17. Lucia

CHAPTER 17

Lucia

A lexei was never abusive to me when we were dating, but five years can change a person. And as soon as he appears at the villa, scaring the shit out of me with his bloodshot eyes and rage in his expression, I immediately understand why his brother wanted me to stay away from him.

"I can take care of you, Luce. Just trust me. I'll get you away from him," he whispers in a soft voice, which does nothing to put me at ease.

He's been trying to get me out of here for the past five minutes. Whispering promises, telling me he loves me. It's a little deranged.

"What are you on, Alexei?" I ask for the third time, because he's obviously not sober.

"Why are you being such a bitch about this? My brother's keeping you in here like a hostage! I'm trying to help you."

"No." I shake my head. "I'm definitely not going anywhere with you."

"So you'd rather stay here? With my brother? Do you even know who he really is? You're delusional if you think he cares about you. The man's a fucking psychopath. I've seen him kill people without blinking. He doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself."

I hate that his words remind me of Adrian and his mother in this moment. Because really, try as I might to humanize Ivan, there's a part of me that keeps wondering how he could have murdered an innocent woman. And I can't just ask about it.

But then Alexei's last statement snaps me out of it. My eyes narrow.

"Are you joking? Do you have any idea what your brother has sacrificed for you all these years? Do you even feel grateful?"

Alexei scoffs, his brown eyes darkening. "Is that what he's told you? That he's my messiah, my savior? He's the saint that saved me, that gave me everything? So I'm supposed to worship at his feet?"

"At the very least you shouldn't be acting like a little child, lashing out. You're over thirty years old, Alexei. Why don't you try to grow up?"

His countenance shifts in that one second, becoming even more menacing. Me and my big mouth .

Alexei advances on me, his hand encircling my wrist.

"You know what's fucked up? Even now, I still want you enough to go against him. Because despite what you may think, my fucking brother, who's a saint in your eyes, he'll kill me one day. Just like he killed our mother and father. He'll kill you too, you know. I know he will." He mutters the last statement while I stare at him in shock.

He thinks Ivan killed their mother?

I barely have any time to even consider that before he starts dragging me toward the foyer of the house.

"Let me fucking go!" I snap, struggling to get out of his grip. "Alexei, you're hurting me!"

Why the hell is he so damn strong? And where's Mika? Wasn't he supposed to protect me?

I'm considering screaming my head off to notify the other guards who must be around here somewhere when the door is slammed open. Relief rushes through me at the sight of Ivan. He looks angry, really fucking angry, and I start to think maybe his presence isn't a good thing.

Alexei lets me go immediately at the sight of his brother. As soon as Ivan starts to advance, I step in front of Alexei, trying to protect him from the rage in those brown eyes.

"Lucia," Ivan asks cooly. "What are you doing?"

"You can't hurt him," I say. "He's not in his right mind right now."

He steps closer, intruding my personal space. He slowly lifts my hand, his gaze narrowing onto my wrist. Unfortunately, I bruise easily and Alexei's grip was really strong. There's a small reddish bruise already forming.

Ivan's eyes darken, becoming almost black. I swallow at the sight.

"He's your brother," I say softly.

My heart is racing, because in this moment, he really looks like the man that could have killed his own mother. And Adrian's mother, as well. I'd like to believe he's not a heartless monster.

He shuts his eyes and when he opens them, they're clearer, his gaze trailing over my face.

"Don't be scared of me, milaya ," he says gently.

"I'm not." I'm trying not to be.

He huffs out a breath before turning around and I finally notice Ruslan in the doorway.

"Get him somewhere he can sober up. And don't fucking lose him this time," he orders.

Ruslan nods and steps forward. He practically hauls Alexei out, and once he's gone, I let out a breath of relief.

"Come on," Ivan says to me.

His hand encircles mine and he leads me upstairs in the direction of the bedrooms. Instead of mine, he opens a brown oak door instead and I step into his room. It looks exactly like I imagined it would: plain dark walls and black bedding.

There's a desk in the corner with books strewn across it, the only part of the room that isn't immaculately put together.

"You like to read," I say quietly.

"Yes," he replies, walking toward the door I guess leads into his bathroom.

He returns a second later, holding a first-aid box. I shake my head.

"Oh no, it's fine. I'm not really hurt."

