Chapter 19

Ryker

Shit! I've gone too far.

Tara's screams went from music to my ears to a goddamn nightmare. She started hyperventilating as I lost my mind, railing her sweet pussy, and she passed out.

I've never had this happen before.

Pulling out, I'm so furious with myself. The only thing that stops me from cutting my dick off is the need to get Tara conscious again. She's my priority. My only priority.

"Tara." I pat her cheek. Her head's slumped, and my gaze drops to the fingerprint bruises on her neck again. Anger spikes in my bloodstream. I'm a monster. She was attacked less than an hour ago and I've gone and fucked her like a raging beast with no control. "Tara, wake up, baby."

Baby.

I've never called a woman baby in my fucking life.

My cheeks tingle as panic sets in. Lifting her out of the bed, I carry my girl into the bathroom and step into the shower, sitting down with her in my lap. Hitting the lever, cold water pours over us and Tara sucks in a shocked breath.

"There you are." I brush her hair back so I can see her better. "You had a moment there."

Tara's brow pinches, and she tries to crawl out of my lap. "Not yet," I say. "I'm not ready to let you go yet."

The familiarity of those words stops my heart in its tracks. Instead of acknowledging the pain in my chest, I ignore it and stay focused on Tara.

"I'm so sorry," she says, sounding half high. "I don't know what happened."

I do. I went too far, and she's suffering the consequences of my actions. Apologizing won't make it better. Explaining myself won't help either. I just need to make sure it never happens again.

But, damn did it feel good to let loose for once.

Jesus Christ, I'm an asshole.

Sitting on the floor of her sizeable shower, cold water rains down on our heads, and I rock her.

"Feels good," she mumbles.

When Tara cups my face, I think she's going to kiss me, and I can't let that happen, so I keep her talking. "What feels good, Butterfly?"

"My body." Her words slur together as if she's half-drunk. "The way you…ffffuck me. Feels ssssso good."

She'd passed out. That's not good. In my club, that would put you on notice unless the person specifically requests, and gives consent in advance, to be fucked out of their mind until they collapse. Or choked out until they fall unconscious.

Tara hadn't asked for either of those things.

Still, some of the tension eases from my shoulders because, honestly, she looks thrilled. There was no buildup to what we just did. No playing, teasing, foreplay with anticipation. We clashed and tore at each other as if we both needed to explode, and inside each other was the fastest way to make that happen.

My eyebrow arches. "You liked being used hard like that?"

She wraps her arms around my neck and smiles up at me. "Yeah. It's all I've wanted. For a really, really long time."

I can't swallow past the lump in my throat. I can't swallow period. My instincts kick into action, and I reach back to turn the water off. We've cooled down enough, and she needs specific attention. "Does anything hurt?"

I fisted her before I fucked her. She's got to be sore as hell.

"Nothing hurts." She laughs a little. "I'm boneless and a little numb."

Which means I've got time to tend to her, so the sub drop won't hit too hard. "How about a warm bath, Butterfly?"

"Okay."

With my arms firmly locked under her, I lift us both up and carry Tara out of the shower and into the adjacent claw-foot tub.

The cool off in the shower did wonders for my system, but the combination of coming down from my headspace, the cardio of fucking so hard, the terror of my sub slumping unconscious on me at the end, and then getting in a cold fucking shower has me all wonky again. Normally, I wouldn't join my subs in a soak, but I think we both need it today.

Shit, I'm still wearing a condom. "Lean forward for me, baby." She obeys, and I pull the rubber off and toss it in the trash beside the sink. I didn't come, but Tara doesn't notice. Not that I expected her to. I climb into the tub and help her inside. Turning on the water, I check in. "Too hot or cold?"

"It's perfect," she says, resting her back against me again. "I just want to sleep."

Kissing the top of her head, I relax and let the warm water relax us both. Her weight feels good on my chest and holds down my galloping heart. While her breaths slow and steam billows around us, my past claws its way into my present again…

"That was really good, Ryker." Natalie's bent over, drying her long hair in a towel. "Can you go again?"

My dick's going to fall off. Either from an STD or extreme use—this appendage isn't going to last long in this business. "Yeah, if you want."

"Veronica, ride him."

The camera's still rolling, and I've been in Natalie's bed since eleven o'clock this morning. This has turned into a seven hour fuckfest and I'm dehydrated, sore, and exhausted.

