21. Lucia

CHAPTER 21

Lucia

T here's this soothing feeling you get when you're underwater. It's like nothing else exists in the world.

I'd very much like to feel like that. Because for the past couple of days, I've constantly felt so many emotions, and it's exhausting. The heartache, the pain, but most importantly, the guilt. Because I know for a fact that I fucked up. Ivan has every right to be angry. I just wish he would talk to me.

My sister strokes my head as I stare up at the ceiling in the living room. I'm lying flat on the couch with my head in her lap. We just finished watching a movie, a rom-com Aurora reluctantly watched to help distract me. And now that it's over, I can continue to ponder on my mistakes.

"I still think he's being unnecessarily dramatic," Aurora says when she takes in the expression on my face.

She hugged me when I told her what happened between me and Ivan. And she said she was sorry, but I know deep down she's secretly relieved it's over. I'm still finding it hard to believe that it is. Because how can we be over when we barely even got to begin?

"He's not being dramatic, sorella ," I mutter. "I was wrong. He has every right to be mad."

"Sure, but he could at least pick up the damn phone so you can apologize," Aurora says firmly. "It's not like he has no fault in this. None of this would have happened if he hadn't demanded you marry him."

I simply sigh. When it comes to Ivan, there's simply no convincing her.

A couple minutes later, Adrian and Nico walk into the room. Adrian has a bruise forming on his right cheek courtesy of Nico, who completely lost his shit when he found out what he asked me to do.

Aurora lost her shit on him, too. I would have felt bad for him, if it weren't for the fact that I feel so incredibly guilty about Ivan. I never should have suspected him in the first place.

"Hey, baby," Nico says, leaning down to kiss his wife on the cheek.

"Any news?" I ask, sitting up to look at the two men.

Nico shakes his head. "Volkov's villa has been silent the last couple of days. No one's come in or out. It's concerning."

My heart clenches. I wish he'd at least do something. The complete radio silence is making me feel sick.

"At least he hasn't made a move against us," Aurora states.

"We'll be prepared if he does," Nico assures her. "He has reason to be angry. Not only did we essentially send a spy to stay with him, he also believes we're holding his brother hostage."

"I'm not a damn spy," I murmur. "And this is just a misunderstanding on all fronts."

"Oh really, chipmunk? What are we misunderstanding? Are you saying you don't think he's responsible for my mother's death?"

I glare at him. This isn't the first time we've had this conversation.

"I already told you," I say.

"You said you mentioned it and he didn't deny it."

"He didn't do it, Adrian. I could tell."

Ivan was honestly surprised when I said that he had something to do with her death. It was pretty clear from the look on his face.

But I know Adrian's not going to believe me. He's dead set on it being Ivan, and I can understand his desperation. He's been searching for so long. But I truly believe his need for revenge is clouding his judgment.

"No offence, Lucia. But your judgment is biased at the moment," he says, green eyes filled with disbelief.

"So is yours," I retort.

"Enough," Nico says icily. "You both made mistakes. Now we've got to deal with the fallout."

"He's not going to do anything," I say referring to Ivan.

"And how can you be so sure, Luce?"

"Because Ivan doesn't like unnecessary murder," I say on a sigh. "This is probably going to end with him choosing to never speak to me again. Which fucking sucks."

Nico considers that for a minute. "His brother's still missing. If he thinks we have him, he'll have a reason to come after us."

I shrug. I can't argue with that.

"Are we really sure trigger-happy Bob over there had nothing to do with it?" I ask, pointing at Adrian.

He rolls his eyes, "Seriously. I've denied it at least a dozen times. I have no idea where Volkov's brother is."

"If it's not anyone in the Cosa Nostra, then it has to be another organization. Someone powerful enough to keep him hidden for this long," Nico says thoughtfully. "Even the Shadow can't find Alexei. It's suspicious. And I really don't like it."

"Exactly who is the Shadow?" I ask, confused.

"He's a ghost," Aurora replies. "Or at least that's what Nico tells me whenever I ask about him."

Nico smiles. "He's a man. But his existence is something only a few people are allowed to know, mi vida ."

"He knows," I state, gesturing at Adrian.

"He found out on his own," Nico says on a frown.

"Exactly how do you do that? You always say you know everything but with what resources?"

