Chapter 16

Delilah was laughing so hard, she wiped tears from her eyes. Samson smiled while he watched her amusement. He'd never enjoyed making someone laugh so much.

"Delilah?" Luca appeared behind her, and Samson lifted his gaze.

"Hi there, Luca," he said.

Delilah turned. "Oh. Hi."

"Samson," Luca said. "It's good to see you."

"Likewise."

"It's been a few days. I trust everything is going well?"

"Very well, thanks for asking."

"Sorry, I'm interrupting."

"Not at all," Delilah said. "I went out for a run early this morning, and we ran into each other. Now we're grabbing a bite to eat. Do you want to join us?"

"I'm afraid I can't. I've got a lot of work to do." He focused on Delilah. "I guess I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. I'll probably head back home after breakfast."

"Good. I'll see you there."

"Yup."

Luca went back to the counter and collected his coffee, then left.

"That was awkward," Samson said. "Is he okay?"

"Luca? Yeah, he's fine as far as I know."

"You didn't notice?"

"Uh, I guess he may have been a little distant."

"Let me guess. He likes me as a customer but not spending time with his cousin."

She sighed. "That's probably not far from the truth. He's very protective of me. It wasn't long ago I told him I wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near you."

Samson laughed. "You didn't keep that a secret from anyone."

"No, I didn't."

"I'm so pleased you changed your mind."

"Who said I did?" She smirked, but when he reached across the table and took her hand, the smile left her face.

"But seriously. I'm really glad. And I'm not just saying that because you've been playing hard to get."

"You sure?"

"It's been a long time since I've met anyone I've enjoyed spending time with."

"You say that now, but we barely know each other."

"You think you'd get tired of me?"

"My concern is more about you getting tired of me."

"Would never happen."

"You're very confident."

He was. She was the first person to bring a spark of light into his life in a long time. He'd do everything in his power not to lose that now that the air was cleared. His relief to find out there was nothing nefarious in her giving up his secret was powerful. "I know a good thing when I see it."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. You managed to surprise me. There's no reason you won't do it again."

"Is that unusual for you? A man surprising you?"

She scoffed. "Unfortunately not. But you're the first who did it in a good way. So that's something."

"You're talking about losing your business?"

"Yeah. The guy I broke up with, he's the one who stabbed me in the back. I thought he cared about me. I had no idea I was only a means to an end for him."

"No wonder you didn't want to trust me. I guess I didn't help your issues. I haven't behaved in a way to always encourage trust."

"You have your reasons. I assume it's connected to the pain I saw the other night."

"I told you that was a past case."

"What I saw that night was pain of a different kind. Say what you want, but I saw something much deeper."

He wanted her to understand but didn't know if he was brave enough to open up that part of himself.

"Have you ever asked yourself why I live my life the way I do?"

"I wouldn't say I've spent a lot of time pondering it, but I think I can guess."

He pushed the crumbs around his plate with his fork. "All right. Tell me."

"The same reason most people do. Because you can."

"You don't think I could have other reasons?"

"Such as?"

"It's easy to hide emptiness behind excess."

"You mean you've had such a hard life you need to overindulge to compensate? I understand people deal with pain in different ways, but it doesn't excuse sleeping around and drinking too much."

"No. I make no excuse for that. I know my behavior isn't what it should be. But there are reasons."

She studied her fingers for a minute. "Samson, what is it that you want from me?"

"Honestly, I have no idea."

She nodded. "I think I should go."

"Why?"

"Because I've come to the East Coast with a lot of baggage I'm trying to sort out. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I don't want to hurt you. I don't know what it is you see in me, but if you think I'm the answer to all your problems?—"

"That's not what I think. All I know is that you're not like anyone else I've ever met. I want to get to know you better. You make me believe there's more to life, and that's a good thing."

"I don't want to be anyone's crutch. I can't be. You'll end up getting more hurt in the end than when you started."

"That's not what I want either. But—" He scrubbed a hand across his forehead. "It's really hard to explain."

"Try."

"You wouldn't understand."

"If you can't tell me, then what's the point of any of this?"

"It will probably change the way you see me."

"For better or worse?"

"I have no idea."

"Then I guess you have to decide if the risk is worth it."

She was right. He didn't want to scare her away by exposing what was going on in the deepest parts of himself, but she was worth it. If he told her everything and she stuck around, then he had nothing left to lose. "All right." He swallowed back any indecision. "Here goes nothing. Are you religious at all?"

"That's an odd question."

"Does that mean no?"

"There are a lot of religions. Are you referring to a specific one?"

"Christianity."

"I am not attending church or anything, but I did a couple times when I was a kid and…I don't know. It stuck with me. I felt something that I can't explain, and maybe I'm crazy, but I do believe God is real even if He's just in my head."

"When I was ten, I gave my life to Jesus."

"You're kidding."

"Nope."

"I guess that makes sense. A lot of people go off the rails in their teens and leave any kind of religion in their past."

"Except I didn't."

"I find that hard to believe considering…well…the way you live."

"I haven't been active in my faith in a long time. My abilities and skills raised me up very quickly in the eyes of men, and that turned out to be a big distraction. But in the early years, I had purpose. I knew what I was about, and I wanted to serve God however that looked. I knew without a doubt that everything I could do came from Him and that there was a reason He made me the way He did."

"Wow. I can't even imagine what that must have looked like."