Ivan arches a dark eyebrow in disbelief.

"Alright, fine, I'm hurt. But I'm also perfectly capable of putting on a bandage."

"Let me," he says, his tone leaving no room for argument.

He guides me to sit on the bed and sits in front of me, grabbing a bandage. I stay completely quiet, my emotions running haywire as he gingerly takes hold of my wrist.

"Do you think it needs ice?" he murmurs, inspecting the bruise.

I shake my head. "It barely even hurts, I swear."

He makes a low sound I can't decipher before proceeding to wrap my wrist in a bandage. It's quiet, too quiet, and everything—the way he's treating me, his scent, it's all too much for me. I can barely breathe.

"So what is it with you Volkovs and kidnapping me?" I ask jokingly, trying to ease the tension.

Ivan looks up at me, clearly not amused. Jeez, the man has no sense of humor.

"Is that what you think I did? Kidnap you?"

"Well, I technically didn't come here of my own free will, did I?"

He stares at me for the longest moment before suddenly getting to his feet. I watch as he starts to ponder something, his face a mask of concentration. Finally, he looks at me.

"What did he say to you?"

No need to ask who he's talking about.

"He was high. I don't think he was really aware of what he was saying."

"But he said something," Ivan pushes.

"Yeah, he was rambling about how you're a terrible brother and person, generally. He said he was helping me by getting me away from you. That you'd eventually hurt me. He also said—" I pause, wondering if I should say this, but I already started. "He thinks you killed your mother."

Ivan's expression doesn't change at that, meaning he already knew. "He has ideas of what I'm capable of. In this case, I decided not to correct him to get him in line."

"That's cruel, Ivan. You can't let him go on believing his mother is dead when she isn't."

"I plan to. Because it doesn't matter either way."

"He thinks because you killed her, that you can kill him, too," I state.

That gives him pause. "He doesn't really believe that. He knows very well I would never actually kill him."

"Do you think so? Because he might say all that to your face, but inwardly, he's terrified of what you might do."

I can't believe I'm defending Alexei right now. The man obviously needs a lot of help. But I also can't ignore that Ivan and his warped idea of right and wrong might have contributed to why his brother is the way he is.

"Is that what's going on? Are you also secretly terrified of me, Lucia?"

I falter, unsure how to answer that question honestly. Because in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about why I'm here. Adrian wouldn't baselessly accuse him of killing his mother. Which means there's a possibility that he did it. And that possibility is what's holding me back, keeping me from trusting him.

"Should I be?" I finally settle on as an answer.

I can see that it hurts him. He looks away from me for a second.

"Alright, then. You can go," he announces.

I blink, a little surprised at the casual dismissal.

"Okay…" I trail off, getting to my feet. "I guess I'll see you later?"

"No, Lucia. I meant that you can go home. I'm freeing you. You don't have to be my wife. If you truly think I kidnapped you, then you can leave."

I blink again, not quite believing the words coming out of his mouth. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. If you don't want to be here, then I'm not going to keep you here against your will. I'm not going to force you to marry me."

"You were prepared to do that two weeks ago. You threatened my family into letting me go."

"I figured by the time you grew more comfortable with me, you wouldn't be as opposed to the idea. But it's clear you can't trust me. So you might as well just leave."

Ouch. Why does that hurt so much?

I should take this out. I should leave. Because truly, I've never wanted this. This is my chance at freedom. And yet I'm looking it in the eye and considering the offer.

Fuck.

Ivan arches an eyebrow when I don't immediately run for the door and the hills.

"What are you doing, Lucia?"

I swallow softly. "I don't want to go," I admit in a hushed whisper.

Ivan's eyes widen. "What?"

"You heard me. I don't want to go."

Maybe it makes me crazy, but a part of me is drawn to Ivan in a way I'll never understand. And I can't leave him without knowing who he really is.

"Careful what you say, milaya . Some things can't be taken back."

Oh, God. Please don't let me be making a mistake.

"I want you, Ivan. Despite all the reasons I shouldn't."

It's like a switch is flipped inside of him. He goes from cold to hot in a mere second, the look in his eyes smoldering. My heart starts to thunder in my chest. He starts to walk towards me predatorily, and I step backward until my back hits the wall.

He crowds me, placing his arms against the side of my head. He's much taller than me so he has to lean down to maintain eye contact. I'm completely and utterly trapped and yet…

Damn it, why is this so hot?

