Chapter 18

Colby

“Sorry, I can’t. I have plans already.” Finding a three-foot-tall Christmas tree that was still alive and could be replanted safely because dead trees were only for books. “But let’s plan something after Christmas.”

When my special alien friend had gotten used to me leaving his place and going back every night.

I wasn’t sure if spending the whole weekend together with Saint had been the best idea or not. On one hand, it might’ve kept him from worrying, but on the other, I was pretty sure it was making his current stress levels higher.

Monday had been fine, but when I’d tried to leave for work earlier, he’d asked me if the birds had ever attacked me. Evidently someone had sent him an article about some guy who’d been killed by pigeons on his way to work.

I was pretty sure it was fake, but Saint had started to realize how dangerous the world could be. He hadn’t realized how dangerous Christmas could be, though, so we weren’t at DEFCON 1 yet.

“How about that wing place once I get back from vacation?” I thought Jim would be fine with that but he was watching me way too close for a guy who’d just wanted to grab a beer before we both took time off. “Something else?”

“What kind of plans?” Cocking his head, Jim looked like he was one deep breath away from calling HR.

“A date.” I wasn’t going to lie because that’d end up backfiring on me later, but I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. “How did it go taking Janet home?”

We were heading out of the building, so I wasn’t worried about anyone overhearing us. Office romances were stupid, but if it distracted him, I was all for encouraging it. “She’d been happy to see you at the party.”

And I was pretty sure they’d ended up in the breakroom together quite a few times over the past couple of days.

“She…she’s nice.” Looking around to make sure no one could overhear us, Jim shrugged. “We’re going out on Friday, but we can’t talk about it at work.”

Because it was a bad idea.

“That’s great, man.” Getting ready to make a break for it, I thought I’d avoided any more of the who are you dating conversation, but Jim wasn’t ready to let it go.

“You’re dating that Santa guy, right? That’s who you’re seeing?” Jim’s question had me stopping in my tracks and I had to work on fixing my expression to something neutral as I turned around.

“Yeah. He’s nice. The Santa thing was a way to get to know more about humans and Christmas.” Everything else I could think of to say sounded too personal to share with Jim, even though I wasn’t sure that was completely logical.

I also wasn’t sure how he’d figured it out, but he volunteered an explanation for that. “One of the girls Janet works with said she saw you guys having dinner after the party.”

Ignoring the girls thing since educating him on that wasn’t my top priority at the moment, I tried to stay on track. “Sounds like we need more snacks next year.”

Chuckling, I shook my head. “I knew the cookies and cupcake route would be fun but not quite enough food for everyone.”

“They get really attached to their humans. You know that, right?” It wasn’t where I thought we were going, so Jim’s words had my brain struggling to make a hard turn to find a new path. “You can’t date anymore once you’re in a relationship with them.”

Was this about his playboy lifestyle?

He looked like an accountant who’d been living in his mother’s basement for too long, but he must’ve had a magic dick with how often he dated.

“And they’re unfairly advantaged when it comes to dating.” Jim’s tone and his scowl said he was personally offended by something but I had to guess it was the tentacles thing.

Had a woman dumped him because he didn’t have tentacles?

“Um, well, you know how my track record has been lately and I don’t mind the attachment stuff.” I liked the attachment part of Saint’s personality. “Having a partner you know would never cheat isn’t a bad thing to me, either.”

And I didn’t have to worry about him getting into a fun new hobby that meant he could only see me a few times a month.

And I didn’t have to worry about him turning into a psycho who thought making me miserable was a way to practice being a sadist.

Some people were fucking nuts.

“We’ve got a lot in common too.” Books. Exhibitionism. Brownies. “What about you and Janet? I don’t remember ever hearing about what she does in her time off.”

Mostly because I did my best to avoid her.

“I…” Jim swallowed, nodding slowly. “Yeah, we’re figuring that shit out.”

It wasn’t helpful in changing the topic, but he seemed less worried, so I was taking that as a good sign. “That’s great.”