"Kind of like it does now. Protecting the innocent. Making sure those who did wrong paid for it."

"Did something happen to change all that? Or was it just falling prey to the lure of what money can buy?"

"Both, I guess. I didn't notice it at first, but when you're as good as I am at everything you do, you begin to trust in your gift and not the giver of that gift."

"That makes sense. Especially when you are such a capable person."

Samson shook his head. "It's not like that for me. I—I don't know how to say this without sounding like I have an overinflated ego."

"Too late." She smiled.

"Funny, but if you want the whole story, you're going to have to bear with me."

"Okay. I'll hold my judgement until the end."

"Thank you. My mom found it hard to get pregnant."

"And you think that's your fault?" She squinted at him.

"You're going to have to let me tell you the whole story."

"Sorry." She made the motion of zipping her lips.

"She and my dad went to a church service where a man prayed for them. He said my mom would conceive within the year and that her baby would be special. He told my father that his son would save his people."

" His people?"

"My dad's Armenian. He took it to mean it was connected to the Armenian Genocide."

"There was an Armenian Genocide?"

"World War One. A lot of Christians were murdered. My whole life my dad has had this expectation that I would save persecuted Christians. Particularly Armenians."

"I didn't know Christians were being persecuted. I mean, not here."

"You don't see it here like in other parts of the world. When I was a teenager, I went on a few missions trips trying to figure out what God was calling me to, but nothing stuck."

"When did your abilities turn up? Were you still young?"

"Yeah. And imagine a young man with lots of testosterone pumping through his veins. I got suspended a couple of times."

"Did you enjoy getting into fights? Or did you just need an outlet?"

"Mostly it was for beating up bullies. I think I used my purpose as an excuse. I told myself that God made me that way, so I had a reason to act out."

"I don't see that as a bad thing."

"If it was only about helping people maybe, but there was more to it."

"Like what?"

"Showing off, not controlling my anger."

"What about now?"

"Now I've lost my chance. I left God behind a long time ago."

"What does your dad think?"

"As you can imagine, my dad disapproves of my lifestyle, seeing as I'm supposed to be this upright, righteous person saving believers."

"But something happened. That pain I saw."

He chewed on his lip, then decided he may as well go for it. She knew everything else, she may as well know this. "My wife."

Delilah jerked in her seat. "You're married?"

"I was. She died."

"I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes for a second. "It was the loss of your wife that sent you over the edge."

"Yes, but not in the way you're thinking. I was already falling off the rails before that. Tanya and I were in the process of getting a divorce when she died."

"Oh."

"I was never unfaithful to her."

"Okay."

"It's important to me that you know that. I won't say I was a very good husband, but when she had an affair with my best friend, I kind of lost it. Then, after the car crash…that was it for me. I started drinking a lot, and women were an easy way to forget. Or to pretend."

"Pretend what?"

"That it wasn't my fault."

"The crash?"

"Yeah."

"Look, I know that must have been a really hard time, but how can you blame yourself for that? Were you driving?"

"I wasn't in the car, and it wasn't an accident. The crash was meant for me. I was in deep on a case."

"The one connected to what the agent brought you?"

"Yeah. They were trying to stop me, so they pushed my car off the road, except I wasn't in the car. It was only Tanya and our daughter."

Delilah pressed her hand against her mouth. "Samson. I—that's horrible. You lost your daughter too? I don't know what to say."

"Riley didn't die. She was okay. But she was with her mother at the end, and it took her a long time to get over that. And it's all my fault."

"That's horrible. But it's still not your fault."

"It shouldn't have happened. I was careless and cocky, and I thought I really was invincible back then. But I wasn't. They broke me that day."

"Did you get them in the end?"

"No. It's my biggest failure, but after the crash, I couldn't keep going."

"Where's your daughter now? Does she live with you?"

"No. I wouldn't do that to her. I knew I was not a good person for Riley to be around, so I let my mother-in-law raise her. Riley's lived with her since that time."

"Do you see her much?"

"No. I don't want her to see me this way."

"And that's why you live the way you do. Trying to fill that emptiness with…meaningless?—"

"Yeah."

"I bet your daughter would like to see you. How old is she?"

"Almost fifteen. She's the most precious thing to me on the entire planet, and I never see her."

Delilah reached a hand across the table and rested it on his. "Thank you for telling me that."

"You can't tell anyone. No one knows about her, and that's the best way I can protect her. That's one thing you need to make sure you don't ever let slip."

"No, of course not. I would never—but Samson, maybe you don't need to do all this. If you stopped putting yourself in danger, you could have her in your life again."

"This is what I'm made for. How can I do anything else?"

"You said you weren't following God anymore."

"He might not want me, but that doesn't mean I can stop fighting for what's right."

She nodded. "I understand what you're saying, but I think you should at least consider seeing her."

"For you, I'll think about it."

"No, don't do it for me. Do it for Riley. She needs to know her dad."

"Even if she despises me?"

"I never knew my dad. He left my mom when I was little. The time he was actually with us, I never saw much of him. My whole life I wanted him to come look for me. I didn't care about the sort of man he was. All I wanted was to know he cared about me."

"I'm sure he did."

"But to a girl, that's not good enough."

Samson nodded. Torn. There was so much he regretted that he couldn't undo. "I'll think about it. That's the best I can offer you."

She squeezed his hand, and he didn't want her to let go. He didn't ever want to let her go.