with thoughts. Yoga. At her age. What could possibly go wrong?

The Zen Garden Yoga Studio looked like it had been plucked straight from a lifestyle magazine. All blonde wood and hanging plants, with a faint scent of lavender in the air. Rosie felt distinctly out of place as she navigated around bendy twenty-somethings in coordinated outfits.

She spotted her friends huddled near the back of the room, looking about as comfortable as cats at a dog show. Emma's huge smile stood out among the sea of serious faces and sleek ponytails, while Lisa appeared to be attempting to hide behind a potted fern.

"There you are!" Julie waved Rosie over, her artistic nature somehow at odds with the pristine white yoga outfit she'd chosen. Already, a smudge of what looked suspiciously like paint marred the hem of her top.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Catherine hissed, trying unsuccessfully to cover her midriff with her arms. "I haven't shown this much skin since 1975."

"Oh, hush," Emma said, though Rosie noticed she was also tugging self-consciously at her top. "We're here to get bendy and zen. Or whatever it is yoga people do."

Before Rosie could respond, a willowy young woman with a serene smile glided to the front of the room. "Namaste, everyone," she said in a voice as smooth as honey. "I'm Serenity, and I'll be guiding your practice today."

Emma snorted quietly. "Serenity? Bet that's not what's on her birth certificate."

"Shh," Lisa elbowed her, but Rosie could see the corners of her mouth twitching.

"Let's begin in a comfortable seated position," Serenity instructed, folding herself effortlessly into a cross-legged pose.

Rosie lowered herself to her mat, wincing as her knees creaked in protest. Comfortable? Ha! She hadn't sat cross-legged since primary school.

"Now, close your eyes and focus on your breath," Serenity continued, her voice taking on a dreamy quality. "Inhale positivity, exhale negativity."

Rosie tried to focus, she really did. But all she could think about was whether her muffin top was visible to the entire class.

"Psst," Catherine whispered from her left. "Is it normal for my foot to be going numb?"

Before Rosie could answer, Serenity's voice cut through the room. "And now, let's move into our first pose. We'll start with a simple Cat-Cow stretch."

Simple. Right. Rosie watched in growing alarm as Serenity demonstrated, her spine undulating with feline grace. Around the room, bodies began to move in sync, a sea of arching backs and tucked chins.

"Come on, ladies," Emma muttered. "If that slip of a girl can do it, so can we."

Rosie positioned herself on her hands and knees, feeling ridiculous. She arched her back, trying to mimic Serenity's fluid movements.

A strangled yelp from her right made her turn her head. Julie, in her enthusiasm, had arched her back so dramatically she'd lost her balance and face-planted onto her mat.

"I'm okay," Julie whispered, her voice muffled by the mat. "Just... checking the thread count on this thing."

Rosie bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud. She chanced a glance at the others. Lisa, ever the perfectionist, was frowning in concentration as she moved between poses. Catherine looked like she was trying to impersonate a startled cat, her movements jerky and uncertain. And Emma... well, Emma appeared to be doing her own thing entirely, her interpretation of Cat-Cow bearing a striking resemblance to the Funky Chicken.

"Beautiful, everyone," Serenity called out, her eyes suspiciously avoiding their corner of the room. "Now, let's move into Downward Facing Dog."

Oh, good grief. Rosie watched in mounting horror as Serenity demonstrated, her lithe body forming a perfect inverted V. Around the room, participants followed suit, a forest of spandex-clad bottoms rising into the air.

"You've got to be kidding me," Emma muttered, but gamely began to push herself up.

Rosie took a deep breath and attempted to mimic the pose. Immediately, she felt the blood rushing to her head. Her hamstrings screamed in protest, and she was pretty sure her yoga pants were giving everyone behind her a view they hadn't signed up for.

"Breathe into the pose," Serenity instructed, gliding between mats. "Feel your spine lengthening, your shoulders opening."

All Rosie could feel was an overwhelming urge to collapse onto her mat and never move again.

A muffled whimper from Catherine caught her attention. Rosie turned her head, no easy feat in her current position, to see her friend frozen in place, her arms shaking with effort.

"I'm stuck," Catherine whispered, panic evident in her voice. "I can't move. Oh god, I'm going to be in this position forever."

Rosie bit her lip, torn between concern for her friend and an almost overwhelming urge to burst out laughing. The sight of Catherine, bottom in the air, face a mask of wide-eyed panic, was almost too much to bear.

