46. Reina

Chapter forty-six

Reina

F inally, I manage to catch a moment with Lily alone.

Mostly alone.

Alastair hovers close to Lily—not as close as Kazimir keeps to Alyse—but I'm not worried about Alastair hearing my plans. In fact, he might be able to help.

"You said you can do permanent body modifications now. Does that include…modifications on others?" I ask.

Lily's rosy cheeks bunch up in round circles. "Did he not come as well-endowed as you were hoping?"

"Lily." Alastair breathes her name like the last shred of his patience has expired.

I haven't seen Lily in four years, but even when I was fifteen she was this crude, so it doesn't affect me. Much.

"Not at all. He's perfectly equipped, thanks. There is, however, a problem with my equipment."

Lily's eyes bug and a look of serious concern overcomes her. "Please don't tell me your pussy—"

Alastair's hand clamps down over Lily's mouth. "Enough filth has filled your mouth for one evening, wife."

She smiles at him as he pulls his hand away. "Oh, but I was hoping you—"

He covers her mouth again, then looks at me. "What is it you need, princess?"

"I can't breathe underwater," I say plainly. "I need gills, but I don't want them all the time. Is something like this possible?"

Lily nods vigorously behind Alastair's massive hand and begins talking, but Alastair doesn't release her. Instead, he speaks for her.

"A water activation rune is quite simple. The skin would seal when not submerged, and open when exposed to water for a certain amount of time that you can dictate while inscribing. This will require us to carve into your skin on your ribs."

"I understand," I say, excitement buzzing through my body. "What about my hands and feet? Could you make them webbed, maybe even a little bigger? I want to be able to keep up with him in the water—eventually. I need to work on my swimming skills."

Lily continues to speak behind Alastair's hand, and he continues to speak for her.

"That's an even simpler transformation." He nods. "You'll need some material you'd like to fuse into your body to make it possible."

Alyse appears beside me as if summoned. "Kaz has a lot of interesting designs. I'm sure he's got something that could work."

"What have you volunteered me for, vy drecul ?" Kazimir asks over his shoulder from where he's speaking to Adrik.

They share a look and his light eyebrows shoot up his forehead before he glances at me. I can't help but feel a little embarrassed under his scrutiny, but then he gives me a little nod and returns to his conversation with the potion master.

"He'll bring everything to Lily's room tonight," Alyse says with a kind smile.

Alastair sighs because Lily is still attempting to talk through his hand. "I must get her some water, and a short nap, if she's to perform body modifications tonight."

In one fell swoop, he picks her up and cradles her against his chest while somehow still maintaining the hand over her mouth. Lily just rolls into him and closes her eyes as if this is a common occurrence. He has incredible patience with her.

"She's okay," Alyse says, touching my arm gently.

"What?" I stammer, looking back at her.

"She…" Alyse sighs, looking for the right word. "Overindulges."

I forget that Alyse can hear my every thought if she wants to.

She watches them leave with a softness in her eyes. "We've all had a rough go of life, and she's not oblivious to what she's doing. She'll be okay. Sooner now, I think, since we're all together again," she says resolutely as she looks back at me.

"Good." I smile. "And will you?"

She blinks a few times. "I'm still coming to terms with everything I've done, and everything I have to do. Scarlett is right. I'm not the kind, soft, gentle creature you think I am."

I cross my arms. "Of course you are."

She levels a severe stare at me. "Reina, the worst you did on your journey was kill a man who was trying to hurt you. The things I've done would turn your stomach sour." Her expression darkens as she smiles. "And I liked it. I liked feeling powerful. I liked watching him squirm and scream, begging for mercy."

A chill ripples down my spine, but I suppress my shiver.

She straightens, her smile fading. "I am my own kind of monster now."

Kazimir glances over at her, a longing in his eyes.

"What did you do?" I ask, my curiosity winning out against preserving the food in my stomach.

"We revived Ladron's deceased brain and tortured him in his mind for what could be perceived as days. We did all manner of horrible things to his imagined body, and he felt all of it as if it were real. And I've tortured people before like that. The mind is a powerful weapon that's now mine to wield."

Her eyes glow with golden light and fear prickles across the back of my neck. She would never hurt her family, though. She wouldn't turn that power against us, the people she loves.

The color in her eyes deepens. "It depends on how far you've transgressed. Some wrongs are not forgivable, even between loving family."

My chest tightens with injustice. "I would never—"

"I know," she cuts me off. "You would never mean to hurt me irrevocably. It doesn't mean it's not possible."

