44. Imperfections And All

44

Imperfections And All

Violet

Two Weeks Later

Some days, I can't decide what's harder to survive—Braxton's assault or the aftermath of it.

Maybe I should have walked out of the room when Kole gave me the option, but I knew I was right to stay.

Closure —I finally feel it.

Not that it stops the nightmares that wake me up at night. Memories of being tied down. Of being hurt. Being touched.

Brax taunted me with my fantasies like what he was doing was the same thing I ask of Saint. It wasn't. He violated me by taking my choice away entirely. He removed my option to fight back. He restrained me. He didn't want to hurt me for pleasure; he was out for torture.

For pain.

Every time I look in the mirror, I'm haunted by the three marks Brax carved into my skin. Those three slashes are a reminder that I physically escaped him and his brother, but what they did to me will never truly disappear.

A knock at the bathroom door makes me jump.

I've been doing that a lot lately, even if I try to hide it.

Even if it's over.

I can't help it.

With Brax dead, Sigma House quietly took care of the rest. Kole and Declan exposed Brax and Liam as traitors, and in the eyes of the House, it was justification for any revenge they had taken. Kole and Declan had protected the fraternity—the brotherhood—and that's all that mattered in the end.

Kole's stepfather closed the missing person's case quietly, and Oliver Westwood dropped out of the race against Ian Pierce. The Westwoods left town, even if their name is still on half the buildings downtown.

It all seems so simple for things that aren't.

On the outside, everything is over. People have answers that are easy to accept, and the world moves on. But for those of us in that room that night, I'm not sure things will ever be the same.

Declan and I still haven't broached the subject of us being half-siblings. Instead, we try to avoid each other. At some point, I know that needs to change, but neither of us is ready yet.

I did talk to my mom about it, and she confirmed that Ian Pierce is my dad. She didn't know his son attended the same school as me. If she had, she says she would have let me know sooner so I wouldn't have been unknowingly blindsided.

I'm not sure her giving me a heads-up would have been enough to take away the blow of realizing who my father is, but at least she would have tried.

Part of me wishes both Liam and Brax had died with that secret. I didn't need to know I have a brother. And I didn't need to know my father.

It was easier when he was an unknown figurehead who donated half his DNA. Instead, I'm forced to face the fact that he's a senator, a Sigma House legacy, and someone who was willing to use the dirty secrets of college students to win his political race.

When Kole first told me about the trials, I didn't realize how deep their impact went—even with the marks carved into the members' skin. But after hearing about how they used Liam's ex-girlfriend's secrets to advance their own interests, I see them for what they are.

Sigma House above all—no matter the consequences.

It explains how members of the fraternity include billionaire businessmen and presidents. They'll use anyone and anything to get what they want.

Trinity was only eighteen.

She was young and manipulated. Broken .

There was no one there to protect her, and she couldn't live with the weight of her decisions. While her family and friends should have kept her safe, they used her to their advantage. She killed herself because she was a pawn in their game—like they tried to make me.

I didn't know Trinity personally, but after that night in the basement, I brought flowers to her grave. I sat with her for a while and thought about Liam. About the two sides of the same man who we both knew.

I wondered if he was different for her and if his revenge was because he lost her and his child. Or if it really was all just to do his father's bidding.

I thought about what kinds of evil I could justify and what I couldn't.

If I refused to forgive Liam and Brax, even in death, was I a hypocrite for not passing the same judgment on Kole?

The things he did aren't right. Yet, it wasn't the same. Liam and Brax wanted to hurt me to get back at my family. Kole protected me.

After sitting at Trinity's grave long enough, I knew in my gut that Kole wasn't the same as Liam or Brax, even if they are all Sigma Sin.

Under different circumstances and raised by different people, I genuinely believe Kole might have been someone different. Someone who knew the acceptable ways to look out for a person. Someone who could understand what healthy love is.

And I can't fault Kole when I know that all he wanted to do was to keep me safe, even from the dark sides of him.

After sunset, Kole drove me back to my dorm room .

I was thankful the girls were out when I got here, even if they've been quiet in the two weeks since everything happened. They still haven't asked me exactly what happened that night, and I'm glad. I'm not yet at a point where I can put words to it.

Someone knocks on the bathroom door again, reminding me I'm frozen, staring in the mirror. But this time, they don't wait for an answer. Kole opens it and walks in.

He leans against the doorframe and watches me quickly pull my T-shirt over my head. My hair is still wet, and my skin is dewy from the shower, but I'm rushing to get dressed. I worry every time he sees the marks Braxton left on my ribs, he'll start to resent me for them.

"Don't do that." Kole takes a step toward me.

I turn to the mirror, wiping my wet hair back. "Don't do what?"

Kole reaches out for me, spinning me in his grip, and forcing my chin up so I have to face him. "You don't need to hide yourself from me, Violet."

"I can barely look at them." My gaze drifts off when it feels impossible to look him in the eyes and admit that. "I can't imagine what you see."

"You want to know what I see?" Kole spins me back around to the mirror, slowly moving behind me so he's standing at my back.

He's looking at my reflection, standing over my shoulder in a black T-shirt, with his hair a tousled mess. The dew from the hot shower fogs the bathroom, giving him a wet shimmer to his skin .

He reaches for the hem of my shirt, and at first, I flinch. But when he pauses, waiting to see if I'll stop him, the comfort in that small gesture makes me relax.

Slowly, he peels my shirt off, leaving me standing in front of him in just my bra and underwear.

His fingertips graze the still-healing gashes on my ribs.

They remind me of the marks on Kole's chest. Trials I never wanted to go through.

"I see survival." He traces one of the marks. "I see a fighter."

His finger slowly draws the line of another until he pauses on the final one.

"I see pain." He slowly drags his finger down my skin. "Pain only you could survive. Because you're so strong, Violet. Unbreakable. And I'd know. I tried."

He plants a kiss on the side of my temple, the smallest flicker of amusement bringing light to this moment. And somehow, that vulnerability draws out my first smile in two weeks.

"Really?" I lay my hand over his, pressing his palm flat to my stomach. "They don't bother you?"

"It bothers me how you got them." He pulls my back to his chest. "But seeing any part of you could never bother me. You're perfect. Imperfections and all."

"That's kind of a contradiction."

He shrugs.

Spinning, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and look Kole in the eyes. I soak in his words and hope if he says them enough, they'll heal me .

Kole leans in, wrapping his hands under my thighs and lifting me up onto the counter so he can stand between my legs. But he doesn't move for more. He just holds me in his arms and watches me. He sees me for every flaw, and I honestly believe in his eyes it's beauty.

The girl who was born surrounded by death. Raised with half a family. Screaming into the abyss at the bottom of the ocean until he found me.

"I don't know how to love you right," Kole says, brushing his fingers along my jawline and tracing it the same way he traced my scars. "But I love you every way I know how. Because you are everything to me. I'd die for you."

"I don't want you to die for me."

"I don't care."

I can't help but smile at that, even if it's a little heartbreaking to think I could ever lose him.

"I love you, Kole," I admit. "It's not perfect either because I know I'm not. But I love all of you, even the parts you use to try to scare me away."

His eyebrows pinch, and he grips my jaw, pulling me to him.

And it's all I need because his kiss says more than words ever could. They spill his love into me.

It's dark, painful, deep.

It swims through every vein and twines with every bone.

Kole kisses me until it's no longer just his mouth pressed to mine. It's his body, his skin, his heart. It's our destiny.

And he's my Kole.