Chapter 5

Lori lookedup as Rosie came out of the bathroom stall and approached the sink. “Feeling better, honey?”

Rosie closed her eyes briefly and blew out a long breath. “It might be too soon to be sure, but I don’t want to move far from this restroom for a little while longer.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you move that fast.” Lori pressed her lips together to prevent a childish giggle from emerging. There should be nothing funny about food poisoning, but the way Rosie had rushed to the bathroom as best she could with her knees clamped together was a visual it was impossible not to laugh at.

Rosie splashed water on her face and rinsed out her mouth. “I bet you’re glad you changed your mind and had the grilled chicken.”

Lori put her hand to her stomach. “So far, so good.”

“Okay.” Rosie straightened and dabbed at her face with a paper towel. “Let’s go sit by the bar and pray that I’m done.”

They left the restroom and took the last couple of seats at the end of the bar, close enough for Rosie to rush back should she need to. Lori ordered a mineral water with fresh lime for Rosie and a vodka tonic for herself.

“I’m sorry, Lori. This wasn’t the night I had planned,” Rosie said after she’d taken a tiny sip of her drink.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve had a nice time, and it was good to get out again.”

“Have I done enough to have my friendship privileges restored?” She smiled, but the uncertainty was clear in her eyes.

Lori placed her hand over Rosie’s. “They were never revoked.”

Rosie tilted her head slightly. “Mm, then how come we haven’t been out together in three months?”

“You know why.” She was hoping to avoid this conversation. Up until the clam chowder had worked its evil magic on Rosie’s digestive system, they had been having a good time, and Rosie hadn’t mentioned fixing Lori up with anyone all night. “But that didn’t mean we weren’t friends, and it isn’t like you haven’t been visiting me at the Sanctuary. Have you really been concerned about that?”

“Of course I’ve been concerned. A few quick lunches while you’re at work aren’t conducive to a solid friendship.” Rosie pouted. “I really thought I’d messed up.”

Lori squeezed Rosie’s hand. Solid friendships were based on honesty, and Lori hadn’t been true to that aspect. “I was mad at you. I just need you to understand that I’m not ready to think about dating yet, let alone start doing it.”

“I pushed too hard, didn’t I?” Rosie asked. “I’m sorry. I hate what the lawyer has done to you, and I want to help you get her out of your system.”

“Me too. But that’s not something anyone can help me with.” Lori finished her drink and ordered another. “I’ve got to work through this by myself, and I’ll be ready when I’m ready. Everyone heals at different speeds, and there’s no fixed timeline to mend a broken heart, you know?”

“I wish there was. I feel so helpless.” Rosie rolled her eyes. “And I hate that the lawyer is parading around like the cat that got the cream.”

With that comment, Lori resisted the desire to throw back her drink and just sipped it instead, though she was glad she’d ordered a double. She had no idea what the lawyer was up to, and honestly, she didn’t want to know…unless it was something bad. But that made her feel immature and petty. At thirty-one, she was supposed to be beyond that behavior, wasn’t she?

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Rosie said. “I’m sure the last thing you want to hear about is her, and you’ve never been one for gossip.”

Lori struggled to control the part of her that wanted to hear all about what the lawyer was up to and who she was up to it with. That self-destructive, masochistic part of her that would like nothing more than to convince her she was never worthy of the lawyer, that part that had always been waiting for the shoe to drop on their relationship—boy, she wished she could quiet that voice. She mostly knew it wasn’t true. She mostly knew her own worth. But six years with a narcissistic partner whose self-important ambitions drove their every decision had worn away too many layers of Lori’s resilience. And it was going to take time to grow them back.

“Let’s talk about something else for a while,” Lori said as the silence became awkward, despite the increase in volume as a DJ took to the decks.

“Are you sure we’re okay?” Rosie asked. “If there’s anything I can do to make up for being a pushy princess, you’d tell me, right?”

Lori smiled and nodded. “Of course I would. Your best friend status is in good shape.” It wasn’t like there were lots of other candidates lining up for the position anyway. With her time commitment to the Sanctuary, it was just as hard to cultivate and maintain friendships as it had been for a more intimate relationship. And maybe that’s where she’d gone wrong with the lawyer; she hadn’t given her the attention her ego required. “So how’re you feeling? Ready to brave the ride home?”

