Chapter 13

Reads and Revelations

W ith considerable difficulty, I reined in my libido by the time a weak round of applause sounded in the room. I joined in to avoid appearing conspicuous, glad there wouldn't be a test. Although my brain proposed launching into an essay on the virtues of small breasts, I rose gracefully from my seat, trying to concentrate on anything else.

"They never mentioned trolls or online predators," Winter snarled with a critical scowl. "Anyone with sense knows to post a five-star review, even if your mother wrote it."

I was struck with an immediate impulse to read Winter's books. But what if they were awful? No, I couldn't fathom it. They were her babies. Surely, she was too young to have an actual baby, wasn't she?

"Technology," I answered instead. "You have to take the good with the bad, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

This time I couldn't skip the restroom line. "Need a pit stop?" I asked. She stared at me with a blank expression. "I'm going to use the little girl's room," I rephrased. "Coming?"

"Oh, yeah." Winter's hand latched around my arm as we squeezed through the doorway. "Pit stop?"

With a mischievous smirk, I said, "What Florida lacks in cheese, it makes up for in race car events. The pit stop, where they fill the cars' tanks and rotate the tires? Take care of business?"

"Oh!" Recognition lit on her face, which flushed with embarrassment. The adorable expression tempted me to kiss her. I wrangled in the urge.

Tammy materialized at my side. "See that awkward, shy-looking loner with the frizzy hair?" she whispered and aimed me in what I presumed was the right direction. Standing by herself at the Literary Laurels' booth fingering a stack of T-shirts, I spied who I thought she meant.

"The one at the conference table?"

"Yes. She kept looking at you and paid no attention to the presenters."

Neither did I , I thought guiltily.

"Oh, that's Jules Novik," Winter said, squeezing between Tammy and me. "She's a finalist for Best Science Fiction Novel."

"Do you know her?" Tammy questioned.

"Not personally." Winter shrank. "No one's introduced us, and I can't just walk up to a finalist and start talking to her like I'm somebody."

The irony hit me like a salty wave. I'm a finalist whom she didn't know before Thursday night, and she has no trouble talking to me. Although I suppose Tammy did introduce us.

"You are too somebody," I declared with the resounding authority of Aspen Wolfe. "Be bold, Winter. Go talk to her while I hit the lady's room. Find out why she kept looking at me— or maybe it's you she has her eye on." An ugly, jealous impulse swooped through me at the words that had come out of my mouth. She better not be ogling Winter!

"I don't know." She tensed with anxiety, twisting her mouth and her fingers. She peered at Jules despairingly.

Placing a steadying hand on the small of her back, I leaned in with my lips a hair from her ear and breathed, "Please. For me?"

Winter exhaled, squared her shoulders, and lifted her chin. Meeting my gaze, she replied, "For you, Aspen."

She marched across the room like a Christian entering the Roman Circus to face a pride of lions. "Oh, she's got it bad," Tammy groaned.

"She may not be the only one," I muttered and made a beeline for the restroom, unaware if anyone heard me.

By the time I returned, Beth had gotten us all sodas. Elaine had already given her report, and Winter had returned unscathed from her encounter with a revered finalist.

"Thanks," I said, taking the cold, wet bottle.

"It turns out that Jules Novik was in awe of Winter for gaining Aspen's favor," Beth said. "Tammy's getting set up in the panel room. When it isn't her turn to read, she'll have the best seat in the house to watch the audience. This time, I suggest you sit alone, Aspen, to prevent the same kind of attention being drawn to you."

Well, that was a disappointing proposal, even though it made sense.

Winter stood across from me, and I met her gaze, spying displeasure on her face as well. Her reaction inspired the corners of my lips to curve up, and I winked at her. "Sit with me for lunch and tell me if I need to be jealous of Jules?"

Her distress peeled back to reveal a radiant burst of joy, and Winter nodded. Then off we went to listen to Tammy and several other notable novelists perform passages from their books.

No sooner than I secured a vacant spot near the middle of the large room, I was surrounded by Demi, Nan, and the other one. This was getting ridiculous!

