Chapter Eight

Neve

I lie awake watching the sun rise. Ryder's words are running on loop through my mind. I've known him a little over a week and he's making promises of protecting me against Finn, the man who's ruined my life and continues to do so. I sigh heavily. Involving Ryder in my mess would be a huge mistake. There's already some kind of animosity between the pair and Finn's warned me to stay away from him. But I can't deny Ryder's words gave me some hope. The thought of having him around, makes me feel happier inside.

Ryder stirs beside me, instantly feeling around until his arm hooks around my waist. He pulls me against him and his erection pokes my thigh. I smile. Does he ever get soft? "Morning, Siren," he mumbles against my hair. "I could do with that coffee if the offer still stands?"

I sit, holding the sheet against my naked body while I look around for my clothes. Ryder reaches beside the bed and retrieves his own shirt, passing it to me. I smile to myself as I pull it over my head, inhaling his musky scent. When I stand, it almost comes to my knees.

Downstairs, I set up a tray, unsure of how Ryder takes his coffee, and load it with sugar, milk and two cups of black coffee. I head back upstairs and am about to go into the room when I notice Ryder is talking to someone. I pause, not meaning to listen in, but unable to stop myself because his hushed tone makes me suspicious.

"Brother, I can't send the video now, Finn was a complete dick to her, if he sees the recording of us fucking, then he'll take it out on their daughter. We need a new plan."

I stand frozen to the spot with a rush of emotions ripping through me. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I hear that negative voice telling me it was always too good to be true, who the hell was I kidding thinking this gorgeous biker was ever going to look at me, a run down, single mum, controlled by her abusive ex. I scoff to myself, shaking my head. I'm an idiot.

I take a deep breath before using my foot to push the door open wider and stepping into the room. Ryder immediately pulls the phone from his ear, disconnecting the call without saying goodbye.

"I wasn't sure how you took your coffee," I say with a forced smile as I lay the tray on the bed.

He stands, he's completely naked and not at all ashamed as he heads for the en-suite. "I need the bathroom," he says with a wink.

I glance at his mobile lying on the bed, still lit up and showing his home screen. I glance back to the bathroom where the door is now closed. I snatch the device up before I can change my mind and go straight for his gallery to check his videos. I notice the first video is recorded a few days ago and my thumb hovers over the play button. I need to see it for myself so I don't make a fool of myself. I press play. The video is shaky at first, and then the phone is placed on to something solid, pointing at an empty desk. I skip it forward until I come into view, with Ryder kissing me. I watch him push me against the desk, his mouth hungrily travelling over my body. I'm so mortified, I don't hear Ryder come back into the room right away, and when he clears his throat, I look up.

"There a reason you're looking through my phone?" He looks mildly irritated and I resist the urge to scream at him.

Instead, I place it back on the bed. "Is there a reason you have a video of us together in your office?"

His expression changes and for a brief second, I think he's panicking. He soon recovers, stepping closer. "It's not what you think," he begins and I roll my eyes. "It's not. Things have changed."

"That's not what I asked, Ryder. Why the fuck is there a video of me on your phone?"

He places his hands on his hips and bows his head while he thinks up his next line of bullshit. "I admit when I found out about you and Finn, I came up with a stupid plan to get him back. But now I-"

"Just go," I snap, unable to hear his plan. "We don't need to discuss it because it's pretty obvious, so please save me the humiliation and just leave."

"If you'll just let me explain," he begs.

I begin to grab his clothes, ripping off his t-shirt and adding it to the pile. "I don't need you to, Ryder. I get it, okay. Of course you're using me, it's obvious isn't it. I mean, why would you even look at me?" I say, my voice shaking with hurt.

"It's not like that."

"But it was," I yell, shoving his clothes to his chest and holding them there until he finally takes them. "It was exactly like that and I was an idiot to think otherwise."

"You're not an idiot," he mutters, beginning to dress. "If you'll just hear me out."

"I can't stop you sending that video to Finn," I say, grabbing my own shirt and pulling it on. "But know that he will take my daughter from me, and that will be on you. Whatever the deal is between the two of you, it isn't my fault."

"I won't send it to Finn. I'll delete it now." He grabs the phone and opens it up, showing me as he presses the delete button. "Until last night, I had every intention of sending it," he admits. "But now . . . well things have changed."

"Because I found out," I say, beginning to strip the sheets from my bed.

He tries to help but I yank them from his grip. "No," he argues, "Because last night was different between us and you know it was."