"Well-paid spies. I have them everywhere," Adrian admits with a shrug.

Oh yeah, that makes sense.

"Was it also these spies that told you that Ivan was responsible for your mother's death?" I question.

He shakes his head slowly. "Actually, no. I received that information through an anonymous tip."

The silence after that statement is deafening. If looks could kill, I swear Adrian would be six feet under right now. Nico and I both glare at him, coming to terms with the implications of that sentence.

"You're telling me you started this whole thing because of information that came from an unverified source?" I grit out.

Adrian blows out a breath. "The facts check out. Ivan's the only man in the Bratva who fits the bill. He was already working for the Bratva when my mother died, had been for almost a decade. At the time it happened, he was the enforcer. He took on all of the dirty jobs for the higher-ups, killing whoever they asked him to."

"He doesn't like unnecessary murder," I state defensively.

"Would you stop saying that?" Adrian says on an eye roll. "It doesn't even make any sense. Who likes unnecessary murder? Are you trying to say my mother's murder was necessary?"

"No! I'm saying Ivan wasn't responsible. Whoever killed her was sadistic, Adrian. Ivan's not that person."

I might as well be speaking to the wind. He pretends not to hear me. Nico speaks up next.

"Regardless of what Lucia believes, you still based your entire plan on a source you can't exactly trust."

"It has to be him, Nico," Adrian says quietly, and we can all hear the exhaustion in his voice. My heart aches for him because I really do understand how it must feel. It's been more than a decade since she died. Not knowing the reason for it must be hell.

He practically falls down onto the couch beside me, and I rub his back in a comforting motion. I don't blame him for what happened with Ivan. I'm a big girl; I made my own choices.

"You could have come to me," Nico says, frowning. "We could have looked into him together. Instead, you acted recklessly as always. You not only put Lucia in danger, you put the entire family in danger."

"I already apologized," Adrian grits out.

Nico's expression softens. "We're going to find out who's responsible, Adrian."

"Sure," he mumbles, leaning back and shutting his eyes.

We eventually disperse, each of us going to our rooms while Adrian goes home. When I open my bedroom door, a pang of disappointment shoots through me. Because I would give anything to be back in Ivan's home.

It's funny. I tried so hard to get away from there, and now that I'm gone, there's no other place I'd rather be than in his arms.

The look on his face when he realized what I'd done still haunts me. I climb into my bed and look up, no longer comforted by the sight of the stars on the ceiling. All I want is Ivan's warmth.

Like always, I send him a text. I don't know if he reads them. For all I know, he's blocked my number, but I'm hanging on to the hope that he's a busy old man. Surely, he's not into blocking people.

Me: I'm really sorry. I miss you.

I have so much more to say to him, but those few words are enough until I can see his face and tell him everything he deserves to hear.

After sending the text, I swipe through my phone until my eyes land on the headline news that broke out earlier this morning in the fashion industry. Hans Murray exposed for stealing designs and unethical behavior with employees. There's a bright smile on my face as I take in the article, reading it for the third time.

After everything that's happened with Ivan, I needed a distraction. And I couldn't think of anything better than finally bringing Hans down. Thankfully, despite my leaving the industry, I still have a lot of connections and they were all too willing to help me. I managed to get evidence that he had been copying the work of an up-and-coming designer and the rest was easy. All I had to do was get the news to a reporter who isn't interested in sucking up to the Murrays.

Since the article was released earlier today, a lot of women have stepped forward with stories of their own. And proof of his harassment. I have no doubt he'll face criminal charges for his actions, which is all I need. I feel validated and relieved that at least he won't be able to do that to another woman.

Some of my former co-workers reached out to me when the news broke, saying they always believed in me. I laughed out loud when Simone sent me a text asking me to return because the company hasn't been the same without me.

I would never go back there. I worked my ass off for that company and they didn't hesitate to drop me when it suited them. I know what I'm worth and they definitely don't deserve me.

Right now, the only thing, the only person I can think about is Ivan. Because I'm not going to give up on him. I can't. Not when I still want him so much I can barely breathe in his absence.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" Mona asks gently, running her hand through my hair.

I look up at the old woman with a grateful smile. I've known Mona since I was born. In some ways, she reminds me of the mother I never got to know. She took care of Aurora and me after our mother passed away, but we lost contact when we left. I felt bad back then and I missed her a lot.

