34. Chapter 34

"Thomas—Thomas—stop. Just stop. Stop. Ouch."

He kept charging forth in front of her, his long strides taking him across the wide lawn into the fog that had rolled in across the land.

She hopped on the ball of the foot that had just been poked with a stick, and then sped up, nearing him as he walked by the far end of the grand pond that abutted the lawn. She lunged forward to catch Thomas's arm.

He turned back to her, his top lip pulled tight in a snarl as he tried to shake her grip off his arm. "Leave me alone, Nemity. Just leave me alone."

"No." Her hand clamped tighter onto him and she jumped in front of him before he could escape her again. "No. You don't get to toss me aside again."

"Fuck." He turned away from her, running his hand through his hair. "I am a fucking ass, Nemity. Again."

Her head bobbed. "Yes. Yes, you are. But you are also the only family I have left, and I would rather not lose you over this. Over Charley. Over whatever in the hell has been happening to you since you returned to England."

"Nothing has been happening to me."

"No?"

"No."

"And you think me delusional?"

"Nemity—"

"Just stop and listen to me, for once." She stepped closer to him, her neck craning to look up at him. "I don't blame you. I don't blame you for what Charley did—has done to me. You didn't know. And you couldn't control him any more than you have been able to control me. This wasn't your fault."

His head tilted back, his hand slapping on his leg. "He was my brother, Nemity. My little brother." His face crumpled with the words.

"I know. I know. I loved him just the same. But I don't think we knew him. Not really."

His head swung back and forth and he seethed out a sigh. "If I ever did."

"No. We did." Her words slowed, her voice going soft. "In that time before you left, we did know him. All of us could laugh then. Play. Be careless. We knew him then."

"Then what happened?" He stumbled a few steps to the side and sank onto the stone edge of the pond, his hands landing on his thighs, his shoulders hanging.

She stared down at him for a long moment. No matter what his actions as of late, there it was. The boy that she'd once known—hell, he hadn't always been an old man to her. The boy that always took care of her and Charley—got them out of scrape after scrape. The wise one. The cautious one. The serious one. He'd always been all of those things, so she and Charley could be the fun, carefree ones.

But the boy was still in there, still wanting to take care of his younger brother, still wanting to take care of her.

"Life?" Her shoulders lifted. "Life happened? It happened to all of us. Some of the rubbish is of our own making. Some of it is of others' making." Her heart heavy, she shuffled forward, sinking onto the pond's stone edge next to him. "But here we are now."

He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands for a long moment.

She sat in silence next to him. Waiting.

His hands dropped away from his face, but he didn't look at her. "So what do we do with being here now?"

Her fingers curled, undecided, and then she set her hand on his shoulder. "We keep on living."

Nodding to himself, he drew in a deep breath and glanced at her, his voice hoarse. "I am sorry I threw you out of the carriage." His head dipped downward, his eyes hidden, unable to look at her. "I…I don't really know what happened to me, all I knew in that moment was that I didn't want to hurt you—or the children—I didn't trust myself."

Her chest expanded with a sharp intake of breath. She'd never heard him apologize for anything in his life and he'd just said sorry twice in the last fifteen minutes.

She squeezed his shoulder. "I didn't understand why you did it. Not right away, but I figured it out—what happened in the carriage wasn't about me. It was about you."

He looked to her. "It was a little bit about you."

She laughed, her hand dropping onto her lap. "I'll give you that. Just a little bit, though. I blame you, but I don't blame you. And Callum found us, so all was well enough. You scared me, though."

"It's good to be scared once in a while."

She shook her head, chuckling as she leaned her shoulder into him. "Aaahh, no. I did not care for it at all."

He laughed, then nodded, running his hand through his hair. "You love Cal, don't you?"

"I do."

Thomas's head tipped down, his gaze going serious on her. "Do you know what he is?"

"A guardian?" Her eyebrows lifted. "Yes, he told me."

His mouth pulled to the side, annoyed. "He's not supposed to tell anyone, anything."

"Except some things override silly vows."

"This is one of them?"

She nodded. "It is."

He inclined his head to her, then leaned forward, his forearms resting on the top of his knees as his stare dropped to the ground. He scuffed at the grass with the toe of his boot. "He doesn't want your money, you know."

"I do."

He glanced back at her. "For that alone, I mark my name in support of you two marrying. Though the ass didn't even give me a chance to give my blessing."

"I heard." She grinned.

"No. He's a barbarian, that one." He scratched the back of his head. "Just came in and declared he was going to marry you, no matter what I said."

The image in her head of Callum going toe-to-toe with Thomas warmed her heart. "Then count me lucky that he feels that way."

His right eyebrow lifted. "He's tamed you, then?"

She shook her head, a smile on her lips. "No. It's more that I've turned him wild."

Thomas laughed. Real, soul-shaking laughter that made him tilt his head back, his laughter drifting into the thick fog.

"It's nice we have your approval." A smile beaming wide on her face, she flipped her hand over, holding it out to him. "Come back to the manor with me?"

He shook his head, looking into the haze of the fog. "I'd rather remove myself to Ravenstone."

"I know you would, but I would also like you to attend our nuptials. Callum said the clergyman should be arriving in the next few hours, if the fog hasn't delayed him."

"That soon?"

She nodded. "That soon. Callum is my future, and I intend for my life to start anew today."

He glanced down at her hand, hesitated, and then took it.

Progress.

She'd take it.