Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Regan

I stared at my plate of half-eaten food before pushing it away. The chair across from me was empty, just like it had been last night. Lomax should have been sitting there. Should have been telling me about her day in the garden and filling the entire room with light and happiness and her sweet scent.

Instead, for the second evening in a row, I’d sat alone, eating food I had no appetite for and could barely taste. I didn’t know why Lomax was suddenly avoiding me, but I hated it. I’d been irritable and short of patience in training today, and Galan’s look of disappointment when I’d lost my temper with Ilna had deepened my ever-present shame until I could hardly bear its weight.

I stood and threw out the rest of my dinner before pacing the small space like a caged wicken. I had wracked my brain trying to remember what I had said or done to upset Lomax, but I could think of nothing. Everything had been normal up until yesterday afternoon when she had cancelled dinner.

Waking up this morning to a second text from her cancelling dinner tonight had pushed me into a downward spiral of confusion, anger, and depression.

You need to get used to not seeing her. When the storm ends, you will never see her again.

I let out a low howl of rage and stomped toward the door. I couldn’t stay in this room a minute longer, not when I couldn’t stop thinking about how in a few short weeks, I would never see Lomax again. I would walk in the garden and hope to find some sort of distraction.

* * *

Lomax

“Thank you for taking a walk with me, Bitta.” I smiled at Bitta as we stopped at a T-section of the garden stone pathway.

“I am enjoying it very much, little female,” he said. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“Which way should we go?” I looked left and then right.

“Left will take us to a more secluded part of the garden, and the right will return us to the waterfall,” Bitta said.

“Left,” I said, not wanting anyone to overhear what I was about to ask him.

We turned left, and I tried to think of a way to approach the subject with Bitta. We were silent as we walked the path. Like Regan, he didn’t seem to be much for small talk. I didn’t mind, though. I liked how comfortable and at ease I was with Regan, even when we were both quiet. I needed peace and quiet to recharge and relax, and being with someone who didn’t feel the need to fill every moment of quiet with idle chatter was a welcome relief. Regan’s ability to -

Stop thinking about Regan!

Right, right. I was on a date with Bitta, and thinking about Regan and how much I’d missed him in the last two days was inappropriate. Avoiding him had been pointless anyway. It hadn’t helped my horniness for him one bit, and now not only was I sexually frustrated, I missed my friend. Missed him a lot, actually. It was weird how he’d become so important to me in such a short time, but I couldn’t deny that -

Lomax! Focus!

Right. Focus. I glanced around the garden. There were more trees and fewer flowers and ornamental bushes, and despite working in the garden for the last week, I wasn’t quite sure where we were.

“I don’t think I’ve been in this part of the garden before,” I said.

“As I said, it is one of the more secluded areas of the garden,” Bitta said. “The flowers are not as plentiful either.”

“It’s still beautiful.” I studied the darsinian trees that lined the pathway. They grew throughout the entire garden, and their twisted trunks were often covered with flowers and thick green moss. “I love the darsinian trees.”

“They are native to the western province,” Bitta said, “and they are excellent for climbing. We can hardly keep our young ones out of them.”

My cheeks went hot as an image of Regan carrying me down from the tree flashed through my head. I’d had my legs around his waist and felt the hard muscles of his back as they moved effortlessly against me. He’d even touched my ass at one point, and I’d been too dumb to enjoy it. Christ, what I wouldn’t give now to straddle him, rub my pussy against his cock and see if I could make him hard for me.

A wave of lust washed over me, and I squeezed my thighs together and closed my eyes. Maybe tonight, I would climb into a hot bath and relive how it felt when Regan had touched me, when I’d gripped his waist with my thighs, and how his big arms flexed and bulged as he’d climbed from branch to branch. I still hadn’t been able to bring myself to climax, but maybe if I concentrated on that memory, maybe if I immersed myself back into it deep enough, I could finally come.

The plan was to ask Bitta to make you come tonight, remember?

My eyes popped open, and I stared at Bitta. He was watching me, and I blushed furiously as I said, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked.

“I’m being rude,” I said. “I was thinking of… something and lost track of time.”

“It is fine.” He studied the trees around us before saying, “I enjoy spending time with you, little human.”

“I enjoy your company too,” I said, using my foot to prod at a loose stone in the pathway.

“What is it you wish to ask me?” Bitta said.

I blinked at him. “How do you know I want to ask you something?”

He shrugged. “Just a guess.”

“I do want to ask you something, but it’s kind of… well, it’s embarrassing and also something I don’t want other people to know,” I said.

“I will not speak of it to anyone else,” he said.

I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. “Thank you, Bitta. I appreciate that.”

He waited patiently as I took a deep breath. “You know what I did on Earth, right? How I survived with my heart disease for so long.”

“I do,” he said, compassion flashing across his face. “I do not judge you for it, little human.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Okay, I’m just going to say it. I lost my enthusiasm for sex a while ago. Probably a combination of being sick and because I had to have sex to survive.”

