Chapter 17

"So,are you finally going to tell me what happened at the club last night and why you wanted to go home so badly?" Karen gives me a knowing look as her eyes bounce between the rack of clothes at the mall and me.

"Nothing happened." I run my fingers through the selection of tops hanging on a metal bar, hoping she completely forgets about this line of questioning.

She's going to think I've lost my mind if I tell her I had not one, but two orgasms last night, and by two different men. Or she may throw a party. One never truly knows with Karen.

She shimmies toward me, holding a blue crop top over my chest. "So hot. We're getting this for you. We need to spruce up your wardrobe."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. Just give it to me."

I grab it from her, not hating it, though I'm not one for crop tops.

"Did Devlin stay the night?" Her gaze zeroes in on me intently, a curious sparkle in her eye.

Does she know? How can she? Was she spying on me?

"Why would you ask that?" I raise a brow, my pulse doing a frantic dance in my throat.

"Well…" She inclines her chin inquisitively. "I saw him come into your building after I dropped you off at your dorm, and I have a sneaking suspicion he never left until the next day. Am I wrong?" Her mouth curls.

"Ugh! You're so annoying."

She gasps, her eyes enlarging. "Oh my God! I'm right, aren't I?" Tugging me to the corner of the store, she grabs my shoulder. "Tell me everything."

I shake my head and pinch my eyes to a close for a moment. "Fine. But we have to make it quick, and please don't overreact."

She gets all giddy. "Oh my God, did you fuck? Please tell me he fucked you!"

"Shut up!" My gaze grows as I peek at Devlin behind her, standing by the entrance watching us.

She zips up her lips, but can barely contain her excitement.

I drag her behind an array of evening gowns and take a harsh breath. "Okay, so remember the guy from the club you met the first time who didn't talk?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well…he kinda gave me an orgasm." I grimace and pinch my eyes closed. "Twice."

"What? Oh my God!" she shrieks.

"Shh!" I smack a hand over her mouth. "Quiet!"

"Okay, okay, sorry! Shit, so twice the same night. Damn!"

"Uh, no…just once last night and once that first time."

She stares, open-mouthed. "And you never told me?"

"I was kinda in denial that it even happened. Then I felt super guilty because it wasn't Devlin and it was like I was cheating on him."

She gives me a sympathetic look. "You weren't cheating on him. Because you're not with him. So, good for you! But what does this have to do with Devlin?"

"Oh, right. That…" I scratch my temple. "So, he did come over last night and I asked him to stay because I was sad about the thing that happened at the club, and one thing led to another and…"

"He fucked you?" She grins.

"No."

"Ugh!"

"But…"

Her face grows with excitement.

"He gave me an orgasm too." I slap a hand over my eyes.

"Oh my God!" she whispers. "Two men in one night! I'm so proud! Did he use his fingers or his mouth?"

"Fingers! They both did. Shut up before he hears us!"

"Did he say anything?" She's practically jumping around.

"He told me he's thought about being with me, but that we can't be together because of our age."

She rolls her eyes. "Men. But this is a start! It means he wants you. We can use that."

"Let's not get too excited."

"Too late." She grabs my hand and pulls me toward a row of jeans, grabbing a few for each of us. "You never even thought this would happen. Now look at you, getting fingered by two men in one night. There should be some sort of award for this."

I scoff with a laugh. "Are you done yet? We have a test to study for."

"Ew. Studying. Fine. Let's go pay for our things, then grab some coffee."

"Okay."

We head toward the register, where the cashier is keeping the clothes for us so we didn't have to carry them.

After paying for it all, we start the four blocks toward our vehicles, hers a few streets away from mine. We could've taken the train like almost every college student in Manhattan, but that would mean we have normal parents.

My father doesn't want me taking public transportation. Too dangerous, he says. That was one thing he wouldn't budge on. Wanted Devlin to drive me around, but I wanted to have my own car so I didn't have to depend on anyone. I won that battle. Sure, Devlin still takes me places, but I take myself places too.

Karen's mother is just as overprotective and refused to allow her to step foot in a subway. It's why we walk to most places when we can. So much easier than finding parking. That's what hell feels like. It took us forty-five minutes just to find these spots.

Devlin drove my car in just so he didn't have to take his. His SUV would've been way worse to park than my sedan. On campus, at least there's a parking lot. Nothing big, and you need a special pass that my father was able to get us.

"Alright, I'll see you back at school." I give Karen a quick hug before she gets inside and drives off.

With Devlin beside me, we start toward the rest of the way.