"I didn't know you'd be here!" Demi exclaimed, staking claim to the empty chair on my left. Nan climbed over half a dozen women to get the seat behind me.

"Why aren't you reading?" Nan asked.

I flicked a glance at the third young woman who settled in the vacant spot two seats down on my right. I asked the stranger beside me if she'd mind swapping, and soon the third wheel was within the ring of fans.

"I'm here to listen," I stipulated. "I already gave a presentation, so that's why I'm not reading." Then I pinned the dirty-blonde woman with an intense regard. "You never told me your name. My brain needs something to identify you by besides ‘the other one.'"

She spared me a sardonic stare before huffing and rolling her eyes. "Luna. And I don't like people."

I cocked my head at her. "Then why are you at a convention abounding with people?"

She shrugged and crossed both her arms and her ankles. "Because I like girls."

"Fair enough," I answered.

"OK, folks, it's time to get started," opened the sixty-something-year-old moderator for this session. I didn't know her, just like I didn't know most of the three-hundred-plus participants. "We have a stellar lineup for you this morning."

Demi beamed as she sidled closer to my hip. Nope. No Winter Bliss tingles burst into tongues of desirous flame throughout my body because of her nearness, despite the abundance of admiration oozing from Demi's bubbly core. I was doomed. If I had only responded because of enthusiastic fan-crushing, Demi's energy should have me on overload. It didn't.

I'm finally interested in someone new, and she has to live fourteen hundred miles away. Yes, I'd looked it up. Beaver Dam, Wisconsin, where you'll find the perfect blend of big-city attractions with small-town charm.

After enjoying Tammy's performance and clapping profusely for her, I took a moment to consider Luna. I was certain she harbored some troubling issues. She reminded me of some junior high students who hadn't figured out who they were or where they belonged yet. To be honest, those questions stayed with many long past their teenage years. She may be like Teresa, unable to be herself at home out of fear. I couldn't solve her problems, but I could empathize with them. I didn't get a hateful or aggressive vibe from her, and I moved her down on my mental suspect list. While she might have created a fake social media account to take out her frustrations anonymously online, I couldn't picture her sending black roses or tearing up my books. She'd wanted one. She'd bought one.

After the reading session, came the lunch break, and I was ready for some fresh air. "Let's eat at the Pool Bar on the roof," I suggested.

"It'll be sweltering," Beth answered with a horrified expression.

I waved it off. "We can sit in the shade. I'll bet the view is phenomenal. I'd suggest a swim, but there isn't time. There's free time tomorrow, though. What do you say?"

"I looked at the hotel brochure," Elaine said. "It has salads, sandwiches, nachos, quesadillas, and whatever you want to drink."

"Baby?" Tammy deferred to Beth.

"Oh, why not?" she consented. "It'll have a stunning view of the river, like you say."

As we got in line for the elevators, I glanced around for Jules Novik, hoping she wasn't plotting to steal Winter's attention away from me. I spied Catherine, exquisitely overseeing the conference booth with a polished smile and graceful manner. R.B. Taylor was still being escorted by her hunky firefighter as they stepped into an elevator. Selina Fowlerton—stunning as always—laughed with a cadre of ageless women across a room swarming with unfamiliar faces.

I checked back at the Femlove Ink table, where it appeared like the ravishing older publisher Valery Preston was trying to seduce Willa Stephenson, another romance author I had chatted with on a few occasions—though whether it was to gain her business or something more personal, I couldn't tell.

When I caught the jealous glower on Cary's stony face at their exchange, I couldn't resist a gleeful smirk. So that's how it is? I pressed my lips in a tight line and returned my attention to Winter.

"Spill it about Jules Novik," I commanded, hoping to impress Winter with my forcefulness. "She isn't trying to lure you away for the rest of the weekend, is she?"

Winter's infectious laugh lightened my heart. "Nope," she chirped. "And she couldn't if she tried." She grinned with the enthusiasm of one who'd won every award on the docket. "She wanted to know my secret."

I wouldn't mind knowing some of your secrets either, I thought, but asked, "Is that so?"