Rosie took a deep breath and held her stomach. “I don’t think so.” She gestured toward the restroom. “I’m going to head back in there for a few minutes, and you don’t have to follow me this time—unless I don’t come back in fifteen minutes. Then you should check to make sure I haven’t disappeared down the toilet with the rest of my insides.”

“Ew, that’s gross.”

Rosie grinned. “Not as gross as that horse poop you were poking around in last week. I can’t get that out of my mind,” she said as she eased off her stool.

The restroom door had only just swung closed when the bartender leaned over the bar. She thumbed toward a tall woman a few stools down. “Casey would like to know if she could buy you a drink.”

Lori looked away quickly when the woman raised her glass and gave her the butch nod. She was relatively attractive, but nowhere near Sergeant Gabriella Jackson’s standard of cute. Not that Lori should be comparing anyone to Gabe anyway. She shouldn’t even be thinking of her in her waking moments. It was enough that she’d been a constant companion in Lori’s dreams since last Saturday. “No, thank you. We’re leaving as soon as my friend comes back from the bathroom.”

The bartender shrugged and left to relay the message. Lori slipped her phone from her clutch and opened TikTok so she had something to amuse herself with while Rosie was absent. She hoped it would serve the dual purpose of reinforcing her disinterest in the woman at the middle of the bar.

No such luck. She felt the woman’s presence before she noisily pulled out the adjacent stool and settled beside Lori.

“Your friend can’t hold her alcohol, I guess.”

Lori closed her eyes briefly and sighed. “She had some bad clam chowder at the restaurant.” She made swift and short eye contact to avoid being rude and then continued to flick through to her latest Max video to check the comments.

“Aren’t you going to tell me which restaurant, so I know to avoid it?” She put her hand out between Lori’s gaze and her phone screen. “My name’s Casey. What’s yours?”

Lori looked at the woman’s hand for a moment, trying to decide what to do. She didn’t like to be rude, but she also didn’t want to take any steps into this dance. “Sorry, I don’t shake hands. Not with COVID still being around.” She registered the woman’s fleeting eyeroll. “I work with vulnerable animals, so I have to be extra careful.” She sighed inwardly at her own pandering to someone else’s issues. She shouldn’t have to explain why she did or didn’t do anything to a complete stranger. And yet…

Casey gave a throaty laugh and pulled her hand back. “I’ve heard of vulnerable adults but not animals. How’s that work?”

Lori checked the restroom door in her peripheral vision, but it didn’t move. Fifteen minutes could seem like a very long time when you were having a conversation you didn’t want. “I work with horses and dogs, some of which have had surgery.”

“So you’re a vet?”

“No.” Maybe if she kept her answers shorter, Casey would get the hint and go away. She laughed again, a sound that Lori already found irritating.

“This is like getting blood out of a stone. What do you do if you’re not a vet?”

“I run a specialized shelter for ex-service animals.” She scrolled down the comments, liking and responding to them, and prayed for Casey to leave her alone. With every question, she pushed a pungent mix of alcohol, stale cigarette smoke, and halitosis in Lori’s direction. Casey’s breath was looking like it might succeed where Lori’s dinner had failed in making Lori nauseous.

“What? Like police dogs?” Casey asked, exhaling a noxious cloud in Lori’s direction.

Lori nodded and took a long sip of her drink, inhaling deeply and hoping that the vodka might dull her sense of smell.

“Looks like your friend’s gonna be a while. Are you sure I can’t buy you a drink?”

“I’m sure. Like I told your bartender friend, we’ll be leaving as soon as she comes back.”

Casey blew out a long sigh, and Lori had to quell her gag reflex. Lori was tempted to give her gum but didn’t want the offer to be misconstrued.

“Maybe your friend could go home, and you could stay.”

Lori looked up, no longer able to maintain her polite rebuttal ploy. “My friend isn’t feeling well, so I’ll be going home with her because that’s what good friends do. But even if we weren’t leaving, I wouldn’t accept a drink from you because I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m not interested, okay?”