"How are you feeling today?" he asks.

My cheeks heat up when I glance at him. I get all shy whenever I think about what happened between us.

"Good, yeah, fine."

He doesn't say anything in response, remaining silent the entire way while I grow insanely uncomfortable at this awkwardness between us.

When we're finally in front of my car, I rush toward the passenger side, clicking the doors open, more than happy to let Devlin drive in the city.

When I open the door, though, I find a note on my seat.

"That's weird…" A creepy sensation crawls up my spine.

"What is it?" he asks, coming around just as I open it.

"What the…" My breath hitches as I read the mysterious words.

Do you really know who Devlin is? He's a liar. Has he told you what he did to his brother? Maybe you should ask him.

My hand jitters, fear settling deep in my gut. Who left this for us?

"Eriu?" He snaps the note from my grasp.

When he reads it, his nostrils flare, and he crumples the piece of paper in his palm.

"Who sent that?" I whisper, not sure what any of this means.

His brother died. He couldn't have done anything to him. Could he?

"Get in. We need to get out of here. Now."

"What? Why?"

His anxiety level causes mine to soar.

"Stop asking questions and get in, Eriu."

He grabs the keys from me, but when he starts the car remotely, there is a beep that wasn't there before.

The rest happens in the blink of an eye.

One second, I'm standing on the sidewalk beside him. The next, he's pushing me out of the way as my car explodes in a wild blaze.

I fall hard, my back throbbing with stinging pain.

"Devlin!" I shout, not seeing anything besides the fire.

Tires screech, vehicles beeping.

My body quivers, panting, as I stare wide-eyed in horror and shock.

"Devlin!" I scream, jumping to my feet, needing to know that he's okay.

I run toward the car, whizzing past a crowd of people gathering in the middle of the street, traffic completely halted on both sides.

"Devlin!"

I can't see anything from the fire.

When I brush past more bodies, I find him unresponsive, lying on the concrete with a large gash on his forehead and blood pooling around his head.

"Devlin! Can you hear me?" I place a palm on his cheek, registering the loud ring of sirens coming closer. "Please, please wake up!" I cry, calling his name over and over.

But he doesn't even move. And his pulse? It's faint, as though slowly dying.

This can't be happening. He can't leave me. My tears fall down my cheeks.

This can't be over before it's even begun.

DEVLIN

"Help me!" His eyes plead, but I'm unable to do a goddamn thing.

My brother is gonna die. I know it's comin.' And there's nothing I can do, because I did this to him.

"He can't help you. He's the one that got you into this mess." Francis Palmer holds the knife to Keegan's throat while I fight the men holding me down, another with a gun to my head.

"Just let him go! I'll do anything you want!"

Francis's malicious grin cuts into me, and I know this is the end. My brother and I are both going to die. I should've done things differently. I thought I was helping him, but instead I'll be killing him.

"Please, Palmer. Just kill me. This isn't his fault!"

"I know. It's yours."

"No!"

My eyes pop open as I jump up to a seated position, reliving my brother dying all over again.

"Eriu?" I instantly remember the explosion, and my heart beats so loud I swear it's gonna rip right out of my chest.

She can't be dead!

I glance around, not sure where I am or where she is.

"Eriu!"

My pulse thrums in my neck, nausea hitting me as my head spins. I'm on a bed, wires sticking out of me, the damn lights above my head bright as hell.

"Where the feck am I?" I mumble, attempting to get this shite out of my arm.

"Relax, sir," a woman says as she walks in. Think she's a nurse, from the blue scrubs she's wearing. "You're in a hospital. You've been?—"

"Where's Eriu? I need to see her. Now!" There's a buzzing in my ears, and I try to ignore it so I can focus.

I rip the IV from my arm.

I knew having her close would put her in danger! Why did I think I ever stood a chance with her?

"Sir! You can't do that! Please relax so I can put that back in your arm," the nurse huffs. "I will get someone to find the young woman you're looking for. Just please relax. You'll do more harm than good."

"So she's alive?" Hope springs in my chest, and I pray she is, 'cause I can't live without her.

"Yes, she was unharmed. You can relax now, sir. I swear she's fine."

I breathe in deeply and lie back on the bed, thanking my brother in heaven.

"What hospital is this?"

She sticks the damn needle back in my vein.

"This is a private hospital. I'll get the doctor. Please just don't go anywhere." She gives me a sympathetic look before she rushes out of the room.

I start looking for my cell, but don't see it. "Feck!"

