Chapter 39

Ryker

I did it. I fucked my girl until she collapsed into a boneless heap of sweat, cum, and tears. Tara passed out just after I unloaded my orgasm into her ass. She held on as long as she could, my brave, sweet girl, but in the end, exhaustion took her. Or pain. I'm not sure which.

Peeling away from her is like taking off a layer of skin. She's a part of me.

After cleaning off my dick in the bathroom, I get a warm, soapy washcloth and wipe the mess off her as best I can. I can't believe I trashed her body this way.

I can't believe she fucking let me.

Wiping the fluids off her face, neck and chest makes me question what kind of human I am. Seeing how Tara responded to the things I did, the names I called her, the way I fucked her… she loved it. And I loved it for her. What kind of human does that make her?

My hands shake as I wipe the mess I made between her legs. The clamps have left little red marks on her delicate flesh. Rope burns have marred her wrists too. Fuck, she was stunning all trussed up and spread for me like a butterfly on display.

I've come twice, and it hasn't put a dent in my lust for her. There are twenty-three bite marks, countless scratches, six handprints, and fourteen welts on Tara that I can count at this angle. She begged me to give her each one too.

"You like playing with your little fucktoy, Mr. Hudson?"Her question will haunt me for life.

Yeah, I like it.

Too much.

"I need you one more time, Butterfly," I say, rolling her over. I doubt she's going to wake up. I've put my girl through hell, and she needs time to recuperate. A decent man would walk away and let her sleep.

I'm not a decent man.

Skating my fingertips along her breasts, her belly, the slope of her waist and the cushion of her thighs, I memorize every inch of her sweet body. This may be the last time I ever get to touch it.

No woman in her right mind would come back to a monster like me. Not after the shit I've pulled tonight. Kinks are born from many things, and I've tried to understand why I like what I like, but the truth hurts too much to admit.

The bottom line is I'm damaged. Others may have these same kinks for healthier reasons, but not me. I'm sick. Twisted. Depraved and starved for power and control because I've gone too long with none of it.

"I'll make it feel good for you," I promise, recalling a man saying those exact words to me right before he destroyed my body for a measly fifty bucks.

Crawling on top of Tara, I kiss her cheek before reaching between her legs to stuff my half flaccid dick inside her as best I can.

The air in my lungs burns. My cheeks heat with shame because taking her like this, and knowing she allowed it in advance, gets me harder than a rock. The way I fill her, the way she's forced to stretch around my size, is a heady fucking drug.

Addiction has set in, and I pump in and out of her wet pussy. The more I do, the better it feels.

"When I'm through with you, Butterfly, your pussy will always remember who it belongs to." Leaning down, I kiss her mouth and she stirs under me.

"Mmph."

"Shhh." I whisper, my voice trembling while I fuck her a little harder. "Sleep through it." Please sleep through it. I can't stand the idea of you waking up and seeing me this way.

Tara's mouth opens and my name slips out sleepily. "Ryker."

Her earlier question slides down my spine and grips my dick. "You like playing with your little fucktoy, Mr. Hudson?"

I do. And I won't stop. I don't think it's possible. My body is on some kind of autopilot and while my heart has slammed on the brakes, trying its best to reel me in again, my mind zeroes in on the feel of her body taking what I give it.

Sitting up, I grip her thighs and drag her to me. "Let me keep you." Let me poison you, too. No one will touch you if I make you toxic like me.

Tara's eyes flutter open.

"No," I say, my hips still thrusting of their own accord. "No, no, no."

Tara wakes fully and locks her eyes with mine.

"No," my voice cracks. "Please don't watch."

She tips her head back and groans like this is good for her, too. But it can't be. It shouldn't be. Only I feel her pussy grip my cock and it shakes me to the core. She's enjoying what I'm doing.

Tara's raspy voice knocks the sanity out of me. "You like playing with your little fucktoy, Mr. Hudson?"

My chest cracks open. "Yes," I admit, even as a tear falls down my motherfucking face.

"I like it, too."

I fuck her harder, driving us both across the bed.

"Come inside me," she says once I'm close. "Dump it all into me, Ryker."

A terrible noise explodes out of me. Pulling her onto my lap, I spring her up and down on my dick until we're a heap of grunts and tangled limbs. I use her like a fuckdoll. Her tits jiggle in my face. Her nails dig into my shoulders. Her fucking hair is in my mouth.

"You like being my toy? You like the way I use you to get off with?"

"Yes." Her inner walls grip me. "God, yes." She crushes her mouth to mine, and I explode.

I come hard and scream ugly. My dick jerks, emptying my release inside her, pumping every bit of toxicity I own into her precious body. Clutching Tara fiercely, I cage her in my arms, squeezing her tight while my dick continues twitching in her cunt.

"That was incredible," she whispers as I press my lips to her neck.

My dick's softer, still crammed inside her, ready for another round. "Let me just…" I lift her off me gingerly but hear her whimper. Shit. "How hurt are you?"

My cum seeps out of her pussy and onto my groin. It makes me feel dirty and confused.

"I'm not hurt, Ry." She peppers me with kisses and each one is a stab in my dead heart.

I hold her close to me again. My head's spinning. Panic is setting in. Shit, shit, shit.

"You're shaking," she says, alarmed. "Are you hurt?"

"I've just done depraved things to you, and you're concerned about my health instead of your own?" I don't deserve her.

"I'm fine. Now tell me what's wrong with you." She looks all over my body like there's going to be a knife in my gut or something. "Jesus, Ry, you're pale."

"I'm in a Dom drop." And crashing hard.

"What's that mean?"

"It means…" Fuck, I don't have the capacity to describe it right now. "Please just let me hold you and take care of you."

Tara's brow furrows. "Will taking care of me make you feel better?"

I nod, unable to speak around the bile rising in my throat.

"Okay." She relaxes in my lap. "But please don't feel bad for what we just did. I loved it."

My heart cracks into pieces. Tara just let me do all kinds of things to her. She never even called yellow. Her body melted for my touch, no matter how rough it was. It's been that way since the beginning. Tears build in my eyes, but I blink them back. "You're not really a whore or a slut or any of those things I called you."

"I know." She nestles in my lap a little more, tucking her head under my chin. "But I really like being your fucktoy."

I know some people like being used. I see it all the time in my club. But it's hard for me to separate my trauma from their pleasure. Using Tara like this tonight was a balm to my soul during the scene, but now that it's over, I feel like I've ripped my darkness open and all that's dripping out of me is regret and shame.

"You're more than a fucktoy, Tara."

"I know."

"You're more than I deserve."

"Agree to disagree." She lifts her head to look at me. "Sorry I bit your lip earlier."

"It felt good."

She drags her thumb over the split in my lip and I playfully nip at her, which makes her giggle.

It's that giggle that lets me think I can survive this.

But will she survive me?