Chapter 24

‘ S he’s quite the beauty,’ Kione smirked at Kaxim, the Second’s eyes lighting onto Liana’s beguiling face across the table as she lost herself in discussion with Killen.

The pair were seated next to each other in the Ilkanisa’s formal dining hall, which had been transformed into a banquet to seal and celebrate the alliance.

Guests from the Katánian and Ilki delegations lounged in sumptuous chairs, from king to councilor, general to advisor.

Servers whisked in platters and trays from the war camp’s kitchens.

Kaxim’s nostrils flared, and he was hit with the scent of burning incense. Sandalwood filled the air, mingling with the aroma of rich spices from the feast.

It did nothing to entice him.

Neither did the extravagant food and lavish wine, the sweetness of honeyed fruits and savory meats.

‘She’s not bad,’ he growled.

His pensive eyes flicked to the woman he was now purposed to marry. ‘But she’s more than just the sum of her looks. She’s shattering expectations and scaling new heights by proving her confidence to take on this war as the Ilkanite Queen.’

Kione gave Kaxim a sharp look. ‘You’re more than a fan, my friend. You’re besotted.’

‘Fokk off.’

‘Hey! It’s a good start to your nuptials journey.’

‘I don’t deserve her,’ Kaxim rasped. ‘She’s too -.’

‘Too what?’ his friend needled.

‘Too good for me,’ he snapped, slamming back the contents of a carafe of the wine. Its rich and full-bodied flavor, with hints of oak and berry, danced on his tongue.

He waited for the normal hit of bliss, but none was coming, and he sucked his teeth. His troubled thoughts were stripping all pleasure from his life.

Kione’s eyes clouded as an Ilki alderman drew his attention away.

Left alone in the milling, chatty crowd, Kaxim brooded.

He felt the weight of his fate settling upon his shoulders.

He met Liana’s eyes across the table and tagged a flicker of emotions that mirrored his own—fear, uncertainty, and a forbidden yearning that threatened to consume them both.

He grasped his duty, and fokkin lived for the sacrifices required of him. But the thought of pledging his life to Liana, even in the name of his kingdom, filled him with a strange mix of longing and dread.

Marriage, children, and aspects of domestic life, which he’d long thought were not his.

He’d consigned himself to misery early on.

That said, he’d not been celibate all his life.

In his younger halcyon days, he’d bedded many women.

However, he’d put a deadline on every encounter, playing the field, moving hard and fast through these conquests.

It’d been all empty of warmth, care, or love.

Instead, Kaxim had connected to pain, believing some nobility existed in not letting people in and not being the one to hurt them.

He realized he had to commit his constant self-sabotage, resentment due to his inability to communicate, and immediate flaw finding almost overnight.

The thought overwhelmed him, and he rose abruptly from his seat and strode to the terrace outside.

Desperate for some air, some clarity of mind.

He caught the sound of steps behind him and groaned.

‘What’s wrong, friend?’ Killen, the Kíríga , appeared before him.

‘I’m going to fokk this up,’ Kaxim growled. ‘I’ll always find a way to screw it up to protect myself. I’ll look for something wrong with her. I have so much resentment, downright infuriated for my parents’ deaths at an early age; my avoidant brain will always find a way to sabotage a relationship. Because I don’t want anyone to own my heart, to then turn around and hurt me by walking away or by losing her.’

‘You’ve never wanted a wife or children, have you?’

A bitter laugh rose out of Kaxim’s mouth. ‘I’ve played with meeting a woman, starting a family, building a house, the whole works. But as soon as I engage with the idea, I’m a mess of anxiety, guilt, and resentment. I curse my fears — for they stole from me before I was even aware enough to realize it. Now, I have to marry a queen, no less. I’ll stuff it up, and the shame won’t be just mine; it’ll be hers and an entire fokkin’ kingdom’s. Which is why I must implore you, Killen, as my friend, don’t make me do this.’

The King studied Kaxim for a long moment. ‘Coming from a man who fought to love me, the outcome of commitment is not so much to ‘own’ someone. When it comes to Sana’a and myself, retaining individuality and personal space is important, and I have episodes of wanting to be left alone and free, too. She allows me that autonomy. She also allows me to express my doubts. I’ve found that that freedom gives us the security of knowing that we’re both aligned about having each others’ backs.’

‘Is that right?’ Kaxim drawled. His brow was raised in a skepticism-laden arch.

‘ Naam ,’ Killen continued. ‘With Sana’a, I’m not afraid of being myself, sharing my insecurities, and driving her crazy because I know she loves me and put up with my shit.’

Kaxim growled. ’But Liana doesn’t love me. She is obliged to marry me.’

‘Fokk off with that shit. I’ve seen how she looks at you with deep feelings. She respects you, even infuriating you. Her heart means she’s the kind of woman who’ll embrace and heal you, which is what you need, my friend. Cherish her, and she’ll love you back. My hawkstone tells me that your soul bond is like none other. It’s like an unbreakable rope holding both of you steady regardless of the storms that come your way. It appears destined, too. So hold on, have faith, big hawk; your desires will come to life in ways you never could have imagined.’

Kaxim sucked his teeth, unconvinced.‘I have to speak to her before the ceremony.’

‘Then do it,’ his liege murmured.

Killen’s expression was laced with compassion. ‘Whatever it takes to overcome your shit.’

‘Fokk off.’

Killen chuckled. ‘Y’know, Kings lop off their lackeys’ necks if they talk back to them.’

‘Try it,’ Kaxim growled. ‘It might be a better fate than I’m subscribed to.’

The brooding Commander stalked back into the reception, back stiff, heart hard.

Dreading the conversation he needed to have.