It must've gotten messed up. My mind rushes back to the incident. The note. It had to be Palmer. There's no one else who would bring up my brother like that.

Now that they've made it clear they're coming after her, all bets are off. I'm gonna find them first, and I will kill every last breathing Palmer.

Footsteps pummel in the distance, growing closer until my door opens and Tynan enters.

"Where's your sister? Where's Eriu?" I sit up again, my heart racing. "Is she really okay?"

"She's fine. Worried as hell about you."

"How long have I been out?"

"You hit your head. You've been out for hours. Doc said you may have a concussion. And they checked you out for internal damage, but you must have someone watching out for you because you're lucky as hell."

My chest tightens. I know it's my brother. It has to be. No one else up there gives a feck if I'm dead or alive.

"Where am I?"

"The Messinas run their own hospital on Long Island. Underground and private, just the way we like it. We checked you out from a local hospital against medical advice and brought you here."

"Look, I need to leave. I need to find them before they try hurting her again."

"Find who?" He crosses his arms and narrows his eyes. "Do you know who did this?"

Shite, I don't know how much I should tell him. They may never trust me again. Once a rat, always a rat, and rats are killed. But I can't carry this any longer either. If they want to kill me, then maybe I deserve it.

"The Palmers. I used to run with their crew before your father recruited me."

I press the heel of my palm between my brows and start at the beginning. When I'm through, he blows a breath and settles down.

"Jesus. Now I know why you never said anything before. But you have to talk to my father. We need to all be on the same page."

"I will." I nod, knowing that Patrick may not look at me the same way again, but it's the price I have to pay. I've kept this in for long enough. "But before I do, I need to see Eriu and make sure she's okay. Can you ask her to come in?"

"Yeah, sure." He slaps his palm over my shoulder. "Glad you didn't die. You're one of the few I don't hate."

"That's a compliment coming from you." I chuckle, then groan from the pain in my ribs.

He walks out of the room, and a few minutes later, I see her, and all the air stills in my lungs. She stands in the doorway, shutting it behind her, eyes shimmering with anguish.

"Devlin," she cries, bottom lip quivering.

"Come here, love." I reach out a hand, and with a sniffle, she rushes onto the bed and into my arms.

As soon as I have her, I breathe a sigh. My eyes pinch shut and my palm clasps the back of her head, holding her to my beating heart, because she is my heart. I breathe in that familiar scent of roses in her hair, feeling at peace knowing she's alright.

I tug tighter, ignoring the pain shooting down my torso.

"I thought you were dead." Tears fill her eyes as she pitches back. "I thought I'd lost you."

I clasp both sides of her face and stare into her eyes, feeling like my soul is slowly coming undone.

"I'm right here, baby. Even the devil couldn't take me."

Away from you,is what I want to say. But how fair would that be when I refuse to make her mine?

I press my mouth to the top of her head. "Don't cry. I hate knowing you were worried. I'm sorry."

She looks at me through those wet eyes that just about break me. "Who wrote that note, Devlin? Who's trying to hurt us?"

Us….

But it's her I'm worried about. I don't care what happens to me.

I should tell her everything too. What happened to my brother. What I did. Maybe if I tell her, she'll truly understand why I've kept her away, kept refusing her.

"When I was younger, I was part of a gang of thieves and killers."

She sits up straighter, staring intently for me to continue while I wait for some kind of judgment. But it never comes.

Is it that easy? Could this woman's love be unconditional?

But love isn't that way. It's never given freely. When we mess up, those we love stop loving us back.

Sometimes it takes a few feck-ups to get there, and other times, it takes one monumental act to change someone's feelings—to make them see you like they never have before—and that's when their love simply vanishes. I saw it happen with my parents. Their love wasn't free. Hers won't be either.

"We did a lot of shite. We stole expensive artwork and jewelry. Hurt people to do it, too many people, and we got away with it thanks to me."

Her brows furrow, and my fear grows that this will be the end of us.

"They trusted me. Most of them did, anyway. Francis Palmer, the head of the gang, had two sons, and one of them, Roy, never liked me. He tried to get me kicked out, but Palmer treated me more like a son than his own kids, and I think that's why his son wanted me gone."

She takes my hand in hers, squeezing reassuringly. I don't know why she'd want to touch me knowing what I've done.

"I didn't think of them as family. My brother was my only family, and I'd always look out for him. So, when he fell into drugs and started dealing, I was approached by the feds."

Her expression slides into a frown.

"They had two options for me. Rat on the gang or let my brother get taken to maximum security federal prison, where they told me they'd have him killed."