"I'm too tender to go again, Nat. Ryker should have a girth certificate for that thing."

Natalie swings her gaze to the other girl. "Erica?"

She sighs. "I'm done, too."

"The camera's still rolling. We're making a lot of money today, guys. Don't stop now."

"Then you fuck him," Veronica snaps.

Embarrassment tightens my throat, making it difficult to swallow what little pride I have left.

"Fine." Dropping the towel, Natalie climbs onto the bed and wiggles her ass for the camera.

I don't want to fuck her. I can't. She makes my dick limp because no matter how beautiful she is, I hate her. She's helped me gather clients and has shown me how to make a lot of money, but the cost is becoming too high.

I don't know who I am anymore.

The other girls here are in the same boat. She's trained us all. Broke us all. Uses us all. Getting down to business, she grabs a condom from the pile on the floor and straddles my hips. There's no hiding the loathing in my gaze when she looks at me.

"There it is," she says, smiling as she puts the wrapper between her teeth and rips it open. "I want that Ryker tonight."

That Ryker? What the hell does she mean?

Reaching between our bodies, she grips my dick and strokes it, coaxing it to harden again.

It doesn't.

"Come on, kid. Don't quit on me now."

I hate when she calls me kid. I'm eighteen—even though she thinks I'm twenty. Growing up poor, scared, and desperate made me a man a long fucking time ago. I'm the one taking care of my family and handling business. Speaking of which… "I have to get out of here in twenty minutes."

"She's probably sleeping," Natalie whispers, still jerking my cock to get the blood flowing.

My mom's pain levels have elevated lately, and she ran out of her prescriptions last week. I told Natalie about it, and she gave me some pain meds for a fraction of the price I pay at the pharmacy, but they make my mother comatose, which scares me.

"Come on, big guy."

I knock her hand off me. "No."

"Jesus, Ryker." Natalie's shoulders slump and she tilts her head, inspecting me like I'm nothing but a cockroach in her cereal. "You have a great thing going here and you're being really ungrateful."

"Ungrateful?" I grip her waist and move her off me. "I've made you a lot of fucking money too, bitch." Natalie takes a cut of all the clients she brings to me. Plus, most of what we make when we do these live streams.

Natalie tosses her head back, acting up for the camera and live audience we can't see.

"Someone's asking you to slap her," Veronica says, reading the messages on the screen. "He'll pay a thousand bucks."

Natalie's grin goes a mile wide. "Do it."

I can't. Hitting a woman isn't something I'm capable of, even if they beg. No dollar amount will change my mind either. "No."

"God, Ryker, you're ruining this!" She sits up and slaps me instead. Then she laughs. It's a cackling, obnoxious, anger inducing sound that makes my blood rush.

I grab her wrists and pin her down. "Shut the fuck up." I pitch forward and shove my half-hard cock in her mouth. She chokes on it. Now it's my turn to fucking laugh. "You talk a lot of shit for someone who chokes on a semi."

She shoves her finger in my ass, and I grunt in surprise. Then I pull out of her mouth and truly debate on what to do. This is humiliating. I can leave. Walk right out and never come back.

But I hear the dinging of money coming through on the live stream and I need every fucking penny, so I'm not going anywhere yet.

Glaring at the camera, I concentrate on all my hate, my hunger, my fear, and my torment. I cling to the idea that I can fuck my way out of this hell and snag the condom from Natalie's hand. With a growl, I roll it down my length.

Then I give our audience a fuck they'll never forget.

Tara lightly snores against me. The water has cooled down but I'm too exhausted to move. Using my toe to unplug the drain, I let out some of the water and refill it with fresh hot stuff. We've probably been in here for about an hour. I've massaged her shoulders, arms, and scalp. I ran water down her chest to keep her warm. I kissed parts of her body I could reach. She slept through every bit of it.

When I finally try to reposition myself—because my back hurts like a sonofabitch—Tara jolts awake.

"No!" Water sloshes over the rim as she fights nothing but herself.

"Easy," I say calmly. "It's just me."

She twists towards me, her eyes wide as she takes in her surroundings. "Holy shit." Rubbing her temples, she sighs. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize." Gripping the rim, I stand and the water level drops considerably. "I'm a prune."

And also hard as a rock.