My face burning, I said, “I haven’t been able to orgasm, and I haven’t been interested in sex for a long time, but I, um, recently, I realized that I might be into it again.”

Bitta stared silently at me, his dark brown eyes clear of judgment or scorn.

“But I don’t know for sure that I’m into it again, so I’m looking for someone to help me. Someone who could maybe…”

I trailed off, realizing just how effed up this whole thing was and how desperate I sounded. Christ, what had I been thinking?

Before I could apologize and get the fuck out of the garden, Bitta said, “Someone to help you test if you are interested in sex again.”

My face so red it was probably a beacon to everyone else in the entire garden, I said. “Yeah, basically.”

“And you want me to be that person?”

“I was hoping you’d be willing to help. But I don’t know if it would work, and I want to be clear that if it doesn’t, it isn’t because of you. Not in any way. It isn’t anything you did or didn’t do. It’s just my stupid body and hang-ups now.”

And because it’s Regan you want.

I ignored my inner voice since she obviously had no interest in being helpful.

“Why are you asking me?” Bitta said.

It was a fair question, and I didn’t get a sense that he was upset, just curious. Still, I scrambled to find an answer because my first instinct to blurt, “Because Regan doesn’t want me,” was a terrible reply.

“You’re a nice person, and you’re very handsome, and I… this sounds arrogant, but I think you’re attracted to me,” I said.

He grinned, and I was reminded all over again that, yes, Bitta was a good looking guy, so why the fuck didn’t I feel a lick of attraction to him?

“You are right, little human. I am attracted to you,” Bitta said.

“Okay,” I said, blushing again, “would you be interested in helping me then?”

“Yes,” he said.

His answer didn’t relieve my stress. Instead, it skyrocketed. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Okay, that’s good… great,” I said. “That’s really great. Thank you, I appreciate it. I want to reiterate that if it doesn’t work, it has nothing to do with you, okay?”

“I understand,” he said.

“Are you sure you won’t be upset if it doesn’t work?” I asked. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I will not be upset,” Bitta said.

I hesitated before saying, “I know this is coming across as me using you, and I’m sorry.”

“Do not be. If this works for you, I am happy to,” a small smile crossed his face, “let you use me as much as you need.”

“Thank you, Bitta.” I waited for the relief, but my stomach wound up tighter than before. All I could think about was Regan, and how I desperately wished it was him offering to help me.

But wishing and hoping Regan wanted me like I wanted him was a waste of energy. Regan wasn’t into me, and I had to accept that and be happy Bitta was so willing to help. Before I’d gotten sick, I’d always had a healthy sex drive, and in the last couple of days, I’d realized how much I missed it. The need, the desire to touch and be touched. I wanted it back.

“There is one thing I want to be clear about, Lomax,” Bitta said. “If I can help you orgasm and you enjoy my touch, I am happy to continue to fuck you, but I am not interested in being mated.”

“That’s not a problem,” I said, amused again by the Draax’s bluntness. “I’m returning to Earth as soon as the storm ends, so I’m also looking for a no-commitment thing.”

“Good,” Bitta said. “Then we are, as humans say, on the same page.”

“We are,” I said.

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and I tried not to flinch when Bitta stepped close. He studied my mouth, his eyes darkening with undisguised lust. “I have wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw you, little human. May I?”

“Yes,” I said, but it sounded uncertain even to me.

He studied me, his tail flicking back and forth. “If you have changed your mind, do not be afraid to tell me.”

“I haven’t,” I said.

He smiled and cupped my hip with one hand before bending his head toward mine. I tilted my head up, trying to ignore the feeling of wrongness that immediately flooded through my body and how I had zero fucking attraction to Bitta. Maybe once he kissed me, I would -

Something hard and muscular wrapped around my waist, and I stared blankly at the green tail around me before it squeezed tight, and I was yanked backward and straight into a warm, hard body.

“What…” my voice died out, and I stared wide-eyed at Regan as his arm curled around me just above his tail. He looked furious, baring his teeth at Bitta and growling as Bitta stepped back.

I stared at Regan’s hand gripping my hip, at those long fingers pressed against me, and to my shame, my lust roared to life like an airtrain.

“You dare to touch my female?” Regan snarled at Bitta.

Surprised coated Bitta’s face, and he turned to me. “You are Regan’s female?”

“What? No, I’m not,” I said. “We’re just friends. Regan, let me go.”

I half-expected him to ignore me, his entire body was vibrating with rage, and his tail was like a vise around my waist, but to my surprise, he released me. His big hands clenched into fists as I stared up at him. “Regan, what’s wrong?”

“He was touching you,” Regan said. “He was going to kiss you.”

“Because I asked him to,” I said.

Regan’s gaze snapped to mine, and the hurt in his eyes made my stomach drop.

