Chapter 17

Kenna

We ended up back at Dec's house, mostly because my house still contained paint fumes and the ghost of Maeve. Not that I thought my house was haunted. The house was just like me: halfway renovated. Neither Maeve's nor mine yet, but on its way to something incredible. I could only hope I was on my way to something incredible too. I certainly didn't feel the ghost of husbands past in the cab of Dec's truck while he held my hand. I felt…young. Hopeful. Relaxed. Things I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Dec let go of my hand to put the truck in gear and turned to look at me, only the light of the moon illuminating his face. "This is where I give you another out. We don't have to do this."

Doubt crept in. What did I have to offer Dec except a batshit crazy woman who'd crashed into his life unwelcome and unshakeable?

"Do you not want to?" I was proud that I kept my voice even.

Dec reached over and took my hand, placing it directly in his lap where things were definitely not uninterested. "I want to, Kenna. Have wanted to."

"What?" My tongue felt like it had been sucking on cotton balls.

Dec's mouth hooked up on one side. "That torn blouse you wore the first day I met you. Remember? I wanted to rip the whole damn sleeve off and see how smooth your skin was."

My mind went on the fritz. "You did not. You hated me."

Dec's grin grew. "No. You hated me. I was just steering clear due to the homicidal vibes you were throwing off."

That made me laugh. "I guess I was a bit off my rocker those first days. To be fair, I'd been through the wringer that week."

Dec squeezed my hand. "I know. Which is why we don't have to do this. Your life is complicated enough, I can back off. If you need time, I can give it to you. If anyone understands needing time to get their head together, it's me."

Again with that vague reference to something in his past. I hoped maybe one day he'd tell me all about what happened to him. I inhaled deeply, scanning myself for doubts and finding none. Liz was right. I hadn't been involved with a man in years. Not really. I'd been married, but Justin and I had been living separate lives for awhile. Without intentionally doing it, I'd somehow processed his cheating while living in Florida, and I realized that, while he would always be in the wrong for going to another woman, I could admit our marriage had been over long before that. I just hadn't wanted to see the truth. My eyes were finally wide open.

"I think I'm ready," I said, my own grin growing as I felt the confidence surging in me. Dec had already seen me at my worst and still wanted me.

Dec lifted my hand and kissed it before releasing me and coming around to the passenger side to help me down. We stood there in his driveway, grinning like fools at each other for a couple seconds. Then, holding hands and acting several decades younger than we were, we ran to the house.

"You don't have to go to the trouble," I said, leaning against the doorframe as Dec lit two candles in his bedroom.

He shook out the match and shook his head. "It's no trouble. Besides, I think our first time deserves more than a few seconds in the back of a car, right. Older and wiser?"

He walked closer to tower over me, his gait more of a prowl in those jeans that fit his thighs like a glove. A man in worn cowboy boots hadn't been on my list of things that turned me on, but it was now at the very top of that list after seeing Dec in his. He looked more confident in his casual jeans and cowboy boots than all the executives at work in their fancy name-brand suits. His arm came up to brace on the doorway over my head. The notes of leather, cologne, and soap hit my nose.

"Who you calling older?" I teased, shocked when my voice came out barely above a whisper.

"Definitely me, sunshine. You're just a baby at thirty-four."

I frowned. "Wait, how old are you?"

His body pressed into mine, his mouth teasing the shell of my ear. My breathing picked up at the touch. "How old do I feel?"

Between the granite-hard muscles, the tan smooth skin, and the steel pipe digging into my hip, I had a pretty good guess it was younger than me. "Oh no, I'm a cougar," I blurted out, teasing.

Dec chuckled, then let out the sexiest meow I'd ever heard. I started giggling uncontrollably, nerves getting the better of me. Dec shushed me.

"Kidding. I'm forty," he confessed. For some reason, that only made me laugh harder. He shushed me again, and when that didn't work, he kissed me, effectively ending all laughter.

His mouth was hard, punishing, inescapable. His tongue demanded entrance and I gave it to him. His hands held my hips so tight it bordered on painful, but the rumble at the back of his throat had my knees trembling. This man had me weak in the knees. How was that possible? I was coming off a betrayal that should have me giving up men altogether and here I was sharing my body with another. If I was being totally honest, there was more sharing than that. I liked this man, and if I didn't watch my heart, I'd certainly be on my way to having deep feelings for him.