Casey huffed and pushed off her stool. “No need to be a?—”

“Don’t,” Lori said. “Please don’t finish that sentence. I didn’t ask you to come over here, and I tried not to be rude. I came out with my friend for a quiet night, and I wasn’t looking to hook up with anyone. I’m not being anything other than straightforward with you. Okay?”

The bartender reached over the bar and tugged on Casey’s shirt. “Come on, dude. Leave the lady alone. She said she’s not interested.”

Casey looked at the bartender. “Fine,” she said and moved away.

“I’m sorry about that.” The bartender wiped the bar around their drinks. “She’s harmless enough until she has one too many knockbacks.”

Lori raised her eyebrow. “So not harmless then?”

“I guess not.” The bartender shrugged and walked away to serve another customer.

Lori rolled her shoulders and moved her head from side to side to relieve the tension that had crept in as that encounter had continued. It had been a while since she’d had to fend off unwanted attention, and she was rusty. She’d been blunt, and that didn’t sit well, but neither did overconfident people who didn’t take no for an answer. It was probably for the best that Rosie hadn’t been there, or she might’ve gotten out her pepper spray and Casey would’ve ended up with bloodshot eyes as well as bad breath.

She refocused on her video’s comments and saw one had been posted a few hours ago by SoldierGabe: I served with this #RealAmericanHero. Max located hundreds of explosive devices and saved thousands of lives. The comment had garnered a ton of responses and hearts but more importantly, promises of donations. With the vague hope that at least some of those might be real promises and not just for the sake of social media appearances, she switched to the Sanctuary’s PayPal account. Her jaw dropped when she saw the amount of money that had come in since she’d last checked early that morning. Their balance had risen by over twenty-five thousand dollars. She refreshed the screen, not quite believing her eyes, but there it was.

Time for a little light stalking. SoldierGabe’s profile pic was of a beat-up old truck, but it was too small for Lori to see whether it was the vehicle Gabe had come to the Sanctuary in. And honestly, Lori couldn’t remember the color of it, much less anything else. She’d been too focused on the woman who’d stepped out of it. She clicked on SoldierGabe’s icon to go into her profile. The info was sparse and didn’t give Lori anything of interest. But the posted videos did: Gabe in an Army camp doing bicep curls; Gabe under the hood of some kind of tanky-thing in just a tight T-shirt and her combat pants; Gabe bench-pressing another soldier; Gabe playing fetch with Max. Talk about a thirst trap. Even if Gabe hadn’t posted them with that intention, they certainly had that effect on Lori. She was dehydrated, but she wouldn’t be doing anything about it in the foreseeable future. Just like she’d told Rosie, she had no idea how long her heart would take to heal, and her mind needed plenty of work too.

Tomorrow afternoon, Gabe was making her first visit since Lori had agreed she could see Max regularly. She checked her watch to see how long Rosie had been in the bathroom and whether she should go rescue her. Now Lori wanted to get home so she could bake something more substantial than a few cookies to say thank you to Gabe for her comment. Obviously, she couldn’t have known that it might get such an amazing reaction, but Lori still wanted to show her gratitude. That kind of money usually took months to raise, not hours.

She closed PayPal and flicked back to TikTok and saw there were some trolls too, mainly anti-Americans. She deleted them and blocked their accounts. She never engaged with the negative stuff on there. It was too mentally draining and a time suck she didn’t need. But twenty-five thousand dollars? She and the Sanctuary definitely needed that.

Her phone vibrated with a message from Rosie.

Can you get us a ride home? I’ll be out in a few minutes.

Lori laughed at the poop emoji that she’d once thought was chocolate ice cream before she ordered a Lyft, and then she watched more of Gabe’s videos while she waited.

“Ooh, who’s that hottie?”

Lori had been so engrossed in TikTok that she hadn’t heard Rosie approach. “You remember I told you that Max’s handler from the Army was visiting last week?”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to ask how that went. Sorry.” Rosie retook her seat and huddled alongside Lori for a closer look. “SoldierGabe? More like SoldierBabe. Wow, she’s…really something.”