I'm glad she's still okay and healthy.

"No, I'm fine, Mona. Thanks," I assure her.

She stares disappointedly at the small portion of eggs and toast on my plate. Everyone else at the table has bacon and eggs and sausages.

"One of these days I'll get you to eat more, cara ," she tells me.

"She's a lost cause, Mona. Trust me," Aurora says, shaking her head.

I smile up at Mona, who simply sighs.

"Thanks for breakfast, Mona. You're the best," Adrian says because of course he's already here.

It's nine in the morning and I know for a fact he went home last night, but he's back again. At this point he should just move in because I swear he lives here now.

"You're welcome, Adrian," Mona says warmly.

Nico, Aurora, and I also tell her murmured thanks and then she's leaving us alone to eat our meals. It's silent, each of us preoccupied with our own thoughts, except my sister and her husband who occasionally whisper something to each other.

I pick up my phone, scrolling through some sites when my jaw drops. I nearly choke on the piece of bread I'm chewing.

"Holy shit," I gasp.

Adrian, who's across from me, arches an eyebrow. "What is it?"

I read what's on my screen over and over, unable to believe the words.

"What's going on?" Adrian asks again.

When I still don't reply, he gets up and rounds the table to grab my phone and check it out himself. I think I'm in shock.

"What's wrong?" Aurora asks worriedly.

Adrian chuckles darkly. "It would seem someone got to that bastard, Hans Murray. It says here he was murdered in his home last night. Whoever did it must have been pissed because he was also tortured. Serves him right."

I'm looking at Nico immediately.

"Was it you?" I ask my brother-in-law.

He shakes his head. "I wanted to, but your sister talked me out of it. She said you had a revenge plan."

"I did, and it was already in motion," I say, frustrated, running a hand through my hair. "He didn't have to die.

My gaze turns upward, meeting green eyes next.

"Adrian, did you have something to do with it?"

"Obviously not. I'm just as surprised as you are," he says defensively.

My eyes narrow. "You look like you're enjoying it."

"Well, yeah." He shrugs. "It's nothing more than he deserved."

"I didn't want him dead! I wanted him to go to jail and pay for his crimes."

"What are you yelling at us for? Your boyfriend's obviously responsible," Adrian says on an eye roll.

My mouth drops at that. It takes a few seconds for me to absorb that and consider the possibility. But really, if it wasn't Nico or Adrian, the only other person who could have done it is Ivan.

I swallow softly. Hans died between yesterday and this morning. If Ivan went to such lengths to kill someone because of me, then that means a part of him still cares. Hope blossoms in my chest.

"I need to make a call," I mutter, getting to my feet.

None of them says a word as I leave, going up to my bedroom. I send Ivan a text, hoping he'll reply. Just this once.

Me: I know what you did. Please, just talk to me. I promise I won't bother you again after this.

I don't know how long I stand there, waiting with bated breath for a reply. It must have taken only a couple of minutes, but it feels like an hour before he finally does reply.

Ivan: 7 p.m. at the hotel, krasavitsa. Ruslan will pick you up.

My eyes fall shut as I let out a relieved breath.

I'm usually a confident person. I walk into any situation knowing I can handle it. But walking into the hotel right now, with Ivan waiting for me on the inside, has to be the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever had to do.

"You'll be alright, Miss Maranzano," Ruslan says encouragingly.

I turn to look at him in surprise because that might just be the first time he's willingly addressed me first and spoken to me. He's in the front seat of the car while I'm in the back, staring up at the massive hotel and reconsidering my life choices.

"Thank you, Ruslan," I state, because he has to know, right? He's the closest thing Ivan has to a friend. If Ivan's bestie is telling me I'll be alright, then it has to mean something.

I step out of the car and walk up the steps into the hotel. The glass doors slide open and there's already a staff member in the lobby, waiting to lead me in the direction of the lounge we met at the other day.

I see him as soon as I walk inside. He's seated, wearing a navy button-down and black pants, and he looks good, really good. At the sight of him, it's almost like my heart starts working again. Like over the past week when I didn't see him, it had stopped, and now that I'm in his presence again, it's starting up with a painful thud.

He doesn't stand up as I walk up to the table but those intense brown eyes fall on me, tracking my every movement.

"Hey, Ivan," I greet softly.

