18. Mike

18

MIKE

"Does she do this a lot?" Lila asked as we drove out of Kelly Lakes. "Come in unannounced?"

"Not a lot. Once every six months or so. It's been a while since I've gone to see her, so this is both a visit and a punishment of sorts."

I loved having Lila with me, but the usual knot in my stomach whenever I saw my mother had now doubled in size. When I'd told my mother I was bringing my girlfriend, I could tell she was already on the offensive, peppering me with questions about how long we'd been together and where I'd met her.

I'd said I'd run into her when she'd first come into town, and she was my neighbor. It was a wimpy kind of cop-out, skipping over details like how I'd found Lila on her way to see Claudia, my stepmother's best friend and Lila's almost-cousin, and how she'd moved to Kelly Lakes to work for my father.

I'd figured it would give us maybe a good twenty minutes of tense pleasantries before she went after both of us.

"You're not supposed to dread seeing your own mother, but I do for a lot of reasons. Whenever she comes in, it fucks with my head for a day or two. If I'm not quite myself, it's not you."

"I hate that she puts you through this," Lila said, kneading the back of my neck. "My parents mostly ignored me, so I'd learned to live without their support even before the Ted fiasco. But what you're describing is just fucking awful."

The knot in my stomach grew even tighter when I took the exit for Glens Falls.

"Again, sorry for what you'll have to see and what she'll say to you once we tell her about the Russo connection."

"Stop saying sorry. I'm ready," Lila said as we pulled into the parking lot. "Stalkers after dark may still frighten me, but this, I can more than handle."

She leaned over the console, cupping my cheek before pressing her mouth to mine. Her pillow-soft lips relaxed and excited me enough to almost forget the usual disaster of dinner with my mother.

"Again, you're incredible," I told her.

She lifted a shoulder. "I'm here to support my boyfriend ." She brushed her lips over my jaw. "Ooh, I like that. Sounds nice."

A laugh slipped out of me when she waggled her eyebrows.

"Yes, it does."

That word from any woman before her would have made my blood run cold, but I wanted to be connected to Lila in every way possible. I wasn't a possessive or even a jealous type of guy, but every time I looked at Lila, one word always echoed in my mind.

Mine.

We ambled through the parking lot, and the crunch of gravel under my feet with every step toward the door had me already tense enough to want to jump back into my truck and go, but I couldn't do that.

I was a grown man, yet when it came to my mother, I'd never stopped feeling so damn helpless.

"Mike," my mother called when she noticed me, rushing from her table to throw her arms around my neck. "I missed you so much," she whispered in my ear, her voice cracking.

I hugged her back because, in my own way, I'd missed her too. I'd miss the short moments like this when I had a mother who was happy to see me.

But the nice moments were always short, followed by her pointing out the many ways I was a disappointment.

"Mom, this is Lila." I draped my arm around Lila's shoulders as I watched my mother look her over from head to toe. "Lila, this is my mother, Eileen."

"Nice to meet you," Lila said, extending her hand.

Mom let it linger for a rude minute before she took it, pushing a fake smile across her red lips.

My mother's blond hair was almost white, her pale skin highlighting the dark circles under her eyes as she searched Lila's face. She looked tired and unhappy, but that was a constant from when I was a kid.

"Yes, it was a surprise when Mike said he was bringing someone. I managed to get a table for three, so come sit."

Lila snuck me a look as we followed my mother to the table.

"I have to plan these surprise trips because my son never wants to come see me."

Mom smiled, but it was tight and forced. "So, Lila, what brought you to Kelly Lakes all the way from Philly?"

There went those fake-pleasant twenty minutes.

"I was laid off from my job and wanted a change. My cousin's cousin-in-law moved there from Brooklyn and loved it, so she helped me get set up with a job and an apartment. It's been an adjustment, but Kelly Lakes grew on me pretty quickly."

Mom bobbed her head in a slow nod as the waiter came over with our menus.

"I just find it a little strange that someone would travel from a big city like Philly to work a dinky little job in a small town."

"I wouldn't call it dinky. I love my job," Lila said, unfazed. "After working in corporate for so long, it's a wonderful change of pace."

Lila grinned at my mother before taking a sip from her water glass.

"So you moved there after working a corporate job? Where do you work?"

I sucked in a breath as I braced for impact.

"Russo's Contracting. I'm Jake's office manager slash in-house accountant."

My mother's brows shot up to her hairline.

"I see. And who is your cousin's cousin-in-law? Peyton?"

"Close. Peyton's friend Claudia. In fact, that's how I first met Mike." She stretched her arm across my shoulder. "I went to Claudia's bar when I first got into town, and after a long drive from Philly without any coffee or breakfast, I almost fainted on the street."