A sense of dread pools in my gut as I realize they're right. Alyse is not the same woman I knew months ago. She's not soft anymore. She's deadly.

I banish the feeling. "I'm sorry for all that's happened to you, but I'm glad you've changed."

Alyse cocks her head in confusion.

"None of us is the same anymore. All of us are harder, stronger, a little more deranged…" I trail off as I look at Scarlett, my big sister Belle. The things that have happened to her are monstrous, and made her a monster.

"Scarlett, Lily, and I wear our scars on the outside. They're easier to see, and heal, and it's not as difficult to explain why we may do something crazy—like overindulge, or throw things in a fit of rage, or…whatever it is Scarlett does when she's angry."

Alyse chuckles. "She storms out of the room and finds something to kill."

I nod. "Your scars are on the inside. When you ‘act out,' people don't understand why. They say you're deranged. Dark. A monster. But you're no more a monster than the rest of us. We all have a gruesome fate ahead of us."

"Fight a goddess and pray you don't lose everything you love while trying to save a world that's never been kind to you…Why do we do it?" she asks, looking at me expectantly.

I consider it for a moment. No, I don't owe the world anything just because I was born a princess, just because I was born with the right magus ability to take down an evil queen goddess. I don't owe anyone the sacrifice of my body to end her.

I think of Anthony and Gizelle. Of Alejandra, Meianha, and Cora. Maarie, Aliyah, Emial, and so many others. There were bad things that happened to us, and bad people who perpetrated them, but more often than not, we were met with kindness.

"It's not all bad out there. And we're the only ones who can make it better—if prophecy is to be believed."

Alyse scoffs. "Yes, the prophecy. Fucking gods and their meddling."

"It could be worse," I say with a shrug. "There could be no hope at all. Gaien could be fucked with nothing we nor anyone else could do about it."

She sighs, then nods. "At least there's a chance. But what will we have to sacrifice to achieve it?"

I shake my head. "We'll just have to find out, but we'll get at least a few more scars, I'm sure."

"Maybe I'll get some beautiful ones, like you," she says, running a finger up the twisting pink skin flanked by white half-moons on my forearm.

" Beautiful is not how I'd describe my scars."

"Every part of you is beautiful," Jasper says quietly from behind, and I jump with a start as he wraps his arms around me.

I glare at Alyse. "You could've warned me there was a vulgar bastard sneaking up behind me."

She grins. "It would've spoiled the delightful look on your face."

Jasper lowers his lips to my neck, and Alyse turns to Kaz, giving us some privacy. His kisses are gentle but linger, full of warm promise. A thrill echoes through me from promises past, and I imagine what tonight will be like. Safe at last, finally home, a real bath and a bed, full stomachs…such a wonderful thing I never stopped to fully appreciate before.

"I have some things I need to take care of. Will you be all right with your sisters for a while?" Jasper asks, his breath feathering the hair at my neck.

"You have things to take care of?" I ask.

"Yes."

My brow ticks at his abbreviated response. He's normally so much chattier.

"What things?"

"Things."

I glance over my shoulder at him. He's wearing a devilish smile.

"Back to your old ways so soon?"

His brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

I push up on my toes until my lips hover an inch from his. "Keeping secrets."

He smiles wider, more brilliantly. There's so much joy in his expression it softens the ire in my heart from past hurts.

"You're going to like this secret, and I won't be keeping it for long," he says, then seals his lips over mine before I can say anything to the contrary.

I close my eyes as his tender affection steals my breath. When he pulls away, my heart is fluttering, and all past transgressions are forgiven.

"I'll see you soon. Be good," he says, pecking my temple before releasing me.

I watch him go, disappearing with Scarlett and Zane into the back of the tavern. I have half a mind to follow them and see if I can find out what they're up to.

"Don't," Alyse says behind me, and I start again.

"Fucking hells, will people stop creeping up on me?"

She chuckles. "Don't spoil it."

"I won't," I grouse.

She threads her fingers into mine and grins widely. "And we won't spoil your surprise. No one will tell him what we're doing tonight in Lily's room."

I return her smile. "Think she's slept off enough of that ale yet?"

Alyse pulls me toward Kazimir and Adrik. "I'm sure the best potion master in the Underbelly has something to help with that if she hasn't."

"Help with what?" Adrik asks, dark hair fanning his forehead as his attention snaps to her.

"Lily's got some work to do tonight—it must be tonight," Alyse emphasizes. "And she's a little too drunk to perform permanent body modification."