"My God…" She shudders.

"I tried to find another way out, but I failed. I chose my brother over the gang, and Palmer found out."

"Oh, no!" Her hand cups her mouth.

"Yeah… He killed him right in front of me, then made me bury my own brother on his property."

"That's… I'm so sorry, Devlin," she cries, throwing her arms around my neck, holding me like a child before she perches back. "How did you get away from them?"

"I had some help from some associates. Then I disappeared to the East Coast. This is going back twelve years, but I guess they know how to hold a grudge."

"So now they want to kill me to get back at you some more?"

"Aye. They know I don't give a shite about myself, but you?" I clasp her face and stroke the corner of her mouth with my thumb. "I'd do anything for you, and it seems like they've bloody well figured it out."

Her hand comes over my wrist, her eyes misting over with fresh tears. "I'm sorry you had to make such a difficult choice. I don't know what I would've done."

"I'm sorry you're getting caught up in my mess. It's what I wanted to avoid, but it seems like they won't let that happen."

"What are we gonna do now?"

"You're gonna lie low, and I'm gonna find them and kill them."

Her inhale stills in her lungs. "You say that so easily."

"That's because it is easy for me." I lay a palm over my heart. "But feeling what I feel for you? Now that's scary as hell, Eriu." My forehead meets hers as I take a deep breath. "It's why I can't let myself have you. There's too much that could hurt you, and I'd die before I let that happen."

Her bottom lip trembles, too close to mine, too close to where I can taste it again. My body pumps with blood, needing her in my veins.

She pulls away a fraction, and I ache to feel her body against mine again.

"You'll always have my heart, Devlin McHale. Nothing will change that. Not even a little car bomb." Her sad smile rips at my soul. "But I can't be the only one wanting this. So I guess this is it."

Those words, they cut deep. More painful than any bullet.

I want this.

But I just can't, God damn it! Why can't you see that?!

I hate hurting her, but being selfish and keeping her for myself isn't right either. If it's not the gang, it'll be someone else. And I can't be responsible for her death too. I won't bear it.

Eriu Quinn was never meant to be mine, even though every molecule in my body fights to keep her.

But my focus needs to remain on finding Palmer and his team now that they've come out of hiding. I will get payback for my brother and for what they tried to do to Eriu.

She sidles closer, and I tug her to me, both of us silent as my fingers stroke up and down her back. Being this near her and knowing she's never gonna be mine is feckin' hell.

There's a sudden knock on the door, and she jumps to her feet and my heart misses her already.

Her face goes red and she backs up another step just as Patrick marches in, looking sternly between us.

His attention settles on me. "I'm glad you're awake, son." He smiles softly at his daughter. "Darling, would you excuse us? It seems like we have a lot to catch up on."

"Sure, Daddy." She glances at me shyly. "Bye, Devlin."

Patrick settles on the chair across from the bed as soon as she's gone.

"Tell me what's going on. Tynan says it's important that we speak."

With a brisk sigh, I look into the eyes of the one man who's been like a father to me, and I tell him everything, no matter how much I could jeopardize between me and this family.

He stares with a tight glare, a tautness in his jaw. Wish I knew what the bloody hell he's thinking. It feels like an eternity before he finally speaks again.

"How am I supposed to trust that you won't do the same to us?"

I stare at him and straighten my back. "Because you all are my family, and I would die for each one of you."

His mouth thins.

"I had to save my brother. I had to do what I thought was right. I understand if you no longer trust me to work for you." I curl my fingers at my side. "You don't ever have to see me again if that's what you want. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Well, let's not get all dramatic." He waves a hand in the air. "I know I can trust you with my family. If I didn't, I would've pulled out my gun and shot you right here. I just wanted to hear you say it." He starts to rise. "Now, you've gotta rest. We'll look into these bastards while you get the proper care. I've assigned another guard for Eriu in the meantime."

No way in hell!

"That's not necessary. I'm fine." I force myself to ignore the dizziness as I sit up, then get to my feet.

Don't want anyone else around her. She's my responsibility.

Stars erupt before my eyes, and I clench my teeth together just to remain standing.

"I say it is necessary. You're gonna rest up, and once you're cleared, you can return. Until then, you listen to whatever that doctor says. You hear?"

"Yes, sir," I grumble.

Nothing is gonna keep me away from her, though.

Nothing.

He strides for the door. "I'll see you soon."

That went a lot better than I anticipated. Though the real trouble is imminent.

When I face Palmer again, he's going to regret coming after my woman.