My feet suddenly left the floor and Dec spun me around, walking us to the bed, my weight fully in his arms. My calves hit the bed frame and he set me down, his hands traveling up to my shoulders, my neck, my face, his brown eyes gone so dark they looked almost black.

"Dec," I breathed, a plea for more, or maybe less, or perhaps everything.

He didn't move back, but released me to strip his shirt over his head and toss it to the ground. He was beautiful. Smooth tan skin over ripples of muscle. The tattoo covering one arm, up onto his shoulder, and trailing onto his back was prettier every time I saw it. And that cord. The black cord that never left his neck.

"Put your hands on me, sunshine," he ground out, eyes half-lidded as he gazed down at me. His hands remained at his sides.

There would be no passive sex here. No awkward fumble of clothes before simply lying back and passively enduring like I had for so many years. Dec wouldn't touch me unless I was all in. Unless I chose this.

I lifted my hand and traced my finger down his chest, following the sprinkle of fine hair there, before I leaned forward to kiss his overheated skin. His body was unfamiliar yet not. Dec whispered my name, the sound broken and desperate. My lips curved into a smile against his skin. When had I ever felt like this before? Like I couldn't quite inhale enough oxygen to keep the stars from dancing across my vision? Like nothing mattered but stripping off my clothes and making every inch of my skin touch every inch of his?

Dec's fingers sifted through my hair before balling at the back of my skull and tugging my face up. His muscles were pulled tight, firmer than his rock-hard jaw. I gazed up at him with all the raw wanting I felt deep in my gut. He practically growled, pushing me down on the bed before covering me. His lips crashed down on mine and the world spun out of control. Tongues and teeth dueled for dominance. The weight of his torso wasn't enough. The clawing in my gut wasn't easing. I was desperate, needy, lost in a sea of sexual desire that hadn't been sated in a string of long, lonely years.

Dec broke the kiss only long enough to strip my shirt over my head. His gaze immediately dropped to my breasts, heaving in their bra cups like a Victorian romance novel. He ducked his head and pulled down one of the lacy cups, his lips immediately latching on to my nipple. The suction, the rough laving of his tongue, the scrape of his teeth, had me writhing on the bed. My hips lifted of their own accord, seeking friction, seeking relief from the want that had taken over my brain.

His heat was gone in an instant. He stood next to the bed, his own chest heaving as he looked at me. I lay there as his hands went to his belt and he whipped the leather from the loops, a snap echoing off the bedroom walls.

"That's fucking hot," I drawled.

His grin lit up the room. His jeans were next, pushed over his hips and down his thighs, innate confidence in every move. His perfect erection bobbed as he kicked boots and jeans aside. He crawled back over me, hooking an arm under my back and dragging me further up the bed.

My mouth went dry and my hands went instantly to the hard length between us. Dec squeezed his eyes shut and paused, arms trembling as he held himself above me. When I stroked down and then up, marveling at the size and feel of him, his eyes popped open, hot and dangerous. With another growl, he pulled free, getting to work peeling my jean shorts and panties off my legs. I reached around and unclasped my bra, tossing it to the side. We were both finally naked. We drank each other in for a long moment before Dec lay beside me and trailed his hand up my thigh. How he could remain so calm when I was jumping with nerves and anticipation, I'd never know.

"You're…gorgeous," he whispered, his gaze following his roaming hand.

Goose bumps followed in his wake. My pale skin had taken on the slightest of tans being here in Florida. Freckles that had remained dormant in rainy San Francisco had darkened and multiplied. His fingertips traced each one, as if they were a roadmap permanently etched into my skin.

"Dec?" I asked quietly, needing something, but not sure what it was.

His hand stilled as he looked at me.

"I want to touch you." I didn't want this to be like other times, where I wasn't the one in control. Where I was merely a body to be used. I wanted to take my pleasure, not hope to receive it. Active, not passive.

Dec rolled to his back, his arms held out wide. "Touch all you want, sunshine."

I rolled to my knees, then straddled his thighs. I reveled in the way his eyes moved hungrily over me, as if he couldn't decide what part of me they wanted to remain on. I felt infinitely beautiful under his gaze. I bent over his torso and kissed down the center of his chest before paying attention to each flat nipple with my tongue. My hair brushed across his chest as I wiggled down lower to his belly button and then to each hip where that ridge of muscle pointed to greater things below.

With a jingled warning from my charm bracelet, I got both hands wrapped around his erection. His answering hiss made me smile. So did the taste of him blooming on my tongue when I swiped across the tip of him. I played, experimenting with pressure and speed, tongue and mouth and hands until Dec was panting.