"Ah, yes, I can certainly get her a tonic." Adrik sets his drink down and waves us toward the door. "Come, let us show the littlest princess the Nest and get her familiar with her new home."

Home.

I sigh, my heart light.

Finally.

The Nest is a hulking black building, warded and armed to the teeth, guarded by no less than ten Spiders—Zane and Scarlett's soldiers—at any time. The inside is much warmer and inviting. Unpolished wood floors that are clean, but scuffed from traffic. Magus crystals on the walls light sparse paintings of landscapes and magical creatures.

The main hallway leads to an antechamber with several doors that Adrik points to in quick secession. "Kitchens and dining, accounting, meetings, stairs to the rooms, stairs to the dungeon."

I nod along as he walks toward the stairs to the dungeon. He takes us down two levels and opens a heavily warded door to an absolutely stocked apothecary. I can't help but whistle.

Adrik walks toward the carefully labeled shelves stocked with potions and powders. He pulls down a bottle of something creamy blue, and another bottle of something black, then mumbles to himself in Seterian.

"Two drops of this in a cup of water, and then the whole bottle of this," he says, handing me the black one first, then the blue. "She'll be alert in about, eh, ten minutes."

"How much?" I ask, reaching for my coin purse that is decidedly low on coins.

"Nothing. This is what we do," Adrik says, sounding confused.

"You mean you just make a bunch of potions for anyone to use, free of charge?" I ask.

He nods. "It's my job."

"Room and board, potions, clothing, food—it's all provided for those who live in and work for the Nest," Alyse says.

"And we still get paid," Adrik remarks.

"Where is all the money coming from?" I ask.

Alyse loops her arm in mine and steers me toward the stairs, leaving Adrik and Kazimir behind. "As any kingdom has, there are taxes on goods and services of the surrounding businesses. I haven't looked at the financials myself, no interest in it whatsoever, but Zane and Scarlett have been running their territories this way for years to the betterment of the people, so I suppose it works somehow."

We take the stairs up to the third floor and stop at a door that is rune-etched all around the frame. Alyse knocks twice. Heavy footsteps follow and Alastair opens the door with a weary expression.

"She's still sleeping it off," he says.

I hold up the potions. "Compliments of Adrik."

He takes the tonics and opens the door wider for us to enter.

The room is simple, but holds a certain "Lily" flair about it. There are papers scattered on the desk, half-written poetry, sketches of people—mainly Alastair—and animals. Then there's an intricate drawing of a room I barely know, but could never forget.

Mother's incantation dungeon.

The drawing depicts it in great detail, attention to placements of animal skulls and rune inscriptions. The bookshelf is there with the spines of the books filled in, to the best of Lily's ability. They're trying to discover ways to overcome her power by understanding it better.

Alastair holds Lily up, cradling her in the crook of his arm as he feeds her the blue potion. Alyse drops some of the black one into a cup of water at her bedside and swirls it around.

Lily moans as she drinks it down and then sits up on her own. "I'm sorry," she mumbles, squeezing one of Alastair's hands in both of hers.

"It's all right," he says, kissing her fingers.

I watch as the potions quickly reanimate her. She climbs from the bed and shakes out her limbs, then looks at me with a smile. "Right, we've got work to do if little sis is going to get her selkie sex."

Alastair's shoulders fall in defeat and he whispers her name like a curse. He grabs a black bag from their closet and sets it on the bed. "I'll be in the dining room if you need me."

Lily stretches up and kisses him on the shoulder since it's all she can reach. "It'll be quick. I know exactly how I want to sculpt them."

He leaves the three of us to it.

Lily organizes her tools as she talks me through what she wants to do. I'm still so woefully behind on rune-scripting that I just nod along. She sounds like she knows what she's doing though, and I trust her.

Kazimir drops off the materials just as Lily is getting me to lie on the bed. Alyse works beside her, handing her different diamond-tipped writing tools and pieces of leathery black fabric when requested.

I hold my shirt up to my breasts and grit my teeth as she begins her work, cutting into my skin. She's precise and quick, but each new rune carved into my skin adds to the scream building in my lungs.

Finally, she gives me a break and I breathe through the pain.

"Suppose we could've gotten you something from the lab to help with the sting," Lily says with a scowl as she watches me.

"It's fine. I want to feel it," I say.

Alyse and Lily both smile.