I feel my panties grow damp and a throbbing begins at my core.

"Ivan…" I start, unsure what I really want to say.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you, Lucia? How much I've wanted you the past couple of days? I've had to fight against my instinct to take you and fuck you because I've been trying to be a gentleman. I've been trying so hard to be good, milaya , so hard," he whispers, inhaling softly.

My heart is going into overdrive right now.

"I didn't want to rush you. But ever since that kiss…" he says, placing his lips against the side of my head before lowering them to my cheek and then downward, toward a pressure point on my neck. My pulse jumps.

"Do you have any idea how that kiss felt? How you tasted?" He's still whispering, making the words sound filthier than they should.

I don't know if he expects a reply, but I can't speak right now. I don't think I'm even breathing.

"You're so beautiful, Lucia. So beautiful, it makes it hard for me to think. I'm not a man that loses control, but when it comes to you, you make me want to ruin you, krasavitsa . But I won't," he says softly. "Because I know truly, you want to be worshipped."

His hands trail down my body in a slow, sensual caress. When he gets to my ass, he squeezes it once and I gasp, arching into him.

"Ivan," I moan, finally finding my voice. My body feels like it's about to spontaneously combust.

"Please," I say, unsure what it is I'm really begging for.

"Please what?" he asks with a wolfish grin.

Dickhead .

"Please, I need you to fuck me."

He places his face against my neck, his teeth grazing my skin. It's primal, addictive.

"All you had to was ask, Lucia."

Instead of putting me out of my misery and kissing me, he continues pressing gentle kisses against my neck, his fingers trailing over my body. This is torture. My lips are practically burning with need.

"What are you doing?' I ask, breathing heavily.

"Trying to decide," he replies.

"What?"

"I don't know if I want to fuck you against the wall right here or take you on all fours."

My thighs clench. Holy shit.

"You can do anything you want to me," I say desperately.

"Careful what you say, milaya ," he warns, his voice rough.

I can hear a trace of his accent peeking through. It makes everything he's saying even sexier.

"Fuck me, Ivan."

He growls before his lips claim mine in a punishing kiss. My hands wrap around his neck as I give in to the desperation of the kiss. We kiss each other like we're the air we need to breathe. My heart is hammering so hard I'm sure he can hear it.

Ivan's hand holds my face in place as his tongue finds its way inside my mouth. I place my palm on his chest, my fingers curling into his shirt as a helpless sound escapes my throat. His tongue invades my mouth, conquering it, then swirls against mine with a feral need that I feel acutely.

All too soon, he's pulling away. He places two fingers under my jaw, angling it up.

"Tell me you feel that, Lucia," he says gently.

I swallow softly before nodding. Because it's hopeless to deny it.

"I feel it," I tell him.

He growls low in the back of his throat and his lips drop down to my neck. He really likes kissing my neck. I shiver as he peppers kisses on the skin there before biting it gently and sucking to take away the slight sting. It feels good and I tilt my head to the side with a soft moan, giving him more access.

His other hand lifts my skirt and I release a shaky breath when his fingers cup me through my wet panties.

"You're soaked, milaya ."

Helplessly, I hold on to the wrist of his hand wandering beneath my skirt, feeling like I'm about to explode.

"Ivan," I breathe. "Please."

I don't even know what I'm begging for right now. But he gets it.

"Don't worry, I've got you," he murmurs.

He bunches my underwear in a fist, and before I can blink, there's the sound of it ripping. My mouth falls open.

"Did you just tear my panties?" I snap, the hazy lust in my mind clearing for a moment.

He smiles at me innocently. "I'll buy you as many as you want, baby. Just relax."

He starts to tease my clit with his fingers and I let my head fall back against the wall at the sensation. He kisses me in the next breath, with an all-consuming passion that leaves my heart racing. His fingers rub against my entrance for a second before he slowly slips one finger into it.

I moan softly at the feeling and he doesn't protest when I start to ride his finger, chasing the orgasm already looming within me. When he adds a second finger, I practically combust. My mouth falls open and I grip his shoulder as I come.

I've barely recovered from the orgasm when his mouth crashes down on mine. The kiss is fierce, almost punishing, but I kiss him back just as hard, pouring all my frustration, my confusion, my desire into it. I don't know where this will lead, or what it means, but in this moment, with Ivan holding me against the wall, nothing else matters.