"Hold on," Lisa whispered, attempting to shimmy over to Catherine without breaking her pose. "I'll help you down."

What followed was a comedy of errors that would have put the Three Stooges to shame. Lisa, in her attempt to assist Catherine, lost her balance and toppled sideways, taking Emma down with her. Emma, flailing wildly, kicked out and caught Julie's ankle, sending her sprawling across her mat with a yelp.

Rosie, distracted by the domino effect of falling friends, felt her own arms give way. She collapsed onto her mat with an undignified "oof," rolling onto her back just in time to see Catherine slowly topple over like a felled tree.

For a moment, there was silence. Then, from the tangle of limbs and yoga mats, Emma's voice rose in a barely suppressed giggle. "Well, that's one way to get unstuck."

It was as if a dam had burst. Laughter erupted from their corner of the room, loud and unrestrained. Rosie felt tears streaming down her face as she gasped for breath, each glance at her friends setting off a fresh wave of giggles.

"Ladies," Serenity's voice cut through their mirth, her serene tone now decidedly frosty. "Perhaps this isn't the right class for you."

Rosie looked up to see Serenity looming over them, her perfect posture somehow managing to convey extreme disapproval. Around the room, other participants were twisted in impossible poses, staring at them with a mixture of annoyance and pity.

"You know what?" Emma said, pushing herself to her feet with as much dignity as she could muster. "I think you might be right. This isn't the place for us at all."

One by one, they gathered their mats and belongings, still fighting back giggles. As they filed out of the studio, Rosie could have sworn she heard a collective sigh of relief from the remaining participants.

Once outside, they looked at each other, disheveled and red-faced.

"Oh my god," Julie gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. "Did you see Serenity's face? I thought she was going to spontaneously combust from all that repressed rage."

"Forget Serenity," Lisa chuckled. "Did you see Catherine? I thought we were going to have to call the fire brigade to get you down!"

Catherine, far from being offended, was laughing harder than any of them. "I haven't been that flexible since... well, ever! I think I discovered muscles I didn't even know I had."

As their laughter subsided, Rosie looked at her watch. It was barely midday. "Well, ladies," she said, a mischievous glint in her eye. "It's five o'clock somewhere. Who's for a glass of wine?"

A chorus of enthusiastic agreement met her suggestion. Twenty minutes later, they were ensconced in a cozy booth at The Red Lion, still in their yoga gear, a bottle of Pinot Grigio chilling in an ice bucket before them.

"To the Sensational Sixties Squad," Emma proclaimed, raising her glass. "May all our adventures be as memorable as this one."

"And may we never attempt the Downward Facing Dog again," Catherine added, clinking her glass against Emma's.

As they sipped their wine, recounting the morning's mishaps with increasing embellishment, Rosie felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the alcohol. She looked around at these women - Emma with her irreverent humour, Lisa with her quiet strength, Julie with her artistic spirit, and Catherine with her newfound willingness to laugh at herself - and felt profoundly grateful.

"You know," she said, during a lull in the conversation, "I haven't laughed like that in years. I'd forgotten how good it feels."

The others nodded in agreement, their faces softening with understanding.

"It's easy to forget, isn't it?" Julie mused. "When you're caught up in the day-to-day grind, dealing with life's... challenges." She didn't need to elaborate. They all knew she was referring to her separation from Tom.

"Well, I for one refuse to forget again," Emma declared, pouring herself another glass of wine. "Life's too short to take ourselves so seriously. We're not dead yet, ladies. Far from it."

"Here, here," Lisa agreed. "So, what's next on our adventure list? Skydiving? Burlesque dancing? Tattoos?"

Catherine nearly choked on her wine. "Let's not get carried away," she spluttered. "Maybe we could start with something a bit less... extreme? Like a cooking class?"

"Ooh, yes!" Julie's eyes lit up. "I've always wanted to learn how to make proper French pastries."

As they debated the merits of various potential adventures, Rosie sat back and simply basked in the moment. Who would have thought that a disastrous yoga class would lead to this?

She caught her reflection in the pub's mirror and barely recognised herself. Her hair was a mess, her face flushed with laughter and wine, and her yoga outfit was decidedly worse for wear. But her eyes were sparkling with a light that had been missing for far too long.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Lisa asked, nudging Rosie gently.

Rosie smiled, raising her glass. "I was just thinking... here's to new beginnings. And to friends who make those beginnings worth celebrating."