12. Troy

Chapter twelve

Troy

I gaze long and hard after Belle, even when she disappears at the top of the stairs, and I fight back the urge to go after her.

But I am not welcome anywhere near her anymore.

Leo made himself clear.

If I approach her, I will meet a fate worse than death.

Even Rian is on his side, and I am no match.

I know when I'm beaten.

Still, I never realized how much I missed her until I saw her again.

I felt this overwhelming swell of happiness in my chest, enough to make me choke, and I'm just glad she is safe.

Even if I will never be a part of her pack or happiness, I'm happy she's back.

I suppose I can always be with her in other ways…

For reasons I cannot understand, Belle and I are connected, and only heaven knows why.

I did nothing of the sort to forge such a bond.

In fact, I did all that I could to prevent such a bond from ever forming, yet I know I sensed her thoughts that day back at the governor's house.

And I bet Leo would have a fit if he found out that I've been peering into her mind.

Well, it's just too bad that he will never find out.

I sense Jeremy's eyes, and I glance his way.

We don't say anything. The Alpha just gazes at me with his arms crossed, leaning back casually against the wall.

I sigh. "Just come out with it."

Jeremy doesn't flinch. Nor does he blink as he continues to assess me, and I'm just waiting for his scolding.

Is he going to warn me like my once-good friend Leo?

I guess that means our missions are over then; I will miss him and his bat-shit-crazy ways.

No one could quite yield a knife the way Leo could.

Hence why I keep away.

I know he meant what he said earlier.

He will kill me.

Now that Belle is okay, I guess he will continue to let me breathe, and how nice of him.

Finally, I cross my own arms, looking Jeremy straight in the eyes.

He's the first member of my pack I've made eye contact with for days.

Being ignored by my Omega and my pack is doing a number on my health.

I'm barely eating these days.

All I do now is drink.

However, I've barely had a drop since the night Belle vanished, and I still can't fathom why she just got up and left.

Someone had threatened her, and I am going to find out who.

That will be my own little mission…

Jeremy sighs, stepping closer. "Word of advice, Troy. Keep any nasty thoughts to yourself. Do not test Leo or Rian. You're already on thin ice."

Yeah, I never would have figured that one out.

"Duly noted," I reply, and I guess that's the end of our terse conversation.

There's not much to discuss with my pack these days.

When I'm sure the others are settled in their rooms, I go upstairs, heading for my own.

I find it hard not to look at her door, knowing that she doesn't or will ever need me.

She has Leo, Rian, and Jeremy.

Knowing me, I would just say something nasty and ruin everything.

And then Leo will turn my skin into a jacket and wear me around the house.

Shaking my head, I push into my room, perching at the end of my bed.

I gaze at my reflection in the wardrobe mirror, and how I hate the bastard who looks back at me.

He looks like complete shit.

Ashen skin, dark circles under his eyes, greasy hair…

I haven't washed in days.

We've all been up the wall since she vanished, but none so much as me.

I ball my fist, and with a growl, I punch at the glass, watching as it cracks.

Now my reflection is all distorted. Like some hideous monster.

The guilt has been tearing me apart, and I will never forgive myself.

I was the one who let her go.

If only I had reached out...

If only I hadn't been passed out drunk, I could have stopped her.

I could have even sniffed out the asshole who threatened her.

I knew she never left of her own free will.

Someone was controlling her.

Call it a hunch, but I know the signs of a woman in distress.

Reaching under my bed, I twist off the cap of a bottle of whiskey, bringing it to my lips.

The strong smell assaults my nose and after a few failed attempts, I get up and storm toward the shower.

I pour the rest of the whiskey down the drain.

It's the reason why I am in this mess in the first place.

The reason I couldn't be there for Belle.

No more drowning in my sorrows.

It's time to turn things around.

I will continue to keep my distance, but I will work on making myself a better man not only for my Omega or my pack.

But for Belle too.

She deserves the world.

She deserves better than a piece of shit like me.

Soon, the whiskey washes away down the drain, and there's not even a single drop left.

Then I turn on the shower to wash away the stink.

I still smell like the bar and of shame and desperation.

But no more…

As of tomorrow, I will retrace my steps and find the one who hurt her.

And then I will kill them.