My hands reach down for the buckle of his pants, frantically, needing to feel him, needing to have him inside of me. My heart pounds in my chest, matching the urgency of his movements, and I can barely think straight, overwhelmed by the force of his desire.

He breaks the kiss just long enough to look at me, his breathing heavy, his eyes burning with something fierce and unspoken. "Mine," he murmurs, his voice rough.

And I know I should fight that. It's wrong. I'm here for the wrong reasons, and he can never find those reasons out. And yet, I think to myself that it doesn't matter. All I want right now is him. I need him.

My hand grips his cock through his pants, wrapping around his thick, hard length. He jerks in my grip, a guttural sound escaping him.

"Fuck, Lucia," he breathes.

His hands grip my thighs, lifting me slightly as he presses me harder against the wall. The cold surface against my back contrasts sharply with the heat of his body, and I gasp, the sensation sending a shiver through me. My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, needing the contact, the connection.

He shoves his pants and his boxer briefs down in one movement, so there are no barriers between us. His eyes meet mine, a rare vulnerability in them that scares the hell out of me.

"I can't reach a condom right now, krasavitsa ."

"That's okay," I say softly. "I'm on birth control and I'm clean. Just take me, please."

He growls, deep in the back of his throat. And then he's saying some words in Russian that I can't understand. His lips find mine again, softer this time, more deliberate. There's a tenderness in the way he kisses me now, as if he's trying to communicate something deeper, something he can't put into words.

While he's kissing me, he slowly thrusts in, filling me inch by inch. I break the kiss to gasp, clutching his arms at the sensation.

"Oh god, oh god," I whisper, feeling everything all at once.

Ivan's eyes are closed as he fully slides into me. He stays like that for a couple of seconds, allowing me to get used to his length. I kiss his cheek once my body has acclimated, nodding once to tell him it's okay. Every inch of me tingles as he slowly slips out before thrusting in again hard. When his eyes open, they're dark and filled with raw possessiveness.

"Fuck," he groans as he starts a rhythm that drives me wild.

His hands grip my ass as he continues to fuck me had against the wall, thrusting deep inside of me and hitting that sensitive spot over and over.

"Ivan," I cry out, feeling so close to the edge, my orgasm looming.

"I love it when you say my name, milaya ," he says softly, his strong lean fingers gliding across my cheek.

He presses a finger against my lips and I open them slowly, letting him slide it inside. I suck on his finger, enjoying the wild, crazed look in his eyes.

"Do you want to come, Lucia?" he asks, his cock keeping up with the maddening pace inside of me.

"Y-yes," I reply, my voice trembling.

"Yes, what?" he prompts.

"Yes, Ivan. Please, let me come," I manage.

He smiles before kissing me hard. "I'll let you come anytime you want, krasavitsa ."

His fingers reach down for my clit and when he starts to stroke the sensitive bud, I clench around him, coming with a wordless cry. He joins me soon after, his body going rigid before I feel his cum filling me.

We stay like that for a long time afterward, me against the wall, him holding me up. My eyes open when I feel my heart rate start to steady. Ivan's already looking back at me. I look down at where his cock is still inside of me and I swear I can feel him starting to harden. I smile when I take in the fact that he's still wearing his shirt.

"We didn't even take our clothes off."

Ivan grins before carrying me to the bed and placing me on top of it. My gaze unwittingly moves toward his semi-hard cock. The man is insatiable, I swear. There's no mistaking the promise or the desire in his eyes.

"Take your clothes off, beautiful," he orders, looking down at me.

"Why?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and trying to be difficult.

"Because I'm going to fuck you again. But first I want to suck on those pretty nipples of yours," he says unabashedly.

I feel my cheeks heat. Yeah, that's pretty good motivation to take my clothes off.

He doesn't have to ask before I'm doing just that. He spends the next hour driving me crazy and learning every inch of my body. By the time we're done, I collapse onto my side, totally spent and needing to sleep. Ivan lies beside me, staring at me with something close to adoration in his gaze.

"You still can't fall in love with me, Ivan," I say softly, feeling my eyelids grow heavier.

His reply is murmured under his breath. I barely hear him, and I don't think he means for me to, but I do.

"We'll see."