Tara stares at my dick like it's the prettiest thing in her bathroom. "Don't get out yet."

She gets on her knees, wincing, and that makes me feel bad. "You're still sore?"

"A little, but it's nice. I like it."

Doubtful. "I'm sorry for earlier."

"Don't be. I wasn't lying when I said it's what I needed. Getting hate fucked has to be the greatest exorcism ever."

Her words confuse me. "You saying I exorcized your demons with my dick?"

"Something like that." She grips my hard cock and wraps her pretty little mouth around my head to suck on it. "You have a really veiny, fat dick."

"Thanks." I try to not enjoy what she's doing to me, but her hot tongue sends goosebumps erupting down my arms and chest. And when she looks up at me with her mouth full and lips stretched with my cock, I shove it in until it hits the back of her throat.

Tara doesn't grunt or pull back for air. She holds that position, her nostrils flaring as she breathes steadily, until I pull back to give her more air. Then I thrust into it again and repeat the shove, hold, release act over and over until my balls tighten.

"I'm going to come on your tongue. You will show it to me before you swallow."

She nods and moans her consent while continuing to suck me off.

I fuck her mouth slowly. Carefully. And when she pulls on my balls and makes obscene slurping noises, I give up the fight and finally give into my long-awaited release. Gripping her hair, I tip my head back and empty myself in her mouth, then pull out. "Show me."

Her jaw drops as she sticks out her tongue. Some of my cum drips out and she catches it in her palm.

"Swallow." I gently wrap my hand around her throat so I can feel her gulp it down. Then she surprises me by dragging her tongue along her palm and licks the cum off her hand too. Impressive. "You're such a good fucking girl, not wasting a drop."

The way she looks up at me like I'm a god, her salvation, her motherfucking master, makes me falter. The way she let me fuck her like a mindless animal also makes me second-guess what kind of woman she is. I thought Tara was a precious little petal, but now I'm beginning to think she's unbreakable.

Like me.

Jesus. My cock's hardening again with the image of her body bent in half so I can rail her until her throat's raw from screaming my name. Hearing her do that earlier, until she passed the fuck out, will forever live rent free in my brain.

I wasn't Sir. I wasn't Master. I wasn't Mr. Hudson.

She screamed Ryker and made it sound like something good. I can't shake it off. Not her voice echoing in my head, not the way she felt sleeping in my arms, and not the way she's staring up at me right now with her heavy-lidded eyes, pink swollen lips, and nipples hard as rocks.

I want to cradle the back of Tara's head and kiss her mouth. I want to confess why I treated her all the ways I did and beg her to let me do some of it again. I want to—

Shit. Time to snap out of it and put space back between us. I can't afford to lose any more to this woman. "Get dressed, Butterfly. Time to get back to the club."

Before I change my mind, I leave the room first and get dressed. We don't speak, but that's okay. Not every minute has to be filled with noise.

Tara eventually heads over to her desk again and starts stuffing shit into a Birkin bag. "Make an exception for me, and I'll make one for you."

"The fuck's that mean?"

"You can't run the club and spend the next twenty some days with just me. Besides, you had a literal fire to put out. How much more chaotic can your day get?"

"It was a false alarm fire."

"Well, that's good. But you still have a club to run. I know you're my Dom, but you're still king of the club, too. You can't abandon your duties."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I get it. I'm a businesswoman who cannot let her work slide for some mind-blowing cock. I know what a Butterfly is supposed to do, but make an exception for me."

"I've made plenty already."

She puts her hands on her hips. "I'll make you another deal."

"This is getting old, Tara."

"So is your hot and cold attitude," she slings back. "Let's both adapt and adjust, Mr. Hudson, so the careers we've built don't burn to the ground while we're fucking each other's brains out."

I'm going to regret this, but she has a point. "What is it you want this time?"

"One hour." She holds up a manicured forefinger. "One hour a day, we both get actual work done."

Looking at the piles of folders on her desk, I'm sure Tara can't afford to take an entire month off like she's supposed to. To deny her this request would make me a hypocrite because I can't afford it either. "Fine. But it happens in my office. You can't have work in the suite."

Tara's smile lights up the room. "Deal."

She thinks she's won this negotiation, but I'm the one who's making out. If I watch her work, there's a good chance I'll be able to figure out who that motherfucker was who attacked her, and I'll go after him once she's asleep.