25. Could You Watch?

25

Could You Watch?

Violet

I hate everything Saint stands for—irredeemable evil.

For a moment, I was blind enough to believe he might care about me. Even if he was willing to kill others for reasons that aren't rational. Maybe I still meant something.

But to know I was a test for him—a trial. Something Liam and his Sigma Sin fraternity brothers dangled in front of his face in their sick game of who breaks first.

My stomach is in knots with his admission.

And now he's proved his point. They tested him, and he was the one who stole my virginity.

He won.

I dig my fingernails into my palms, but none of this feels real. I'm dreaming.

This is all a nightmare, and I can't seem to wake up .

"There's nothing left to prove," I say as he watches me. "I get it."

Dark evil lights up his eyes. "You don't."

"So what then?" I glare up at him, my chest boiling with rage. "You're going to test me too? You brought me here because you're going to put me through some kind of trial just like the ones you went through?"

Saint shakes his head slowly. "No. You couldn't survive the trials, Violet. And if you could, it would mean you aren't you ."

"Why? Because I'm weak?"

"Because you have a fucking heart." He grabs my chin and holds me tight. "Because you're human. You feel. You care."

"And you don't?"

Saint steps closer, grabbing the back of my hair and pulling hard so I'm arching.

"I already told you that you're all I care about."

"Enough to let your friend date me. To let him use me. This might be a game to you, but it's my life." My heart's racing, and I don't care if I'm pissing Saint off because I hate him for what he's done.

"I didn't have a choice, Violet. It's what I signed up for. They made that decision, and all I could do was fucking deal with it." The grip of his fingers tightens until my scalp hurts. "Do you know what it was like to watch you with Liam? To wait? Knowing that even if he wasn't fucking you, you were doing other things? Do you know how it felt to watch Nixon put his tongue inside your perfect, tight cunt. To watch your neck blush and your breath stutter the closer he drove you to come for him. I don't think you do. Because if you did, you would shut your fucking mouth. There's a reason I killed them. Control only takes a person so far, no matter how strong you are. Where would yours leave you?"

I bite my tongue. Tears sting in my eyes, and words don't come out. I don't know who I'm talking to right now as Saint stands over me. Because Saint doesn't show weakness, but that's what he's doing.

"How much I care isn't what's in question tonight." His jaw tightens. "It's how much you do."

"How?" And why am I asking?

Can someone care about someone who kills without remorse? I know I shouldn't.

"Could you watch me with another woman?" Saint asks, his face passive, even as my stomach curdles at his question. "Could you sit silently while she wrapped her lips around my cock and let me fuck her throat? Could you watch me grab the back of her hair like I'm grabbing yours now as I shoved myself so far inside that she'd gag? She'd drool. She'd scream, even if I'd choke her so you wouldn't hear it. Would you be able to sit there while she swallowed me down? Spit and cum and tears all over her face, dripping to her tits when I finished and pushed her away. Worse, could you handle someone standing at my side and holding my hand thinking I'm hers when you know, even if you hate yourself for it, that I belong to you?"

My cheeks drain of color at the picture he's painting. I want to throw up .

It's a harsh realization that rakes my throat as I swallow it down. But he's right. I couldn't handle it. I could barely stand the past few days when he wasn't at school and I wondered what he was doing.

I shouldn't want his loyalty, but I crave it, and that's what he's given to me.

"Could you?" Saint asks again.

"No." It's the only truth I have left.

I didn't want Saint's attention, but now that I have it, I don't want it on anyone else, no matter how wrong it is.

"Don't worry, kitten. I wouldn't. I haven't touched another woman since the first moment I saw you. Because that's what you do to me."

Blinking, a tear rolls down my cheek. "You could have told them no. You could have stopped it."

He shakes his head. "There's no out once you start, Violet."

"You said people fail."

" I don't . Anyone who understands why we do this doesn't."

And that's it. I don't understand. I can't. And I'm not sure I want to.

Sigma House has a sick hold on all of them. They bargain for their freedom and their sanity. And for what? It's a fraternity. A party house. I can't understand why that's worth the torture they put themselves through.

Not only that, but he also put himself through it all for me .

He watched me with Liam, knowing I was intimate with him, even if we didn't have sex. He watched us spend time together when he was the one who wanted me. He put himself through the torture for me .

My mouth turns to sandpaper as I replay his question once more. Could I handle it?

I couldn't.

And he couldn't either. It's why he killed them.

His reason .

Saint grabs my shoulders and forces me to stand. He spins me around and shoves me face down onto the table in the middle of the room.

"You failed then," I say when I should probably just stop talking. "You killed them."

Saint shoves his hips against my ass as he reaches around me, wrapping something over my eyes, the blindfold making the room dark.

"That's where you're wrong, Violet. I passed. One year, that's how long I had to stay away. It took Liam over half of it to get you to agree to even go on a date with him because even then, you knew it was wrong. But the clock had started, and the second his time was up, I made him pay for every single day of it."

"So what? It's your turn now?" He thinks he cares about me, but his loyalty is with Sigma Sin.

He thinks he has my well-being in mind, but he handed me to Liam to pass his test. Saint is a psychopath to his core, and I've been delusional trying to see past it.

"You used me."

Saint pulls my arms back, tugging so my shoulders ache as my stomach presses to the cold table. "I freed you. You should be thanking me. I gave you the opportunity to see what you didn't want so you'd understand who you really belong to. And the moment I passed my test, I made him pay for everything he put you through, didn't I, Violet?"