She rubbed my back as she shot me a gorgeous smile wide enough to uncoil some of the tension in my gut.

"A very handsome cop happened to be strolling by and came to my rescue. And what's that old saying? The rest is pretty much history."

"That's quite the story," my mother said as she rested her elbows on the table, turning her attention back toward me. "I suppose this is why I can't get my son to come see me. He's busy with the new city girl in town. Like father, like son," she muttered.

"She's not just the new city girl in town," I said, trying to keep my voice and my breathing calm and steady.

"Like I said, that's something you have in common with your father," she said as she perused the menu. "You both enjoy the new young novelties."

I leaned forward to say something when Lila grabbed my knee under the table, giving me a tiny shake of her head when I met her gaze.

"I'm actually thirty-two. About seven years older than Mike. So I guess I'm the one attracted to young, pretty things."

Mom's jaw dropped when Lila winked.

"You're almost a decade older than my son?" she said, still gaping at both of us.

Lila shrugged as she picked up the menu.

"Rounded up, I suppose. But Mike is an old soul. He's got such a huge heart and does so much good in Kelly Lakes as a cop. I'm sure you must be very proud of him."

If I hadn't loved Lila before, I would be head over fucking heels now.

"Well, I wish he would have used his gifts for something of more value."

Lila set her menu down and leaned closer to the table.

"What could be more valuable than serving his community and making it a better place? He's amazing at that."

She waved a dismissive hand.

"He's got a talented eye for building things. He won competitions in school, and his teachers always said he was going places. But my son wasn't interested in going anywhere."

Lila's nostrils flared for a second before she shifted in her seat.

"I know what you mean about a talented eye. He put together all the furniture in my apartment without even glancing at the instructions. I can see him winning competitions since he's kind of a show-off about it."

Lila smiled, giving my hand a squeeze as she held my mother's gaze. "I would think you'd be proud and happy he found something he loves to do, even if it wasn't what you wanted for him."

"What I wanted was for him not to be like his father." Mom's eyes thinned to slits as she glared at Lila. "I wanted a lot more for him than to settle for a boring life in a small town. But since that's where his hero is, I guess I should accept by now that he follows Jake in everything ."

"Mom, enough. Could we have dinner without an argument for once?" I said, my jaw so tight it ached.

"Well, sorry. I didn't expect to have company. You haven't seen me in months, and I would have thought you'd want to spend time with me since you never make an effort to come see me."

"And this is why I don't come to see you. When I do talk to you or see you, it's you telling me how much of an awful son I am because I'm too much like my father."

"Your father turned you against me," Mom said through gritted teeth. "I knew he would try the day you went to live with him at fourteen, but I had no idea you'd grow up to throw away all the potential you had to mirror his pathetic life."

"Okay, that's enough," Lila said, pushing off the chair. "Mike told me what we would be in for and how you'd treat me once you knew my connection to Jake and Peyton. You'd have to try a little harder than that to intimidate me. So, sorry to tell you that your efforts didn't hit the way you wanted."

Lila shook her head, blowing out an exasperated breath before she continued.

"But I didn't care about me. Your son is a wonderful man. Beautiful from the inside out, and you should be proud of him and love him for who he is."

Lila's gaze set on mine as she sent me a tiny smile that I wasn't sure was contrite or just plain sad.

My relationship with my mother had always been sad, but I'd accepted it because, well, she was my mother. But as I watched Lila's fury on my behalf, all I could think was, why? Why had I put up with this for so long?

The rest of my family had told me to cut her off years ago, but I hadn't because how could I cut off my own mother?

The question rolling around in my head now instead was how could I have put up with this for my entire life? I was finally exhausted enough not to want to do it anymore, even if I had only been going through the motions for the past ten years.

"I'd hoped I'd last at least through the first course," Lila continued. "But I can't and won't sit here while you speak to him like that."

"I love my son. How dare you insinuate that I don't."

My mother's jaw quivered as her eyes filled with tears. I knew this stance all too well. If I ever pushed back at her and called her out on what she was doing, she'd collapse into sobs.

It was her way of manipulating me or gaslighting me and making me think it was my fault she acted like this, that my father had abandoned her and that I'd failed her as a son.

I was thankful for the one parent I had to remind me after I'd see or talk to her that it was her, not me. Tonight, for the first time in all my twenty-five years, it finally began to sink in.

While I'd still worry about her and always love her, I owed myself peace.

"Let's go," I said to Lila and stood. "Actually, Lila, can you wait for me by the car?"

Lila nodded, kissing my cheek before heading for the door.