"Yeah, like how I got you to notice me." The scandalous look in her twinkling, blue eyes had me reeling. Thank goodness the elevator doors opened, and we were compelled to squish in.

"Can someone hit the button for the roof?" Elaine chimed.

T he view from the top was placid and awe-inspiring as the lazy Mississippi River traipsed by, undeterred by the troubles of civilization. I pictured paddlewheel showboats and barges piled with enormous bales of cotton floating into the port instead of oil tankers, cargo vessels stacked with intermodal containers, and sleek passenger cruisers.

Kids laughed as they splashed in the refreshing-looking pool, their parents watching on beneath wide-brimmed hats from loungers along the side. I sipped my iced tea after finishing a tasty quesadilla. Winter and Elaine nibbled from the large plate of nachos they shared while Beth made her way through a salad that looked like it held an entire garden. Tammy had long since polished off her sandwich and chips.

It was nice to laze in a relaxed atmosphere where I didn't feel pressured to perform or be a certain way or even say anything. I wanted to remember the comfort of this moment when I went back home to folks who either neglected me or wanted something from me whenever we got together. The only in-person friends I could talk to about anything of significance were Tracy—engrossed in the honeymoon stage of her marriage—and Alice—preoccupied with kids and career.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we all lived closer and could get together and hang out on weekends?" It wasn't a very Aspen Wolfe thing to say. It came out lonely, sentimental, and wishful, straight from the lips of Mary Jones. I didn't regret it, though. At least I let my walls down enough to be honest for an instant.

"That sounds wonderful," Elaine concurred. "I'm not the social butterfly at home that I am at these events. I have hardly any queer friends and spend most of the time in my cave reading or writing. To tell the truth, I may not have come at all if not for Beth and Tammy's insistence."

"We save up money to attend as many conferences as possible," Beth said. "It's where we can connect with people like us. You know Texas," she added in a sing-song manner and a mocking grin.

"I wouldn't socialize at all in person if it wasn't for Beth," Tammy confessed. "I'd rather chat online with you guys or get lost in historical research for weeks at a time. But we have family and can't afford to move."

"I don't think there's another gay person in my hometown," Winter volunteered. "I mean, I met some in college, and now I work at this advanced tech company in Milwaukee. Still, it's a big city, and, in case you didn't notice, I'm a little shy."

After getting a taste, I wanted more and turned my full attention to Winter. "You work for an important tech company?" Remembering what she said about being shy and recalling her not having shared anything personal, I took a risk. "I used to be an English teacher."

She met my gaze, revealing her curiosity. "Yeah? I've got a master's degree in robotics engineering. Milwaukee has several innovative outfits developing all kinds of pioneering technologies."

"You're a robotics engineer?" I blinked, trying not to look too amazed, even though it's how I felt. She must make a ton of money.

(Don't judge me. I see you reading this judging me, thinking I'm shallow. Tell me you didn't think the same thing! What if I'd thought, She must be really smart ? Of course, I thought that too. And if you recall, I liked her before finding out about her career. It's hard not knowing what your next month's paycheck will be, having no set income to count on. What I made was strictly based on book sales, and it could vary widely from month to month. You don't know the fear that accompanies that kind of insecurity until you've been there. Starving artist; don't forget it.)

"Pardon me for asking, but how old are you?"

"Twenty-six." Winter's smug look of pleasure made me laugh and shake my head. "Why? How old did you think I was?"

I'm not sure there was a safe answer to that question. Nine years younger isn't as bad as I had imagined.

"Oh, hey, hate to break up the getting-to-know-you exchange, but we need to hurry to make the next class," Tammy said. She stood and stretched, prompting me to follow.

"I mean it." I directed my gaze to Tammy. "You guys are my closest friends—and I just met a couple of you. Now, do me a favor and don't go telling everyone else how pathetic I am."

Tammy flung an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a side hug. "Aspen—because you are Aspen Wolfe, even if you don't know it yet—we'd never dream of it! Far be it for us to repeat the foolish notion that beneath your allure, fame, and fortune, you're nothing but a mortal human being after all."