Not good enough, though.

“My brother met one at a bar and they got married a week later.” Jim wasn’t ready to let the conversation go yet, but getting more information felt like we were making progress. “He’d never dated a guy before.”

Jim had literally tried to set me up with the relief mailman that came in a few times a month because he thought we looked good together. He wasn’t homophobic. He was weird but he didn’t care where my dick was hanging out.

“Did you talk to him about it?” The way Jim went still and looked confused said he had not. “It’s basically part of their culture. When they fall for someone, they do it hard.”

There was no way to explain the whole thing without it sounding insane to Jim. He wasn’t ready for mates and submission or anything else like that.

“And a lot of guys don’t realize they’re bi until later in life.” I shrugged when his brows pulled together and didn’t bother trying to explain that they saw mates as being important, not genders. “It’s a thing. They get distracted by women in high school and college.”

Evidently boobs were really distracting if someone found women attractive.

“He dated a lot in college.” Jim’s tone was flat and I had a feeling he was talking to himself more than he was me. “He hadn’t dated seriously in a few years before he met…before he met his husband.”

Mate.

They were definitely mates.

And ones who’d explained the whole thing very badly to his relatives.

Maybe Saint should write a how-to manual on explaining the new relationship to the human’s family?

They were doing badass at the whole seduce your human and take care of them parts, but the rest seemed rushed and needed more research.

“Talk to him.” Normally. But I didn’t give him a goal I knew he couldn’t reach. “And make sure he knows you don’t mind the whole bi thing.”

There was no way that wasn’t going to be a strange conversation at the very least. “I’ve never heard of any of them mistreating their human partners. I looked it up online last year after reading an article about the mixed species relationships.”

I wasn’t going to feel bad about lying. He didn’t need to know I’d been reading a gossip-site story about the mixed couples doing porn. That’d just make him more nuts and would not be a safe-for-work conversation.

“Never?” Jim’s surprised tone made me think he’d seen something he hadn’t understood.

Had anyone ever explained that sometimes bees spanked other bees?

“Never.” I was confident enough that it must’ve come through in my tone because he let out another deep breath. “It’s some kind of biological instinct for their partners.”

Keeping the explanation surface level was making Jim less nuts, so I didn’t push any deeper into how their relationships worked. “They’re hardwired to be good partners. Talk to your brother.”

And a therapist wouldn’t be a bad idea, but I decided to put that part off until later too.

“I…I will. Thanks.” Giving me a nod, he turned toward the other side of the plaza before looking back at me. “Oh, and um, have fun on your date.”

It was definitely out of manners rather than a sincere hope that I’d met the man of my dreams, but I smiled and faked it better than he could. “Thanks. Merry Christmas and I hope you have fun with your family.”

We were close enough to our time off that I was really hoping I wouldn’t see him again before he got a break.

I had a feeling he was thinking something along the same lines because he looked relieved to be walking away from me. I’d given him way too much to think about, and unfortunately, he’d done the same to me.

But luckily for me, I had a Dom to distract me, and what made it even better was that he was walking across the plaza.

Probably because I was five minutes late, but he started with draping a tentacle around my waist and leading me back home. “Humans have curious responses to mates.”

I was pretty sure we’d reached the point where they didn’t expect anything logical from us and were just pleasantly surprised at the chaos we brought into everything.

“Yeah, that was unexpected.” Clearly I’d misread the situation but there was no way I could’ve predicted what he’d been panicking over. “You know, I was thinking that you need to write some kind of manual for humans on how to explain bonding to their families. Something that skirts around the Dom and sub part of it. Most families don’t think about relatives that way and it’d just confuse them.”

I wasn’t sure if he’d find leaving out the submission stuff offensive, but after a moment, he nodded slowly. “Human social customs dictate a thorough separation of private when dealing with immediate family.”

Yep, we kept shit to ourselves when it came to our parents and people like that.