His tail waving wildly behind him, Regan glared at Bitta again. “I do not care what she asks you to do. You do not touch her. Is that clear?”

“Unless you are her mate,” Bitta said coolly, “you have no right to speak on her behalf. If the little human wants me to touch her, I will.”

Regan made another growl and stalked forward. Alarm flooded out the lust, and I chased after him. Bitta held his ground, giving Regan another look of cool disdain as Regan stopped only inches from him.

“You will not touch her,” he gritted out. “Or you will feel my blade in your belly.”

“Which blade is that?” Bitta asked. “The one they took away from you?”

Regan’s face turned a dark green, and another terrifying snarl erupted from his throat. I pushed my way between them and pressed my hands against his chest. “Regan, stop. Please.”

Again, to my shock, he acquiesced to my demand, staring down at my hands against his chest as I rubbed them in slow circles. “Don’t do this, Regan. If you hurt him, they’ll lock you away. You’ll spend the rest of the storm alone in your quarters.”

He released his breath in a harsh rush and lifted his gaze to mine. I saw the shame in his beautiful silver eyes, and my stomach clenched tight. “I am sorry, small one.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “Just… chill out, all right?”

He nodded, and keeping one hand on Regan’s chest, I turned to give Bitta a shaky smile. “I’m sorry, Bitta. Could we, um, finish this tomorrow night?”

Regan stiffened behind me again, and without looking at him, I rubbed his chest soothingly. “Stay calm, please, Regan.”

Bitta studied me for a few long seconds before sighing. “I am sorry, but I cannot help you with your problem.”

“Why?” I asked.

“What problem?” Regan asked.

“Bitta, just… give me a few minutes and then we can talk, okay?” I said. “Regan, I need to speak with Bitta, so can you -”

“I am not leaving you alone with him, small one,” Regan said.

I glared at him. “I need to speak with Bitta in private.”

Regan just stared at me and folded his arms across his massive chest like a bodyguard gone rogue.

“Regan!” I said.

He continued to stare at me, and I huffed out an angry groan before turning back to Bitta. “Bitta, I’m sorry. This won’t happen again, I promise.”

“I am sorry, little human,” Bitta said, “but I cannot help you. Not when he is so willing to take my head for it.”

He turned and headed down the pathway. I went after him but was pulled up short by Regan’s tail hooking around my waist again.

“Regan!” I turned and glared at him. “You are being so annoying right now.”

“What problem did you ask him to help you with?” Regan asked.

“What is your problem with me talking to Bitta?” I asked.

“You were about to do more than talking,” he said.

Christ, I could practically see the dark thunderclouds gathering above his head.

“It’s none of your business if I'm doing more than talking with Bitta,” I said. My frustration level had skyrocketed, and I yanked at his tail. “Let me go.”

He released me, and I stomped down the pathway toward the garden’s entrance. “That was so rude of you, Regan. I had a plan, and you’ve ruined it, and you don’t even care.”

“What plan?” he asked.

“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I said, continuing my childish stomping through the garden. Regan followed me through the garden and the castle hallways, his heavy footsteps just behind me and his highly distracting body reminding me that I would spend another night in sexual frustration.

When we reached my apartment, I walked in and tried to slam the door. He caught the door, and I gave him another glare when he stepped inside my apartment and shut the door.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” I said.

“Why are you avoiding me?” he asked.

“I… I’m not,” I said. Shit, I was a terrible liar.

“If you tell me what I have done wrong, I will apologize,” Regan said.

“You mean besides scaring off Bitta and ruining my chance to…”

“Your chance to what?” Regan asked.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“Why did you ask Bitta for help instead of me?” he asked.

“Don’t look at me like I kicked your puppy,” I said.

“You should have come to me for help.”

“I couldn’t.”

He frowned. “What could Bitta help you with that I could not?”

“Nothing… let it go, okay?”

“No,” he said. “You will tell me what I want to know, small one.”

“I’m not one of your king’s guard. You can’t tell me what to do,” I said.

“Tell me,” Regan said. “I am not leaving your apartment until you do.”

“I’ll drag you out of here if I have to,” I said.

He grinned. “You are much too small for that, Lomax.”

I clenched my hands into fists. “You’re being a jerk, Regan.”

“Tell me what problem you need Bitta to help you with,” he said calmly.

My frustration, my anger, and my certainty that I would never orgasm again made me lose my temper and loosened my tongue. “I can’t come, okay? I lost my sex drive over a year ago because I was forced to have sex just to stop my damn heart from quitting, and I haven’t been able to orgasm, and I thought it was gone forever. But then something… something happened, and I think it might be back, but I don’t know for sure, so I asked Bitta to…”

“You asked Bitta to what?” Regan’s voice was silky soft, and I had never seen that look on his face before.

“I asked him to help me come,” I said, then watched in wide-eyed amazement as Regan’s tail whacked the chair behind him and snapped it in half.