"Sunshine," he ground out, his hands tightening in my hair. "I know I said touch all you want, but I'm dying here."

I grinned, lips wet and swollen, feeling like a goddess for making this controlled man snap. Lifting onto my knees, I positioned him right where I wanted him, but Dec's hands grabbed my hips to stop me.

"Wait. Protection," he ground out.

I stilled, waiting for him to reach over to the bedside table and pull out a condom. I'd been on birth control for years, but after being married so long, I hadn't even thought about protection. Dec took care of us and then winked.

"Carry on. You were doing such a perfect job."

I rose up again, positioning him again but not gliding down. I liked the way Dec gritted his teeth, the muscle by his jaw jumping every time I swiped the tip of him up and down my center. When he lifted his gaze to glare at me, realizing I was teasing him now, I sent him a wink in return and sank down onto the first inch.

We both froze, releasing a sigh at the pure pleasure. On another inhale I sank down lower, acknowledging the fullness, the pleasure, the tight fit that had me panting with need. Why hadn't I known I was missing out on this? It had never been like this…before. This was chaos, desperate need, an ache so fierce I wasn't sure one time could placate.

Dec held my hips in a punishing grip, and when I nodded, he tilted his hips and thrust upward, connecting us fully. I slumped down over his chest, overwhelmed. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Sunshine?" he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

"I'm good." I was great. Fantastic. Never felt better in my sad little life.

And so Dec unleashed. His hips pistoned upward, over and over as he kept me pinned to his chest, a rhythm that stole my breath and took me somewhere beyond the Keys. There were flashes of color and animalistic noises that couldn't possibly be coming from my throat. Burning lungs and skin slick with sweat. The world rolled and Dec was above me. Between me, over me, everywhere. I buried a series of whimpers in the pillow. His hand gripped my jaw and turned my face toward him.

"Look at me, Kenna. I need you to see me."

There was hesitation on his face, a doubt buried somewhere in those deep eyes. He wouldn't bring up my divorce when we were so intimately entangled, this I knew, but the question was still there. He wanted me to know exactly who I was with. As if there could be any doubt.

"I only see you," I answered honestly.

He slowed enough to kiss me, his thrusts now almost lazy. As if there was plenty of time to get where we both wanted to go. No need to rush what could be enjoyed. An acknowledgement that the journey was better than the ending.

But I was soon lost, my head in the clouds and my heart dangerously wide open. The spiral began in my stomach and grew to encompass my whole body. Everything crashed together in something bright and expansive. Promising. My vision blurred. His name spilled from my lips, and I shot tumbling over the edge. I hadn't even caught my breath before I felt Dec lose his rhythm and shutter above me, his mouth sealed to mine in a messy kiss as he came.

"Stay," Dec said, eyes still closed, sun-kissed hair a mess.

The sun had already begun to shine and I had too much energy to stay in bed. Despite losing a few hours of sleep last night due to the man lying next to me, I wanted to get back to the house to work on more renovations. I wanted to bask firmly in this existence in Florida. Explore what life could be like on this side of the country.

I rolled to kiss his cheek. The stubble there had left my thighs red and raw, a consequence I was all too happy to live with in the light of day.

"Too much to do, my lazy fisherman. Come by later."

He grunted, but didn't say anything else as I slipped from the bed to collect my clothes. I didn't bother with the bra as it was too hard to get on without a full cup of coffee in my system. I stuffed the lace into the back pocket of yesterday's jean shorts and headed downstairs. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the hallway and nearly gasped. My hair had the height of a Texas porn star and there was a suspicious red spot on my neck.

I burst out laughing, absolutely delighted with this version of myself.

The smile hadn't died by the time I got outside and struggled to get one leg over the overly large shrubbery that divided the two properties. I needed to see if Dec minded trimming these back a bit. Especially as I planned to be sneaking back and forth in the near future. God, I hoped I would be.

"Kenna? Is that you?"

My head snapped up and my jaw dropped, taking in the sight of my mother and her stuffed bright purple suitcase in my driveway.

"Mom?" I pulled my other leg over the shrub and stumbled as my toe caught in an unforgiving branch. One hand went down in the dirt and I was able to catch myself. Nearly lost a boob out the side of the tank top hole but that was what I got for not wearing a bra.

Mom's face broke out into a mischievous grin.

"Wow. Florida certainly agrees with you. Nookie on a Monday morning, honey?"

I inhaled a solid lungful of humiliation.