Chapter 5

Faye

I don't see Easton again for a few hours. I hate that I'm disappointed by that fact, but it's better this way. He was just being nice. I can't let him take up space in my head.

Easton has a commanding presence that lets me know he's a strong Dominant. I bet he has dozens of women vying for his attention every night. I have no idea why he spent as much time with me as he did.

For all I know, he had an arrangement with Asher and asked him to intervene at that precise moment so Easton could extricate himself from me and not get stuck babysitting me all night.

Asher is a firm Dom, too. I know this based on how other members react when passing us. He's extremely polite, though, and never strays from my side. He doesn't permit anyone to lure him away from his babysitting job.

I should be attracted to him. He's a good-looking man. But I'm not interested. Why would I be? I've never found myself interested in any man for more than a fleeting moment. Until Easton.

It's not that I'm not interested in men. I am. I like to look at them. I've just never wanted to do more than look.

Until Easton.

Gah. I need to shake that man out of my system.

Part of my problem is that I don't trust easily. I'm thirty-one years old, and I'm still stuck in the headspace I had in high school. I shudder at the memory of the one time someone asked me out on a date. It was my senior year. A guy I barely knew asked me out for dinner and a movie. After years of being tormented and bullied, I was leery, but he'd been new to the school. I had hoped he hadn't known my reputation as the class dork. So, I accepted. I got all dressed up, fixed my hair, put on makeup, and he never showed.

On Monday, I could hear people whispering and chuckling behind my back. I'd become the biggest joke of the school. The class bullies had gotten their hands on that asshole and convinced him to toy with me. It was one of the most humiliating moments in my life.

I don't let any man get close enough to me so nothing like that can ever happen again. I remind myself of this rule as I take a deep breath and glance at Asher. He's no Easton. I feel nothing for him, but the club has affected me.

Asher has introduced me indirectly to nearly every apparatus in the club. We have stopped for ten or fifteen minutes to watch people performing all over the room. By the time we come back to where I started, I'm a wreck.

I've never been so aroused in my life. I'm shaking from the overload of sex in the air. I haven't watched anyone actually have intercourse, but penis-in-vagina penetration is about the only thing I have not seen tonight.

I'm sure if I wandered around another time, I would be able to check that last thing off my bingo card. I've seen submissives orgasm from being masturbated. I've seen several blow jobs. I've watched women touch themselves. None of that was as jarring as the erections I've seen tonight.

What no one knows is that before tonight, the only penises I've ever seen have been in medical journals. I'm too prissy and worried to pull up images on my computer.

I tried not to react. I didn't want Asher to realize how inexperienced I am. It's embarrassing. What thirty-one-year-old woman hasn't seen or touched a penis?

Asher hasn't said much. Mostly, he has followed me around and let me be still with my thoughts. Now that we've stopped in between apparatuses, he looks directly at me. His expression is serious, brows furrowed. "Is this your first time visiting a kink club?"

"Yes."

"What made you decide to explore this side of yourself?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure I'm really exploring anything about myself. I was just curious. One of my co-workers brought me to the intro class, and I found myself wanting to know more."

His intense gaze makes me tremble. I feel like I'm staring at a shrink, and he's about to dissect me. Analyze me. Tell me things I do not want to hear. "What happened to your friend? Did she join?"

"No. She decided it was too…"

"Kinky?" He chuckles.

"I guess." It hasn't escaped my attention that it's rather ironic. Trinity dragged me to the intro class, and then she spent the entire ride home shuddering. She pretended to be interested while we were here, but as soon as we got in the car, she blew out a breath and said she couldn't possibly put herself out there like that.

I said nothing. I let her believe I agreed. Intellectually, I did agree. Who would put themselves out there like that? In an odd twist, I was the one intrigued, and here I am now. I didn't tell her I was considering coming back, and I'm not sure I'll ever tell her I did. I don't feel like hashing out my reasons with her or anyone.

"What did you learn about yourself?" Asher asks.

"Uh, I don't know." I'm not lying. I have no idea. All I know is that I'm trembling with need. From watching. Maybe I'm a voyeur. Easton said some people like to watch and nothing more. That's certainly a comfortable thought. It requires nothing from me. It doesn't even require me to make myself vulnerable and submit to anyone.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to make an observation?" Asher asks.

My heart rate picks up. I'm nervous to hear what he has to say, but I should probably value his opinion and hear him out. "Go ahead."

"I think the idea of being exposed arouses you."

My breath hitches. My head is spinning. Exposed? Why would I want to be exposed? "Me?"

"Yes, you. It may seem as though you liked to watch others, but I think you were jealous. Not in a bad way, mind you. But that you wished you were them."