"I love you, Mom. You may not think so, but I do. Very much. Enough to deal with the way you've acted for so long and not cut you off. But I can't do this anymore."

My gaze traveled along the path Lila took out the door to the parking lot.

"I love her, Mom. I'm in love for the first time in my life and I'm pretty sure the last, and you don't even care. I know you're unhappy, but I wish you could be happy for me . Just once."

I pushed my chair in and padded toward where my mother sat, her eyes filling with tears. It still hurt to see her upset, but I couldn't waver. Not now and not anymore.

"I'm sorry you came all this way and didn't want to try to have a nice visit. When you do, and when you can accept your only son for who he is, then I'd be happy to come see you." I bent to kiss her cheek. "Safe travels home."

I half expected, or half hoped, that she'd call after me. To promise to do better and beg me to sit back down. But I heard nothing but the regular din of the rest of the small restaurant crowd behind me as I headed toward the parking lot and Lila.

This would take me a bit to shake off, but a bone-deep relief washed over me. I deserved better than this, and now I'd finally allow myself to have it.

"I'm so sorry," Lila said as she launched herself at me. "I should have handled myself better."

"You were amazing," I said, angling my head to meet her gaze. "I love her, and I want her to be okay, but life is too short to be a punching bag. I'll text her in a couple of days to make sure she got home safely, but I'm not accepting any more phone calls."

Lila's eyes were glossy as she framed my face.

"It makes me so angry that you've had to deal with that for your whole life."

I shrugged, bringing her back into my arms and holding her as close to my body as I could. "Thanks for sticking up for me and saying all those nice things."

"You don't have to thank me. I meant every single word." She skated her hands down my chest as she peered up at me. "You're staying with me tonight, right?" She wrapped her arms around my waist. "Since we broke your bed."

A chuckle fell from my lips as I kissed her forehead. "I was planning to, but I thought we could make a stop first, if you're up for it."

"With you, I'm always up for it."

I drove us home, neither of us saying much for most of the ride back to Kelly Lakes. Finally standing up to my mother had felt good but strange. I went to the one place that always seemed to clear my head, and I hoped at almost sunset, it would be empty.

"This is the tiny beach your sister loves?" Lila asked as I parked in front of the low fence at the end of the block.

"It is. It's a small patch of sand at the edge of the lake, and some of the kids in the neighborhood like to play here. But around this time of day, it's usually empty. I have a blanket big enough for us in my trunk."

I shut off the engine and eased over the console.

"I know you're probably anxious about being out, but watching the water, even at a distance, helps clear my head." I rested my forehead against Lila's temple. "And right now, it's a little bit of a mess up there."

"I'm okay. It's sort of daylight, and I'm with you. And we don't know if what happened was even anything. What and who I'm worried about is you, so if this little patch of sand will make you feel better?—"

" You make me feel better." I brushed my lips against hers and climbed out.

"Are you sure even a blanket will fit here?" Lila asked, scrunching her nose at me.

"Yes, I'm sure. There's a little hill beyond the gate. That's where Keely usually builds her sandcastles when we come here."

I fished the blanket out of my trunk and headed toward the small fence. A couple of hot-pink shovels dotted the sand, along with a discarded green bucket.

"Feels like a big sandbox," Lila said, laughing as she made her way down on the blanket.

"The leftover toys always give it that feel." I jutted my chin to the pail. "If you want to play in the sand, feel free."

"I'm good," she said, lying on her side and leaning on her elbow. "I'm right where I want to be." Her smile shrank as she scooted closer to me. "And I'm here for whatever you need."

The breeze kicked up, blowing a piece of hair across her face. I tucked it behind her ear and let my finger trace along her jaw. The tiny smile drifting across her perfect mouth, just for me, sped up my heartbeat enough for it to thud against my rib cage.

"When I tell my aunt and cousin I finally cut my mother off, they may throw me a party." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"I may help them," Lila said, chuckling next to me. "I'm proud of you."

"Don't be." I shook my head. "This is years late. And even with all the relief, I still feel like the worst human alive for walking away."

"I walked away. More or less. I never even gave my parents my new address, and they haven't asked." She shrugged. "My family is my cousin, and that's really it. Even before the Ted stuff. I think they were relieved when I moved."

"I'm trying to think of a time when being around my mother didn't drain me. There were some moments when I was younger, but it would always turn. I had no idea what relief meant until I moved in with my father full time."

I lifted my arm and wrapped it around Lila's shoulders.

"It doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to keep toxic people in your life simply because they're related to you."

She leaned her head on my shoulder, scratching her nails up and down my arm.

"My brother has never cared about me or where I was. And I've learned not to expect anything more."