"Lucia." He nods, looking up at me. His tone is cold and unfeeling. "How have you been?"

What is this, a business meeting?

I wish he'd at least stand up so I can hug him. But I understand that might be asking for too much at the moment, so I settle for lowering myself into the seat opposite his.

"I've been fine. And you? You look really good."

His tone doesn't change. "You always look beautiful, milaya ."

It's the nicknames that give me hope because the dead look in his eyes makes my heart clench. I'm scared after all this, he'll simply just send me packing.

"So…" I trail off, unsure what to say. "What have you been up to the past few days?"

That's the best opener I could think of. Although now that it's left my lips, I want to facepalm so bad. What are you doing, Lucia? Pathetic.

"Nothing much, Lucia. How about you? You've been busy."

I blink. The most I've done over the past couple of days is lie around and feel sorry for myself.

"You have, Lucia," he says insistently. "I'm sure you were at least partly responsible for the fall of that scumbag, Murray, so good job, sweetheart."

My lips part and I stare at him for the longest moment. He picks up the glass on the table in front of him and takes a sip of his drink. I'm pretty sure it's whiskey. I also know I'll find a cosmopolitan in the cup that's been placed in front of me, but I don't reach for it.

"I thought you were mad at me," I finally manage.

"I am, Lucia. I'm even more angry considering the fact that you purposefully hid what happened at your job in New York away from me."

My breath hitches. "I didn't mean to. I just didn't want anyone to die."

"Well, that's really too bad, krasavitsa . When the news of Murray's fraud broke, I looked into it and found out everything that happened on my own. And then I flew to New York. I found him," he says, brown eyes hard. "You don't need to know the details, but he begged in the end. Asked for your forgiveness."

I should feel sick at that. His casual confession, his allusion to torture—but really, all I can feel when I look at Ivan is my racing heart and the urge to touch him.

"Why would you do that if you didn't care?" I question on a soft breath.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Lucia, but feelings don't just disappear that quickly. If you know how to make it so I don't care about you anymore, please let me know. I would be glad not to."

"I don't want you not to care," I say quickly.

His eyes study my face for a couple of moments.

"Yeah, I figured. From the number of texts you left on my phone. Riddle me this, Lucia. If you came into my home with false intentions and kept up those intentions the entire time, then why won't you just leave me alone? I let you go. You're free to do whatever you want. Just let me go."

My eyes well up with tears at that. "I can't do that, Ivan, because I need you. I didn't realize until I didn't have you anymore just how much I need you. You're right, I made a mistake. I should never have believed Adrian at all. But over the last week, I've been thinking, and the truth is, I didn't agree to marry you because of him or because of your threats to go to war with my family…"

Ivan casually raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I'm not going to pretend that those things didn't contribute to my decision," I hurriedly backtrack. "But If I'm being honest with myself, I agreed to marry you because a part of me was curious. Because I felt and still continue to feel this overwhelming attraction toward you. And my time in your house helped to solidify it. Of course I fell for you Ivan, how could I not? You have a wonderful heart and you care for me the way I want to be cared for. How could I ever want anything else but you?"

By the time I'm done speaking, Ivan's eyes are warmer, his expression softer. He clears his throat before speaking.

"That was a nice speech, krasavitsa ."

"I meant every word. I'm never going to forgive myself for believing you could be capable for what happened to Adrian's mother."

"I haven't denied it," he points out.

"I know you didn't. I trust you, Ivan," I say quietly.

That seems to be all he needed to hear. He releases a soft breath, staring at me the way he used to look at me before. That casual admiration that makes everything in the world worth it.

"You know, I was prepared to make you work for it. But now all I can think about is kissing you and having you in my arms."

I choke out a relieved breath. My heart skips several beats.

"What's stopping you?" I ask, getting to my feet.

I don't hesitate to walk to him and he doesn't stop me when I slide myself into his lap, locking my arms around his neck.

"Hey," I whisper, staring into his eyes. "I could do that forever."

Ivan smiles, placing his hands firmly on my waist. "I've missed you, krasavitsa ."

And then we're kissing, our lips moving against each other in tandem. It feels like so much more than a kiss. It feels like our souls connecting. It feels like a homecoming.

I want to be brave enough to tell him I love him. And I will be eventually, but for now, I just want to get lost in him.