"Who?"

"Any submissive who was stripped, either partially or fully. It didn't matter what the Dominant did to them afterward. What mattered was that he let everyone see their breasts or their bottoms or their pussies. If they were forced to become aroused, your reaction was even stronger."

I'm not breathing. My face heats. I can't process what he's telling me. He has to be wrong. Why would I want anyone to see me naked? I've never even been naked in private with anyone, let alone in public.

"Just something to think about." Asher shrugs. "I've been a Dominant for a long time. I'm pretty good at judging submissives. Ponder the idea when you get home. You might consider trying it out. You could do a light scene with someone. Another night, mind you. You're exhausted tonight. I wouldn't do anything rash after all that you've witnessed."

"Who would I do a scene with? You?"

He shakes his head. "Not necessarily. I'm not suggesting you should scene with anyone in particular. Either I, Easton, or Drake could recommend someone if you're interested."

I stare at him, dumbfounded by this information. Seconds tick by.

Suddenly, Easton appears at my side. "I'm so sorry I took so long." He's slightly winded, as if he took the stairs two at a time to get back to me. I'm not sure why.

"It's okay," I murmur.

Asher smiles. "I think she's overloaded with information. We watched damn near every type of scene. It was a busy night tonight."

"Thank you so much for accompanying her," Easton says.

"It was my pleasure. Everything okay on the main floor?"

Easton rolls his eyes and rubs the back of his neck with one hand. "Yes. A couple of drunk people got into it with each other. Broke some glasses. Threw a few punches. Drake and I don't like that shit in our club."

Asher winced. "Shit. Sorry."

"It's over now. We had to revoke four memberships, though. That doesn't happen often." Easton rolls his neck and sighs.

Asher clasps Easton's shoulder in that way men tend to do. "I'm going to get going." He turns toward me. "Nice to meet you, Faye. Enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Thank you," I murmur, feeling awkward. I'm glad he doesn't mention the bomb he dropped before Easton joined us.

"What did you think?" Easton asks as soon as Asher is gone.

"I'm overwhelmed," I respond honestly.

"Understandable. Do you have any questions?"

I shake my head. I have a million questions, but there's no way I can verbalize them right now. Nor do I want to. I'd rather go home and deal with my thoughts on my own. "I should go home. It's late, and I'm exhausted."

"That's normal after your first visit, especially when you're new to the kink community." He lifts a hand, hesitates, and then gently touches my cheek before pulling away. It's kind of sweet and unexpected. Now, I have more questions. "You have my number. Call or text if you have any questions. Your membership is covered for a month. We're open Wednesday through Saturday, eight to two. Come as often as you'd like."

"Thank you." When I turn toward the door leading back to the reception area, he follows me.

"Are you okay to drive?"

"Oh, yes. I'll be fine. I didn't drink anything." I never drink alcohol. I don't like the taste, and even the thought of feeling out of control makes me shudder. I really am a prude.

But am I? I'm shook by Asher's suggestion. He thinks I want to be exposed? It's ludicrous, isn't it?

"Alcohol isn't the only type of impairment you might have when you leave Edge, Faye," Easton informs me as he continues to follow me into the locker room. "Have you heard of sub drop?"

I shake my head as I pull my purse and coat out of my locker.

Easton takes my coat from me and helps me into it like a gentleman. He even adjusts my jacket on my shoulders and zips it up before gripping my biceps and meeting my gaze again. "Sub drop is what sometimes happens to a submissive after a scene. It's real, and you should take it seriously. It can also happen just from watching. You watched a lot tonight."

He narrows his gaze and stares at me as if trying to decide if I look safe to drive.

"I'm fine. I promise."

"Okay, but don't be surprised if you feel lethargic or overly tired tomorrow. It's normal after an endorphin high. You've experienced an adrenaline rush. When it subsides, you may feel almost hungover."

I lick my lips. "Okay." It seems preposterous, but I'm listening.

"Be careful driving home." He hesitates and then speaks again. "Would you mind texting me when you get home so I'll know you made it safely?"

I nod. "Okay."

He smiles. "Thank you. I don't mean to overstep, but it's your first night, and I'm worried."

"I'll text you."

He releases me and guides me to the steps. "Someone at the entrance will walk you to your car. Don't go alone."

I nod again. That's quite the service, but I guess this isn't some hole-in-the-wall bar. It's a private club with a significant membership fee.

As soon as I step into the stairwell, leaving Easton behind, I feel a weird letdown. Was that what he was talking about? I think in my case it's just that I'm sorry to be leaving.

I have a lot to think about.