21. Only Yours

21

Only Yours

Violet

How to cure a killer.

It's not the most absurd thing I've typed into my internet search bar this week, but it's a clear depiction of where my head is at. I'm scouring for answers I know I'm not going to get. Answers I shouldn't want in the first place.

Just because Kole brought me home after our night together at Sigma House doesn't make him a gentleman. It doesn't mean he's capable of caring about me as a human being.

If Kole… or Saint… is doing anything, he's playing out his sick fantasies, and I'm the one who has his attention at the moment.

It's because he doesn't want anyone else getting to me.

It's possession .

He made me his, and it's a bond I can't seem to break. Worse, I don't want to when I've never felt more alive than at the hands of a man who brings nothing but death.

So instead, I search for answers.

It's easier to focus on Kole than myself anyway. If I can figure out what's wrong with him, then maybe I can understand what's wrong with me.

I dig into every corner of the internet and read every article ever printed about him and his family. I search for the truth about his past. Anything that will help explain why he goes to such extreme lengths for me.

He warned me not to look for the good in him, but I can't help it. Something broke Kole at some point in his life, and I need to know what that was.

But the deeper I dig, the less I find.

Kole might as well be a ghost in a family whose name is plastered on half the buildings in town. He's never mentioned in articles with them and has barely had his photo taken. Even his rumored stint in a psych ward when he was a teenager has been erased from any public database—if it ever actually happened.

There's nothing but speculation and rumors. Secrets I'm sure he's buried as deep as Liam and Nixon's bodies.

It's unsettling, and I'm tempted to ask Kole about it if I get the chance. But that just leads me to my second problem—it's been three days of complete silence.

Kole skipped the one class we share, and I haven't seen him at school. There hasn't been one message in the Dark Desires app. No "gifts," no threats. If I hadn't overheard Declan spewing on about a party last night, I'd think he disappeared.

"Kole did a number on that one. The stamina on that bastard."

Declan and Maddox laughed and walked away amused while I sat with my mind spinning, trying to decipher what I heard.

I'm just now starting to feel like myself again, and Kole has already moved on.

I should be relieved, but I'm not.

The moment Declan made that comment, my mind went wild, imagining what he could have been referring to. Clearly, Declan has no problem sharing women, but I'm not sure about Kole. He shared me—kind of. Even if he immediately killed Nixon for touching me.

And if Declan was talking about something other than sex, that's not any better.

"You're so distracted lately." Teal nudges my arm as we walk through the courtyard.

"New boy toys will do that to you." Mila winks at me.

"I already told you; I'm not seeing anybody."

"Whatever you say." Mila grins, not believing a word.

She might not have told the girls I disappeared at Sigma House a few nights ago, but it doesn't stop her from relentlessly teasing me that she knows something is going on.

"When's your exhibit?" I ask Teal to change the subject.

"Next Tuesday." She clutches her books to her chest. "I'm nowhere close to being ready."

"You always say that. "

"And I always mean it." Teal frowns at me. "But in this case, I need to be wrong if I want the chance to go to Paris."

Every year, the school sends a few students to the West Coast Collegiate Art Festival to represent Briar Academy's art program. This year's event will be in Paris, and Teal has been losing sleep trying to make it onto the list.

"You've got this." I squeeze her arm. "You're even using purple again."

As evidenced by the dried ridge of violet paint under her fingernails. Teal is specific when it comes to colors. She uses them to represent people and emotions. And at times, she refuses to use certain ones for reasons she'll rarely talk about. Lately, it's been purple.

She curls her fingers and looks down at them. "I have."

Her eyes dart to me, and I can't explain why I get a sudden chill. How she seems to send a message without saying anything.

"Well, this is me." Teal points to the left and dips away, leaving me with an unsettling feeling in my gut.

"She's been off lately, right?" Mila leans in as we watch Teal disappear into the art and music hall.

"Definitely."

"Not that you're one to talk." She nudges my arm.

I glare at her. "Would you like to talk about Marco while we're bringing up people's secrets and flaws?"

Mila rolls her eyes, clutching her books to her chest. "No comment."

"Exactly."

Her eyes cut to the left. "Speaking of secrets. "

"What?"

But instead of answering, Mila dips away, smiling. And before I can yell for her to come back, I'm overwhelmed by the scent of pepper and spice. My arms prickle, and the hair on the back of my neck stand on its ends.

"You smell nice, kitten." Kole presses close behind me.

He brushes my hair off my neck, pulling it to one side and leaning to bring his mouth to my temple.