An hour later, and a few grunted screams, we're testing her work. The bathtub is filled with cool water that Lily warms with her magic. I step in and before I can rethink it, submerge myself completely.

I open my eyes and look up at the watery image of Alyse and Lily watching me. The rune at my temple activates, sheathing my eyes with a clear film that protect them from the water. Then blue glows along the sides of the tub from my chest and I feel my skin part. Like a knife carving out a new space, something worms between my ribs and into my lungs.

The air escapes me as I scream, and then I hold my breath, fear compelling me not to take in the water.

"It's going to work. Just relax, open your mouth, and breathe," Alyse whispers through my mind.

I open my mouth and the water fills it quickly. Primal fear begs me to jolt out of the water, but I press my hands to the sides and hold on.

Just breathe.

I open my throat and let the water in. It's cold and my first reaction is to cough. I convulse under the surface as the thickness in my chest grows and feels heavy. I nearly throw myself from the tub, but after a few seconds, the ache subsides.

I breathe.

Lily claps, jumping up and down with excitement as she says, "Sel-kie sex! Sel-kie sex!"

After a few heavy breaths and getting used to the way water moves in and out of me, I get up. I lean forward and let the water drain out through my mouth with a weird retch. When it's all clear, the gills seal up with a magical blue flourish, and I breathe air again.

Lily uses her magic and rune-scripting in midair to pull the water from my hair and clothes, depositing it back in the tub. She is incredible.

"Well, my work here is done, and I need to get fucked numb by my husband, so please get out," Lily says, ushering us to the door.

"Thank you. Really," I say, wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. "It's about more than just the sex, by the way. I want to be able to see him in his gods-given shape. I want to be able to swim with him and…and okay, I want to be able to fuck him, too."

Lily laughs and pats my shoulders. "I know. You want to be closer to him, more like him, so he can be more like himself."

I nod.

"That's wonderful, and we can talk more about it later because I can relate, but seriously, get out," she says, pulling open the door.

We laugh and leave her to her nightly affairs.

Alyse walks me to a door at the end of the hall next to a well-warded window. "Here is your and Jasper's room."

I turn the handle and look inside. It has the same amenities as Lily's room, but it's blank, ready to be customized and made into something that's ours .

I look back at Alyse, my throat suddenly tight with emotion. "Thank you."

Her smile is soft and understanding. "We're in this together. Family."

"Always," I whisper.

She hugs me tight. "I have to get going, too. Jasper is coming."

I look down the hall, but no one is there.

"He's just outside with Scarlett and Zane," she says, either reading my mind or the confusion on my face.

"Right," I say. "I forget just how powerful you are now."

She grins. "You too, Miss Fire Starter. I wouldn't want to stand against you."

"Good thing you get to stand beside me."

"Yeah, good thing." She pushes my hair behind my ear in a loving gesture. "Okay, I'm just over here," she says, pointing to a room across the hall and down a little way. "Knock if you need anything."

"I will," I say, holding onto her forearms a little longer, aching for another hug.

She pulls me in and embraces me even tighter than before. "I love you," she whispers.

My eyes and nose burn. It's hard to talk, to swallow, but I croak out anyway, "I love you, too."

She kisses my cheek and then pulls away. "Good night."

"Night," I whisper, waving her off.

Jasper appears at the end of the hall and his eyes light up when they land on me. He passes Alyse with a dip of his head and a quick "Princess" as he hurries toward me.

Giddy excitement swells up in me and I jump into his arms as he reaches the door. He hugs me hard and kisses my neck as he breathes me in. He cups my ass and pulls my legs around his waist, then steps us back into the room.

"Ready for bed, my love?" he asks, closing the door behind us.

Suddenly, the weight of weeks of travel, the pain of the new runes on my chest and arms, and all the things that lay before us hits me. My eyes droop without my consent and I nod.

Jasper holds me close as he walks to the lamp on the desk and pulls the magic from the magus crystal, dimming it low. He drags back the sheets on the bed and climbs in, clothes and all, and lays us down on the soft pillows.

It's extravagant compared to what we've been living with the last months, and despite my desire to stay awake and kiss my fiancé, oblivion claims me first.

The door bangs open, and I scream as I sit up in bed. Two Spiders march into the room with rigid postures and fear compels me to reach for my power…

But it's stuck just under my skin.

I look down and find copper binds on my wrists.

Jasper is gone.

The Spiders grab me under the arms and haul me out of bed. I kick and scream and fight, begging to wake up, praying that it's just a dream.

But it's not a dream.

The queen has come for me again.