Lori gave Rosie a sidelong glance. It was clear her friend was desperate to make the obvious comment, but she somehow managed to stay silent. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Rosie backed away a smidge and held up her hands. “I’m not thinking anything other than I can’t wait to get home to put a hot water bottle on my stomach.”

“I’m sorry, honey. Are you in a lot of pain?”

Rosie scrunched up her nose. “About as much as you might expect after you’ve expelled your entire insides. How long until our ride gets here?”

Lori checked her app and saw that the little car making its way to them was only a few blocks away. “Seven minutes. Do you want to wait outside and get some fresh air?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

They took a final sip of their drinks and headed to the door slowly. Lori pointed to a bench on the sidewalk, and they sat down. Rosie drew in deep lungfuls of the warm night air and blew them out noisily. Lori could feel her practically vibrating with the effort of not saying anything about Gabe being exactly Lori’s type and then some. The lawyer had been butch, but she was small fry compared to Gabe—literally. Gabe was about six inches taller and had a lot more muscle. Although that wasn’t saying much since the lawyer had virtually none. Lori found herself wanting to talk to Rosie about Gabe, which wasn’t a good idea because she’d get overexcited and want them to hook up.

“She’s coming to the Sanctuary tomorrow to see Max again,” Lori said as innocently as she could.

Rosie’s head snapped up, and she looked like she might explode with all the questions she was holding in. “I thought she was just passing through.”

“So did I.” Lori ran her thumb across the screen of her phone as the videos she’d just watched played over and over in her mind. Deep, deep sigh.

“But?” Rosie said, her voice raising an octave.

“Turns out that she’s settling in Chicago and opening her own garage with a few of her ex-Army friends. Auto repairs and custom spray jobs, that sort of thing.”

Rosie turned slightly to face Lori. “And she wants to see Max…”

Or you, was Rosie’s unvoiced question. They might have only been friends since Lori moved to Gary seven years ago, but she knew Rosie almost as well as she’d known any lover. “That’s right,” she said. Talking about how insanely attractive Gabe was seemed hypocritical after their earlier conversation, but it was only metaphorical. She had no intention of acting on it. She just couldn’t. She was still gluing her heart back together and couldn’t contemplate putting it in someone else’s hands ever again.

“And you’re letting her?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Lori asked, as much to convince herself that it was for Max as well as Rosie. “It’ll be good for Max’s rehabilitation. He perked up a lot after her visit last Saturday, and he stayed buoyant for a few days after too. I agreed that she could come as long as she came at least once a week and stayed for two hours minimum. Then he’ll have something to really look forward to, you see?”

“I do see.”

Lori would’ve had to be deaf not to hear the amusement in Rosie’s voice. “And if she couldn’t commit to that, then I wouldn’t have agreed to her visiting at all.”

“Of course not.”

A car pulled up curbside with the ubiquitous Lyft sign in the bottom corner of its windshield, much to Lori’s relief. It was killing her not to share her true feelings with Rosie, but she didn’t want to encourage hope where there was none. She helped Rosie to her feet, and they got in the vehicle. “We’ll get you settled at home first and then I’ll get another ride.”

“You’re such a great friend,” Rosie said. “I’m sorry again that I nearly messed that up with my match-making efforts.”

She cuddled closer, and Lori put her arm around her. “I am a great friend, but you can stop saying sorry. I’ve accepted your apology, so let’s just move on, okay?”

“I can say sorry again for tonight being such a bust though, right?”

Lori stroked Rosie’s hair gently and shook her head. “Since it wasn’t your fault, no, you can’t.”

“I’ll make it up to you next time,” Rosie said.

“There’s no need, honestly.” Lori hugged her gently. She knew where Rosie’s concerns were coming from; childhood experiences could be incredibly difficult to shake as an adult. “I’m not going anywhere,” she said, hoping that would be enough for Rosie to really hear her.

“Promise?” Rosie whispered.

“I promise.” She continued to run her fingers through Rosie’s hair, and she heard the change in her breathing as Rosie drifted to sleep. The exchange reminded Lori that she hadn’t called her own family this week and that she needed to check in. She’d been lucky, a lot luckier than Rosie, with her upbringing. It had been far from normal, but there had never been any shortage of love. And since that was her only source of love right now, she couldn’t afford to neglect it.