She kissed my cheek.

"It still sucks, though. I'm sorry, babe."

I jerked my head toward her.

"Did you just call me babe?"

"Yes." She pursed her lips. "Problem?"

"Not at all," I said, rolling on top of her. "Say it again."

"Such a goofball," she said, her voice a throaty whisper as she slipped her hands under my shirt, scraping her nails up and down my back and triggering a trail of goose bumps along my neck.

"I guess I am when it comes to you," I said, reaching down to slide my hand up her thigh, fisting the hem of her dress. "I never got to tell you how beautiful you look tonight."

I ran my nose against hers and dropped kisses down her cheek, tracing her collarbone with the tip of my tongue as I inched lower.

"We're in public, Officer Russo," she said, her head lolling to the side as I dove into her neck, swirling my tongue around that tiny patch of skin that always set her off like a sexy firecracker.

"Haven't we put on enough of a show lately?" she said, her legs falling open as I coasted my hand up her dress and along the silky skin inside her thigh.

"So soft," I murmured against her mouth. "You want me to stop? Or are you dripping for me like you were last night?"

I had no control when it came to Lila. When we'd first met, I always had to be right next to her, even when I was attempting to keep a distance I never wanted.

Now that she was mine, I wanted to do everything to her. My mouth watered as her beautiful body shook against me, all the ways I wanted to take her ricocheting back and forth in my lust-filled head.

"Babe, we can't do this—shit, right there…" She trailed off as I dipped my hand inside her panties and dragged my finger around her swollen clit.

"You love this. You don't want me to stop. Right, sweetheart?" I cupped her chin to turn her head toward me. "That's why you spread those beautiful legs for me and let me take what's mine."

I took her mouth in a bruising kiss, swallowing her whimpers when I slid two fingers inside her, her entire body quivering against me as I pumped harder, losing my fucking mind as she dripped all over me.

This semi-secluded spot wasn't secluded enough to finger my girlfriend, but I couldn't stop. All the blood in my body had redirected to my aching cock, and I'd lost any ability to think clearly.

"Come on, sweetheart. Be a good girl and come all over my hand. Before I take you home and make you come in my mouth."

Lila dug her nails into my arm as she opened her mouth in a silent scream, squeezing my fingers as she rode out her release.

"Jesus, your mouth is going to kill me."

I laughed and brushed my lips against her shoulder. A blush stained her cheeks and trailed down her chest, and I couldn't wait to get her clothes off to watch her flush all over.

"Then I better take you home?—"

Lila shoved my shoulder and pushed me back on the blanket, taking a quick look around before she popped the button open on my pants and dragged the zipper down.

"I wasn't finished last night," she whispered, glaring at me before dipping her head and licking my cock from root to tip.

"Lila… Fuck, baby," I growled, glancing behind me as she swallowed me whole, swirling her tongue around my length and sucking me hard enough for stars to burst inside my eyelids.

"Shit, that's good," I said on a moan, grabbing the back of her head as I fought against the urge to fuck her mouth.

When Lila pulled back, her eyes were wild as they met mine. "I can take it. Give me all of you."

I clutched the back of her head and slammed my hips into her face, my cock almost poking her throat, and she kept moaning and sucking. I dug my heels into the sand as I peered down at her, her perfect fucking lips stretching as she took me even deeper.

The sight of her bobbing her head as she moaned on my cock sent me right over the edge.

I had no time to warn her and spilled down her throat, my legs shaking against the blanket as she sucked me dry, pressing a kiss to my leg after she eased off me.

"I love you," I breathed out and fell back on the blanket.

My journey above the clouds came to a screeching halt when I realized what I'd just said.

"Oh God," I groaned, covering my face with both hands as my pants were still hanging low on my hips. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

I sat up and lifted my head to Lila's puzzled gaze.

"So, you didn't mean it?"

"I did," I said, my heart racing from panic instead of the crazy lust that had come over me the past half hour. "I just didn't want to tell you…like that."

"How did you want to tell me?" Lila asked, inching over to me as I tried to figure out a way to explain myself and button my pants at the same time.

"I don't know, something better than that. I've never told anyone I loved them before, but I wanted it to be, you know, a nice moment."

"So this wasn't a nice moment?" Lila's lips twitched as if she was holding back a laugh.

"It was a spectacular moment. Just not romantic like it should have been." I raked a hand through my hair.

"Mike," Lila said, holding my face in her hands. "It was perfect. I love you too. So much."

"Yeah?" I said, grabbing her wrists as our eyes stayed locked.

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice scratchy as she pressed her lips to mine. "Every single moment with you has been perfect."