I spin around to face him, holding my bag tighter to my chest.

The sun draws out the copper in his hair and makes his dark eyes seem brighter. His ever-cool expression is passive as always, and he's wearing a simple black hoodie and jeans. Understated.

A killer hiding in plain sight.

And I hate that something as simple as him towering over me—his body heat so close I feel it on a chilly winter day—is enough to make my core clench.

"What do you want?" I ask him, tipping my chin up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I turn and begin walking, even if I already know it's no use, as he follows me.

"Why are you lying to me, Violet?" Kole grabs my arm and pulls me into the gap between the science hall and library.

I try to step away, but he backs me against the brick.

"Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Why would I?" He plants a hand on the wall above my head and tips my chin up with his index finger. It's gentle and confusing. "You're mine now. "

"Really? Because I haven't seen you in three days."

He brushes his thumb over the line of my bottom lip, and his cold expression cracks. Ice melting to reveal the faintest hint of a smirk as he stares at me.

"Did I hurt your feelings?"

"No." I twist my chin to the side to free myself from his touch. All it does is make things murky. "I'm just calling you out on your bullshit."

Kole hums, watching me. "I didn't take it easy on you, Violet."

"So, what, you gave me space to recover ?" I roll my eyes. "How sweet of you."

He lifts my hand between us and pushes the sleeve back to reveal the faint bruising around my wrist from where he gripped it hard and held my arms over my head.

"Just because I want to hurt you doesn't mean I don't understand your body still has limits." He traces the bruise with his thumb.

"Since when do you care about limits?"

" Care ." He pulls my sleeve down and releases my hand. "You like threatening me with that word."

"It's only a threat because you're incapable."

He leans in closer, cupping my jaw in his hand. "With most people, yes. But with you, all I do is care."

"All you do is hurt me." I breathe out in disbelief and try to shake him loose again, but his hold on my jaw is too strong.

"Hurting you is caring about you, Violet." His teeth grit together. "Because unlike anyone else in your life, I listen. I see you. Your desires, your darkness. I hear the things you tell me and the things you're still too scared to say. I know you better than you know yourself because I've been watching every little detail to make sure I don't miss a single thing. I care about you more than I've ever cared about anything. But it doesn't make me sweet, and it doesn't make me nice. So, you'll continue to struggle with that until you're ready to let it go."

He releases my jaw, but his hand on the wall behind me doesn't budge. And his body's so close; all I feel is him. All I smell is him. All I see is him.

I can't catch my breath.

"Ask me the question you really want to," Kole says, tilting his head, his dark eyes scanning over me. "What's actually bothering you?"

I press my lips tight, wishing it wasn't so easy for him to see through me. Wishing his presence alone wasn't enough to make me want to reveal everything about myself to him.

I'd like to lie to him and tell him nothing's wrong, but he breaks through all my defenses.

"Are you seeing other people?" I ask, feeling like an idiot for even caring what my stalker is doing in his free time.

He hums again, dropping his chin and shaking his head. When he lifts his face once more, the fire in his eyes edges on Saint, and my heart races at the heat in his gaze.

"That's what you're worried about?"

I nod. "I know I shouldn't."

Because he's sick. A psychopath. A killer. He has no limits when it comes to me .

And I'm pathetic, only worried about if he's mine.

"No." He shakes his head. "I'm not."

"I overheard Declan in class this morning talking about your stamina last night."

"He wasn't talking about sex. I'm not Declan. I don't share, remember?"

A shiver skitters through me as I nod.

"That includes me. I'm yours, kitten. Only yours."

That statement should terrify me. So I'm not sure what to make of the fact that it relaxes me instead.

"Besides, I'm too busy watching you to focus on anyone else." He brushes the backs of his knuckles over my jaw. "Are the baths helping?"

"Baths?"

He doesn't answer, and I don't miss the fact that the word is plural.

"Right." I exhale.

Kole is always watching.

Saint is always watching.

"So?" he asks. "Are they helping?"

I nod.

Finally, he lifts from the wall, and it puts a gap of space between us. "Good."

I can't tell if he's worried because he cares about my physical well-being, or because he wants to break me all over again. Maybe it's a mix of both.

"Friday." Kole reaches out and traces the line of my cheek—my neck—pausing on my pulse.

"What about it? "

"Meet me at Sigma House, and you'll see." He steps back with the faintest hint of a smile, and it's disarming. "You want me to prove my commitment to you, Violet? I will. But rest up. I expect a fight."