He paid with his life.

If this is romance, I'm fucked.

"You keep focusing on the wrong things." Saint relaxes his grip on my arms, only to make room to wind his rope around them once more. "But that's enough questions. You don't want to believe me? Fine. I'd rather show you what you mean to me anyway."

He pulls the rope around my arms tightly, and I can't move with how I'm bound. I can't see through the blindfold. All I can do is feel.

His curled fingers scratch over the backs of my thighs. The cool table digs into my hips as he spreads my legs further apart.

Smells, touch, and sounds are amplified when it's only darkness.

Saint undoes his zipper and presses the head of his cock against me.

"I suffered for you, Violet." He pushes the crown in, and I'm immediately overcome with the same rush from our first night together. "And you're going to thank me for it."

He shoves his hips forward and impales me. It steals my breath along with my scream.

Saint grabs the back of my head and tugs so I'm arching.

"Scream for me, kitten." He thrusts in harder, and the cold edge of the table painfully digs into my hips. "Hurt for me. I won't kill you, but I will make you suffer like I did."

Pulsing his hips faster, he drives me against the metal table. But with my hands restricted, I can't fight back. I can't move or control this. He's stolen my power from me.

"Do you know the worst part of any trial?" He's thrusting in, but I faintly hear something move beside me. "It's the start of it. When you still don't know what to expect. Will it be easy? Will it hurt? Will it be what finally breaks you?"

Saint spits, and it lands on my ass. He drags his fingers through it and pushes against my hole.

"Wait." I choke on the word.

"No." He pushes the tip of his finger into my ass. "I've waited long enough."

He shoves his finger deep, and I scream as he pushes through the resistance.

"Again." He spits once more and presses in harder. "Scream all you want. Your pussy strangles my dick the more I hurt you. It begs for my cum."

Saint works my ass while he fucks me, and slowly, my body starts to adjust. Pain shifts to something else, and my entire center begins to heat.

"You broke me, Violet. So now I'm going to break you." He pushes in a second finger, and another scream rips from my lungs. "Should have known your ass would be as greedy as your cunt."

It hurts, and it feels good. I hate him, and I want it .

Pain and desire ripple through my bones. My body vibrates with the changing sensations. I've never felt anything like this as Saint takes me in both holes.

My heart is racing, and I'm throbbing to my core.

"Very good." He slows his pace, giving my thighs a moment of relief from the sharp sting of the table digging into them. "You're ready now."

He pulls his fingers and cock away, and I start shaking when I realize why.

"I'm not ready. I'm not—"

"You are." He positions the head of his cock at my ass, and the thought alone makes me want to black out so I don't have to feel this. "And you're going to reward me for all I've done."

Saint spits again, and it rolls down my ass. And then he pushes himself in.

It hurts so badly that I can't breathe. Screaming is pointless, and so is air. My wrists pull against the ropes, but it just makes them tighter. And Saint thrusts deeper.

Fire burns. My entire body aches so badly that I'm shivering. But he doesn't let up or wait for me to relax as he pushes himself to the hilt inside me.

"Good girl." He reaches forward and brushes the back of my head with his hand. "Fuck. Your ass feels so good wrapped around my cock."

He pulls out slowly. Even more so when he shifts his hips forward again. I'd think he's taking it easy if he didn't sound like he's enjoying the torture of it.

"How does it feel being fucked in the ass like a whore, Violet?" He grabs my mounds and evens his pace .

"It—"

I don't know. I'm sure it should hurt. And it does. It stings and burns.

But the steady rhythm starts to rock me into a dreamlike state, and inside, my core is burning for him.

"Yes?" He pulls my hips back so he can slip his hand between me and the table, his fingers rubbing my clit.

My breath stutters with pleasure. "It feels… oh God, it feels good."

"Not God." He rolls his fingers over me again.

"Saint," I breathe out, my body shattering.

" Your Saint."

My Saint.

My devil.

And I need him to never stop what he's doing as he rocks himself against me. His dick is deep inside me, hitting a place I didn't know existed as he plays with my pussy.

I'm shaking with his touch, and I've never felt anything like this as he moves in and out of my ass. There's only relief on the other side of this as my body tips on that ledge.

"Give me what I've earned." Saint pushes in hard this time.

My fingers dig into the ropes, and I bite back the scream ripping through me as my body turns to pieces. I'm shaking as my pussy drips. And Saint fucks my ass through it. My entire body tenses for him as he picks up speed. Fucking me until he's grabbing my hips and pulling me to him .

He slams my hips to the table and spills his cum into me. Something between a breath and a growl rips out. A final breath, and I might as well be in outer space.

Saint collapses forward, propping an elbow on either side of my body. His chest heaves with mine, and my whole body ignites with the feel of his bare skin against me.

"Beautiful." He reaches forward, brushing my hair off my face and tugging the blindfold that covers my eyes, untying it. "You passed your test like such a good girl."

He slips the blindfold off me, and even if the room is dim, my eyes have to adjust to the fresh assault. In the darkness, I felt everything. And something about having my vision back has sensations flooding my body.

Saint lifts off me and pulls out. I'm still blinking and trying to catch my bearings as I look around and try to focus.

And that's when I see him.

Declan stands at the edge of the room with his arms crossed over his chest, smirking.

"Having fun, Violet?"