“When something is a little private we might share, but submission falls into that bigger private category. There are a lot of people who don’t understand it still, but we’re getting better about explaining things like that.” It was just hard to teach people about the whole it can be sexual but it doesn’t have to be sexual thing.

I was starting to see why Jim’s brother had just ignored all of it.

That hadn’t been the best way to handle the situation, but it was still an educational adventure when it came to teaching people about mates.

And I was very grateful my family were all isolationists who only thought about calling a few times a year.

“We shall endeavor to describe the concept of mates in a way that will not freak out other humans.” Saint didn’t seem like he thought that was a reasonable goal, but he was going to try for his mate.

Me.

It was getting easier to say but I still hadn’t used it that much.

“I—” My breath caught in my throat as he swept me up into his limbs as soon as we made it into his building.

Saint went full stop and frowned at me, not liking my reaction at all. “Forgot about that. I’m fine. I was distracted.”

Shifting me so I was pressed tightly against his torso, Saint patted me down then gently wrapped a tentacle around my neck.

“You might want to tell him you’re monitoring his heart rate and stuff like that before he thinks it’s kinky or just dangerous.” Human helper guy, whose name was actually Zeke, sounded just bored enough to signal that he thought it was hilarious.

“I am monitoring your heart, my Colby.” His words said monitoring but his limb kept tightening and loosening, which was really confusing my dick. “Would you prefer I wait until we have the illusion of privacy to ask about your other reactions?”

“Yes. Thank you.” My answer had Zeke coughing, but he managed not to laugh until Saint picked me up again and we’d made it into the elevator.

As it went up, I rested my head against Saint and sighed. “I was distracted. I like being held.”

And it made him much more content.

When he got lots of carrying and snuggle time in the evening, it was a lot easier for him to let me go to work the next morning.

“Your body regenerates faster when you obtain sufficient physical contact.” Running his tentacles over my head and down my back, he sighed and had me fighting back a smile. “Human mammals require more touch than they are given.”

We were confused little monkeys.

“You take good care of me, though.” It just amazed me that he seemed to sense changes in me based on how much cuddling we did. “You make me feel relaxed too. That might have something to do with it. Lower stress?”

Stress did terrible things to our bodies, so it wouldn’t have surprised me.

“I will attempt to obtain information on the health benefits of touch and mating in humans.” Saint sounded so interested in that I wondered if he was going to volunteer us for study. “Listing out the benefits of matings would be good for your book, my Colby.”

Technically he was right but the idea made me smile. “I think our book would be fascinating.”

And really funny too.

“You find much humor in that idea, my Colby.” Saint’s tone had me picturing him shaking his head, but getting us out of the elevator and into the apartment was more important. “Humans find humor in curious things.”

“We can’t help it.” He wouldn’t want me to either, but I gave him a kiss as he shut the door of the apartment.

“We have obtained privacy, my Colby.” His one-track mind had him draping a smaller tentacle around my neck again as he immediately walked us over to the bed.

I was basically Pavlov’s dog at that point, so just sitting on the bed made me hard most of the time, but the combination of bed and his tentacle had my erection back to aching in seconds. “I… It’s a control thing and my imagination can’t help picturing you controlling my breathing. There’s no logical reason for why it’s erotic.”

And now half the building was googling breath play.

Saint made a soft thinking sound and tightened his tentacle just enough to make the scene feel more real. “You enjoy the fantasy of giving your Dom complete control over your very ability to breathe, my Colby.”

His voice going into Dom mode didn’t help chase the wicked images out of my head. “You’re…you can control me so good.”

It wasn’t the sentence I’d tried to get out, but it was what had escaped.

Saint didn’t mind, though. His other limbs started stroking over me, but he left that one tense around my neck. “You are my mate. You have given me your body, your mind, and your submission. You have given yourself to me. The rest is human illusion.”

We were good at lying to ourselves.

Well, maybe it was time for this human to stop lying and start living.