I shake my head, dumping the sheets in a pile on the floor. It was just sex, Ryder. We hook up, that's what we do."

He balls his fists at his sides angrily. "Bullshit, Neve. You know it was different, you felt it as well as I did."

I glare at him, "I felt good, Ryder, you always make me feel good. But after, when reality hits, I realise you're just the same as every other man. Good for a fuck, and not much else. Now get the fuck out."

He heads for the door, turning back as I gather the bedding into my arms again. "I will be back, Neve," he says with promise. "You're not ready to hear me out and I get it, but you will listen to me eventually. And for the record, we're no longer just hooking up. I put you on the back of my bike and that might mean fuck all to you, but in my world, it's fucking huge. So, I'll be back and you will hear me out." He leaves, and my heart sinks when I hear the front door slam closed. I lower myself to sit on the bed, still clutching the dirty sheets and I burst into tears.

Sometime later, after I'd finally pulled myself together and Harlee was safely back in my care, I arranged to meet with Mya in our local coffee shop. If anyone can make me feel better, it's her.

I fill her in while we wait for our coffees. When the waitress places them in front of us, Mya adds three sugars to hers and stirs it. "He seemed so nice; I don't get why he'd do that."

"You know that stuff is addictive," I say, nodding to the sugar pot.

"So is sex, doesn't mean I'm giving it up anytime soon, it makes me happy."

"Speaking of giving it up, did you give it up to Griff?" I ask, arching a brow.

"Give what up Mummy?" Harlee asks, looking up from her colouring book. Mya smirks, watching me expectedly for my explanation.

"Her balloon Harl's, Griff wanted Aunt Mya's balloon," I say, without blinking. Harlee frowns and goes back to colouring.

"Mums are far too good at that, it scares me how much my mum might have done that to me," says Mya.

"You have to be a quick thinker in this game, or they'll smell your fear and take you down," I warn, adding a wink.

"No, seems Griff wasn't interested in my balloon after all, despite me offering to hand it right over. All a girl wants is a little balloon popping now and again, trust me to choose the only biker ever to not want the balloon," she continues, and I laugh out loud. "I've read the books yah know, meeting these guys, started something, and let me tell you, in the books he always takes the balloon."

"Well maybe just offering yourself like that scares him?" I suggest. "You are a bit full on when it comes to someone you like."

"Oh please, he's either gay or…" she trails off and shrugs, "Well just gay."

"Mya," I gasp, narrowing my eyes. "Just because he doesn't fancy you back, doesn't mean he's gay."

"I have never had a man turn me down," she hisses, "So I'm just saying that something must be wrong." I laugh, shaking my head in disbelief. "Anyway, I'm over it. I've set my sights on Knox, he's just as fit."

"Personally, I think you're crazy. I'm steering clear of them from this day forward," I say with confidence.

"Um, maybe you'll need to hold on to that thought because Ryder's just walked in."

My eyes widen. "What?" I hiss, not daring to look behind me.

"Oh shit, he's spotted us . . . he's coming over." She sits straighter and smiles past me. "Hey, Ryder. You don't seem the type to frequent a coffee shop."

"I didn't get my early morning caffeine hit so thought I'd stop by and grab one now," he replies, and I feel him standing behind me.

"Can I ask you something?" she adds and he must nod because she smiles. "Is Griff gay?" I groan, burying my head in my hands. "Because I have to tell you, I'm giving him all of the signals and he's just knocking me back."

He pulls out the seat beside Neve and lowers into it. I scowl at Mya and she mouths the word sorry. "Griff is very fussy when it comes to women," he says.

The waitress comes bounding over, her perky breasts practically hitting Ryder in the face as she smiles brightly at him. "What can I get you?" she asks.

Neve hides behind a menu, laughing and Ryder raises his eyebrows in her direction, moving his head back slightly to avoid headbutting the girl's chest. "Coffee, white, no sugar, please," he tells her, with an awkward smile. He frowns as she bounds back to the counter, swaying her arse extra hard. He shakes his head in annoyance, I imagine he gets that kind of attention a lot.

"So, who are targeting today?" I ask, casually, "I have a camcorder if you'd like to borrow it. The quality is so much better than using your phone."

He sighs heavily, letting me know he's sick of my bullshit. "Hey Harlee, you're looking pretty today. You know you share your name with my motorbike?"

Harlee drags her attention away from her colouring to smile at him. "I like bikes," she says.

"If your mummy says it's okay, I can show you mine. It's right outside."

Harlee looks to me with wide, hopeful, eyes. I reluctantly nod, wondering if Ryder realises he's using my daughter to get to me, just like her father does. She squeals in delight and Ryder takes her tiny hand in his, leading her outside to where his bike is parked.

We watch for a few minutes through the window before Mya says, "You've got to admit, he looks pretty hot with a kid." I roll my eyes, even though deep down, I agree. Ryder carefully lifts Harlee onto the bike, keeping his hands on her waist to stop her slipping as she reaches forward to grip the handlebars. She's so excited, and I can see she's chatting his head off. It's nice to see after she came home so sad this morning. She refused to kiss Finn goodbye, and when I asked her about the incident the night before, she refused to speak about it, opting to distract me with questions about the stars and other random stuff.

"Maybe I should just hear him out?" I say, thinking out loud. Mya smirks and I narrow my eyes. "It doesn't mean anything. I just think he's gonna keep hassling me until I do."

She holds her hands up defensively. "I wasn't thinking anything, but you're right, he's not going to give up, and it can't hurt to listen. I'll take Harlee back to mine. If you talk here, it can't get heated."

I nod in agreement and she gathers her things, along with Harlee's. She swoops down to kiss my cheek, "Goodluck." And then she steps out to where Ryder is lifting Harlee from his bike. They exchange words and she leaves with Harlee. Ryder steps back inside, he doesn't look so confident now as he takes a seat opposite me. "Mya said you're ready to talk?"

I nod. "I figured you'd keep turning up where I am until I agreed to listen to your bullshit."

"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," he begins and I sigh, arching a brow.

"I don't want to hear how sorry you are, Ryder. Why the hell did you do it?"

He places his hands on the table, linking his fingers and staring down at them for a moment. "I'm finding life hard right now," he admits, "Since coming out of the nick, everything feels chaotic and overwhelming." I like that he's finally giving me real talk, so I remain quiet while he continues. "My brother's look up to me, they expect me to lead like I did all those years ago, but I've changed. I'm not the same as I was."

"In what way?"

He shrugs, looking uncomfortable and I sense he doesn't often talk openly about his feelings. "I shouldn't have made you a target, Neve. It was stupid and fucked up. The first night I met you, when you came over and talked non-stop, you woke something inside of me." He gives a small smile. "And I thought you were going to be a one-night stand. But after, I couldn't stop thinking about you. That's never happened to me before. When I found out about Finn, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. I thought I just needed to fuck you out my system and if there was a way to get one over on Finn too, well, that was a bonus. It was stupid," he explains. "I know that now. But honestly, the thought of seeing you again was the main reason. I told myself it was part of some plan, to appease the voice inside that was questioning why the fuck I needed to see you again. That's not something I've even done." He pauses, "It scares me."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I'm not used to these feelings you evoke inside me, Neve. The thought of losing you makes me sick to my stomach. I can't not see you again."

I frown. I want to believe him, I do. But it's only been a short time and even though I know how he feels, because I feel it too, I don't trust him. "What did Finn do to you?" I ask, changing the subject.

"He set me up. I can't let that go."

"Set you up how?"

"I don't wanna talk about Finn right now," he says firmly, and I sense that's final. "But he crossed me, taking my freedom. I can't let that lie, Neve. He has to pay or it'll not only eat me up inside, but I'll lose the respect of the club, and I can't be a president with no respect."

I already know that respect is important to him so I nod. "Okay. But where does that leave me?"

"That depends on what you want from me," he says.

My heart leaps a little. The fact he's giving me a choice shows he's respecting my feelings. And I want to tell him all the things I'm thinking, that the romantic in me wants the whole thing, marriage, kids, forever. I almost smile to myself. There's clearly a bunny boiler inside of me but I don't want to scare him away so I shrug, "What do you want?"

He laughs. "You're gonna throw it back at me to test the waters?" he asks, and I nod again. He reaches over the table and takes my hands in his. That move alone makes my heart leap. "I want it all," he says firmly, looking me in the eye. I swallow hard. "I want you. I want forever."

"And Harlee?" I whisper, mesmerised by the seriousness in his tone.

"She's part of you, right. It's not even a question."

"It's a lot. Taking on someone else's child, especially when you hate her father. It's so complicated," I say.

"Only if you let it be, Neve. After hearing that prick last night and the way he hit her, fuck, I wanted to rip his head off and I hadn't even met Harlee. Now I have, that urge is even worse."